#ocdwarrior

the fact that it has become a buzzword/term on the internet for things that r perceived as "cool" or "fun" by those who do not suffer with ocd or other things that cause intrusive thoughts while simultaneously being demonized by these same ppl when a person w a mental illness talks abt what they actually are is so wild to me.

Do you ever feel like your brain will literally make up excuses to be anxious?, like looks for reasons, and if it can't find it, it will make up one

I recently bought my first house. My sister and her boyfriend deep cleaned the house for me and found some mouse poop under the refrigerator which is totally freaked me out.

I went back to the house to reclean the kitchen because I was already obsessing that my sister and her boyfriend didn’t do it “right.” I opened the oven warming drawer and it was absolutely filled with mouse poop. I'm talking hundreds. My sister and her boyfriend had forgotten to clean that part. It took me over an hour to get that drawer clean. My paper towels were coming back completely dark brown and soaked in poop. The drawer is low and long and it was dark so I couldn't reach back or see very well. It was terrifying. I had to keep reaching my hand back where I couldn't see and feeling piles of feces. Then I moved the stove and cleaned the floor under it. There was lots of mouse poop too. I had to crouch back in that disgusting space and it was dark and horrible. There is still mouse poop back there that I couldn't get but I did the best I could. I was there for hours and finally had to call it quits. I was crying and felt sick to my stomach. I have an entire kitchen trash bag filled to the brim with poop-soaked Clorox wipes and paper towels. I probably removed close to 1000 droppings. I am so distrurbee and I don’t know how I’m ever going to feel comfortable in my new kitchen. I already have some issues with properly hydrating/feeding myself. Now this is going to be another huge barrier to taking care of myself because the kitchen is so scary to me.