נשובה

The Three Amigos Rock Formation

^ embroidered a net onto the front pocket of these overalls

Looking through an 800 year old window.

She has excellent skills, by the standards I'm currently accustomed to. She has always been kind, caring, friendly, sweet, and going over and beyond what they are normally willing to do.

But her English is marginal. And I've lost most of my Spanish, or at least can't retrieve it at my current level of illness.

And somewhere along the way she's developed the idea that I think she's doing bad things to me on purpose. This is clearly a result of poor English comprehension, combined with my recent total inability to mask as friendly and cheerful when exhausted and in severe pain and cognitively impaired during the day.

So now, any time she inadvertently does something that hurts me, if I say something or even physically respond involuntarily such as a flinch, she goes on the full defensive. Just now I asked her to change the way she does a particular task. We've already had several conversations about it. I said we need to do it the way she used to (I don't know why she suddenly changed it to something worse).

She said, verbatim, "So you think I'm doing it intentionally ? I always try to do good for you, I put in all .y efforts."

I know ! I've told you I know ! I've told you over and over that I understand you're doing your best and care about me and don't want to hurt me! Which is why I keep thinking you'll listen and want to adapt when I say it hurts me !

Anything I say she interprets as the opposite at this point . I said I know you're doing your best and I'm just trying to address a problem. She said "You think I have a problem with you ? No, I don't."

It's just sad because if we could communicate we could work well together. But at this point the agency is clearly choosing to send me people they have difficulty finding other cases for: this person who barely speaks English, others who are brand-new to nursing or have other glaring issues that would not be tolerated by patients who have family members advocating for them.

Like... the other weekday day nurse knows absolutely nothing. I found out why. She got her nursing license 2 years ago and is just starting work now. She hasn't worked in a hospital. She said she wants to work home care first to gain experience.

It's not really experience. It's ground up training in the most basic skills she should have been taught in nursing school: how to do a bed bath, bedpan, repositioning a patient, setting up an IV , setting up a feeding tube... we've had to teach her literally all of it. They've forced me to be an unpaid trainer for dozens of nurses for a year and a half, at enormous cost to my health.

Lowland tapir Tapirus terrestris

Instead of becoming caught up in it, it is possible to learn to observe it, acknowledge it, let it move through you in its own time. The last part may not be pleasant. But if you can let go and allow it, then you are not creating an extra layer of distress: fighting it.

It is like being caught in a riptide. You did not choose this. You do not control it. You can only control your response, to whatever degree you have learned to do that.

If you have not learned what to do when caught in a riptide, you may try to swim against the current towards the shore. This would be the obvious choice. But the riptide is stronger than you, and will wear you out before you can reach land.

If you know what to do, you will either try to float without resistance and call for help if you are not a strong swimmer, or swim parallel to the shore until you are free of the riptide. Then you can either be rescued, or swim to shore.

She has excellent skills, by the standards I'm currently accustomed to. She has always been kind, caring, friendly, sweet, and going over and beyond what they are normally willing to do.

But her English is marginal. And I've lost most of my Spanish, or at least can't retrieve it at my current level of illness.

And somewhere along the way she's developed the idea that I think she's doing bad things to me on purpose. This is clearly a result of poor English comprehension, combined with my recent total inability to mask as friendly and cheerful when exhausted and in severe pain and cognitively impaired during the day.

So now, any time she inadvertently does something that hurts me, if I say something or even physically respond involuntarily such as a flinch, she goes on the full defensive. Just now I asked her to change the way she does a particular task. We've already had several conversations about it. I said we need to do it the way she used to (I don't know why she suddenly changed it to something worse).

She said, verbatim, "So you think I'm doing it intentionally ? I always try to do good for you, I put in all .y efforts."

I know ! I've told you I know ! I've told you over and over that I understand you're doing your best and care about me and don't want to hurt me! Which is why I keep thinking you'll listen and want to adapt when I say it hurts me !

Anything I say she interprets as the opposite at this point . I said I know you're doing your best and I'm just trying to address a problem. She said "You think I have a problem with you ? No, I don't."

It's just sad because if we could communicate we could work well together. But at this point the agency is clearly choosing to send me people they have difficulty finding other cases for: this person who barely speaks English, others who are brand-new to nursing or have other glaring issues that would not be tolerated by patients who have family members advocating for them.

Like... the other weekday day nurse knows absolutely nothing. I found out why. She got her nursing license 2 years ago and is just starting work now. She hasn't worked in a hospital. She said she wants to work home care first to gain experience.

It's not really experience. It's ground up training in the most basic skills she should have been taught in nursing school: how to do a bed bath, bedpan, repositioning a patient, setting up an IV , setting up a feeding tube... we've had to teach her literally all of it. They've forced me to be an unpaid trainer for dozens of nurses for a year and a half, at enormous cost to my health.

So far I've only mixed up the main batch of colors, but I'll split them up and create a palatte of tints and shades once I have access to a scale again.

I don't have any fancy tools and have been blending the fiber by hand, so it's probably best I have a forced break for the sake of my fingers. Once I'm done I should have a very useful set of 57 2g swatches to play with! (Plus 5 more for a set of grayscale swatches)

The ratios are presented in the same order as the wool swatches in the photo above it. I didn't simplify any of the ratios so you'll have to deal with 2:2s instead of 1:1s, oops.

A trio of klipspringers (Oreotragus oreotragus) keep watch in Kruger National Park, South Africa

Columbian Ground Squirrel Urocitellus columbianus

A member of the marmot family found in western Canada and United States. Social encounters sometimes are initiated with kissing behavior and the most common activity above ground is standing at attention. Residing in mountainous terrain and high plains in northern latitudes, they hibernate for 8 to 9 months of the year in burrows, which may be used for many years.