Wow, it's been like 10 years since I updated this. Neat.
I've made a dreamwidth blog just in case tumblr dies. I think dreamwidth is neat.
My username on Discord is Liliet#1061 (and no I don't intend to update it, they're asking but they haven't tried to force me yet).
My username on reddit is LilietB.
Read PGTE. Homestuck is great. Peace and love on the planet Earth.
I'm Ukrainian. Wish us luck.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
I HAVE FINALLY POSTED THE THING TO AO3
(working title, might be changed later)
premise:
immediately post s2 finale, after my fic that is _immediately_ immediately after it. Lilith has not called Charlie yet.
slice of life soap opera: nobody permadies, but a few people might at some points wish they did
the most insane multiship i can cram into a single timeline, and trust me, I am _creative_ with that. Welcome to hell, Alastor!
doing my best to treat serious subjects with the gravity they deserve, but this is still ultimately a fic, so yknow. sensitivity readers feel free to volunteer?
this is _mostly_ not a pornfic, but uh. regenerating immortal demon kink will be had. mind the tags, and check them for updates when i post a new chapter, okay?
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Look, it’s a weird hill to die on, especially when I don’t really explain, but children deserve to experience fear, disgust, and discomfort in safe scenarios where they can process those sensations.
Media for children used to be scary and that’s important.
“Since it is so likely that (children) will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage. Otherwise you are making their destiny not brighter but darker.”
― C.S. Lewis
It's not a fun part of the movie when a character the kid likes dies, but they can experience loss without losing someone they actually know that way, and learn how to deal with grief in the future from how the protagonist is taught to deal with it. The real deal will still be way worse, but a 7 year old who's allowed to know what death IS is likely to grow into a 15 year old who can deal with their feelings when it happens.
Hiccup from the How to Train Your Dragon Books: I've nearly been eaten six times! Once not even by a dragon but by the man who would become my greatest foe who was planning to cut me in pieces and eat me raw. I was also assaulted and marked with a slave brand, forced to see my family and friends impressed into slavery, and got tortured by being dunked repeatedly in a freezing ocean that would have drowned or frozen me. Am I a joke to you?
Sources:
How to Train Your Dragon (nearly eaten once)
How to Be A Pirate (nearly eaten THRICE, twice by a dragon, once by a human)
How to Ride A Dragon's Storm (nearly eaten by a dragon, assaulted and branded)
How to Seize a Dragon's Jewel (nearly eaten by a dragon)
I find great joy in people being confused by Alastor picking up new slang.
Like this was his job, that he greatly enjoys by the way. His job is to observe people, look for things he could scrutinize, maybe look for things his audience would specifically like to listen about. He was literally paid to observe people.
I feel like all the time spent in speakeasies and high class parties was not only for him to look for a next target that was some of it but for him to look for things to yap about as well. And don't get me STARTED on the amount of tea this man has heard through the years.
I've also been thinking about this meme. I know it's a meme and not serious but I still wanted to yap about it. This is also apart of his job. If the old timeline is correct and he was in his 40's when he died. Even if he started his career late into his 30's, that's still about a decade of new slang he had lived through as a human. Think about how much of our own slang changes just from year to year. Learning new words is child-play to this man.
Alastor picking up new slang through the decades in hell would not be surprising, if anything it would be expected. He could even pull off like decade dedicated broadcasts throughout the week. "Ha ha! Hello all of my 'Groovy cats' out there today! I've got all the 'happenin's' for those stuck in the 60's! Now enjoy this next track from the 'fab four'!"
Alright auntie is entitled to her nap now. Chew this one over friends! <3
2/3 of the radio trio have quit the hotel due to being fed up with the Morningstars (Alastor bc of Lucifer & Husk bc of Charlie and Vaggie [honorary Morningstar/will be married into the family eventually]), so my next crack theory is that Niffty will complete the tradition and quit the hotel in s3 because of Lilith
I feel like I’m losing my mind. How can flashback!Vox be a cult leader, he was so sweet and cute until Alastor was mean to him?! Anyways, here’s my interpretation on Vox’s character
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Probably more medical detail than opsec calls for, but there's practically zero research on nonbinary chemical gender transition — so I'm throwing my trip report into the collective 'net.
I am nearly 29, knew I was trans since 17 and I have been on HRT (estrogen) on and off for the past 18 months with testosterone for the last 6. Currently: 8mg Estradiol Enanthate weekly, plus 25mg testosterone weekly.
The hypothesis: The body auto-converts excess T→E and excess E→T, so it can handle high levels of both without much trouble. Women regularly take testosterone during menopause — this should be doable.
My theory: Take high E to block natural T production, then supplement a tiny bit of T to compensate. Should keep everything contextually balanced.
Six months in, and I just got my labs back. My doctor (not amused by this experiment) is shocked: I'm healthier than I've ever been across every metabolic marker. Dead center on every single metric. Blood pressure normal (first time ever). Weight stable. I have some breast growth starting, but no solidified nodules — so with raloxifene I could revert 90%+ if I wanted (TBD). They are very sensitive, for better or worse.
I have noticed my body becoming more feminine (appreciated), which is saying something since I am naturally broad and muscular. Think of a very masc blacksmith-NPC-character-model kind of build. I have curves now. Skin is overall softer. Body hair is much thinner (previously was bold, black, and gnarly). Face is smoother, jawline more defined, but the face itself is a bit rounder, especially in the cheeks.
Mental state is solid. Making real progress on projects, feeling hopeful, taking more risks and actually being comfortable with it. More open, more outgoing. Before this was quite depressed, anxious, paranoid, unable to make decisions, and just felt worthless, now its the exact opposite - I have tried every anti-depressant around, and had great luck with LSD, but this has been by far the most 'calm', happy, and level-headed I have ever been. That said, on pure estrogen, my mental clarity is certainly sharper. The combo is still clear enough though.
I understand why most queer people hate these kinds of reports and this kind of experimentation, trust me my friends make that very clear. And sure, I'm probably still denying plenty of things to myself. But , from a research perspective, this has always fascinated me, and the literature is so thin that I might as well add a small, informal case study to the mix.
Q: Why do queer people hate these kinds of reports? I'm unfamiliar
I am writing this here because the tumblr reply system is purposefully built for extremely short-form communication and this is a longer answer.
This is a mixed answer, all people have different hangups, some are around natural arguments, some are perversions of inclusivity philosophy, some are residual myopic views on gender, and some are just plain worried about what it means for them, or the time sunk cost falacy that maybe they went down the wrong path. I don't have anything against these people, many of them are very dear friends that I would give my life for, but this is the way I read it and have noticed in discussions (and analyzing my own gender woes and hangups).
This is a bit longer, so stay tuned after the break:
Welcome back! - let's get into it.
Some worry that researching alternative hormone regimens could societaly delegitimize being trans, invalidate their own path, regret through the 'possibility of alternatives', and more.
Even in queer spaces, gender is often still treated as a binary. You can switch sides, but you can't exist outside them. That men are men, women are women, and while you can switch between them, you shouldn't, wouldn't, and couldn't be anything outside of that binary. Some hold this philosophically; others fear that expanding the binary will make society hate us more for complicating the conversation. Why fight the system when you can just work to redefine it from within?
There are quite a few otherwise progressive people who will accept non-binary as a category, but it becomes clear in conversation that they see it as a subset of the primary dualities of 'femme|female|woman|girl' and 'masc|male|men|boy' . You can be nonbinary [masc.nb] or nonbinary [femme.nb] but "nonbinary" itself isn't a category you're allowed to be. The same people who notably and righteously reject gender hierarchies often still treat masc lesbians as closer to men than to women, or trans men as closer to women than men — even if they hold that trans women are women (or the inverse). They may argue that sapphic or gay spaces should only include femme and masc primary archetypes, and ignore anything that goes beyond those labels. But I digress....
There is also a strange, yet marginally understandable, bio-essentialist reframing of "You can't be both. Your body runs on one primary hormone, synthetic or not." It masquerades as natural fact but often traces back to just plain unexamined essentialist thinking.
Now, part of the reason for the natural naturalistic fallacy argument is that non-binary transition paths are radically understudied, even by the scant standards of trans and gender research. We know the 'standard' approach works for transition, and we just build off that through replication of studies and more, but frontier science is nearly nonexistent. So we default to "your body has one primary hormone, don't fuck with nature, god mother nature knows all" and take it at face value.
Another view: any affirmative research into this could be weaponized by anti-trans evangelists to argue that "transition isn't worth it," because it breaks apart the coupled concepts of social transition and chemical transition—the idea that if you're perceived as masc or femme, your chemical makeup can't be at odds with that perception. If the social view doesn't have to match, and you can "solve" being trans chemically, then appearance doesn't matter. And that threatens preconceived notions of what is and isn't natural, biological, expected, or scientific.
You can hear echoes of the same argument from others in the community "You can't and shouldn't boymode, even if you genuinely enjoy it, because the real goal is to be yourself, inside and out. Anything else is just fear keeping you in your comfort zone." You should be free to be yourself. I won't argue against it. But some people would be understandably fine being perceived as a jacked masc dude while running on primarily estrogen.
Here's a hypothetical, and uncomfortable thought experiment: If a pill existed that eliminated dysphoria (you don't need dysphoria to be trans!), depression, and all of the mental and physical desires to transition, trans activists would call it "medical conversion therapy" and oppose it; while anti-trans evangelists would celebrate it as medical conversion therapy and demand it become mandatory. Both sides would find common ground, then eat each other's faces.
If non-binary transition or balanced hormone levels proved effective for people like me, it'd be weaponized by both camps, each treating non-binary as a subcategory of the binary, not an expansion of gender itself. And that terrifies people who may not realize they believe society should forever be bound by a dual gender hierarchy, a two-party system. They'll say they understand non-binary people exist, but still see them as part of the binary. As if the name on the tin isn't literally non and binary - to be not of the binary, and not just used as a collective new superior monolithic third category just as no woman is an island, nonbinary is not a monolith.
There's a lot of nuance and straw-manning here, but after countless discussions: with myself, with others, in circles, with people who get it and people who don't, I'm sure I'm still missing some arguments. But, it mostly boils down to these issues.
There's a recurring online tendency to aestheticize consensus itself. The imagined future village is full of emotionally compatible people who enjoy communal gardening, conflict resolution circles, acoustic folk music, mutual aid potlucks, and repairing bicycles together at sunset. Which is nice for the people who genuinely enjoy that lifestyle. But plenty of humans are solitary, prickly, obsessive, urban, nocturnal, sensory-seeking, technologically attached, contrarian, novelty-seeking, private, or just plain difficult. Those people do not evaporate after the revolution. They do not get Left Behind while you are Raptured into the Utopia. They become your neighbors.
intellectual disability be singular diagnosis give to people who struggle with intellectual functioning & adaptive functioning (e.g living skills), rated from mild to profound. it affect everything every single aspect about person.
(UK: learning disability, not to be confused w specific learning disability or UK term learning difficulty. so far only find UK use this term difference.)
intellectual disability often comorbid with autism - different source n study say different things but many place say 30% or more autistic ppl have intellectual disability.
autism (& adhd, specific learning disability like dyslexia, down syndrome, cerebral palsy, etc) be part of wider umbrella called developmental disability (DD).
(technically, intellectual disability also a developmental disability. but because so many other developmental disability comorbid with ID, & ID affect everything single aspect of person, ppl often give it extra emphasis, abbreviating both of them as intellectual / developmental disability (I/DD))
intellectual disability experience & intellectual disability activism need center actual intellectually disabled people / people with intellectual disability. whenever autistic people without ID mistake autism as “an intellectual disability,” it speak over people with ID. it decenter people with ID from their own word / experience / space.
people insulting & mistreating you as autistic person without ID by confuse you with or compare you to people with intellectual disability cry, are saying you “just as bad”, n not mean you affected in same way as people with intellectual disability.
things targeting people with intellectual disability target people with intellectual disability first. they be most affected.
you can (& should) advocate for group of people you not without claim to be one of them. but most of time when people do this, they not even advocating.
autistic people without ID (and people without ID in general) need stop derailing things about people with intellectual disability.
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actually I think you should be normal about ordinary citizens of authoritarian countries and yes that applies even to that country you're thinking of right now
A couple of years ago we were all terribly concerned about the fact that a lot of American high schools are assigning such crushing homework loads that some kids literally don't have enough time to eat or sleep (and all this in spite of the fact that there's no good evidence that assigning homework actually improves academic outcomes at the pre-university level), but now we're hearing stories about those same schools struggling to stop kids from using ChatGPT to write their essays and suddenly It's The Children Who Are Wrong. Like, do you think maybe there's a certain level of cause and effect in play here?
"Okay, but what if both are bad" see, I don't think any framing that implicitly puts the school administration that thinks it's reasonable to assign thirty hours of homework per week and the student who has to choose between writing an essay the old-fashioned way and getting more than two hours of sleep tonight on equal ethical footing is productive.
i do think the negative interpretations of "im probably nonbinary but i have a job right now" are kind of reaching. it's obviously a waste of time to theorize the op's intended meaning, so instead i think it's better to recognize how the phrase can be a useful framing device to criticize how much of a fucking hassle it is to get gendered correctly. "but i have a job" e.g. will face discrimination that could threaten livelihood; e.g. don't have the mental bandwidth to explain gender to others; e.g. don't have the time and energy for the soul-searching necessary to confirm. all three of these are labor issues. yes you could interpret it as "but being nonbinary isn't important enough to worry about", despite that being a blatantly bad-faith read. it's more useful to interpret it as "but being publicly nonbinary requires a lot of social effort that, in many cultural contexts, will create more problems that you can't afford to deal with". like cmon it's a really good jumping off point for productive conversations about queer labor rights
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mimzy would love a gentlemanly 20s butch girl boyfriend who spoils her with gifts but unfortunately the only gentlemanly 20s butch she knows who didn't go to heaven upon their death is extremely apothirose. Sad!
