#rexhuppke

(function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//connect.facebook.net/en_US/all.js#xfbml=1"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);}(document, 'script', 'facebook-jssdk'));

Post by Rex Huppke.

Spot my mistake: I took my kids, on Black Friday, to Best Buy, to get a USB cable. If you answered "having children," you're correct! @scottsimpson (Scott Simpson) – 96

I had this really kinky boyfriend once; finally I just had to tell him it was time we started peeing on other people. @debihope (Notorious d.e.b.) – 83

Once again, it appears I've prematurely donned my gay apparel. @RexHuppke (Rex Huppke) – 82

Black Friday shopping? No thank you. If I wanted to hang out with that many assholes, I'd join the Republican Party. @Aimee_B_Loved (Aimee B) – 71

My wife doesn't seem to care for my euphemisms. Seriously, what's so wrong about asking if I can blow insulation behind her dry wall? @MrBigFists (Jonathan Sloan) – 57

At dinner my nephew asked if my mustache was a "flavor-saver" so I made a your mom joke and that's how grandma got the ambulance ride. @biorhythmist (matt) – 55

Damn. Waterproof mascara is harder to get off than your mom. @debihope (Notorious d.e.b.) – 52

I never thought of myself as dead inside, but I don't know how else to explain how my farts smell. @CranberryPerson (N/A) – 51

Our nation is under siege by aspiring reality TV stars. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 50

I have so much respect for parents who don't drink. @gruber (John Gruber) – 49

Christmas shopping can be so frustrating. Why don't they sell frankincense at the same stores they sell the myrrh? @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 49

If a female firefighter loses her job because she won't put out, it's not necessarily sexual discrimination. @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 48

Getting my hair cut. Bitch had it coming. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 48

Men used to just try to get laid all the time. Now they want stars and a #FF...when they're not funny I'd almost rather give them the sex. @debihope (Notorious d.e.b.) – 47

I decorated the Christmas tree with the kids today. They still haven't figured out how to get down. It looks gre... hold on... STOP CRYING! @iamnotdiddy (iamnotdiddy™) – 46

Apple pie for breakfast, pumpkin pie for lunch, pecan pie for dinner. PIE ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED. @abigvictory (Michele Catalano) – 44

Profoundly funny tweet #6126752079 (?) @carrmah (Unavailable) – 44

"Don't worry — I'll remember." - Me, just before forgetting... something. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 43

My wife is somehow resistant to my bedroom mating dance. @thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 42

A Florida woman gave birth to a baby 9 days early at 9:09 in the morning on 9-9-09. But, get this, 8 lbs. 4 oz. LAME. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 133

Me: "It's getting late, time for bed." 5-year-old: "YOU LIE!" Me: "How dare you talk to me like that? Where did you learn-- Oh." @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 109

Listen: "For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health." I never said you can eat pepperoni off my pizza. NEVER. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 94

Obama's right. We should offer a "public option." So today I'm getting dressed with the curtains open. @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 73

The lack of a Jumbotron in the U.S. House chamber is embarrassing. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 69

A friend told a good joke. Unable to star him, I gave him a hug. It was awkward. Twitter is turning me into a weirdo. @RexHuppke (Rex Huppke) – 68

Drove through the rich neighborhood, rolled down my window and yelled "HE'S STILL PRESIDENT, MOTHERFUCKERS." I am nothing, if not effective. @SeoulBrother (SeoulBrother) – 66

Members of Congress near Rep. Wilson are reported to have heard him say right before his outburst: "Hold my beer and watch this..." @biorhythmist (matt) – 59

I don't see "Thou shalt pay for healthcare" in the Bible. It's mostly this Jesus guy healing people with pre-existing conditions for free. @seanhussey (Sean Hussey) – 57

Dear Redbook, my kidnapper gave me the May issue to pass the time and Mary-Kate’s foreplay tips have been super effective! p.s. help me @fireland (Joshua Allen) – 56

"You're on twitter? What do you tweet about?" "Pets, crafts, stuff about my kids." "Aww really? What's your name on there?" "@fireland." @abigvictory (Michele Catalano) – 55

Hi, you may know me from the craigslist missed connection you're going to write later. @baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 55

"Why the fuck would I want to live to 100? I'm 73 and shit's starting to get boring. By the way, there's no money left when I go, just fyi." @shitmydadsays (Justin) – 55

I guess you really can't teach a bird to use a circular saw. Anyway, there's a half puffin in the break room if anyone wants it. @davegorum (dave.exe) – 52

It's so cute how my wife assumes I packed pants. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 51

Wow. That guy really wanted Obama to start playing a classical Greek stringed instrument, not unlike a small harp. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 50

Profoundly funny tweet #3886904691 (?) @nonsequiturific (Unavailable) – 49

You know you ate too many Krispy Kreme donuts when you wake up knowing how to fly WWI biplanes. And speak Dutch. And you're in Malta. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 49

Profoundly funny tweet #3876278862 (?) @luckyshirt (Unavailable) – 47

A note on Huppke’s article…

In every noteworthy instance of support I’ve witnessed, the community got the ball rolling. Most times, those in need never even considered there was a ball in the first place.

I have, however, seen many people try to roll the ball their own way. I’m not saying those that did so acted without merit, but I will always approach their hill with small, cautious steps.

To those that continue to act on behalf of others, thank you. Your actions continue to amaze.

I have avoided doing this blog for some time because of the obvious butt hurt that it causes some people, but I came to the conclusion that if you are the kind to get personally offended if I leave you out of some specific praise... then you probably answered why you aren't on this list initially. Trust me, this is the first of many... 

openareas: during the 2008 campaign season, I created a blog on Myspace (Google it, you may vaguely remember it.) and after Obama won, I essentially closed it, retired myself from political blogging due to the unnecessary stress and outrage it caused. But in it's place was nothing.        I felt creatively vacant and stuck to Twitter to make my dumb jokes. I followed Michelle, because, face it, she's flat out hilarious, then discovered she had a blog on Tumblr.       I saw from there the incredible amount of material and talent she has, from fantastic pictures on her Flickr, commentary on hot button issues in the news, and stories peppered perfectly with humor, tragedy and, most importantly, passion. She inspired me to write more and to try a little of everything. I've never been more grateful.

Cloudya: Also discovered through Twitter, Claudia has, and still, consistently inspires me in the way she writes. For someone so quiet and vulnerable in person, she is the very defintion of bold. 

      She will remind you in one post, reblog or quote that just when you think you have someone figured out, you don't really know her at all. It was her blog that allowed me to post the personal thoughts, fears, desires, everything outside of goofy jokes and pictures, on my own page.      She showed me that it wasn't just about validation or empty praise from faceless "friends." It was therapy and confidence through self expression and good goddamn it was crucial for me to become the kind of blogger I am today. 

Rexhuppke: A columnist for The Chicago Tribune who actually takes the time to interact with goofballs like myself, Rex not only looks fantastic in a puffy vest, he is a consistent reminder that you should never give up, even when the status quo seems to be an uncrackable egg of pessimism and conformity.      He destroys it on Twitter with offhand commentary on politics and he can devastate you and remind you why you should care with his fantastic stories at the Tribune. Miraculously, he knows how to insert the right amount of humor and self deprecation to where you can relate to him. That's a near impossible feat when you're in the media, especially in 2012. I recommend this piece to give you an idea where I'm coming from.

Now, by no means are these the only three people in my world who have affected me on this level. I'm sure I will toss more people out here and there, but I wanted to highlight these three in case you don't already follow them on both Twitter and/or Tumblr.

Let me know who influences you?

Rex covers some recent developments in pushing for more paid sick time, as a health measure to keep germs from spreading. Sounds nice, in theory. 

Of course in practice bosses like mine will spread rumors if you start to miss time-- he'll say you're not committed to the job, etc. All part of setting you up so he can blame you the next time he screws up. Though if you do come in coughing and hacking, he'll insist you go home, and how could you be so inconsiderate to come in like this, heaven forfend, and he would never ask you to do so!

Besides, as I've said before, 

Rex Huppke, workplace columnist, takes on meetings:

meetings gobble up time like ravenous tapeworms and often seem as productive as standing in soup [read the rest]