"When I came out Ratthi was still there. He grabbed my arm and tugged me past a couple of human techs and out through two levels of secure doors and into the display area."
"'Again, I have a court order,' Pin-Lee said, grabbed my other arm, and they walked me out."
"Pin-Lee said, 'We’re not taking questions now,' shoved Ratthi into the hotel’s transport pod, then grabbed my arm and pulled me in after her."
"Arada walked in then, and came over and patted my shoulder."
Some manhandling unithandling and a little pat. :)c
I didn't mean to write meta. The stuff above was supposed to be the whole post! I literally said I wouldn't write any new meta today, but urggggggh. My hand slipped.
I haven't been rereading ASR on repeat like the other books, so I got myself into misremembering canon trouble!
Whenever I have the show playing while doing other things, I always end up yelling at them to stop touching it when I get to the last episode. Bc they don't just touch it; it feels like they touch it a lot. And... I'd kinda had the picture form in my head that this was a TV-only situation, something to reinforce for the casual viewer just how happy PresAux are to have it back.
But... no that's a book thing!
In fact, the book shows more instances of the team touching it than the show, which only has two that I caught (Ratthi gripping its shoulders in excitement after its memories are restored; Arada warmly touching its arm after it gets dressed in human attire). They might have still done all the dragging and pulling in the show universe, but we don't see that.
Anyway. I don't remember exactly what I had thought when I first read ASR; I might have not even paid much attention to it.
Bc here's the thing — Murderbot inadvertently recorded these actions like a human would. Not only did it leave off the explicit aversion (that the reader doesn't find out about until the next book), but it even left off any implicit aversion. By leaving these actions so bare, human readers easily slip back into the human perspective. We understand these are actions of protection, of care.
We know these touches were a message — a signal to the other humans to back off.
Even though there's only four instances, putting them together like this, I suddenly get the impression that it wasn't the thought of cleaning Mensah's farm or being a bodyguard no one shot at that repelled it. It wasn't even that it realized it wants to make its own decisions — that is merely the conscious thought it put to the subconscious feeling.
But the feeling that drove it away was the more visceral experience of being touched in this way. Yes, it cares for the team, and interprets their actions in good faith. It may even fully realize the intention behind the touches.
None of that can negate the reality that, to a person who has always been a possession, the touches are gentle but possessive.
The coercion lacks threat or force, but it exists, and Murderbot can feel it on its skin. The revulsion toward infantilizing was born of being pulled along benevolently by its arms, the way parents might grip their child's hands to steer and stride faster past danger. The fear of becoming a pet bloomed right from under the affectionate pat on its shoulder.
Ratthi and Pin-Lee, great non-verbal communicators with other humans, view the grabbing and pulling as a necessary touch. Aside from being visually protective, any gesture that signals for others to "back off" is also visually territorial, which is just as necessary to safely get SecUnit out of there as the court order. But it's the "territorial" aspect of the equation that is exactly the perspective and the problem for Murderbot.
Here's the other thing, perhaps the much bigger but vastly simpler thing — to the humans, it's just a touch. To Murderbot, this is the very first time it's being touched with loving care outside of its armor.
And the loving touch is still possessive in nature.
