wendis wanders and wonders

to me fragment of the universe is about existential loneliness, not feeling like a person, and the desire to understand and be understood. netzach grew up in a nest with a dehumanizing culture (k corp). he probably didnt really develop a personhood until he met carmen and just as he was becoming somebody she died and he volunteered to be a test subject for the cogito treatments. not only did he become a test subject to be experimented on, he also slowly lost his humanity with every dose.

netzach doesnt feel like a person. he kinda reads as neurodivergent in some way to me and probably always felt deeply lonely, always in a room with other people but never one of them. finding a family in the other sephirot helped but he still feels a little odd and awkward, never knowing if hes the normal amount of awkward or hes genuinely unpleasant to be around (thats also why he has a substance abuse problem to me - being intoxicated undoes ones social inhibitors for a lot of ND people, briefly making them feel normal and sociable. this is the reason netzach likes offering people drinks, its the easiest way for him to socialize). thats why he wants to do art, thats why one of his key personality traits is “curious”. he wants to understand other people through art, to understand what humanity means to other people and to himself.

fragment of the universe is an alien thing that takes the form of a childs drawing and has the desire to understand and communicate with humans. it sings and sings, hoping humans would understand, but the tragedy is that its music hurts. this is loneliness to me. wanting to pierce the boundary that separates one from others, but its whole, bare truth is just too much. but it cant help itself, so it just screams and screams.

also this is why netzach is argalias foil to me and i didnt want to get into this but i already wrote this down so its whatever ill summarize again. argalia is also lonely and wants to be understood through art. he straight up calls distortions art (“we are artists and truth seekers”), thinking of himself and his friends the naked truths he will force the rest of humanity to face and accept. argalias relationship with art/music is unhealthy. netzachs relationship with art/music is healthy. their hobbies in the artbook profiles are the same but with a key difference. this is also why rolzach is lowkey canon to me (half joking) but im not getting into this because either ill be here all day or ill be mad i have to simplify things. you just have to get it my phone is dying im sorry

silly little au of What if Giovanni Was a Color Fixer aka the worst fucking circumstances to put him in bc i want him to suffer idk

why is my disciplinary department green