Bear With Me @theodorablebear - Tumblr Blog

june will be good june will be good june will be good june will be good june will be good june will be good june will be good june will be good june will be good june will be

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mizuthe-cat

you do not need to ai generate crow I can give you crow for free

mizuthe-cat

I can literally give you crow for free

1percentcharge

Pirate jokes

huffylemon

triviallytrue

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

friendshapedhole

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

triviallytrue

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

max1461

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

triviallytrue

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

ghostpalmtechnique

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

triviallytrue

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

notwiselybuttoowell

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

chaumas-deactivated20240115

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

nightingalesoul

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

bermuda-n-drangle

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

dogpuppy

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bewbin

you were born in 2006? what are you? a Honda Civic?

2006-honda-civic

can i fucking help you?

byjove

my mom brought her ILL-BEHAVED, UNWASHED DOG into our HARMONIOUS HOME

cheese-wiz-for-bones

that is the most black cat looking black cat i've seen in my life, good for them.

byjove

she has been practicing since she was very young

merimaybe

What a dignified and shapely beast…

the-eclectic-penguin

phdstarscream

I have reposted this before but I am always impressed by how well-thought out every spot is. There is no good place to sit. “Oh, Eomer’s cool, I’ll sit with him” but then you will have to listen to Gollum and Bilbo the entire flight. “I’ll sit with Sam!” Pippin and Merry will be turning around the entire flight to talk to him. Sure, you can sit with Elrond, but you’re going to deal with him staring down Aragorn and Arwen. You may love Legolas and Gimli, but will you love sitting BETWEEN them? Just when you see a spot that seems okay, somewhere behind or across the aisle is a terrible option. This is so good. No good seats on the LOTR plane

appendingfic

no i think 17 looks good

aerialsquid

No no here's my cunnng plan. I sit next to Sam and then immediately frodo will want to sit next to Sam and I will offer to trade with him. And then I get the entire two-seater to myself.

gallusrostromegalus

I don't care if I get banned from Delta Airlines, I'm taking seat #1 and rawing the Balrog for eight and a half hours and that's everyone else's Problem.

bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass

Number 7; ask Galadriel how she would've handled things if she got to be the big bad and just listen to her plots of world domination and critiques of Mirror's military strategy & aesthetics while Sauron fumes about it

setheverman

what is the january mood?

angel-ani

headspace-hotel

My version of "doomscrolling" nowadays is just going to iNaturalist, browsing pictures of animals and fantasizing about where I would introduce them outside of their natural range if I was some kind of ecology-focused evil scientist. I do this when I'm depressed. I don't know if it helps.

i-love-hyenas

Bring hyena to Texas put Texas in hyena paws humans can trust Texas to hyena pack yesss

headspace-hotel

How could I disagree with such a trustworthy source

chekhovs-raygun

animals i really want to introduce to the USA:

-red pandas in Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio. they can live in those you-pick orchards and delight tourists, and in the winter the big ones can be harvested by the farmers for food and fur. america also has native bamboo, as well as plenty of escaped invasives.

-koalas in southern california. we already have a lot of feral eucalpytus in the state and it makes our wildfires way worse. let's put koalas in there too. coyotes can hunt them like dingos do.

-cheetahs in colorodo, wyoming, nebraska, and oklahoma. we had cheetahs here once, that's why pronghorns are so fast. let's give them something to really haul ass about.

-spotted hyenas in texas and new mexico. did you know there's actually a shit ton of oryx already roaming around new mexico? they were brought in for a game preserve. oryx can fight off lions, but spotted hyenas are actually superior pack hunters with some of the highest kill rates of large cooperative predators in the world. we might have a problem with ranchers, but like: fuck ranchers. they already decimated the mexican wolf populations. they deserve hyenas.

-pangolins. i would drop these guys in arizona honestly. everyone in arizona hates and fears fire ants. i think entire neighborhoods would throw ecstatic parades for pangolins (which smell much better than giant anteaters) at least until a pangolin dug straight through their pasteboard condo.

-new zealand's little penguin in louisiana. they burrow into mud and sand banks during the day and tolerate quite hot temperatures! i think they'd do fine, and louisiana is sliding into the gulf anyway. let's have penguins there. i'd also try them out in new england in case lousiana is just too swampy for them. i feel like new yorkers would go insane with pride over having penguins around. they would act like they invented the whole concept of penguins. we should let them.

-water buffalo. georgia and the carolinas. i just think it would give everyone there some interesting new problems.

-i firmly believe that asiatic elephants would do great in the southeastern united states. it's a subtropical climate that's only going to get swampier as things heat up, and there's plenty of kudzu and tall grass species for them to munch on. they're also smart enough to learn to navigate and negotiate with people, and to follow set routes around human farms rather than tromp through them, so disruption to existing human infrastructure would be minimal but occasionally hilarious. i think it would be so cool to have an american subspecies of elephant. if i ever win the lottery this IS what i am going to be doing with my millions.

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sergle

honestly get the fuck into this album

#i love this album #I got to see them live at my local art festival #and I was like damn better listen to this 20 times

fuzzyelves

job interview today please offer your sexiest and most employable vibes

fuzzyelves

another interview today please just let me have this one

fuzzyelves

okay…..another….another one. please please please let me get what i waaaaaant

wizard-of-interesting-failure

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copperbadge

On Saturday I said to my partner, as I have said for months, "A ten thousand dollar a year raise would solve so many of my problems."

As of this morning I was reluctantly looking for jobs because I love my job and don't want to leave it, but see: $10k raise problem solver.

As of noon today this was no longer an issue, because my boss called me with the news that I was getting a $10K merit raise.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is roughly $200 extra per paycheck. Enough to pay off debt faster, rebuild my savings, and spend a weekend a month in Milwaukee getting obscenely laid. The sex I'm going to have on $200 extra per paycheck. You can't even.

May all of you get the $10K raise your soul has yearned for. And whatever level of sex you can be satisfied with for $200.

vergess

hey bestie i think ur post might be charmed 'cause you aren't gonna fuckin believe what happened today

one-time-i-dreamt

Gomez and Morticia Addams got divorced. I woke up mortified and with a sense of inexplicable dread.

one-time-i-dreamt

penrosesun

weaselle

you literally don’t need any other plot and i would watch the movie

random-chaos-thoughts

Every 'normal' adult is fussing around Pugsley and Wednesday because "poor children that must be so hard for you to see mom and dad break up like this"

But the kid are absolutely unfazed, arguing that "it's alright they will be together again soon". The normie are so sad for the "children clinging to vain hopes" until Morticia and Gomez get married again two weeks after the divorce.

In the meantime Mama and Uncle Fester fight about which one of them will go to whose custody.

They pretend to argue in court and at meeting with lawyers over the splitting of the properties but that's mostly Gomez insisting to leave more and more thing to his wife in an angry voice.

At home they decided not to talk to each other so Lurch has to (begrudgingly) transmit messages from one to the other, even when they are sat on either side of the table.

That works (more or less) then Morticia says one word in french and Gomez run to cover her with kisses until Morticia remind him that they are spliting (that's the only moment he seems to regret the whole thing)