âhold this for meâ college student!johnny said while taking out his library card from his leather-like purse. yakult green tea, you chuckle remembering this familiar scene that rolled almost two years ago, this exact same silly way.
he probably doesnât remember you, you think to yourself. he definitely doesnât, you confirm your inner monologue when he took the liquid back, whsipering a quick "thank you" and made his way upstairs. well, just like that, your stupid tiny college savior escaped, not remebering the big of an impact he still has on your life.Â
walking to the west-wing over the campus, you stumble past your friend, chaewon, clamoring about the amount of stress her professor is causing her. to be frank, what is she expecting? she is studying dentistry after all. âwhatâs wrong? you seem reflectiveâ she asks with a smaller delicate voice. you stop for a second, staring to the side, not a single muscle moving, like an insignificant deer who is about to get run over by a car under the starry night. âremember the incidentâŚâ you pause, âin 2020..?â you ask unsurely. her eyes widen. of course she does. it may not be spoken about by any of your companions anymore, but they remember. they still recall stopping you from committing that deadly move on the rooftop of the library. 40.5 ft, 12.3m in other words. but they actually didnât have go that far. you were still holding this specific strangerâs beverage two years ago. poor guy, asked a friendly-looking fellow to hold his drink for merely a second and then they walk away without returning it. your friend of five years doesnât dare to speak further. you doubt she will. âi met the guy who talked to me approximately five minutes before almost gliding through heavens gates earlier.â you laugh abashed. she shots her gaze at you, a million question marks on her features. âi donât think he remembers thoughâ you continue. âironically, he asked me to hold his bubble tea again. same order evenâ you chuckle.
and thatâs when you realized, that someone too, was standing there up high, on the edges of that construction behind you. maybe you shouldâve ran away with his cup again, perhaps heâd be looking for it instead of swaying to losing.
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When hendery first met you his first impression of you was sunshine. To him you seemed like a bright day so happy and cheerful. And you knew from day one that you loved him.
But first impressions are usually wrong and so was his. He thought that your relationship would just be late night cuddles on a couch infront of a running television while the two of you drowned into your own world but instead it was sitting on the couch holding blood covered hands with your latest victim right infront of his eyes.
You were dangerous and impulsive and killed without mercy but he couldn't find himself running away no matter how many times his brain said it was wrong. Instead he helped, was present for every murder. It was his job to make sure it never led back to the two of you. And he promised to stay by your side and you promised to stay by his.
A sense of pride washed over him when he saw you father's body fall to the floor, the person who abused you all you life and made it hell. As the body came crashing down and he saw your crouching figure behind him looking at the body wide eyed and then you looked up at him and met his eyes, your eyes were sparkling and a wicked smile made its way to your face. You were free. Free from the past that was your father and Hendery couldn't help but feel happy for you.
Maybe he was alittle too happy celebrating with you.
The killing continued, anyone who spoke against him or against you was dead the next moment. The two of you basked in red glory. The promises to stick together always still floating around the room. Life was bliss.
Untill it wasn't. Hendery felt betrayed when he got caught and you were no where to be found. He waited for you to show up, to break him out. But you never did. He saw you watch as he was taken to trial, how the families of the victims cried and lashed out at him. He saw you watch as he rotted away in his cell. The only person who visited him being your mother. Where did the promise of yours go? Didnt you tell him your love was undying and that you would always be by his side. Where were you and why were you letting him die alone.
He laughed maniacally the night or day he couldn't tell by the dark cell with no windows, he found out that was it for him. His death wasn't grand, just being electrocuted on a chair. With you out of his reach.
On the day of his funeral, it was just your mother there. She cried a few silent tears but smiled. His grave was just where he would want it, next to yours.
He loved you with all his heart and you him. You always stood by him even when you knew his killer tendencies. She remembered crying and warning you not to stick by him when she found out but you wouldn't listen. And over time she too saw he protected you, how he worshiped you and that's when she came to peace with it knowing the two of you had a love that wasn't meant for her to understand.
He was a brutal killer but he never killed without reason, or atleast unprovoked. Somehow the thought of him being a murderer didn't scare you off that much, not when you felt safest in his arms, the same arms that would kill someone in a heartbeat. So you never expected to become victim of it. He was angry, his jealousy spiralling and didn't realise how strong he was and how much shoving you would damage you but by the time he realised it was too late and you were gone. The only person he loved more than himself gone. And the pain and denial didn't help his...tendencies.
But it didn't matter in the end as you stood hand in hand behind your weeping mother with him.
Because your love was strong and in the end it was always supposed to be the two of you.
xiaojun pulled himself up from the countertop, eyes half open and head spinning. the boys decided to have a few people over for drinks and, before they knew it, over forty people were crammed into their dorm. music was blaring and xiaojun knew theyâd get a noise complaint sometime soon, but he couldnât find the energy to care.
instead, he stood up and stumbled over to the refrigerator to grab another beer. his line of vision was fuzzy. just as he cracked open the top, sicheng stepped in and snatched it from his hand. the two stared at each other for a while before xiaojun groaned.
âyouâre already wasted.â his friend reminded him. âthis isnât going to help.â
jun could feel the drunk anger in him rising and decided to walk off before he did something heâd regret. he pushed his way through the crowd and fell onto the couch where kun and the âfriend who just happened to be a girlâ were sitting.
kun laughed, arm lazily across her shoulders, and nudged jun with his foot, âyou okay over there, bud?â
dejun lifted his eyelids for a split second then closed them again, raising a middle finger to show his love. kun just laughed again and went back to talking with his girl. xiaojun laid there for what felt like forever until his phone began to buzz. he reached deep into his jean pocket and braced his eyes for the brightness. however, that was the least of his worries once he saw the caller ID.
the picture from your guysâ first date took over his vision and sighed heavily. once again, he pulled himself up from the surface he was resting on and headed for the front door, sliding his thumb across the bottom of the screen and holding it to his ear.
âgive me a sec.â he mumbled and made the last few steps to get outside. âhello?â
your voice made him shiver, âxiaojun? are you there?â
âwhat do you need, y/n?â
âiâm.. iâm drunk right now.. and i just.. just wanted to talk to you.â
he could tell by how slowly you spoke that you were also beyond wasted. he rubbed one of his temples then raked his fingers through his hair. this was becoming a common occurrence: you calling even though heâd asked you multiple times to stop. it was only making things harder for the both of you.
xiaojun leaned back against the wall, ây/n, i told you-â
â-stop calling me by my first name.â you interrupted, nearly in tears. âit makes me feel like an idiot.â
âi told you that this needs to quit. we broke up almost three months ago. my mind hasnât changed.â
in a way, he wasnât lying. xiaojun broke things off back in november. things werenât the same and feelings had begun to fade. he took control and made the decision that he assumed would be best, but he soon realized he was wrong. everyday, he woke up missing you. everyday, he pushed through just so he could make it to the weekend and drink his emotions away.
moving on wasnât as simple as people made it seem, especially not when the two of you were still in love. yet, jun pushed you away, hardly answered your pleads for a conversation, then cursed himself when he ended up in bed alone. he missed you, that was true, but it was no longer worth the mental stress it caused him.
you sniffled, âi wish.. that we had tried.. just a little bit harder.â
âwhat do you mean?â
you sat straight, sobering up a little at the fact that he hadnât hung up already, âyou want to move on but you canât and neither can i.. itâs obvious we still want each other but youâve convinced yourself that youâre better off without me.. and youâre trying to distract yourself but itâs not working, is it?â
xiaojun paced the floor as he listened to you speak. he shook his head vigorously, tears streaming down his cheeks as reality set in. you always knew exactly how he felt and he hated that. he wanted you out of his life so he could stop pretending to be okay.
he just wanted to be okay on his own.
ây/n, i want you to listen to me and listen very carefully.â his tone was stern. âstop calling me.â
âbut-â
â-i mean it. iâm not picking up anymore.â
and with that, he hung up the phone and fell to his knees. it was never easy walking away from the one thing you cherished to deeply, but it also was never easy to constantly be reminded of such actions. if he was really going to move on with his life, he needed your laugh to stop ringing in his ears. he needed your touch to stop haunting him. he needed you gone.
the phone screen lit up again:
12:45
[y/n] : i know you hate me and thatâs understandable. just know that iâll always love you, xiaojun.
he pressed the power button and threw it on the floor. a few minutes later, ten came barreling out the door with a determined look that softened when he saw his roommate in shambles. without another word, ten sat down and laid his head on junâs shoulder. xiaojun sighed loudly and stared at the wall ahead.
âlifeâs not always this shitty, i promise you.â ten comforted with a bear hug, obviously tipsy but not enough to spit nonsense. âsometimes you need these moments to discover who you truly are and what you truly want.â
xiaojun cried again, body shaking with his sobs, âwhy do i still want her?â
ten pulled away and held his best friends face in his hands, wiping the tears with his thumbs, âbecause sheâs all youâve ever known. itâs totally normal to want the thing you let go of, but there are some people you just have to love from a distance, junnie.â
âi know.â was all he whispered before resting his head on tenâs chest, allowing his eyes to finally close and fall asleep in the middle of the hallway.
a/n: hi lovelies, i have a love-hate relationship with this one, so maybe if you can show some support?? i would deeply appreciate if you reblog! anyways enjoy :] + this fic is inspired by taylor swiftâs red!
touching him was like, realising all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
â taeyongâs touch was all you wanted, his warmth flowing through your body. everytime you were stressed from things happening around you, you can always count on him to cheer you up. just being in his arms gave you a type of feeling that even a thousand words fail to explain. lee taeyong, to you, is the human embodiment of comfort.
memorizing him was as, easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song
â taeyongâs words linger in your mind every second. the way his voice sounded hoarse everytime he greets you good morning. sometimes you never want to leave the bed, you only want to sleep in by his side. the way he never forgets to leave cute messages for you on sticky notes before leaving for work, youâve collected them all in a special box. drive safe! see you tonight! those are what you view as sentimental pieces.
fighting with him was like, trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer
â those little arguments with taeyong are always about small things. he would never raise his voice at you, he can control his composure well. the both of you would then realise your own mistakes and come back into each otherâs arms. your parents say that arguments make your relationship stronger so you would never worry over those little things.
regretting him was like, wishing you never found out that love could be that strong
â the night when he told you he wanted to break up. your eyes were glossy, filled with tears and shone by the moonlight. with a heart filled with ache, you half-heartedly accepted the harsh reality. he was heartbroken too seeing you in the state of sorrow. he hugged you one last time before turning his back on you, leaving you all alone with despair. what a shame when you thought that this relationship would last longer than your previous ones. you really thought heâs the one.
losing him was blue like iâd never known, missing him was dark grey, all alone, forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
â as you scrolled through your photos, just now you realised the massive amount of his pictures on your phone. the ones that you took without him knowing, your selfies with him, the mini vlogs you did. as the memories flooded into your mind, you canât help but let the tears flow down your cheek.
everytime you wake up, you were used to having him by your side. his spot on the bed now being empty, the space you never wanted. he would always play around with you in the kitchen while preparing breakfast. your apartment now being vacant, you tried going out with your friends to help ease your mind. however, the sadness creeps back once youâre all alone. who wouldâve thought it would be this hard to move on?
but loving him was red
â no matter what happened, you would never hate him. after all, he was the man who made you feel like the happiest girl in the world. those late night runs with him, the fancy date nights where you dress all pretty, even the small things like cuddling in your bed at night. loving him made your heart burning red, you cherished every moment with him. now, youâre living your best life with your new partner. but you would never forget that taeyong was once a part of your life.
summary: after ignoring the warnings, you pay the price. and the heartache
genre: idol au, sad angst
warnings: unedited
word count: 1.1k
at first you had ignored all the warnings. everyone who knew about your relationship with jaemin told you to be careful, the ruthlessness of the industry breaking so many other idols to pieces. you had ignored all the concerned words and the practical advice from people who were more experienced than you, in dating and in the music industry. you thought you were different, special even. that your love for each other would overcome any of the hardships. the only thing you were was naive.
the relationship had been sweet to start off with, sending each other good morning texts and updates throughout the day. a few features on tv shows and magazines enabled you two to see each other throughout both of your groups' promotions. you took time off for each other, you made an effort to ensure the other never felt left out or forgotten. all good things must come to an end however, and with the success of your solo debut your time steadily slipped through your fingers. you found yourself in the practice rooms until the sun began to rise, balancing your solo routines with your group routines, or in the recording studio, writing and editing songs. being an idol was something you had dreamed about since you first learned to sing and although you loved jaemin so much it hurt sometimes, you had to put your job first. your dream.
initially, he tried to not let the missed calls and the unanswered text messages get to him, understanding you were busier than ever. eventually, however, his heart froze over with every time his calls were declined, or your managed answered instead of you, explaining you were busy with a photoshoot or an interview. as time drove on and nct dream's comeback date approaching, jaemin found himself in the same position as you, letting your calls ring to voicemail, answering your messages two or three days later. there was an unspoken agreement that it simply wasn't working and with shaky hands, you typed out the text you never wanted to.
y/n: heyyyy, can we talk sometime? in person if that's okay xx
jaeminnie <3: yeah sure, when are you free? x
nearly a week later, you found yourself pushing open the door to a practice room in the SM building, tears already gathered in your eyes. it had been nearly three months since you had seen jaemin in person and he looked so different yet so familiar. his hair was bleached now, little tufts of dark blue framing his face. it suited him, even with the sad frown on his face. the nervous apprehension stopped you from meeting him where he stood in the middle of the practice room, but you couldn't stop yourself from falling into his arms when he stretched them out for you.
warms lips pressed against your forehead, your eyes meeting equally teary ones. jaemin stroked the hair out of your face, gaze darting around your face as if trying to memorise every detail. "i can't do this anymore," the words came out shaky and you took a deep breath to level your heartrate.
"i know, baby."
"i love you so much, though," your eyes searched his for any trace of hope, finding nothing but sombreness. it was for the best, you knew, but it didn't stop your heart from shattering when a few tears escaped his eyes, your thumbs coming up to wipe them away.
"i love you even more, sweetheart," he murmured the words like a promise, their warmth fizzling out in anticipation of what was to come. "maybe we should try again sometime, when we both have time for this."
"maybe," your voice was nothing but a whisper, scared that if you spoke any louder it would break. locking eyes, you pressed one last kiss to his lips, savouring the feeling of being in his arms. "in any other lifetime jaemin you would be perfect, na jaemin."
"in another lifetime, baby."
it took you the better half of a year to get over jaemin, at least enough that you didn't feel your lungs nearly collapse when you saw photos of him. whenever you sat alone in bed at night, you could feel the ghost of his arms around you, the lingering warmth of his lips on yours. the media had noticed the change in both of you, your fans making theories that crushed you each and every time you read them. even the other dream members had reached out to you, updating you on jaemin, soothing your worries about him taking care of himself. you wondered sometimes if your members did that for him as well. he had always worried about you.
after you had broken up, you found yourself staying late every night in the recording studio, writing lyrics as way to express your despair. the album had done amazingly, gaining you popularity not only domestically but internationally. it seemed like a sick joke to you, the one thing you always thought would make you happy did nothing but remind you how lonely you were. if this was your dream, why did you feel so empty?
for the first time since your breakup, you saw jaemin in the flesh. he stood with the other nct dream members, his chatter stopping the moment he laid eyes on you. across the tables of the award show you worried he could hear your heart shatter yet another time for him. you pinched yourself, trying to shield your emotions to keep the camera away from you. he offered you a tentative smile which you ignored, eyes darting back to the stage to watch the performance going on. nearly of year of recovering your broken heart only to be retracted the second your eyes met. pathetic, you thought.
a fake smile was plastered to your face as you saw the camera men zoom in on you and your group, ensuring to capture you waving at them. the smile stayed in position as you heard the announcers call out your group's name for the prize. but as you stood on the stage in front of the thousands, millions of people watching, the only thing you could think about was if jaemin missed you as much as you missed him. as much you yearned for him every moment of everyday, as if you needed him to breath.
the answer was yes, but you would never know that; and as you walked back to your seats with your members, you had to stop yourself from running up to him. if it didn't work out the first time, you realised it probably wouldn't anytime soon. in another lifetime, you remembered. if only you could change that now.
a/n: iâve written so much fluff recently i needed to write something sad :(
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A/N - I am soo sorry for not getting this out soon enough, I have been super busy but now we are all isolated.....
Side Notes - tried to get it out as quickly as i could do it isnât proofread......again
Genre - non idol!au, high school!au, fluff, NCT Dream x reader
Word Count - 989
Warnings - none
You wake from the movement of the boy beside you. You glance at his face, noticing that he was still asleep, and you remove yourself from the bed to make breakfast. Standing in the kitchen, you decide to cook eggs for yourself and for the boy who laid in your bed. You take out the eggs from the fridge and get started. As you finish the last egg, Jaemin wanders out from your room to the kitchen, smelling the breakfast you had whipped up. He sat at the island bench and watched you prance around the kitchen, collecting different side foods that he may want. He watched with warm eyes, focusing on your beauty and movement. You look at him and notice his gaze, a blush forming on your cheeks when he catches you. He gives you his famous smile as you place everything in front of him. âHere,â you insist as you push a plate towards him. He grabs an egg and starts feasting, groaning, and complimenting your cooking.
Hours later, he heads off with a hug and a small peck on your cheek, leaving you with a crimson face. You thought you were going to be alone and free for the rest of the day until your phone began to ring, notifying you that Jisung was ringing you. You answer the call and place the phone to your ear, hearing a sniffle from the receiver. You furrowed your eyebrows in concern, âJisung?â âY/N, can I meet you somewhere?â His sobs silenced when he spoke, sniffles echoing after every second word. You quickly run around the house, collecting your things, answering with âYes, sure, where are you?â He tells you that he is at his house, asking you if itâs okay if you could come over. You start your walk to his house, slowly turning into a jog as his sobs become louder and more frequent. You turn down the path to his house and run up the steps, knocking on his door. It swings open and Jisung stands there, tears falling down his face. You immediately grab his hand and pull him to the couch that sits on the other side of the room. As soon as you sit down, his face is buried into your neck and his arms wrap around your waist. His little sobs are heard from your shirt as your place your hand on his head and slowly run your fingers through his hair and down the nape of his neck.
After what felt like forever, he lifts his head out of your neck and lays it on your shoulder. You look down at him and give him a small smile, whipping his tears away with your smaller fingers. âAre you feeling better now?â you whisper, continuing to wrap small strands of hair around your fingertips. He nods his head and sits up, pulling you close to him. âI just want to sit with someone right now.â You nod your head and lay it on his shoulder, the exhaustion hitting you. You feel Jisungâs hand brush against yours and you looking down, admiring how his hand was touching yours lightly. You glance at him and meet his gaze, his coppery brown eyes meet your soft, loving ones. You lift your hand off your leg and place it on his, prying his hand open so you can lace your fingers together. Your eyes closed and your breathing began to steady.
You wake up with your head on a pillow. Or what you thought was a pillow until said pillow starting moving. You realise you fell asleep on Jisungâs shoulder and you were both laying on the couch. Jisungâs arms were around your waist, and yours were around his, and your head was nestled on his chest, allowing you to hear his heartbeat. You look up and notice Jisungâs eyes already looking at yours. âOh, youâre awake,â He smiles, a faint blush forming on his cheeks. You sit up, struggling because of the grip Jisung had on you, and look down onto him. His eyes were glossed over and his lips were pulled into a small smile, his cheeks a lovely shade of pink. âHow are you feeling?â Your hand raises up to his face, brushing away the loose strands of hair. He nods his head, too shy to speak, and glances at you finally. You smile and slowly pry your hands away from your waist.
âWant to do something?â Jisung shrugs his shoulder at your question, âI donât mind doing whatever.â You sit there, contemplating for a while before an idea pops into your head. âHow about a movie, here, at your place?â You ask him and he nods his head, standing up suddenly. âSure, but we have to go to my room, my mum will be home soon and I donât want her to bother you,â He takes your hand and leads you to his room before continuing, âIâll just text her not to come into my room when she gets home because I have a friend over.â You nod your head, standing up âLead the way?â He smiles with a nod and leads you to his bedroom.
To look at his bedroom, you would think it was a typical teenage boysâ bedroom or that a tornado had come into the room. Clothes were on the floor, bottles and cans were placed messily on the desk, his computer was left on but you didnât expect the bed to be made. He sits on the bed, grabbing the remote âWhat do you want to watch?â He asks, patting the spot beside him. You shrug your shoulders as you sit down next to him âI donât mind, as long as it isnât horrorâŚâ He chuckles and puts on a movie, moving the pillows to sit more comfortably. You sit back, shoulders brushing as you bring your knees to your chest, beginning the movie.
You both slowly walked to the edge of the shoreline, fingers laced together. His hushed voice softly singing âbeautiful strangerâ by TVXQ. You closed your eyes leaning your head on his shoulder.
âI love you taeil, please donât leave me againâyou whispered out, softly whimpering at the wind that suddenly picked up. His singing slowly stopped at he stared down at you, a smile forming on his lips. Before it slightly fell. He had to leave.
âIâm sorry itâs my time to go now y/n, I love you very muchâ his voice broke, his fingers giving your hand a tight squeeze.
âN-o please you canât, please I canât do this without youâ your voice wavering as tears started to pour down your reddened cheeks.
Then you wake up, your body covered in sweat and tears pouring down your face.
Itâs always the exact same dream, same words. The same place were he drowned, where his car dove straight into the sea on that dark, stormy night 3 years ago.The place where you lost your husband.
You turn your head to look at the picture on your cabinet,your wedding photo.both of you smiling, everything so perfect. his wedding ring next to it in the black little box.
