Kill Zero Birds With a Great Many Stones

"Oh no, the last Dark Lord was the one focused on Dark Conquest. My platform is focused more on Dark Agriculture and Dark Healthcare Reform."

and Dark Taxing The Rich of course

On account of the gender transition

On account of the gender transition

they’re called. th. they’re called responsibilities bechause theyh keep fucking respawnjng

Oh easy mistake. Yearning actually rises from the floor and longing hangs from the ceiling

the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.

I love how some fics are called shit like "They Only Shoot The Birds Who Cannot Sing" and it's like the most insane porn you're ever read and then some fics are called Spit On Me and it's 18,000 words of the most achingly id-scratching prose you've ever read and they're both. They're both so fucking good. thank God for fanfiction.

i always see “tag fav fruit” posts but i’ve never seen a fav veg post so rb & tag your favourite vegetable

Bet it feels good as fuckkk to rest your hand on the pommel of your sword when the newcomer steps a little too close to your lord who you’ve sworn to protect with your life

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

In the year 1450 a priest rolls over and slams his hand into his candle, burning him and sending wax flying all over the place

Like to charge, reblog to cast?

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny