YOU GOT A HOLE IN YOUR RIGHT WING

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

Right..?

The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

oh boy…….

Luckily, this nonsense doesn’t work on girls.

Observe…

And it can’t possibly work on motorcycle helmets.

I must test it.

Nothing happening so far…

What in the world?

Oh why not? This should be interesting.

Here we go!

Were all mad here in Underland!

What the hell! Never Again!

… Actually …

Guy whose family fled from communism: "Can you please not praise the man who tried to kill my family and destroyed their home country?"

The Team knocks out a security guard and steals their radio. The team mimic can perfectly replicate the knocked out guard’s voice. They get caught because they pronounced the name of the company correctly.

The Team disables an alarm. The only way to do this is to rip it out of the wall and disassemble it until it physically can’t make noise anymore. This very loud process is clearly heard by the posted security guard nearby, who rolls their eyes and text their supervisor that the logistics contractors are fooling with the alarms again.

The Team breaks into the facility at night. There they meet a single security guard who is chanting potential names for NPCs in their DnD campaign out loud while they do their patrols. They encounter a fire extinguisher. They pause in their chanting to check that it is properly charged and to apply a sticker that reads, “Anal use only”. This guy is disgustingly good at their job. There’s no way around it, they’re going to catch you. And you’re going to have to deal with the fact that you’ve been had by someone who has a supply of stickers that say “Anal use only” and who unironically wanted to name their NPC shopkeep Mammogrammus.

The Team attempts to bribe a security guard. This is its own post but know there’s no way in hell that would work.

The Team breaks into the high security room and disables all the alarms. Security control sends several guards to investigate why there are no alarms going off.

The Team attempts to break into the high security room but can’t because it’s randomly decided not to let anyone at all in today.

The Team steals a keycard with “””””unlimited””””” access to the facility and gets caught because the computer system that manages keycards randomly revokes access for no reason.

The icon for Banishment is so funny.

Based Mom in 1981:

Klaus Grabowski molested and murdered a 7 year old girl.

He confessed to the crime after his fiancé reported him to police.

Marianne Bachmeier, the girls mother, smuggled a handgun into the courtroom and shot Grabowski 5 times.

As of this morning I was reluctantly looking for jobs because I love my job and don't want to leave it, but see: $10k raise problem solver.

As of noon today this was no longer an issue, because my boss called me with the news that I was getting a $10K merit raise.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is roughly $200 extra per paycheck. Enough to pay off debt faster, rebuild my savings, and spend a weekend a month in Milwaukee getting obscenely laid. The sex I'm going to have on $200 extra per paycheck. You can't even.

"is Siena even a color"

Hmm. For once, we're on the same page. it sounds like a reddish color, right? i'll just discreetly look it up-

he... mispelt it?

No, he did it on purpose! He had to! But I can't tell if he'll think I'm Kira if I acknowledge it, or if I don't acknowledge it! I have to throw him off his game.

"A gradient, huh... I guess that's as good an answer as any."

But wait... Why would he pick an option like that that isn't on offer...? A gradient is a scale of shades between two colors... Could he be implying that there are two Kiras? And not only that, but a gradient is a noncommittal answer that techically answers the question, so he's purposefully avoiding the prompt. There's no doubt in my mind, Light Yagami...

"Hey, so uh, when did the Authurian knights get here?"

Were they responding to something I said in my internal monologue? How? And why is that corner of this room a cave??

"is Siena even a color"

Hmm. For once, we're on the same page. it sounds like a reddish color, right? i'll just discreetly look it up-

he... mispelt it?

No, he did it on purpose! He had to! But I can't tell if he'll think I'm Kira if I acknowledge it, or if I don't acknowledge it! I have to throw him off his game.