hi! i'm fairly new to this topic so i hope this doesn't come off as rude,, but if you use he/they pronouns, why do you identify as lesbian? i thought that term was specifically for fem identifying people who like girls. again, i'm sry if i sound rude, i'd love to hear what you have to say!!
itâs alright, friend! i donât mind explaining. it might be a little confusing?? iâve been kind of sick lately so i hope this all makes sense haha
iâve got a very odd relationship with gender. my only connection to gender at all is because iâm exclusively attracted to women. so im nonbinary. i dont feel any real connection to the western idea of âwomanhoodâ exactly. a lot of other lesbians feel the same way, regardless of their assigned gender. thatâs why youâll hear âmy gender is lesbianâ fairly often. because in western society, a lot of womanhood still revolves around men. being attractive to men, being subservient to men, being available to men. iâm none of those things and donât want to be, so the concept of womanhood is extremely alienating for me, being only attracted to women. i donât necessarily mind other women seeing me as a woman, but i donât want men to see me as a woman.Â
iâm also butch, and a lot of butch lesbians, nb or otherwise, like to present masculine in many ways. afab butches sometimes have surgery or do hrt, for example. a lot use he/him pronouns, and so do some femme lesbians, and lesbians who arenât butch or femme.
pronouns donât really have any impact on gender. iâve been referred to by many pronouns. he/him has felt the best to me so far. it doesnât effect the fact that iâm a nonbinary butch lesbian. itâs whatâs most comfortable for me. lots of people use pronouns that donât line up with whatâs expected of their gender or gender presentation. language is funny that way. so i donât exactly hate being referred to with she/her, but because of personal trauma garbage with homophobic/transphobic family, it makes me uncomfortable.Â
