half-alligator & i ride tornaders

For all its faults Tumblr has truly ruined all other social media for me because my friends all have Instagram and are all trying to get me on Instagram more but every time I open Instagram there are like fifteen things screaming for my attention and when I get over myself long enough to start scrolling it's like. Where is my chronological dash. Where is the following-only option. Who are these people. Why are there so many videos. Everyone is screaming at me. And then before I know it I'm thirty minutes into scrolling and I haven't seen a single thing that I actually care about. At least on Tumblr when I see stuff I don't care about I know someone I follow has found a new interest.

if i had a dick i would love to have a disappointing orgasm in the shower while thinking of something or someone that i felt i should not be thinking about & then stand under the water with my forehead against a wall watching the proof of my guilt & shame go down the drain

The insight I get into the female mind thanks to this website is amazing.

not a female 👍

Why is pet play always dogs anyway

Youre a dirty little goldfish arent you. daddys gonna clean your tank out so good so you have to wait in the sink until im done.

i bet it feels good as fuck to intend to do something and then actually do it

Crazy when “fat and hairy man” is used as shorthand for ugly as if that is not the sexiest way a person can be. Give him 2 me you do not deserve him

i really hate the way the "boobs vs butt" thing got broken down into this implicit idea that butt is the nobler stance. it's really stupid. personally im a woman guy. [realizes how that sounds] [purses my lips in thought] [nods confidently] im a woman guy

If I had a shilling for every time this happened, I'd have at least two.

pulling yourself up by your strap-on or whatever they say

"Summon ketamine ape is a banned spell" fuck it fine whatever, I summon a normal gorilla. I summon some ketamine.