Back aboard?

Signed

And let's not forget, no matter how little you actually sleep and how much you actually get done, if you're not awake during certain hours it means you're a lazy good-for-nothing. Express a desire for more places open 24/7? Selfish and entitled. Complain about how noisy your neighbors are during your sleep hours? Well you can't expect the world to tiptoe around you. But also you'd better keep it down at night because other people are sleeping!

First there's the less obvious but you're going to kick yourself for not noticing before; "night owls" just happen to have a lot of traits in-common:

They tend to be neurodivergent

They usually prefer to be solo operators and think independently when support structures that "morning people" rely on for productivity aren't there

They often have better night vision (whether that's due to an increased number of rods in the cornea or some other mechanic)

Their generally introverts, meaning they thrive when operating in isolation

They problem-solve and process learning in ways that are better suited to people who don't need large support networks

And, to put the icing on the cake, let's point out the oft-repeated exhortation from the many, many "night owls" in this thread:

TᕼᕮY OᑭᕮᖇᗩTᕮ ᗷᕮTTᕮᖇ ᗩT ᑎIGᕼT!

Humanity has, built in, an entire night-shift crew ready to do all the things at night that are also done during the day. We're built different on purpose because for millions of years we, as a species, had to survive without things like "cities" and "enough weaponry to wipe out any competition for the title of 'Apex Predator'" and "electrical grids." They don't experience the negative psychological effects of isolation, they crave the kind of environment that demands constant draws on attention, they see better in environments with less light, and their responses to contrast-dependent motion stimuli are on a freaking hair trigger (try asking someone with ADHD a question while spinning a fidget spinner with light reflectors on the weights and tell me I'm wrong on this part), and their senses are turned up to 11 (my autistic girlfriend has hearing that boggles my mind, and my ADHD fueled senses are already better at auditory processing than most neurotypicals for my demographic).

By insisting that the people that are biologically hard-wired to work the night shift instead force themselves to work during the day, you're requiring that they operate directly against their nature.

Then there's the fact that 𝗘̢̖ͩͪ𝗩̹̝̚͟𝗘̡̰͊𝗥̧̞͒͛𝗬͉̑͋͡𝗢̣̖̐̈́̀𝗡̛̯͚͆𝗘̨͕̐'̾̚҉̱𝗦̱̆̀ ̛̙̲ͥͦ𝗦̵̜̻͂𝗟̸̼͆𝗘̵͈͖͑𝗘̞̰̅͜𝗣̡͔̓ͤ ̰̹͌͜𝗦̎͏̞͕𝗖̵̗͗𝗛̷͈̹͌̐𝗘̵͚ͥ𝗗͉̑̐͝𝗨̢̱͔͆𝗟͖ͭ́𝗘͔̄̄̀ ̶͉ͩ𝗜͚ͭ͡𝗦̡͍̼̓̅ ͤ͏͉̖𝗙͈ͫ̆́𝗨̗͚͒͜𝗖̖ͭ͢𝗞̡͍̐𝗘͕̻̆ͣ͜𝗗̖ͨ͜!̵͔̈́ͥ!̰̹͆͠!̵̙̎̾

In the past 10-20 years, more and more anthropologists are digging through human records of all types (both explicitly recorded history and not) and discovering that the modern "sleep 8 hours in one shot, work/live/play during the remaining 16" is exclusively an invention of the so-called "industrial revolution."

You know, the time period when we were all sold the idea that humans were replaceable cogs in the industrial complex machine and we're all replaceable and you'd better work and work and work and that's your entire point of existence or you're a lazy good for nothing slacker who deserves shame and death.

Prior to the whole damn world being convinced we're supposed to work ourselves to exhaustion for 16 hours a day and then collapse to sleep the remaining 8, people went to sleep when they felt the need and woke up when their body told them to. This resulted in THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE SLEEPING IN TWO (2) BLOCKS PER SLEEP PERIOD.

You ever find yourself reading some account of a historical figure where they were up at 2 AM doing something that would make history? Yeah, it wasn't because they were insomniacs (well, not all of them), it was because they had already gotten 2-4 hours of sleep and their body said it was time to wake up! Probably for the bathroom, but also because they had gotten enough rest they didn't need to sleep longer than that. And they got enough rest because they stayed up long enough to get tired again, then went back to sleep for another 2-4 hours.

When I learned about this, I began comparing my sleep tracker data against a theoretical sleep schedule where I planned to be awake in the middle of the night. Sure enough, the periods of sleep where I was most restless and prone to waking up randomly happened at about the 2-4 hour mark. So I started planning for this and expected to fall back asleep at some point later, which meant I had to go to bed earlier than usual (Doing this with a regular 8-hr./day pre-pandemic job sucked, but more on this in a little bit). Within, like, a week I was getting enough restful sleep from this split schedule that I was thriving on 5-6 hours of sleep. I just had to keep myself busy during the 2-3 hours I'd be awake at night. Would I take more sleep if I could get it, like for a nap? Heck yes! But I didn't need it on a day to day basis.

Couple this little data point with the studies that show humans aren't ever productive for a full 8 hours a day and it starts to look like the entire human race played themselves by adopting the Calvinist "8 hours for work, 8 hours for rest, 8 hours for everything else" mindset.

One more thing; when I got to the point in my job where I could dictate my own schedule? I planned to only be 'productive' 6 hours a day. My bosses still want me to be available "business hours" (which is a FUCKING stupid notion when your business is 'keeping the homes where people live maintained and damage free,' which is a 24-hour a day operation), so I can't slip into my natural sleep cycle of waking up between 9-10, starting [productive activity here] at 12-1, working until 2-3, taking a 'lunch' break until 4-5, working until 7-8, then going to sleep around 10-11 so I have enough time in my "sleep block" to be awake for a couple of hours. That said, I can tailor my schedule around giving myself that "awake" period in the middle of the night and still get enough restful sleep to get everything else done I want and need to do.

they start talking to a human and the human is like "haha yeah that's a crow!" and the alien researcher is like "you called it a 'bird' earlier, is that a different name?" and the human is like "oh a crow is just one species of bird, there's like, 10 others out there"

"On this planet?"

On Earth, the inhabitants are just. Playing and walking LITERALLY STEPPING ON CARPETS OF ORGANISMS the whole time. the aliens are like "it doesn't hurt them??? Can't you just...move them to a place where you don't have to step on them?" and the humans are like "no of course not, grasses evolved to tolerate being stepped on, and besides, more plants would grow there if we tried to move the existing ones"

Alien: I don't understand...why would you not place the solar farms in an area of the planet with no existing ecosystem?

Human: ...what?

Alien: You have rather sophisticated protective gear and have done some space exploration, surely you could establish them in an area of the planet to which life is not yet adapted?

Human: ...there isn't one.

"I don't think you understand what I'm saying. Only 25% of Earth's species have been formally described, at most."

"that's...that's most of them."

"Yes?"

"Well...I suppose the ocean trenches and abyssal plains must be difficult for you to reach...where did you have to travel for your discoveries?"

"Wait. I believe this is something your language refers to as needing 'unpacking.' The current biodiversity represents a historical low point?"

"Well, a local minimum, as the math people say. But yeah, I think there was some recovery after the Younger Dryas about ten thousand years ago, but for every new species humanity creates intentionally or unintentionally, tens or hundreds have been wiped out. We're not proud of this."

"We will need time to digest this, to the point I'm afraid to ask the next question: NEXT great extinction?"

"Yeah, I forget how many there've been total, and there's some arguing over how bad it has to get before it really counts. A comet or meteor strike 65 million years ago wiped out the majority of life...the majority of species or even genera...there's entire classes of life we didn't know ever existed until we found their fossils a few hundred years ago. And then there's the Permian, when a good chunk of a continent erupted and I think we lost...ninety percent of all species? Maybe more? I'd have to look it up. There was also a mass extinction that just happened because all the continents got pushed together and apparently that was bad for life on land and in the sea. You're looking a little faint...do you need to sit down?"

"But...even a single great extinction has always meant the end of life above the unicellular level, on every world we've visited. This planet has evolved complex incredibly ramified life repeatedly despite three mass extinction events?"

I started doing it when after brain surgery my husband had trouble forming responses to questions for a while, and realized that the habit was helping my students engage more truthfully with me.

Some examples:

Yes/No: “Did you clean up your room like I told you?”

This/That: “Did you clean up already, or do you still need to do that?”

Yes/No: “Are you going to sit quietly?”

This/That: “Are you ready to sit and do our quiet activity, or do you need some time by yourself first?”

Yes/No: “Are you doing anything fun for your birthday?”

This/That: “Are you having a party on your birthday, or are you going to relax?”

I think many children (and adults!) are averse to telling adults “No,” especially when a command is implied. (“Did you clean your room?” “Are you going to sit quietly?” Hmmm if I say ‘no’ I will be in trouble with the adult.) So they are actually pretty likely to just lie and say what they think you want to hear.

start wanting rice. (or, if you are traditional, simply recognize your constant desire for rice.)

measure out two cups of rice. then one more. then two more. then another. this seems fine. you love rice. there is no way that this will backfire on you.

remember that your great-great-uncle’s recipe says it should be soaked overnight.

become consumed with despair.

decide to soak it for half an hour instead, acknowledging that the final product will be inferior and anger your ancestors but will still satisfy your now almost-overwhelming need for rice to be inside your body much faster.

remember that you should have set the water to boil when you soaked the rice. goddammit. 

once the water boils, put the rice in until it is half-cooked. the eyeballing or intuitive method is less effective than a timer but that’s how your aunt does it so you feel compelled to meet her standards.

now that the rice has fluffed up, realize how much rice six dry cups really is. holy shit. you’ve fucked up immeasurably. 

take a minute to dwell upon your failings.

grease a baking dish with butter. this will never be as elegant as you want it to and your fingers will get greasy, but the slightly shameful, self-indulgent joy of licking your fingers afterwards will make up for it.

pour the rice into the dish. wonder immediately if you actually buttered the dish beforehand and if you’ve just fucked up. 

melt approximately one thousand pounds of butter in the microwave and pour it over the rice, pondering your imminent death from rapid-onset arterial clogging. put a small pat of butter on the top to properly gild the lily.

put your pan into the oven, which you have absolutely preheated after your previous lack of foresight. shake the rice once or twice while it bakes to make sure the butter is well distributed. resist the impulse to climb into the oven with the rice. for the last ten minutes, sit next to the oven and count the seconds until it’s done.

remove the dish from the oven. shed a tear or two at the perfection laid before you. if you are dining with others, this is the time to serve the rice while making passive-aggressive statements about how oh no, you don’t need any help, you just made dinner all by yourself, you can serve everyone as well. (this is still fun if done alone, but optional.)

CONSUME THE RICE.

realize that you have eaten half of the dish in one sitting. no matter how much rice you made, this will always happen. 

put the leftovers away, if there are any, and enjoy a cup of chai while marveling at the amount of food you have just eaten. if possible, fall asleep in an armchair, sitting up, head tilted slightly back, like a grandpa.

1lb / approx. 2 ⅓ cups basmati rice (any long-grain rice will do)

3 tbsp salt

8 tbsp / 1 stick butter (you can reduce this if you don’t want to have a heart attack)

Put the rice in a pot and cover it in cold water and salt. Let it soak overnight. (If you don’t have the time to soak it, rinse the rice with cold water until it runs clear.)

Edit: The reason you want to soak basmati and other aromatic rice before cooking is to preserve more acetylpyrroline, the compound that gives aromatic rice its characteristic scent and flavor. Soaking rice allows the grains to absorb water, which reduces the cooking time, which means less time for the acetylpyrroline to cook off. It’ll still taste pretty good if you can’t do this, but you don’t want “pretty good”, you want mind-blowing, so for that perfect flavor you’ll want to soak your rice overnight. The soaking process also washes away the layer of starch on the outside of the rice, which allows the grains to separate rather than sticking together; this is why you want to rinse your rice thoroughly if you don’t have time to soak it.

Preheat your oven to 325°.

Boil three quarts of water in a separate pot. Once it’s at a fast boil, drain the rice and add it to the water. Boil for 5-7min or until one grain tastes half-cooked, but not soft. Pour the rice into a colander and rinse with cold water.

Edit: This step also helps get rid of any remaining starch on your grains, for perfectly separated rice. If your colander or strainer has large holes, you can put a paper towel/cheesecloth/clean dishcloth on the inside in order to drain your rice. Pour carefully if you’re using a paper towel, though, and put a bowl underneath your colander; I once lost a heartbreaking amount of rice when my paper towel got oversaturated and tore open.

Liberally grease the bottom of your baking pan with some of your butter. Pour the rice on top. Melt the rest of the butter in the microwave and pour on top of the rice.

Bake for 45min. (If you like, cover the rice for part or all of the baking time, but I find it gets less crispy on top if you do this.) Shake the pan a couple times during baking to ensure that the butter distributes throughout the entire dish.

Eat.

Serves four. Can easily be scaled up if needed (or down, but why would you do that?). Best enjoyed with a nice cup of chai.

The Great Lakes are really going all in this year