hi! i'm fairly new to this topic so i hope this doesn't come off as rude,, but if you use he/they pronouns, why do you identify as lesbian? i thought that term was specifically for fem identifying people who like girls. again, i'm sry if i sound rude, i'd love to hear what you have to say!!
it’s alright, friend! i don’t mind explaining. it might be a little confusing?? i’ve been kind of sick lately so i hope this all makes sense haha
i’ve got a very odd relationship with gender. my only connection to gender at all is because i’m exclusively attracted to women. so im nonbinary. i dont feel any real connection to the western idea of “womanhood” exactly. a lot of other lesbians feel the same way, regardless of their assigned gender. that’s why you’ll hear “my gender is lesbian” fairly often. because in western society, a lot of womanhood still revolves around men. being attractive to men, being subservient to men, being available to men. i’m none of those things and don’t want to be, so the concept of womanhood is extremely alienating for me, being only attracted to women. i don’t necessarily mind other women seeing me as a woman, but i don’t want men to see me as a woman.
i’m also butch, and a lot of butch lesbians, nb or otherwise, like to present masculine in many ways. afab butches sometimes have surgery or do hrt, for example. a lot use he/him pronouns, and so do some femme lesbians, and lesbians who aren’t butch or femme.
pronouns don’t really have any impact on gender. i’ve been referred to by many pronouns. he/him has felt the best to me so far. it doesn’t effect the fact that i’m a nonbinary butch lesbian. it’s what’s most comfortable for me. lots of people use pronouns that don’t line up with what’s expected of their gender or gender presentation. language is funny that way. so i don’t exactly hate being referred to with she/her, but because of personal trauma garbage with homophobic/transphobic family, it makes me uncomfortable.
