I am Haunted&Bedeviled by the matter of pronouns

We need to isolate and start selectively breeding the plastic eating bacteria so we can optimise their efficiency, and then somehow splice their DNA into the gut bacteria of an obligate carnivore, so we can put it in our cats gut biomes so they'll finally be free of having to choose between whether they want to eat plastic or whether they want to live.

*lights a cigar with a match and leans back in my plush leather chair, looking out through the blinds at the city. my fuckin city.*

i am massively overdue for a very very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

reblog to give prev a very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

now that the world cup is out of the way can we focus on me instead

people online are on a mission to hold every single random person "accountable" in the same way as a thief in the middle ages who is about to be beheaded in the town square for stealing a tomato

sometimes, if someone makes a cruddy mistake that hurt some feelings, you don't have to make a 10 page callout doc detailing every time they were sort of a dick to you. sometimes it's okay to just block someone and talk about the situation to a close friend instead of doing this whole "hear ye hear ye" thing

I heavily fw bro

if anyone needs me i’ll be alone in my tower

dude why are you offended? it's just a joke bro. (with tears welling up in my eyes) it's all just one sick joke...

Having a blorbo is so embarrassing like sorry I have to go and self regulate by looking at The guy

Sam Handwich.