#realeventocd

Day 2 of blogging and it’s almost 3am here, like most nights I cannot sleep. Since finishing my exam it’s like my brain is desperately trying to grasp onto something whether that’s actual work in some form or gaming for a false sense of achievement. I achieve plenty throughout the day, I know this deep down, but there's always this thing in my head wanting more that keeps telling me “Just do more one thing and you’ll be good enough”. I’m trying hard to resist the urge to give in, I know it is lying. My husband thinks I should get sleeping pills but I can’t bring myself to take them because I’m so worried I will fall into a deep sleep or won’t wake up in the morning and then something terrible will happen while I’m sleeping. So right now my OCD is all like:

As I mentioned in my last post, things have been better thanks to regular exercise and also making an effort to eat healthily. Unfortunately, healthy sleep habits haven’t found me yet. A couple of months ago, I realised my OCD also has a moral aspect to it that seems to work together with real event OCD to make my life hell at times.

I really struggle to sleep. I stay up for hours and hours assessing everything I’ve done to figure out if I’m a bad person, if the mistakes I’ve made are going to come back to bite me or if I’ve caused someone harm that I’m unaware of. I’ve frequently confessed these mistakes to my husband, but I try to hold back because it seems to make him sad that I unnecessarily punish myself.

I’m starting to recognise the intrusive thoughts causing this problem and deal with them in the right way. It’s just so hard to stop because when the thoughts hit, I really feel like I deserve the punishment I inflict on myself.

Hoping you all can get the restful night you deserve. I’m going to try and get a couple hours too.

I haven't posted in a long time, but I have been lurking and liking motivational posts almost daily. Sometimes Tumblr is all that gets me through the day! 

So since my last post, I have taken a lot more control over the boundaries my mum and grandparents are intent on crossing, and it's slowly and surely paying off. A lot of it has to do with my self-assurance, which has been greatly helped with regular exercise. I know everyone says it, but I honestly cannot stress enough how important exercise is to mental health. There is an unbelievable difference, and I was very skeptical about how much it would actually improve things. It's not a magic, instant fix, and I still do struggle with my OCD, but I do feel more in control of intrusive thoughts, and more positive about handling them.

My family visit is finally over and I am so so tired, but also relieved. They are coming back in October, but I managed to set firm boundaries and my gran will be staying with my Mum.

The boundary setting was hard, but I did it for the first time ever!

Here's to putting yourself first for once! And my husband and kids too in my case.