any wizard knows that

I think god meant to make william shatner gay. I think william shatner would be happier if he was a gay

I think william shatner would love it if he was gay. He would never stop talking about it on Twitter. He would relish being the first gay star trek captain and would say shit like “Kirk wasn’t gay but I made him gay” and dudebros would be so mad about it and tell him to stop but he would just keep giving cunty replies, much like he does now but with an excuse. He would have even crazier beef with george takei where there’s always an unspoken implication that he thinks takei doesn’t like him because shatner wouldn’t fuck him. He would be a guest judge on drag race and look vaguely uncomfortable the entire time because he’s not that kind of gay and he’s still old and weird about like. Men wearing nail polish. He would claim that anyone that didn’t like him is being homophobic and it wouldn’t matter how unpleasant he was because he would have a squad of loyal gay reply guys who would say shit like “slay” under every single tweet he made. He would be so much happier if he was gay and I think he knows it.

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.