Maggie

i got the first dose and almost immediately fainted. they had to call in a whole medical team and it was a huge fucking deal

i was kicked out of the study and got a phone call later where they were supposed to tell me what the drug was, so i could avoid it in the future. they told me it was saline water. a placebo. i fainted from the placebo effect.

anyway, it's been a few months and i just got an email from the same department asking me to be a research participant in a new study: testing the effects of open-label placebo.

open label placebo is when the subjects and the researchers all know it's a placebo. they're testing the power of my mind. my power to imagine anything.

Mitsuri with a little tricolor kitty. I wanted to catch her whimsical side and her love of cats and I think she turned out super cute.

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I don't see my neighbors often because they are Morning People (TM) and both our households are acting like the pandemic is still on (it is), but yesterday I happened to be taking Charlie out for a walk when they were coming home from something, and the kid "Checkers" was dumbstruck.

Charlie isn't a Big-big dog, but he is 60lbs and mostly leggy sighthound, so he is significantly taller than the average toddler. Since Checkers' extended family is largely allergic to mammals, they do not see dogs at other people's houses nor at daycare, so this was the fist time they've seen an animal larger than they are up close.

It is a beautiful thing to see a young human experience a sudden and profound shift in their worldview, and you get to witness parts of their brain being rewired in real time across their face. Confusion, then wonder as a fascinating new category of life opened before them. It is doubly wonderful that small children are rarely frightened of things unless they are taught to be, so, cautiously, Checkers approached Charlie, looking between us and making interrogative noises at me, as I was clearly his parent, and therefore responsible for introductions.

"This is Charlie!" I say. "He might or might not say hi back."

Checkers considered the evidence before them: Charlie has a name shared with their playmates, their older sibling is largely nonverbal, and Charlie wears a chest harness with leash, again like some of their playmates, and came to the extremely reasonable conclusion that Charlie is a fellow Human Child, and introduced themselves appropriately:

"Hullo." Said Checkers, stepping up to Charlie. "This is Bionicles." they continued, holding up their plush giraffe toy, the appropriate way to introduce yourself and your friends/interests to a new peer at age 3.

Charlie has a vast preference of humans to other dogs, and of adults to children within humans, often ignoring or evading small children the way he does with dogs that annoy him. It makes sense- small children are not usually the ones with treats, and typically inept petters at best. But something about Bionicles the Giraffe intrigued him and he politely sniffed and listened to Checkers talk about (I'm not sure because I have Audio Processing Problems and Checkers doesn't enunciate much) for a for about a minute, and I got to witness Checkers' parents undergo a similar world-shift as they realized Checkers was addressing Charlie as a fellow human, and how that was entirely rational of them.

The confusion on the adult humans was so interesting that I failed to notice Charlie very delicately taking Bionicles The Giraffe from Checkers until he had taken two steps to give himself room, and then started to Death-Shake the toy, because Charlie ALSO loves plushies, just in a very destructive sense.

I am horrified. The parents are Horrified. Checkers is DELIGHTED, laughing as Charlie very expertly separated Bionicles' head from the rest of the toy, and sat down in the grass to pull the fluff out.

I retrieved both pieces of the toy from Charlie, apologized profusely, took him home, and then came back to sew Bionicles' head back on.

Yesterday I saw Checkers on all fours out in the front yard, trying to re-decapitate Bionicles with their teeth while their father looked on, resigned. We have arranged a future playdate between Charlie and Checkers, with a handful of dollar-store stuffed toys for them to destroy together.