💘

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

i was so sad, i drew a little bat so i wouldn’t be sad. and now i am no longer sad.

This is the only website where I routinely see people say things like “oh this reminds me of something I recently saw from the 1200s”

kind of obsessed with my dad's friend who apparently goes back to being a Buddhist whenever he gets a divorce

[gets divorced] Alright, that's it! No more worldly desire! [sees another beautiful woman] Well... unless?

I love that it’s apparently happened enough times that it’s a cycle. Almost like…

i love when people say “dopamine addiction” to refer to anything that makes you feel good ever

I think I can confidently speak for all of us when I say we were all expecting a cat.

I was, but I was very much not disappointed.

honestly about half way i went from "hmm cat bed" to "nahh cat would fuck it up" but still wasnt ready

When life gives you bears… trick them into doing market research?

you can’t believe what you think about yourself after sundown and you can’t believe what you think about yourself on your period and you can’t believe what you think about yourself when you’re hungry and you can’t believe what you think about yourself when you’re tired, the only time you can believe what you think about yourself is the split second after you’ve made someone laugh but only if it’s something other than “i should be a standup comedian”

These are regular clocks to me

when i was a young boy i had the philosophy of ‘balls are the boobs of the penis so its ok that i want to suck on them it doesn’t make me gay” and tbh i was cooking

to see a marching band