Adulting 101

use overdrive, libby, hoopla, cloudlibrary, and kanopy instead of amazon and audible.

use firefox or librewolf (open-source fork of firefox) instead of chrome or opera (both are made with chromium, which blocks functionality for ad-blockers. firefox isn't based on chromium).

use mega instead of google drive

get rid of bloatware

use libreoffice instead of microsoft office suite

get free stuff with the help of r/FREEMEDIAHECKYEAH, r/piracy and r/roms

use trakt (for shows and movies), letterboxd (just movies), or TMB instead of IMDB (owned by amazon).

use storygraph instead of goodreads (owned by amazon).

use darkpatterns to find mobile game with no ads or microtransactions

use mediahuman or cobalt to download music, or support your favorite artists directly through bandcamp

make youtube bearable by using mtube, newpipe, or the unhook extension on chrome, firefox, or microsoft edge

use search for a cause, ecosia, or ocean hero to support the environment instead of google

use thriftbooks to buy new or used books (they also have manga, textbooks, home goods, CDs, DVDs, and blurays)

use flashpoint to play archived online flash games

find books, movies, games, etc. on the internet archive! for starters, here's a bunch of David Attenborough documentaries and all of the Animorphs books

burn your music onto cds

use pdf24 (available online or as a desktop app) instead of adobe

use thunderbird, mailfence, countermail, edison mail, or tuta instead of gmail

remove bloatware on windows PC, macOS, and iOS X

remove bloatware on samsung X

use pixelfed instead of instagram or meta

use project gutenberg for free public domain books, and librivox for public domain books and audiobooks

use the seal app (android only) to download video and audio

use ellipsus instead of microsoft word or google docs

use mastodon instead of twitter

use peertube to create a network of small video hosting providers (disclaimer: not a 1:1 alternative to youtube)

use threema and signal for encrypted communication, on mobile and desktop

use qwant and startpage for secure internet browsers

use syncthing to securely transfer files between devices

learn how to jailbreak your kindle/ereader if you have one (wiki and video walkthrough)

use riseup’s email and VPN for secure communication (aimed towards activists)

use cryptpad and collabora instead of the microsoft office suite

use google takeout to export the data on your google account

use library extension to look for books on online stores and find them at your library

remove paywalls with removepaywalls

install the open-source adblocker ublock origin

install sponsorblock to skip sponsored segments on youtube videos

use bookfinder to look for the cheapest available listings of books, including textbooks

learn a language through mango (duolingo laid off some of its employees and now relies on AI translations) for free with a library card or through your school

edit photos with photopea

edit pdfs with foxit and sumatrapdf

download music with doubledouble

take notes offline and collaborate securely with obsidian

for android tv, use smarttube and cloudstream (ad-free, open-source)

change your OS to linux

Reading novels in Japanese can be a real challenge if your reading flow comes to a stop every time you encounter a kanji you can’t read, so getting a book with 100% furigana can help cutting back on that frustration.

There are several Japanese publishers with a younger target audience, whose books all have furigana on every kanji while still presenting complex and interesting stories about 150 – 300 pages long.

They are my top recommendation for all intermediate readers, who already have experience with graded readers, easy childrens stories or manga, but have yet to read a longer novel aimed at native speakers.

講談社青い鳥文庫 – Kōdansha Aoi Tori Bunko

集英社みらい文庫 – Shūeisha Mirai Bunko

角川つばさ文庫 – Kadokawa Tsubasa Bunko

小学館ジュニア文庫 - Shōgakukan Junior Bunko

双葉社ジュニア文庫 – Futabasha Junior Bunko

静山社ペガサス文庫 – Seizansha Pegasus Bunko

TOジュニア文庫 – TO Junior Bunko

You will recognize them easily by their colorful frames around the covers and they include popular anime movies like 君の名は。novelisations of anime series or disney movies, light novels and even the Harry Potter books.

I go into more detail about my recommendations for each publisher on my blog.

And after getting over my initial (rather emotional) response, I wanted to reply properly, and explain just why that hit me so hard.

So back around twenty years ago, the internet cosplay and costuming scene was very different from today. The older generation of sci-fi convention costumers was made up of experienced, dedicated individuals who had been honing their craft for years.  These were people who took masquerade competitions seriously, and earning your journeyman or master costuming badge was an important thing.  They had a lot of knowledge, but – here’s the important bit – a lot of them didn’t share it.  It’s not just that they weren’t internet-savvy enough to share it, or didn’t have the time to write up tutorials – no, literally if you asked how they did something or what material they used, they would refuse to tell you. Some of them came from professional backgrounds where this knowledge literally was a trade secret, others just wanted to decrease the chances of their rivals in competitions, but for whatever reason it was like getting a door slammed in your face.  Now, that’s a generalization – there were definitely some lovely and kind and helpful old-school costumers – but they tended to advise more one-on-one, and the idea of just putting detailed knowledge out there for random strangers to use wasn’t much of a thing.  And then what information did get out there was coming from people with the freedom and budget to do things like invest in all the tools and materials to create authentic leather hauberks, or build a vac-form setup to make stormtrooper armor, etc.  NOT beginner friendly, is what I’m saying.

Then, around 2000 or so, two particular things happened: anime and manga began to be widely accessible in resulting in a boom in anime conventions and cosplay culture, and a new wave of costume-filled franchises (notably the Star Wars prequels and the Lord of the Rings movies) hit the theatres.  What those brought into the convention and costuming arena was a new wave of enthusiastic fans who wanted to make costumes, and though a lot of the anime fans were much younger, some of them, and a lot of the movie franchise fans, were in their 20s and 30s, young enough to use the internet to its (then) full potential, old enough to have autonomy and a little money, and above all, overwhelmingly female.  I think that latter is particularly important because that meant they had a lifetime of dealing with gatekeepers under our belts, and we weren’t inclined to deal with yet another one.  They looked at the old dragons carefully hoarding their knowledge, keeping out anyone who might be unworthy, or (even worse) competition, and they said NO.  If secrets were going to be kept, they were going to figure things out for ourselves, and then they were going to share it with everyone.  Those old-school costumers may have done us a favor in the long run, because not knowing those old secrets meant that we had to find new methods, and we were trying – and succeeding with – materials that “serious” costumers would never have considered.   I was one of those costumers, but there were many more – I was more on the movie side of things, so JediElfQueen and PadawansGuide immediately spring to mind, but there were so many others, on YahooGroups and Livejournal and our own hand-coded webpages, analyzing and testing and experimenting and swapping ideas and sharing, sharing, sharing.  

I’m not saying that to make it sound like we were the noble knights of cosplay, riding in heroically with tutorials for all.  I’m saying that a group of people, individually and as a collective, made the conscious decision that sharing was a Good Things that would improve the community as a whole.  That wasn’t necessarily an easy decision to make, either. I know I thought long and hard before I posted that tutorial; the reaction I had gotten when I wore that armor to a con told me that I had hit on something new, something that gave me an edge, and if I didn’t share that info I could probably hang on to that edge for a year, or two, or three.  And I thought about it, and I was briefly tempted, but again, there were all of these others around me sharing what they knew, and I had seen for myself what I could do when I borrowed and adapted some of their ideas, and I felt the power of what could happen when a group of people came together and gave their creativity to the world.

And it changed the face of costuming.  People who had been intimidated by the sci-fi competition circuit suddenly found the confidence to try it themselves, and brought in their own ideas and discoveries.  And then the next wave of younger costumers took those ideas and ran, and built on them, and branched out off of them, and the wave after that had their own innovations, and suddenly here we are, with Youtube videos and Tumblr tutorials and Etsy patterns and step-by-step how-to books, and I am just so, so proud.  

So yeah, seeing appreciation for a 17-year-old technique I figured out on my dining-room table (and bless it, doesn’t that page just scream “I learned how to code on Geocities!”), and having it embraced as a springboard for newer and better things warms this fandom-old’s heart.  This is our legacy, and a legacy the current group of cosplayers is still creating, and it’s a good one.  

OP also invented armsocks.

It's sooo good

And they were like "What?"

And I was like, "Agility isn't the ultimate form of preparedness. Contingency is. Agility still requires you to flounder and figure out a solution in the moment, but if you have a contingency plan, all you have to do is implement it."

And they were like "But you can't make contingency plans for every situation!"

And I was like, "Yeah, you basically can if you just identify all of your basic dependencies and contingency plan around the loss of any dependency," and then I gave a few examples.

And they all stared at me like I'm an alien.

As he described to the interviewer a moment of panic and how he he overcame, the interviewer said, in one of those, summarise-last-answer-given-with-appropriate-levels-of-respect-in-order-to-proceed-to-next-question phrasing’s, “Wow, so you rose to the occasion -“

The IWW is a union for all workers!

As long as you are a worker — not an employer — you can join the IWW. Members of other unions (except officers), students, retirees, the unemployed, the self-employed, those in informal professions, and those unable to work may also join. To us, you are all workers. There is a difference in interests at work between employees and employers. Even if someone doesn’t own the business, if they have real hiring and firing power over other workers then they count as an employer to us. By restricting our membership to only workers we make it easier to act in solidarity with other people at your job and improve your working conditions. If you are a worker then you belong in the IWW with us!

Image description: A screenshot of the symptoms of 'factitious disorder,' from the Mayo Clinic. The symptoms are listed below alongside my discussion of them.

This is the 'condition' that used to be known as Munchausen's.

I am not claiming that nobody ever fakes being sick. But it is vanishingly rare compared to the number of people who ARE sick, but doctors refuse to take it seriously.

Let's take a look at some of these. How can they tell if the medical problems are 'clever and convincing' or just... real, if it's one of the hundreds of conditions that don't show up in a clean cut way on imaging or labs ?

'Deep knowledge of medical terms and diseases' is much more commonly a symptom of being forced to do your own research because doctors refuse to help you figure out what's going on. I have deep knowledge of certain medical terms and diseases. Wish I didn't have to.

'Vague or inconsistent symptoms' - you mean like those that occur in, once again, the many conditions doctors like to ignore and dismiss because clear objective diagnostic measures don't exist yet? Like they did with multiple sclerosis before they invented the MRI?

'Conditions that get worse for no clear reason' - sometimes the reason is pretty clear! Medical neglect! And many conditions worsen for no obvious reason. Do they not understand the concepts of progressive,' 'degenerative', or 'relapsing-remitting'?

'Seeking treatment from many healthcare professionals' - it's almost like if a doctor dismisses your symptoms or refuses treatment you might need to look for another?

'Not wanting healthcare professionals to talk to family or friends' - Many chronically ill people live in abusive situations and/or with people who do not believe they are sick.

'Staying in the hospital a lot' - Because you're sick and no one will provide appropriate treatment outpatient. Because they don't believe you. So it escalates to hospital severity.

'Desire for frequent testing or risky surgeries and procedures' - It's almost like people want to find out what's wrong with them? And get treatment for it even if it has risks?

'Many surgical scars or evidence of many procedures' - Sure yeah let's just demonize people for having had medical care. Alright.

'Having few visitors when in the hospital' - Yeah, definitely if a chronically ill person experiences social isolation or abandonment they must be faking. We definitely don't live in a culture that isolates sick people.

'Arguing with healthcare professionals and staff' - And this is the one that inspired my addition to this post. G-d forbid we know anything about our bodies or advocate for ourselves.

Someone I care about very much was recently 'diagnosed' with this despite massive evidence of life threatening, untreated medical conditions. This diagnosis can kill people.

Image: Mayo Clinic screenshot, overview of 'somatic symptom disorder.'

"Somatic symptom disorder involves focusing too much on physical symptoms such as pain or tiredness. This focus causes major emotional distress and makes it hard to function. You may or may not have another medical condition that causes these symptoms. But how you think, feel and behave because of the symptoms can be extreme."

"You might often think the worst about your symptoms. You may seek medical care often, searching for a reason for the symptoms, even when other serious conditions have been ruled out. You also might spend so much time and energy focusing on your symptoms that it's hard to function, sometimes leading to more challenges in your life."

So... if you find your symptoms of an actual real diagnosed medical disorder 'too' distressing, seek 'too much' medical care, and want to find out why you're sick, they can just diagnose you with 'Never take this person's medical problems seriously again disorder'.

The 'even when other serious conditions have been ruled out' part is especially absurd. Which other serious conditions? Sure, if you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras - rule out the most common possibilities first. But if you're still having symptoms that don't fit your existing diagnoses? Then yeah, you might want to rule out less common causes!

And the idea that it's not the symptoms themselves that cause the problems, just that you spend too much time focusing on them... I've noticed a strange phenomenon in my personal experience where I spend a lot less time and energy focusing on my symptoms when they are treated to the point that they aren't severely debilitating. Idk, maybe that's just me.

And the symptoms list... how do they not hear themselves?

Image: List of symptoms from same Mayo Clinic page.

Symptoms of somatic symptom disorder may include:

Specific symptoms, such as pain or shortness of breath.

General symptoms, such as feeling very tired or weak

Symptoms not related to any medical cause.

Symptoms related to a medical condition but that are more severe than usually expected.

One symptom, many symptoms or symptoms that change over time.

Mild, moderate or severe symptoms.

It's literally... any symptoms? Mild, moderate, severe, general, specific, related or unrelated to a diagnosed medical condition. One symptom or many, which change or don't. With the clear implication that if it's not diagnosed yet or if it's unusually severe, it's fake.

The Firefox "AI kill switch" is here.

Go to Settings > AI controls. There, you can toggle the "master kill switch" on to fully block all the features, which means two things:

you won't see them,

you can't even be asked about them.

The default state is, like before, "available". This means the features are NOT on by default (they never were), but Firefox will let you know about them where they exist (e.g. when you create your first tab group) so that you can choose to opt in.

Please note that Firefox for Android or iOS have never included AI features, so you won't see these settings on your smartphones or tablets.

Consider: you may be wearing difficult clothes.

The panopticon of the world is, in fact, not real, and you do not need to perform for anyone, especially if it is making your experience in the world worse. You may look fantastic, but is that worth the discomfort? That is up to you to decide.

- are your pants too tight? This will make it difficult to sit down, run, or walk, and will pull at your underwear. If you have to think about pulling up your pants so your bottom doesn’t show, you are distracted from the joy of just existing

- do you need to pull up the neckline of your shirt, readjust any straps underneath, or pull it where you want it to sit on your body every few minutes?

- do your socks get wet through your shoes with even the slightest moisture? Do your socks fall off your heels when you try to walk?

- is your hair getting caught on branches, tangled, in your eyes, or generally ‘ruined’ by humidity?

Im not saying that you need to feel ugly to be comfortable, but i am saying, if you have worn these sorts of clothes and hair styles for many years, you might not realize just how inhibited your ability to move is by the majority of (usually feminine) clothing. And,,, you just, you don’t have to wear clothes like that of you don’t want to. The birds aren’t gonna tell on you if you don’t look like a princess, and tbh, men have permission to wear comfortable clothes out and about so why shouldn’t you?

All that said: if you want to be confortable outside, especially out in nature, here are some things that have helped me. admitedly maybe im just particularly sensitive to annoying clothing and if this is just a me thing, well, my bad. obviously, the goal is your own personal comfort, which may not be the same as me

roblox rolls out their age group system, and you can no longer talk to any adults on the platform. you can only talk to people in person, i.e. your parents, who are horrid. now you're back at square one, being helplessly abused. to make it worse, you're homeschooled, as I was. you can't reach out to anyone at school for support either.

or maybe you're not homeschooled, and you ask your pronouns to be used at school. it goes well for a while, and you feel some relief.

then your state passes a bill that requires forced outing. your teachers report to your parents that you've been trying out a different name and pronouns.

they pull you from school, send you to boarding school or conversion therapy, and force you to attend private schools in the future that match their values.

you are entirely under their control. you could've made connections with other adults, ones willing to help you out. to treat you like a human, give you access to life saving care. and it's stripped away, you're alone, and everything feels hopeless.

still not worth it.

the control my parents had over me hurt far far more than some hypothetical pedophile on the Internet, and in fact, more than the actual child abusers on the Internet, too.

children are not your property that you can do whatever you like with.

giving birth or impregnating someone or adopting doesn't give you some inherent wisdom that means you can never fuck up.

and you shouldn't have the right to abuse or neglect or misinform a child just because you have legal guardianship of them.

a staggering amount of parents view their children as their property and see advice as someone trying to take away their "deserved" control.

parents are allowed to have legal and social domain over their children,

parents are seen as suddenly being imbued with innate childrearing knowledge just by virtue of having a child, and

it's socially stigmatized to voice concern over a child that isn't "yours."

The Queer Liberation Library which has a growing collection of, obviously, queer books

The Buddhist Association of the United States' Woo Ju Memorial Library has a number of books about, obviously, Buddhism

The Japan Foundation of LA has-- I think you can guess the pattern here

It’s gestures often overlooked, silent acts of respect without calling attention to them. Subtleties mixed with the obvious.

The good, bad, and the ugly.

playful banter, ribbing, insults/backhanded compliments

recognising ticks/tells and how to respond (e.g. specific throat clear before they speak)

tolerating inconsequential bad habits (e.g. puts dishes beside dishwasher, not in it)

listening to the same stories multiple times as if they were new

developing similar quirks (e.g. particular laugh)

inside jokes

mock fighting, mini competitions

blatant honesty, humble apologies, knowing when to drop an argument

saying nothing/talking for hours

tending to illness or injuries

pokes, pet/pats, head/shoulder bumps, bites, tickles, cuddling, long gazes, stroking hair

grooming, restraighten clothing, touch up hair, brush off crumbs

singing and dancing together

understanding your partner’s hurt rather than just apologising

trust and respect

knowing how to cheer the other up, how to piss them off, humour them

reassurance (e.g. I’m here to talk, you’re doing a great job, your insecurities don’t define you)

associating sights, smells, touches, songs, phrasing, etc with them (e.g. “I saw a pigeon today and thought ‘is this my partner?’”

hating dumb things they do, but finding them hard to live without and secretly loving them

compromising, sacrificing, reciprocation

Love is unspoken, tolerant, and a spectrum of emotions.

It’s accepting that you’ll fuckin’ hate their entire being at times, exclaim with vitriol, “god, you’re so fucking annoying” while you smile and know that it’s trivial in the grand scheme.

It’s real. It’s healthy. It’s fun. That’s what I try to encapsulate in my sappy romantic fiction because realistic fluff is so much more gratifying.