virgin's debut
A friendship canโt be ruined by having sexโฆ can it?
โนโโ pairing: best friend!haechan x fem!reader x love interest!jaehyun (slight)
โนโโ warnings: angst, fluff, smut, best friends to lovers trope, protected sex, unprotected sex (use protection pls), fingering, making out, nudes, slowburn, suggestive redaction, mild cursing, reader is a virgin lol, haechan isn't, English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance.
โนโโwc: 18,3K
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Two weeks later
haechan sighed again, his chest heavy as he collapsed onto the couch. With both hands, he covered his face, fingers digging into his skin, trying to block out the past two weeks.
hyuck didnโt understand why there was this twisted mess of emotions swirling in his stomach, why his thoughts were so scattered, a jumble of "what ifs" and "should I's".
it had been two weeks since you made that insane proposition to him. haechan hadnโt talked much since then, just the occasional texts letting each other know when theyโd left or entered the building they both lived in. the topic hadnโt come up, and you hadnโt pressured him either. but, god, it haunted him.
it was unthinkable. his values just wouldnโt allow it. sleeping with his best friend? never crossed his mind. but youโyou werenโt just anyone. youโd been inseparable since high school. your sense of humor matched perfectly, and everyone knew the two of you were a damn force together. their friends noticed the bond, the way they both seemed to fit like puzzle pieces, always there for each other, even when they fought. like siblings, but with none of the blood ties.
that word, "siblings"โit made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. It was strange that others saw them two like that. but they were okay with it. there were boundaries in their relationship, and crossing them was unforgivable.
of course, you were angelic. your bubbly personality and constant jokes made you irresistible. physically, you were gorgeous, though you were a bit shorter than himโway too short, maybe. you had black hair and an odd but cute bangs just above your eyebrows, something he liked to tease you about.
and yeah, youโd catch anyoneโs eye. he wasnโt gonna lieโheโd had a crush on you when he first met you in high school. but over time, that romantic attraction faded as your friendship grew stronger.
maybe it was also the way you were so open with your thoughtsโno filter, no shameโthat when you asked him about sleeping together, it sounded completely natural to you. to him, though? It was a punch to the gut, a cold shower, a slap to the face. he was spinning, disoriented, trapped in what felt like a twisted fantasyโor maybe a nightmare.
for him, sex wasnโt a taboo subject. heโd lost his virginity at 17 to one of his many girlfriends, and talking about it was casual. hell, haechan didnโt even hold back when discussing the details of his past experiences with you. heโd even described how heโd "done it" in vivid detailโlike it was nothing.
but you? you were different. you had dated three guys since high school, but none of those relationships lasted more than two months. so, you didnโt exactly know what it was like to be in a serious, long-term relationship. snd sex? It didnโt seem like a necessity in your lifeโat least not until now.
โI mean, when youโre dating someone romantically and nothing happens, iโd call that a win,โ you said, casually munching on a slice of lemon tart.
haechan furrowed his brows, taking a sip of his coffee. โexplain that.โ
โitโs simple,โ you shrugged. โbecause if they havenโt seen you naked, you can run into them on the street and not have to worry about that bastard seeing your ass.โ
heck couldnโt help but laugh at your reasoning. โright, totally.โ
you both chuckled, agreeing on that one. but he also knew, deep down, it wasnโt that simple for him. not anymore. he couldnโt ignore what was bubbling beneath the surface.
haechan felt a buzz in his pocket. his phone. the first class of the day was about to start, and he had to rush if he didnโt want to be late. he lived close to campus, just a five-minute walk, but the class was on the other side of the building.
but this situation? it was messing with his head so much that he couldnโt fall asleep until 3 AM these past two weeks. he grabbed his backpack and keys, about to head out when his phone buzzed again.
it was you. a message: โiโm heading to class, just leaving my apartment.โ
haechan froze. he hadnโt expected you to text him now. his hand gripped the doorknob, but he didnโt open it. the thought of seeing you right now made his heart race. he wasnโt ready. not yet. he couldnโt just pretend like everything was fine.
"shit... y/n, what were you thinking?"
he sighed deeply. what was this? haechan could hear his own voice in his head, his thoughts like an endless storm. he couldnโt stop thinking about youโabout what you had said, and about everything that had changed in such a short time. his stomach twisted. what would happen if he saw you now? could he face you? could he even be the same around you after what you had suggested?
he shook his head, hoping to clear his thoughts. He didnโt have the answers, but he knew one thing: this wasnโt going to be easy.
haechan let out a deep sigh, adjusting his scarf around his neck before stepping out of his apartment. he tried to calm himself, convincing himself that he could handle whatever came next. as if nothing had happened. as if he could just brush it off and pretend it hadnโt been weighing on him for the past two weeks.
but every time he thought about it, it made his chest tighten. that proposal of yours. the way you had looked at him, so casually, as if it were no big deal. he couldnโt get it out of his mind. he had always been the life of the party, the one to make jokes and laugh things off. but thisโthis was different. it gnawed at him like an insistent itch he couldnโt scratch, a question with no answer.
he made his way to campus, each step seeming faster than the last, but his thoughts were tangled in a mess of confusion and frustration. you hadnโt seemed bothered. if anything, you had acted like it was just another conversation. you hadnโt even tried to talk to him about it again, hadnโt pressured him. but that only made it worse. the silence between you both was deafening. you had sent that message, but it wasnโt the same. it was as if you had moved on without even thinking about it, while he was still stuck in the same place, drowning in his thoughts.
it was absurd. he was known for being the carefree one, the one who didnโt let anything get to him. but now? now he was a mess. the more he tried to convince himself that it was no big deal, the harder it was to believe it. you had said it so easily, like it was a joke, and yet it had shattered something inside him. the truth was, he didnโt know how to look at you anymore. he didnโt know how to face you after that. how could he? after everything?
haechan shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. his footsteps carried him toward the building, and the closer he got, the more his anxiety grew. he couldnโt avoid it forever. heโd have to see you eventually. the communication department wasnโt that big, and it seemed like the entire campus would lead him straight to you.
as he reached the entrance of the building, his alert system kicked in. you were probably inside already. and damn it, the thought of running into youโnow, after everythingโfelt like a punch in the gut. you hadnโt even mentioned it again, hadnโt tried to force a conversation. yet he could feel it. the tension. the distance. how had it gotten to this? why did he feel soโฆ disconnected?
he stopped for a second, hand resting against the doorframe, trying to breathe. but it was like everything had changed. nothing was simple anymore. he had been your best friend for so long, but now? now it felt like he was walking on eggshells, unsure of what would break first.
โhey.โ
a light punch to his back snapped him out of his daze, and the blood immediately drained from his face. that voiceโhe couldnโt mistake it, not even if a million voices tried to mimic it. His breath hitched, and he turned around so fast it almost hurt.
there you were. small, as always. a knitted beanie sitting snug over your head, thatโ ridiculousโfringe barely brushing the tops of your brows, framing your delicate face in a way that made his throat dry. a long grey coat hung from your shoulders, swallowing you slightly, and your black boots clicked softly against the floor. everything about you lookedโฆ normal. the way you looked at him, the way you smiled, even the casual punch to his back.
physical contact.
that word echoed in his head like a siren. he quickly shook the thought away, locking his focus on the paper Starbucks bag dangling from your left hand. maybe youโd stopped by the cafรฉ on the way. maybe you ordered delivery. maybe someone gave it to you. maybeโgod, he needed to stop. the hamster in his brain was doing flips, and he wanted to knock some sense into himself.
you held the bag out toward him.
haechan just stared at it for a second, until you raised your eyebrows, shook it again, and snapped, โare you gonna take it or what?! geez, i brought it for you and youโre just standing there looking at it like an idiot.โ
your expression twisted in mock annoyance, brows curved upwardโbut oddly, he felt the tightness in his chest ease a little.
reluctantly, haechan reached out and took the bag, brushing his fingers against yours for a second too long. he tried not to react, but his mind was a chaotic storm. He couldnโt help but look at youโreally look.
had you always looked like this? that coat hugged your waist just enough. the shape of your figure was something he never let himself notice before. and your chestโฆ jesus. it wasnโt like youโd suddenly changed, but it felt like someone had wiped the fog off his glasses. He was seeing you differently. entirely.
and that terrified him.
he lowered his eyes quickly, too aware of how warm his ears were getting.
โthanks,โ he mumbled, voice a little hoarse.
โno problem,โ you replied, glancing around casually. โi figured you might skip breakfast again, soโฆโ
you trailed off with a small shrug, stuffing your hands into your coat pockets. haechan tried to smile, but his stomach was tangled in impossible knots.
haechan took another deep breath as he tried to collect himself, shifting the weight of the Starbucks bag from one hand to the other. he looked at you, trying to ignore the pull in his chestโthe sudden awareness of every little detail about you. there was a tension he couldnโt shake off, something that sat heavy in his stomach.
you seemed to notice his distracted state and leaned against the wall, your usual easygoing posture, the same as always, except now, he couldnโt stop noticing how you looked in that oversized coat and those boots. he was spiraling again, caught in the thought of you.
โsoโฆโ you broke the silence, โiโve been kind of swamped lately. working on this branding project for a client. itโs been a pain, though. my computer decided to die on me right when I needed it most.โ
haechan raised an eyebrow, his mind snapping back to reality. โreally? you didnโt tell me about it. why didnโt you ask for help? I mean, i know a thing or two about fixing computers. I couldโve helped you.โ
you shrugged, a small, nonchalant smile playing at the corners of your lips. โnah, i called taeyong instead. heโs better with that stuff.โ
there was a sharp tug in haechanโs chest. he hadnโt expected that. the knot in his stomach tightened, a wave of discomfort washing over him. taeyong? really?
he tried to laugh it off, but there was something bitter in his tone as he asked, โtaeyong? why him? i thought you knew I was good with that kind of stuff.โ
โyeah, well,โ you quipped with a raised eyebrow, โtaeyong just happened to be the first one I thought of. besides, heโs pretty quick with tech stuff.โ
haechanโs smile was tight, and his stomach churned. he told himself it was nothing. he was being stupid. but why didnโt you askย him? he had always been there when your tech failed. it feltโฆ weird. almost like you didnโt need him anymore. but, of course, he didnโt voice any of that. instead, he played it off, trying to act casual.
โsure, sure,โ he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. he wasย soย not handling this well. the thought of you asking someone else for help left him unsettled, and he hated how much it bothered him. It was irrational, but he couldn't shake it.
you noticed the subtle shift in his demeanor, the way he pulled back just a little. your smile softened as you leaned forward slightly, breaking the silence again.
โhey,โ you said gently, โiโm sorry if it upset you. it wasnโt meant to make you feel left out, really.โ
haechan quickly looked up, trying to look unfazed. โnah, itโs fine. I mean, it's not like iโm the only one you can ask for help, right?โ he joked, but there was an edge to his voice that didnโt quite match the tone of his words.
you raised your eyebrows, a knowing look in your eyes. โyouโre acting like a total prude right now,โ you said, a smirk forming. โdidnโt you used to tell me all the crazy stuff you did with jang chanmi back in high school? and now the topic ofย helping a friend with a computerย is freaking you out?โ
haechan blinked, taken aback. the mention of chanmi, especially in the context of your teasing, was enough to snap him out of his spiraling thoughts. he groaned, running a hand through his hair, trying to laugh it off. โwell, that was different, okay? that was high school stuff.โ
you chuckled, leaning back against the wall, clearly amused by his discomfort. โoh, come on. donโt tell me youโre too shy to talk about tech problems now. you used to explain every position you tried with herโlike it was a lesson in geometry or something.โ
haechan let out an exasperated sigh, not sure whether to be embarrassed or grateful for the way you were managing to cut through the tension. he couldnโt stop the blush creeping up his neck, and he cursed under his breath. of all the people,ย youย had to be the one to make him feel like a damn fool.
โwell, that wasย different, okay? Itโs... itโs not like iโm comfortable talking about that stuff withย youย anymore, alright?โ he almost winced at his words. the last thing he wanted was to make it sound like he couldnโt be himself with you.
you tilted your head slightly, your tone playful but with a hint of mischief. โdonโt worry, though. I just asked taeyong to help with the computer. i didnโt make the same proposal to him that i made to you.โ
haechanโs eyes went wide. he froze, his face instantly flushing. did you really just say that? the sudden wave of heat rushing to his face felt like he was on fire. his brain scrambled for words, but all he could manage was a surprised, โwait, what?โ
you laughed softly, clearly enjoying the effect you had on him.
โyouโre scared iโm gonna bring it up, arenโt you?โ
โwhat? iโno, iโm fine,โ he said too quickly, almost defensively. โjust tired. you know, early class. cold outside. normal stuff.โ
you didnโt say anything right away. just looked at him with that calm gaze of yours, the one that could read people like open books.
that hit him harder than expected. he flinched. swallowed. you tilted your head slightly.
โitโs okay,โ you said, voice even. โif it made you uncomfortableโฆ we donโt have to talk about it. ever. iโm not gonna ambush you or corner you or expect anything.โ
haechan blinked. your tone was so mature, so measuredโlike youโd thought about this. like youย knewย what it had done to him.
โit was dumb of me,โ you continued with a small smile. โor maybe not dumb, justโฆ bold. and i get it, you didnโt sign up for that. so, if you want to forget it ever happened, consider it forgotten. clean slate.โ
he didnโt know what to say. a hundred emotions jostled in his chest, fighting for space. gratitude. relief. guilt. and something else entirelyโsomething heavier and harder to name.
because despite everything, despite the panic and confusion and awkward silences, you were still here. talking to him. offering him coffee. smiling at him like you always did.
but somethingย hadย changed. he saw it in the way he noticed your lips when they moved. in the way his eyes lingered a beat too long on the curve of your body. in the way his mind kept circling back to that question youโd asked two weeks ago.
and the worst part?
haechan didnโt know if he wanted to go back toย before.
before everything had shifted. before he started noticing all these things about youโthings he had never allowed himself to see. he wasnโt sure if it was fear of the unknown or something else entirely, but the thought of things returning to how they were feltโฆ difficult.
โanyway,โ you said, standing up from the railing and brushing your hands off as if to clear the air between you. "iโll see you later. donโt overthink it, alright?"
the casual way you said it made his chest tighten. he could feel that something was still unspoken, that there was more you werenโt saying, but he didnโt press. you were good at hiding what you truly felt, always had been.
haechan tried to push the conversation out of his mind as he entered his class on media studies. he sat down, pulling his notes in front of him and attempting to focus, but his thoughts were all over the place. his brain kept circling back to your wordsโhad you meant everything you said? Was it really that simple for you?
the ice-cold americano youโd brought him sat on the edge of his desk. Its perfect arrangement, just the way he always liked it, made his chest tighten for reasons he couldnโt explain. he watched as droplets of water gathered on the glass, slowly tracing their way down to pool at the bottom.
he was distracted. but even more than that, he was feeling something he couldnโt quite name. his gaze wandered over the cold surface, the way the water clung to the glassโhis mind drifting to you. to your smile. to the way your voice had lingered in his thoughts.
he imagined, for a moment, what it would be like if those droplets were slipping along your skin instead. He didnโt want to think about it, but his mind had other plans. every thought that surfaced seemed to lead back to youโthe curve of your lips, the way you had looked at him just before leaving.
his pulse quickened, a wave of heat rising to his face. he snapped back to reality, but the blush was already creeping up his neck. "what the hell am i doing?" he muttered under his breath, quickly looking down at his notes again, trying to focus. his mind refused to cooperate. why was he thinking about this now? why was his body reacting like this?
he could feel the tension rising, like a knot tightening in his stomach. he had never been this aware of you beforeโnot like this. and the worst part was, he didnโt know how to stop it.
you buried your face in your hands, heart racing, panic rising in your chest. what had you done?
the proposal you made to haechan wasnโt randomโnot by a long shot. It came from somewhere raw, impulsive, and aching. youโd convinced yourself he would say yes. no hesitation. no second thoughts. thatโs what your friends told you, right?
"guys are easy. especially when it comes to sex. theyโre always down," yeri had said with a laugh, trying to encourage you. โcome on, itโs haechan. he jokes about that stuff all the time.โ
and maybe that was the worst part. because you believed her. you judged your best friend through a lens of assumption, reducing him to some stereotype, thinking heโd just say yes because he was a guy. because he wasย him.
but he didnโt.
and now you knewโyou had judged him so, so wrong. haechan wasnโt like the guys in those stories your friends always told. he wasnโt thoughtless. he wasnโt careless. he was kind. and considerate. and the look on his face after your questionโฆ you could still see it. confused. hurt. maybe even disappointed. not because you asked, but because he didnโt know how to respond without breaking something between you.
the guilt clawed its way up your throat.
you hadnโt asked him just for the sake of it, either. it wasnโt some random experiment. it was desperation. because ever since last fall, ever sinceย heย came into the picture, something in you had changed.
jung jaehyun.
a senior in the visual arts department. tall, graceful, and unfairly good-lookingโlike heโd walked straight out of a perfume ad in a fashion magazine. chiseled jawline, smooth voice, perfect smile. the kind of man who turned heads in every hallway he walked through. girls whispered about him constantlyโrumors, fantasies, stories that may or may not have been true. he was confident, magnetic, dangerous in that way only people whoย knowย theyโre desired can be.
and of course, you werenโt immune.
you saw him at a few parties, caught glimpses of him sketching in the studio, his sleeves rolled up and headphones in, and felt a pull you didnโt fully understand. it wasnโt love. It wasnโt even a crush. it was curiosity. lust. a hunger you didnโt recognize as your own until it became too loud to ignore.
your friends told you to go for it. "just hook up with him," they said. "get it over with." but you couldnโt. you didnโt have the experience, the confidence, theโฆย proofย that you could be the kind of girl someone like jaehyun might want.
so you turned to the only person you trusted. the only one who made you feel safe, unjudged, seen.
haechan.
and now youโd hurt him.
you hadnโt just crossed a lineโyouโd shattered the trust heโd always given you so freely. all because you were afraid. because you wanted to prove something. because you thought heโd just say yes.
but he didnโt.
now you sat in the middle of yourย typography and compositionย class, surrounded by the soft clatter of keyboards and the low hum of your professorโs lecture, your laptop open in front of you and your adobe illustrator file untouched. letters floated on your screen in random positions, but your brain couldnโt form a single coherent thought. you werenโt even sure what the assignment was supposed to be.
your body was thereโbut your mind was somewhere else entirely. caught in the swirl of embarrassment, regret, and confusion. a storm of emotion you didnโt know how to calm. all you could think was:ย what have I done?
it had been a week sinceย thatย conversation. on the surface, everything seemed fineโlike a reset button had been pressed. you and haechan still exchanged jokes, shared snacks, and sat next to each other in class. but underneath the laughter and casual glances, there was a strange hollowness, like the two of you had become actors reciting old lines in a play that didnโt fit anymore. robotically pretending the elephant in the room didnโt exist, even though its shadow loomed over every interaction. after all, everything had already been said, hadnโt it?
still, something was off.
haechan hadnโt hooked up with anyone since then. it wasnโt for lack of tryingโheโd gone out, flirted, dancedโbut each time, his mind wandered back toย you. and it wasnโt just idle thoughts. no, it was worse.
every night that week, he'd woken up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, heart racing, and a painful hardness straining against his boxers. dreams of youโwearing almost nothing, bent in suggestive positions, whispering filthy things in his ear, inviting him to taste you, to touch youโplayed on a loop in his subconscious. but right when he was about to finally reach you, melt into you, heโd wake up frustrated and breathless. left with no choice but to slip his hand under the waistband and relieve the aching pressure. for serotonin. for oxytocin. for sanity.
now, it was saturday night and he was stuck at work.
the burger place was dead quiet. maybe it was the cold snap that had settled over the city, keeping everyone snuggled up in their homes instead of venturing out for greasy fast food. Haechan didnโt mind, really. he was sick of putting on his fake retail voiceโโwelcome! Fries with that?โโand dealing with people who didnโt sayย thank you. right now, he was working the closing shift, wearing the stiff black uniform cap and flipping patties that hissed on the flat top grill. the whole place smelled of grilled beef, fryer oil, and cheap pickles. his coworkers were goofing off while mopping the floor and stacking chairs, and haechan, while half-listening to their jokes, was just counting the minutes till he could clock out and go back to bed.
that was when his phone buzzed in his pocket.
unknown number.
haechan hesitated. he barely ever answered unknown numbers, but something in his gut told him to pick up.
โhello?โ
โHAECHAN!โ
a girlโs voice. loud, panicked. He blinked.
โโฆwho is this?โ
โitโs seojungโy/nโs friend. you probably donโt remember me. we met, like, once.โ
oh. right. you had sent him the numbers of your friends months ago, just in case. heโd never saved them.
โyeah, uhโwhatโs up?โ
โitโs y/n,โ she said quickly.
the emergency button in his brain went off.
โwhat happened? is she okay?! did something happen to her?โ
โwellโkind of?โ
apparently, youโd gone out for a girlsโ night. a little bar in the city downtown. everything was fine, until youโd gottenย verydrunk. so drunk, in fact, you couldnโt even hold your head up, slurring nonsense, sobbing into seojungโs shoulder.
haechan grabbed his jacket before she even finished explaining.
โshe kept sayingโฆ uh, really weird stuff,โ seojung added nervously. โlikeโplease donโt be mad, okay?โbut she was screaming in the middle of the street that she was gonna die a virgin becauseย her own best friend refused to help her.โ
haechan stopped dead in his tracks, blinking in disbelief. โshe saidย what?โ
โi know! i was like, girl, stop embarrassing yourself! but she kept going. she even tried to climb on a statue to do a dramatic monologue or something, it was chaos.โ
the line went quiet for a second.
โanyway,โ seojung continued, โwe canโt take her to the dormsโthey donโt let us bring people in after curfew, and sheโsย wayย too far gone to be alone. youโre the only person she might listen to. can you come get her?โ
โiโm on my way,โ haechan said without hesitation, already sprinting out the back door. he didnโt even clock out. his coworkers just watched in stunned silence as he bolted into the freezing night air, hoodie half-zipped, hair disheveled, heart pounding.
he didnโt know exactly what heโd find when he got there.
but part of him was already bracing for it.
despite the cold weather, you had decided to wear a short velvet dress, sheer black tights, and an oversized puffer jacket that looked hilariously disproportionate on youโbut also kind of cute. haechan blinked twice when he realized the jacket wasย his. the one heโd been looking for since last week. seeing you in it made his chest do something strange, tight and warm, like a coil winding in his ribs.
you looked disoriented, your makeup slightly smudged, your eyes glassy but still sparkly. your long legs peeked out from under the hem of the dress, knees wobbling as you leaned heavily on seojung for support. Behind her were yeri and jiminโboth trying to look casual but clearly avoiding haechanโs gaze.
โsorry for calling so suddenly,โ seojung said with an awkward smile, shifting nervously on her feet. โwe didnโt know who else to callโฆโ
โshe just kept saying your name,โ yeri added, crossing her arms.
โsheโs beenโฆ emotional,โ jimin muttered, eyes darting to the side. โalsoโsorry forโฆ earlier stuff.โ
the three girls looked anywhere but at haechan. there was something stiff in the air, a subtle frost behind their polite words. they knew what had happened. they knew heโd rejected you.
โthanks for looking after her,โ haechan said simply, ignoring the tension as he gently took your arm. you mumbled something about โfuck friendshipโ and โiโll die a virgin anyway,โ making all three girls wince in embarrassment.
after quick goodbyes, they left hurriedly. haechan helped you into a cab, the inside warm and dimly lit, smelling faintly of peppermint and old leather.
โaddress?โ the driver asked.
haechan rattled it off. the driver glanced in the rearview mirror and smiled.
โcute couple,โ he said.
โohโweโre notโโ haechan began, but the man cut him off.
โyoung love. must be nice,โ he chuckled. โleaving work in the middle of your shift to take care of your drunk girlfriend. thatโs real devotion, son.โ
haechan opened his mouth to correct him again, but thenโ
โHE REJECTED ME!โ you suddenly shouted, head lolling dramatically to the side. โI asked him to have sex with me and he SAID NO.โ
yhe cab fell into a stunned silence.
โโฆah,โ the driver finally said. โone-sided love, then.โ
haechan wanted to crawl out of the moving car and disappear into the road. yhe driver shook his head sympathetically.
โyouโre making a mistake, boy,โ he said gravely. โa pretty lady like this? she wonโt wait forever. you two already look like a couple. all thatโs missing is the kiss.โ
haechan glanced down at you, now slumped against his side, your cheek pressed to his shoulder. your makeup was a mess, your breath reeked of gin and lime, and you were clutching the hem of his jacket like it was your last lifeline.
and somehow, even like this, you looked heartbreakingly beautiful.
haechan stepped out of the taxi and paid the driver, the man's words echoing in his head like a song stuck on repeat.ย โyouโre letting a good girl slip awayโฆโย he shouldnโt care what some stranger thought, but there was something about the way the guy said it โ confident, certain โ that made the sentence stick like honey to the roof of his mouth.
he turned around just in time to see you stepping out of the cab in your short dress, sheer tights hugging your legs, and a massive oversized jacket drowning your frame. his oversized jacket.
his breath caught a little. you looked both sexy and soft โ long, graceful legs out in the cold, but your face flushed from alcohol and framed by the collar of his jacket. somehow, even in that state, you looked... perfect.
โyou know where we are, right?โ he asked gently, offering you his hand.
you nodded lazily, squinting at the familiar entrance of your apartment complex. but instead of walking toward it, you turned to him, a sly, sleepy smile playing on your lips.
โi donโt wanna go to my apartment,โ you said, voice low and vaguely suggestive.
haechan blinked. โyou need to sleep. youโre drunk.โ
โi donโt wanna go to my apartment,โ you repeated, this time slower, like you were daring him to challenge you. โi lost my keys.โ
โyou what?โ his voice cracked as he stared at you in disbelief. โwhere the hell are you gonna sleep then?โ
you tilted your head, your eyes glinting under the streetlight. โwith you.โ
silence.
haechanโs mouth opened slightly, the color rushing to his face like fire. he stammered, trying to find the words โ to remind you of yourย promise, of how you said you'd drop this whole thing and start over.
but before he could say a word, you leaned forward with a groan and threw up directly into a nearby bush.
โoh, shitโโ he muttered, rushing to hold you. he gathered your hair, gently rubbed your back, whispering reassurances under his breath. โokay, okay, itโs fineโฆ just let it outโฆโ
eventually, you straightened up, eyes glassy, cheeks damp from the cold wind. he sighed and wrapped an arm around you, leading you toward his place โ your weight half-slumped against him.
inside, the warmth of his small apartment wrapped around you both. he carefully sat you on the couch and disappeared into the kitchen, filling a glass of water and setting a tea kettle on the stove.
you watched him in silence for a moment before breaking it. โi know what i said,โ you murmured. โAbout letting it go. About forgetting. but i canโt. i literallyย canโt.โ
he froze, slowly turning toward you.
โi feel like a hormonal teenager,โ you laughed bitterly, wiping your mouth. โI keep thinking about you. about what i asked you. about what it would be like.โ
โy/nโฆโ he warned gently, setting the water beside you.
โi have this thing,โ you blurted. โwith my sunbae. jung jaehyun. heโsโฆ god, heโs stupidly hot. tall, broad shoulders, perfect hair, every girl wants him. he only sleeps with older women โ the kind who know what theyโre doing. and I justโฆ i donโt want to disappoint him.โ
haechanโs expression darkened, not with anger, but something deeper. โso you wanted to use me as practice?โ he asked, voice low.
โiโm not trying to use you,โ you said, firm but vulnerable. โyouโre my best friend. i trust you more than anyone. and youโreโฆ youโre good at it.โ
haechan blinked. โwhat?โ
โyouโre good in bed.โ
he narrowed his eyes, stepping closer. โand how the hell doย youย know that?โ
you gave a half-smirk. โyou talk about it all the time, remember? bragging about your conquests like a walking NSFW podcast. you made it sound like you practically invented foreplay.โ
haechan groaned, dragging a hand down his face. โgod, I was joking half the timeโโ
โbut thatโs exactly why i asked you in the first place,โ you cut in, locking eyes with him. โbecause thereโs no one else iโd trust for something like this. and letโs be honestโโ you tilted your head with a teasing smile. โitโs not likeย youโveย gotten laid recently either.โ
his jaw tensed. โiโm not desperate for sex, y/n.โ
โoh, really?โ you raised an eyebrow. โso those midnight jerk-off sessions because of your dreams aboutย meย are justโฆ what? a new coping mechanism?โ
his faceย burnedย red. โhow do youโ?!โ
โi may have heard a little something.โ you sipped your water dramatically. โyouโre not as quiet as you think.โ
โi hate you,โ he muttered under his breath, turning away to hide the growing smirk on his lips.
โno, you donโt.โ
you stood up slowly, unsteady but serious, your eyes fixed on his. โif we did thisโฆ it would be safe. familiar. no weirdness. justโฆ two people helping each other out.โ
โthatโs not what this is about for you though, is it?โ he said, voice low.
you looked away for a moment before answering. โno. Itโs not just that. i want to feelโฆ wanted. i want to be good at this. and yeahโฆ I want to impress jaehyun. but i alsoโฆ want it to be with someone who wonโt hurt me.โ
and for a moment, everything was quiet. the only sound was the water boiling and both your hearts pounding.
he exhaled sharply, frustrated โ but not just at you. At himself. At this whole ridiculous night.
then, haechan stepped closer.
he leaned over, hands gripping the back of the couch, caging you in โ his face mere inches from yours. you froze. Your breath hitched. your fingers clenched around the glass.
then, without thinking, you kissed him.
it was messy. desperate. tasting of beer and heat and something reckless.
he kissed you back โ just for a second โ his hand cupping the side of your face, thumb brushing your cheek. but then he pulled away suddenly, breath heavy, pupils blown wide.
โyouโre drunk,โ he said, voice hoarse. โi'm not kissing you like this.โ
you blinked up at him, breathless.
โbut if i werenโt?โ you whispered.
he didnโt say anything.
but the fire in his eyes gave you all the answer you needed.
and that silence? it was louder than anything either of you had said all night.
that night, haechan slept on the couch, buried under a mess of blankets. you, on the other hand, took his bed โ warm with freshly changed sheets and a white oversized t-shirt that smelled like him. heโd also lent you a hoodie for the cold, soft and worn from use.
when he asked if you'd prefer to sleep with the door shut for privacy, you shook your head and left it cracked open. Just slightly. maybe it was a silent invitation. maybe a part of you hoped he'd come in.
but he didnโt.
haechan's self-control was ironclad. he wouldn't touch you โ not like that, not when you were drunk, no matter how much you asked. and youย hadย asked. desperately.
by morning, your head throbbed with a brutal hangover. the light leaking through the blinds was cruel and unforgiving. still half-asleep, you blinked at the side table โ a glass of water and a neatly placed pill waited for you. of course he remembered.
you padded out into the living room, barefoot, limbs aching. the smell of warm broth hit you first. then the quiet hum of a streamer's voice coming from his computer.
haechan sat hunched at the small dining table, glasses perched on his nose, hair slightly tousled from sleep. he was watching some gaming livestream, lazily slurping noodles from a bowl of ramen. a small pot sat between you, steam still curling up, and beside it โ another bowl.
you noticed the sausage in the pot had been slicedย perfectlyย small, just the way you liked. he always remembered little things like that.
your stomach twisted, not with hunger, but something softer. deeper.
without saying anything, haechan patted the seat beside him. you moved toward him slowly, like you were walking through a dream. he didnโt look at you โ just kept his eyes on the screen as he grabbed the second bowl, carefully ladling ramen into it while glancing back and forth between the pot and your bowl to avoid making a mess.
you let out a quiet, involuntary giggle.
he glanced up at you then โ his lips curved ever so slightly. and that's when you noticed it: his thick-rimmed glasses. the ones he only wore when he was deep into gaming or editing something late at night. they made him look effortlessly cool. casual. comfortable.
and stupidly handsome.
โthanks,โ you murmured, your voice still hoarse from sleep and dehydration. โforโฆ last night. picking me up.โ
he didnโt respond at first โ just nodded once, still watching the screen. no mention of the kiss. no mention of your drunken confession. nothing. just silence.
the elephant between you had never been bigger.
you glanced sideways again and noticed the dark circles under his eyes โ deep and tired. heโd barely slept.
โyou okay?โ you asked gently.
โiโm fine,โ he said, pushing up his glasses with a knuckle. โyou had it worse.โ
you looked down at the bowl in front of you, steam rising like it was trying to fill the silence. you slurped a noodle quietly, chewing.
thatโs when you noticed something else.
the shape of his jaw as he ate โ sharp, cut like stone under soft skin. youโd seen him eat ramen a hundred times, but this was the first time youย reallyย looked. the way his throat moved when he swallowed. the subtle flex of his neck. his collarbone peeking from under his hoodie. even the slope of his nose and the way his glasses rested perfectly above his cheekbones.
he wasnโt just your best friend. he wasโฆ really attractive.
painfully so.
and that realization made your stomach clench โ not from the hangover, but from something dangerously close to want.
you sat there, fingers wrapped around the warm ceramic of the ramen bowl, the heat grounding you as your mind spun.
โheyโฆโ your voice came out soft, hesitant. โabout last nightโโ
the sound of his chopsticks hitting the table made you jump. it wasnโt loud, but it was enough. enough to cut through the quiet and slice the conversation before it could begin.
haechan didnโt look at you. his jaw tensed as he stared at the table, hands clenched loosely on either side of his bowl.
you froze. unsure.
he inhaled through his nose, controlled, calculated. then, finally, he spoke. โif youโre done eatingโฆ maybe you should call a locksmith. for your apartment.โ
your stomach dropped.
just like that, the warmth left the room. or maybe it was still there, but it couldnโt reach you anymore.
โo-oh.โ you blinked. โyeahโฆ right. my keys.โ
he stood up slowly, not rushed, justโฆ distant. like something inside him had gone cold.
you watched him close the laptop screen with one hand, then gather his bowl and yours, moving with quiet efficiency. not meeting your gaze once.
you couldnโt move. couldnโt speak. the shift was too sharp, too sudden. it left you sitting there like a statue, hands still wrapped around the now lukewarm bowl.
โiโll wash these,โ he muttered, almost to himself.
you opened your mouth, but nothing came out. your throat was tight, words caught somewhere between confusion and guilt. you hadnโt meant to ruin the morning. hadnโt meant to push.
but there it was again โ the elephant. bigger than ever.
and this time, haechan had chosen to turn his back on it.
you stood up slowly, the chair scraping against the floor. he was already at the sink, rinsing the dishes like it was any other sunday. like nothing happened. like you hadnโt kissed him. like you hadnโt confessed the things that had been burning you from the inside out.
but your eyes were stuck on his back. the slope of his shoulders. the way his hoodie clung slightly at the waist. and still โ that feeling. that gnawing ache deep in your chest.
he was right there. and still, he felt so far away.
โhaechanโฆโ your voice barely carried.
he didnโt turn around.
you bit your lip. hard. maybe you had crossed a line. maybe he was just being kind last night, and you mistook it for something else. maybeโ
โi need to shower,โ he said abruptly, setting the last plate down. โyou can use my phone to call someone.โ
and then he was gone, the bathroom door closing with a click that echoed too loudly in the silence he left behind.
you were alone again.
but this time, it hurt more than it shouldโve.
your phone was still dead.
you hadnโt charged it since last night, and at this point, it didnโt matter. you werenโt exactly in the mood to speak to anyone else anyway.
you curled up on the couch, pulling your knees to your chest, arms wrapping tightly around them like they could somehow protect you from the weight pressing on your chest. you stared blankly ahead, trying to piece together what went wrong.
you hadnโt meant to make things weird. you hadnโt meant to cross a line. and yetโฆ you did. and now, all of it felt like a mistake unraveling at your feet.
you chewed on your lip, eyes unfocused.
was it when you asked to stay with him? or when you told him the truth โ that you couldnโt stop thinking about him, that you wanted to learnย withย him because youย trustedย him? maybe it was the kiss. that moment, hazy and laced with beer, when you leaned in and felt his lips move against yours. heย kissed you back. you were sure of it.
but nowโฆ maybe it wasnโt enough. or maybe it was too much.
the sound of the bathroom door opening pulled you from your spiral. you looked up, heart stuttering in your chest.
haechan stepped out, steam drifting behind him in lazy clouds. his black t-shirt clung to his skin slightly, still damp from the shower. his sweatpants sat low on his hips, and around his neck hung a white towel, which he used intermittently to ruffle through his damp, dark hair.
he looked surprised to see you still there.
his expression flattened quickly, going unreadable. โyou still havenโt called the locksmith?โ
you didnโt answer.
he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, towel dragging with it. โy/nโฆโ
but you were already crying.
your face was turned away, but he saw the tremble in your shoulders, the way your hands gripped tighter around your legs. the soft sound of you trying not to make a sound.
โiโm sorry,โ you whispered, voice cracking under the weight of your own words. โi ruined everything.โ
he went quiet.
โi shouldโve never suggested that,โ you continued, barely audible. โi didnโt mean to treat you like youโre someโ some kind of object. i was just thinking about myself. about what i wanted. and that was selfish. i wasnโt thinking aboutย you.โ
he still didnโt move.
โi justโโ you swallowed thickly, lifting your head to look at him through blurry eyes. โi wasnโt trying to use you. i swear. iโฆ i just trust you. youโre my best friend. and maybe i took that too far. i justโฆ i feel like iโve messed everything up.โ
you laughed bitterly. โyou didnโt even have to say anything. your face this morning said it all.โ
for a second, haechan just looked at you. his gaze scanned your face โ your tear-stained cheeks, your trembling mouth. the regret swimming in your eyes.
then he sighed and walked closer. dropped the towel onto the coffee table. crouched down in front of you.
โyouโre not the only one whoโs confused,โ he said, voice softer now. โand yeah, maybe last night was messy. maybe we said shit we werenโt supposed to. butโฆ you didnโt ruin anything.โ
your breath hitched.
he leaned in, resting a hand gently on your knee.
โyouโre not selfish for wanting something. and youโre not using me. i know you.โ his voice dropped a bit, more intimate now. โmaybe thatโs why itโs so hard to pretend it didnโt affect me.โ
you blinked. โโฆwhat?โ
he looked up at you from where he knelt. โyou saidโฆ kissing could help calm you down. remember?โ
your eyes widened.
he tilted his head, a small, careful smirk pulling at the edge of his mouth.
โsoโฆ if it helpsโฆโ he leaned closer, letting his hand trail up your thigh. โi could kiss you again.โ
you stopped breathing.
your lips parted, unsure of what to say. but your body moved before your brain could catch up. you leaned in.
he met you halfway.
this kiss was different. slower. more controlled. still tasting faintly of mint and something warm, like cinnamon from the tea heโd made earlier. his hand cradled your cheek this time, thumb brushing softly beneath your eye.
it wasnโt rushed. it wasnโt hungry.
but it burned.
and then he pulled back, just barely.
โbut only when youโre sober,โ he whispered against your lips, breath warm. โonly when you really mean it.โ
you nodded slowly, heart pounding so loud it drowned out everything else.
โokay,โ you breathed. โokay.โ
and for now โ that was enough.
a few weeks passed.
you had finally gotten a replacement set of keys and returned to your apartment. that weekend was a blur of mundane thingsโscrubbing your bathroom floor until your arms ached, catching up on overdue sketches, finishing the last pages of an assignment youโd been dodging for weeks. you needed the quiet. the stillness. a chance to feel like yourself again.
but even in your own bed, the cold side of the sheets reminded you of that one night you hadnโt slept alone.
the kiss with haechan had, strangely, softened everything between you. the awkwardness melted away like snow on sunlit pavement. now, you were gentler with each other. your laughter came easier. your glances lingered longer. but the elephantโthe weight of what that kiss meantโnever left. it simply learned to sit quietly in the corner.
on tuesday afternoon, you were leaving the print room when you nearly ran into jaehyun.
"whoa, careful, pretty girl," he said, catching your elbow with a hand that felt way too steady, too confident.
โsorry,โ you chuckled, tucking your hair behind your ear. jaehyun always looked like he belonged in some magazine spreadโjaw carved from stone, lashes too long for someone that smug, silver rings glinting against his fingers like he knew where the light would hit.
โwhat brings you over here?โ he asked, eyeing your sketch tube slung across your shoulder.
โprofessor cho. needed some stuff for his class. heโs on his power trip again.โ
โclassic,โ he smirked. โlistenโฆ weโre having something this friday. low-key. not one of those packed, flyer-in-the-bathroom kind of things. just a curated crowd. people who get it.โ
your brow arched. โcurated?โ
he laughed. โyeah. you know. people with taste.โ
you rolled your eyes, but couldnโt stop the smile tugging at your lips.
โyou should come,โ he added, stepping a little closer. โmight help with that tension youโve been carrying around.โ
โwhat tension?โ you teased.
he leaned in, eyes flicking down your face. โthe kind that makes you think too much. sometimes you gotta stop overanalyzing and just feel it.โ
โfeel what?โ
his smile was maddening. โdepends who you end up with.โ
you laughed it off, but your cheeks were already warm. maybe he was flirting. maybe he wasnโt. either way, the idea sat in your chest like a dare.
you thought about it all the way back to your place. and later that night, lying on your bed staring at the ceiling, you let yourself wonder what itโd be like toโฆ try. to stop guessing what sex felt like and actually find out. you didnโt want to rush it. but you didnโt want to keep floating in uncertainty either.
and somewhere else on campus, haechan couldnโt stop thinking about you either.
he was standing in the backroom of the burger place, mirror fogged with steam, face damp and flushed from another rush. and there you were. again. in his head. like youโd carved a space he couldnโt seal shut.
he felt pathetic.
like some teenage boy discovering self-pleasure for the first time. except it wasnโt discoveryโit was addiction. every night, without fail, his body woke him up with a pulse he couldnโt ignore. his hand would slide beneath the waistband of his sweats, his breath shallow, mind full of you. always you.
and god, those lips.
maybe he shouldโve never kissed you.
but the second your mouth touched his, something inside him had snapped. like it had been waiting for that moment all along. youโd kissed him with a kind of messy urgencyโtoo fast, too eager, bumping teeth before finding a rhythm. but then came the softness. the unspoken need. the trust. you had tasted like beer and breath mints and something far too intimate for a one-time thing.
now, he couldnโt un-feel it.
behind the counter, heโd zone out mid-shift, hands wet from dishes, and suddenly heโd remember the way you had moaned into his mouth. the way you had gripped his hoodie like you were holding on for dear life. the way your body had melted into his.
he couldnโt stop picturing you in that black dress, jacket slipping off your shoulder, legs crossed like a sin. or the way your lips had parted when you looked at him like you needed more. like you wanted him.
and at nightโhis room dark, quiet, too warmโhe would close his eyes and imagine your thighs on either side of his hips. your voice whispering his name. your nails on his skin.
he used to admire you from a safe place. used to think of you as a friend, maybe even a muse. now? now he couldnโt look at you without imagining what it would be like to bury his face between your legs. to ruin you a little. just enough.
he hated how much he needed it.
he hated how much he missed the feel of your mouth on his.
he hated that he wanted more.
you were stepping out of your digital illustration class, bag slung over your shoulder, neck stiff from hunching over your campaign poster project. when you exited the building, you spotted him right awayโhaechan, hoodie sleeves pushed up, hands tucked into his backpack straps like heโd been waiting a while.
you always found him there these days.
โhey,โ you said, breathless from the stairs. โthanks for waiting. again.โ
he gave a casual shrug. โyou make it sound like i have a life.โ
โdo you?โ
โโฆnot really.โ
you both smiled.
as you walked side by side, the sun cast long shadows behind you, painting the concrete in soft amber. you werenโt touching. but it felt like you were. something invisible had always linked you two. lately, thoughโit tugged harder.
โso,โ you said, voice light, โi think iโm gonna go to that party. tomorrowโ
he blinked. โjaehyunโs?โ
you nodded. โhe made it sound... exclusive.โ
โand youโre going?โ
you smirked at his tone. โmight be an opportunity.โ
he stiffened beside you. โopportunity for what?โ
you gave him a look. โyou know what.โ
he stopped. โyouโre really gonna sleep with him?โ
your cheeks flared, heart skipping. โno. itโs not like that. i justโฆ maybe itโs time to try. get some answers.โ
you watched his face carefully. saw the way his jaw locked. the way his brows twitched.
โbut,โ you added softly, โif it happensโฆ it happens.โ
and then, bold as ever, you turned to him. โunless you still wanna help me.โ
his breath caught.
โwe already kissed,โ you said, eyes steady on his. โfeels like weโve done half the homework. next partโs sex, right? thatโs what comes after. and youโyouโre the one who used to brag about how good you were at it.โ
he looked like youโd cornered him. because you had.
โremember those nights youโd ramble about girls? โher tits are insaneโ, โiโd fold her in a secondโโthat was you, haechan. your words.โ
he swallowed, hard. โi didnโt think you were listening.โ
โi always listen to you,โ you said, voice barely above a whisper. โespecially when you talk about what you like.โ
and then, with a wicked grin: โand letโs be honest. guys lose their minds over tits and ass. thatโs not complicated.โ
his silence told you everything.
you took one step closer, slow and steady.
โso?โ you asked again, quieter now. โare you still willing to help me?โ
and he didnโt answer.
not with words.
but you saw it in his eyesโthe panic, the desire, the war between instinct and restraint.
you had no idea how long he could keep resisting.
but you were getting closer to finding out.
the night felt quieter than usual when they arrived at your apartment. your didnโt speak. the walk there had been filled with those kinds of silences that donโt necessarily feel awkward, but make you too aware of your own thoughts. you walked a few steps ahead of haechan, and he found himself watching you โ the way your fingers twisted nervously, the slight tension in your shoulders, the soft sway of your hair brushing your back. he could tell she was unsure. and if he was being honest, so was he.
heโd never seen you like this before. not really. not in this light. thereโd always been this boundary between both of you, this invisible thread that kept everything just on the edge of becoming something else. but latelyโฆ it had changed. the way she looked at him lingered a little longer. the way he touched you โ in small, passing moments โ felt less like habit and more like gravity. and right now, standing in the dim glow of your apartment, he realized just how close you were to crossing that invisible line.
he stands close, but not touching, his gaze fixed on you with a kind of careful intensity that makes your skin warm.
you unlock the door without saying a word, your fingers fumbling slightly. you can feel his eyes on you, not judging, justย watching. when you step inside, he follows, closing the door behind him with a soft click.
inside, itโs quiet. you cross the room and sit on the edge of your bed, heart racing.
he doesnโt follow you immediately. Instead, he leans against the wall, arms crossed loosely over his chest, his expression unreadable. you feel his eyes on your back as you drop your keys onto the counter, your breath shaky, heart pacing with something you donโt quite understand but desperately want to. when you finally turn around to face him, heโs already watching you โ not with that usual teasing smile, but with something heavier, deeper. something that feels like want.
you turned to face him, eyes uncertain, but there was something else behind them. something softer. something raw. โi want to do it,โ you said, your voice barely above a whisper.ย
โstill thinking about your plan?โ he asks softly, voice calm, like heโs trying not to spook you.
you nod slowly. โi justโฆ i want to be good for jaehyun.โ
his jaw tightens just a little, barely noticeable. but his voice doesnโt change. โyouโre trying to learn how to please someone else,โ he says, stepping closer, โwhen you havenโt even taken the time to learn yourself.โ
you blink, suddenly unsure. โi thoughtโฆ thatโs what you were going to help me with.โ
he exhales gently, closing the space between you, close enough that you can feel the heat radiating off his chest. โi will. but only if you let me take the lead. if you trust me completely. no pretending. no rushing. justโฆ you. raw. honest.โ
your breath catches in your throat. something about the way he says it, the quiet authority in his tone, the way he looks at you like he already knows your body better than you do โ it makes you ache in places youโve barely dared to explore on your own.
โokay,โ you whisper, your voice trembling. โiโll do whatever you say.โ
his eyes soften. thereโs something unspoken there โ a tension thatโs been building between you for longer than you realized. and now itโs finally unraveling.
โthen take off your clothes,โ he says, his voice low, steady. โlie back.โ
your fingers feel clumsy, nerves fluttering in your chest as you undress. he doesnโt look away. his gaze follows every inch of skin you reveal like heโs memorizing you. but it never feels invasive. it feelsโฆ reverent. when youโre finally bare, you lie down, body exposed, unsure, vulnerable. he doesnโt move right away. he just watches, like heโs waiting for you to fully settle into the moment.
โyouโre beautiful,โ he says quietly. โbut iโm not going to touch you until i see that you believe it, too.โ
you want to believe it. you want to feel beautiful in your own skin, not just because someone else says it, but because something inside you says you deserve to be. but right now, all you feel is nervous. exposed. seen.
he kneels at the edge of the bed, his eyes never leaving yours. โyouโre safe,โ he murmurs. โyouโre in control. iโm just guiding you.โ
his hand touches your thigh, light as air, and your breath stutters. the warmth of his palm spreads through you like liquid, grounding and electric all at once. he doesnโt rush. his fingers explore slowly, tracing the curve of your hip, the softness of your stomach, the inside of your thigh. each touch is a question, and your breath is the answer.
when his fingers finally find you, you gasp โ not because itโs too much, but because itโs perfect. just enough. just right. he doesnโt push, doesnโt demand. he simply explores, watching every reaction, every shift of your hips, every shaky breath you take like itโs the only thing that matters.
his fingers finally reach where you need them, but he doesnโt go straight for it โ no, he teases, tracing along the outer edge of your heat, making you gasp at the sudden jolt of electricity. your hips shift instinctively, seeking friction, but his free hand presses gently against your stomach, grounding you.
โeasy,โ he murmurs. โweโre not rushing. i want to feel every part of you fall apart.โ
your head tips back against the pillow, lips parted, eyes fluttering shut as his fingers finally slip between your folds โ gentle at first, just enough pressure to make your toes curl. he exhales softly, as if the heat of you surprises even him.
โrelax,โ he whispers. โfeel. donโt think about whatโs next. just stay with me. here.โ
his fingers stroke you with a patience you didnโt know could exist, learning your body like itโs a language only he can understand. youโre wet, embarrassingly so, and he seems to revel in it, the way your body responds to his touch. he circles your clit with slow, practiced motions, his thumb brushing over you with maddening precision. youโre moaning now, soft and quiet, not even realizing the sounds are yours.
โfuck,โ he whispers. โyouโre soaked.โ
your cheeks flush, but any embarrassment is quickly replaced by want as he finds your clit, rubbing slow, deliberate circles that make your legs tremble.
you whimper his name, voice barely there, and his response is a low groan against your skin. โthatโs it, baby. let me hear you.โ
his mouth is everywhere now โ at your neck, your chest, sucking marks into your skin like he wants to claim you, mark you, make you his. and god, part of you wants it too โ wants to be wanted like this, worshipped like this.
his fingers move lower, one pressing gently at your entrance, testing. โyou okay?โ he asks, voice soft but thick with desire.
โyes,โ you gasp, clutching at his wrist. โplease.โ
your hips begin to move on their own, chasing the rhythm of his fingers. the pressure is building, coiling deep inside your core, unfamiliar and terrifying and addictive. he slips a finger inside you, slow and gentle, curling just right, and you cry out, your body clenching around him without meaning to.
โh-hyuck...โ you cried.
โyou like that?โ he asks, voice rough now, closer to a groan than a whisper. you nod frantically, unable to form words, your hands gripping the sheets like theyโre the only thing.
he slides in slow, giving you time to adjust, watching your face the whole time. his thumb returns to your clit, rubbing in time with the slow push of his finger. your breath stutters, and he leans in to kiss you, stealing the sound from your lips.
you moan into his mouth, overwhelmed, undone, as he adds a second finger, the stretch just enough to make your back arch. he curls them just right, finding that spot inside you that makes your thighs shake.
โthere it is,โ he groans, his lips brushing yours. โfuck, you feel so good.โ
you canโt answer. you can barely think. all you can do is feel โ the heat building inside you, the pull of release so close you can taste it.
โdonโt hold back,โ he whispers against your neck. โi want to feel you fall apart for me.โ
and when he starts moving faster โ fingers pumping deep and sure, thumb pressing harder against your clit โ itโs too much. the pressure breaks, crashing over you like a tidal wave. your body tenses, then shatters, crying out his name as you come harder than you ever have before.
he holds you through it, kissing your jaw, your cheek, your lips. his fingers slow but donโt leave you, drawing out every last wave of pleasure until youโre trembling beneath him, boneless and gasping.
โlet go,โ he murmurs again, lips brushing against your ear. โdonโt hold back. iโve got you.โ
his thumb presses harder against your clit, his fingers moving faster, more deliberate, and the pressure explodes inside you, all at once โ a wave crashing over your body with violent tenderness. you cry out, shaking, the world narrowing to nothing but heat and light and the sound of his voice grounding you as your orgasm rips through you.
he finally pulls away, resting his forehead against yours. his breath is ragged, his eyes full of something you donโt quite understand โ but you feel it in your chest. raw. intense. real.
โyou donโt know what you just did to me,โ he whispers, voice hoarse.
your body arches, muscles tightening, breath gone, and everything โ everything โ goes quiet except for the echo of your release.
and when you open your eyes to meet his, you realize something terrifying and beautiful โ you donโt think youโll ever look at him the same again.
your back pressed against the sheets, your skin bare under the dim, golden light of your room, your breath already shaky as haechan settles beside you, fully clothed, fully in control. you should feel nervous, and maybe you do, but itโs buried under something stronger โ something warmer. the way heโs looking at you now is enough to make you forget how to breathe.
haechan sits on the edge of your bed, staring at his handโnow cleanโlike he canโt believe what just happened. his breath is heavier than he wants to admit. his thoughts are scrambled, the feeling of touching you, of showing you something he never thought heโd share, overwhelms him. something inside him burns, something he doesnโt know if itโs frustration or desire, but he feels it with an intensity he canโt control.
when you step out of the shower, your skin still warm from the hot water, he stays there, still. you go through your skincare routine, but every movement seems to echo in him more than it should. the way your fingers brush against your face, the way you move... everything feels different now. he watches in silence, the space between you now thick with something unspoken.
โi didnโt think it would feel like that,โ you say softly, breaking the silence. your voice has a tremor you canโt hide. โthank you... for helping me.โ
the gesture feels sincere, but thereโs something in your eyes that makes him feel exposed. he doesnโt quite understand it. he tells himself itโs fine, that heโs just helping you, that heโs just being there for you. but his body betrays him, his jaw tightens, and his fingers twitch at his side.
โyou donโt need to thank me,โ he says, his voice quiet, almost too quiet. โyou just needed to know yourself. thatโs all.โ
you pause, pressing moisturizer into your skin, still feeling that soft hum in your body, a low buzz you canโt seem to shake off. itโs from what happened, but you try to tell yourself itโs just the adrenaline, just nerves. nothing more.
โi think i can handle things now,โ you reply, keeping your eyes on your reflection in the mirror. โmaybe tomorrow at the party... iโll kiss jaehyun, just see how it goes. no pressure. i donโt want to rush.โ
the moment the words leave your mouth, you feel itโthe way the air shifts between you two. you donโt mean to look at haechan when you say jaehyunโs name, but you do. and his eyes flicker for just a second, something hard behind them that he quickly hides. he doesnโt react out loud, but his shoulders stiffen, his mouth pressing into a tight line.
โyeah,โ he says, his voice controlled, but you can hear the tightness underneath. โsounds like a good idea. you deserve to figure out what you want.โ
you smile, trying to lighten the mood, but something in you catches as you look at him. you feel like youโve said the wrong thing, but youโre not sure why. haechan doesnโt look at you anymore. he stares at the floor, his jaw working like heโs holding something back.
he doesnโt let himself show it. he canโt. youโre his best friend, and he promised to help you, to guide you, not to get caught up in his own feelings. but with every word you speak, with every step you take toward jaehyun, something deep inside him twists.
heโs tasted something he shouldnโt want. and now, the thought of you with someone elseโeven someone you loveโis unbearable.
still, he says nothing. he canโt. because he promised to help you discover yourself, not to confuse you more.
even if every part of him wants to be the only one who gets to touch you like that again.
friday came faster than expected, slipping through the cracks of your week like it had been waiting for you. unlike the other days, this one was bitterly coldโthe kind of cold that crept into your sleeves and curled around your spine. haechan had texted you earlier, his usual playful tone dulled by exhaustion.ย "today i actually have to close, so iโll be stuck at work late,"ย he wrote, followed by a yawning emoji and a tired little heart. you stared at the message longer than you shouldโve, feeling something heavy settle in your chest.
the cold winter air bites at your legs as you step out of the cab, your breath fogging in front of you in soft clouds. the house isnโt just any houseโitโs one of the old fraternity houses on the edge of campus, the kind that looks more like a mansion than a place college boys live in. warm light glows from the tall windows, and the low hum of music leaks out from behind the heavy wooden door before it swings open.
jaehyun is already waiting, leaning casually against the doorframe. he looks unfairly goodโhis hair slightly tousled, a dark turtleneck hugging his figure under a sleek wool coat. he gives you that smile, the one that always makes your stomach twist in ways youโve never really understood.
โyou made it,โ he says, stepping aside to let you in.
you settled on a black leather jacket, cropped just above the waist, its silver zippers catching the light every time you moved. underneath, you wore a satin navy blouse, soft and loose, with a deep neckline that hinted without revealing too much. your high-waisted dark jeans hugged your figure just right, paired with heeled ankle boots that clicked confidently against the pavement. a silk scarf, deep burgundy, wrapped around your neckโnot just for warmth, but as a finishing touch. your hair was pulled back loosely, tendrils framing your face, and your makeup was soft but sharpโdark liner, flushed cheeks, and a deep berry gloss that caught the chill in the air.
you notice jaehyunโs gaze drop, lingering for a beat too long before he leads you inside.
the party isnโt crowdedโmaybe twenty people, maybe less. itโs quiet in that expensive kind of way: muted music, low lighting, golden liquor sloshing in crystal glasses. thereโs laughter and whispers, but nothing too wild. youโre not sure what you expected, but somehow it feels more intimate than youโd prepared for.
after your second drink, the room gets a little warmer. the vodka-orange is stronger than you thought, but it burns in a good way. youโre not drunk, not likeย thatย night, but the edges of your thoughts are softer, looser.
the music is barely audible now, just a low pulse behind your ribs as jaehyun leans in. it happens the way you always imagined it wouldโwith the warmth of alcohol in your veins, the subtle tension in the air, his breath fanning softly against your cheek as his lips finally meet yours.
at first, itโs cinematic.
his hand is at your waist, careful but firm. his lips, smooth and slow, move against yours like heโs done this a thousand times. his cologne is richโsomething expensive and clean, like bergamot and wood.
โyou look incredible tonight,โ he murmurs, voice low. Itโs not the first time heโs flirted with you, but tonight it feels more focused.
you laugh lightly, sipping again. โyou say that to every girl you invite to one of these,โ you tease.
he smirks. โi donโt. just the ones i hope will stay after everyone else leaves.โ
that catches you off guard. thereโs a pause, the kind thatโs heavy with implication. you donโt answer right away. instead, you tilt your head, watching him through the haze of dim lights and liquor.
more intentional. you close your eyes, willing your heart to speed up, your stomach to twist, your knees to weaken.
but none of it happens.
instead, thereโs a slow, creeping emptiness that settles over your skin. you taste the sharp tang of beer on his tongueโbitter and staleโand it dulls the moment like a film of dust on something once shiny. itโs not that heโs doing anything wrong. in fact, heโs doing everything right. and maybe thatโs the problem. itโs all too perfect. too rehearsed. too... lifeless.
you keep your lips against his a second longer, maybe two, hoping that if you justย try, the magic will follow.
but it doesnโt.
what started as something dreamlike begins to dissolve, unraveling into something flat. weightless. forgettable. like kissing a statueโbeautiful, yes, but cold. you feel your body slowly disconnect, like your mind is pulling away, shrinking back into itself. youโre kissing jaehyun.ย jaehyun. tall, broad-shouldered, silver-tongued. the guy every girl fantasizes about.
and yet... nothing.
when you pull away, you do it gently, trying not to show the disappointment pressing against your chest like a bruise. he looks at you with those deep, unreadable eyes, but you canโt meet them for long. something in you already knows: this isnโt what you wanted. maybe it never was.
and then, like clockwork, your thoughts betray you.
because in the silence that follows, in that stretch of breathless stillness, a name rises uninvited in your mind.
haechan.
you blink, shaken by the immediacy of it. whyย him, of all people? but it doesnโt stop. your mind floods with him, withย everythingย he is and isnโt. jaehyun is all sharp lines and polished edges. heโs winter: sleek and cold, dressed in cashmere and shadows. and haechan...
haechan is sun-warmed skin and mischievous smiles. heโs a burst of color in a black-and-white room. his skin is golden, kissed by sun even in december. you remember the first time he wore glasses in classโhow suddenly he looked different. not in a new way, but like you were finally seeing something that had been there all along. it had startled you. he looked good.ย reallyย good. and youโd stared a little longer than you meant to.
you think about how he always cradles that old gaming console on his lap during breaks, fingers dancing over buttons like it's second nature. how he talks about characters and plots with the same intensity people reserve for politics or love. how he orders black coffee like it's a religion, never anything sweet. how he complains about the cold like it's a personal offenseโbundling up in layers and still shivering, nose pink, eyes watery, grumbling but cute.
and you remember something else.
the way his eyes light up when he talks about music. not just any musicโheโs always been drawn to layered melodies, harmonies that build slowly, that sneak up on you. youโd caught him once, eyes closed, headphones in, mouthing the words to a song you didnโt recognize. something soft and slow. when you asked what it was, he smiled, kind of shy, and said,ย โitโs this track i foundโit builds so gently, but when it hits, itย hits. it makes you feel everything, you know?โ
you didnโt then. but now, maybe you do.
because thatโs what haechan is like. he builds slowly. gently. he makes you feel everything without trying. without asking. just byย being.
you think back toย hisย kissโthat moment in the quiet of his room, when the world felt too small and too loud all at once. his lips werenโt smooth or calculated. they were warm. real. tasting faintly of coffee and breath mints, of nervousness and care. his hands werenโt firmโthey trembled just a little. like he wasnโt sure, but he wanted to be. and that kiss? it burned. itย lingered. it left something behind in your chest, something heavy and aching.
jaehyunโs kiss, in comparison, feels like water evaporating before it ever touches your skin.
โi need some air,โ you say, barely loud enough to hear over the music.
you step away from the kitchen, your hands shaking slightlyโnot from cold, but from clarity. itโs unsettling, how fast something can shift. how a fantasy can collapse in on itself the moment reality arrives.
you walk toward the front door, ignoring jaehyunโs curious glance. and as the winter air hits your cheeks again, sharp and sobering, you realize the only thing you want right now is warmth.
and the only person whoโs ever made you feel it... is haechan.
you step outside, the cold air biting at your cheeks like reality trying to sober you up. itโs quiet out here, except for the faint music pulsing through the windows behind you and the distant sound of traffic. your lips still taste faintly of beer and disappointment, and you try not to let it show on your faceโeven if thereโs no one around to see.
you wrap your arms around yourself, shivering slightly. not just from the cold, but from the feeling growing in your chest. a hollow ache that started the moment jaehyun pulled away and left you with nothing but the bitter aftertaste of something that shouldโve felt magical. it was supposed to mean something. youโd wanted it to. for weeksโmonths evenโyou thought that maybe this was what you needed. something new. something exciting.
but standing there in the dark, with the wind tugging gently at your coat, all you can think about is how wrong it felt.
how empty.
you sigh and glance down at your phone. 11:45 p.m. haechan probably just got home not long agoโhe said heโd be working late tonight, and you remember the slight frown he gave you when you mentioned the party. not because he disapproved. but because he wouldnโt be there.
you hesitate, thumb hovering over his contact. calling him now would make you look ridiculous, wouldnโt it? but godโฆ you need someone. someone who knows you, who doesnโt expect you to be dazzling or mysterious or anything other than exactly who you are.
before you can overthink it again, your thumb presses โcall.โ
the line barely rings twice before his voice comes through, groggy but alert, like he hadnโt really been asleep yet.
"y/n?" his voice is a little breathless, alarmed. "are you okay?"
you donโt answer right away. the sound of his voice cracks something open inside you. your throat tightens, and your eyes sting, a rush of heat behind your lashes. the words wonโt come, caught somewhere between your tongue and your heart.
"hey, talk to me. what happened?"
his concern hits you like a wave. not because of what heโs saying, but how heโs saying it. gently. urgently. like nothing else in the world matters except you right now. like your silence is enough to make his chest hurt.
you swallow thickly, finally managing to breathe, โiโฆ i didnโt know who else to call.โ
he exhales slowly, like heโs relieved to hear your voice, even if itโs shaky. โiโm glad you called me.โ
and itโs so stupidโso fucking stupidโbut thatโs when the tears come. silently at first, then all at once. and still, haechan says nothing. just waits, gives you space to fall apart without asking for an explanation.
he always does that. always shows up, always makes you feel like youโre not too much, even when youโre too much for yourself.
and suddenly you realize somethingโnot like a lightning bolt, but like a quiet click, something that was always there, waiting to be noticed. it was never about jaehyun. not really. it was the idea of him. and now, with that illusion shattered, youโre left with the one person whoโs been real all along.
the one who always answers the phone. the one who remembers how you take your coffee. the one who listens when you talk about your art for hours and never pretends to be bored.
โcan youโฆโ your voice is small, choked, โcan you come get me?โ
โalready on my way,โ he says without hesitation.
and just like that, you feel less alone. maybe not okay, not yetโbut safe.
safe in the way only he ever made you feel.
you step back into the warmth of the house, wiping your cheeks and pretending the cold air is the only reason your eyes are red. inside, the party hasnโt changed at allโmusic still pulsing, people still dancing, someone already passed out on a couch. it feels like you left the chaos and walked right back into it, except now it doesn't swallow you whole. now, youโre justโฆ drifting.
you spot jaehyun near the kitchen, leaning against the counter, lazily scrolling through his phone. he doesnโt look up at first, but when he does, his eyes land on you immediately. he straightens, sliding the phone into his back pocket before making his way toward you.
your stomach knotsโnot because you're afraid, but because youโre not sure what you're supposed to say to the guy you just kissed and then immediately ran away from.
before he even opens his mouth, you raise a hand slightly, your words tumbling out faster than you can stop them.
โiโiโm sorry. i justโฆ i think i was really into theย ideaย of you. like, really into it. but tonight i realized maybeโฆ i donโt knowโฆโ
you trail off, eyes dropping to the floor, suddenly very interested in the scuff marks on your boots.
jaehyun quirks a brow, and for a second, itโs awkwardly silentโbut then he lets out a soft laugh. itโs not cruel, not mocking. justโฆ amused.
โyou know,โ he says, arms crossing over his chest, โwhen we first started talking, i thought you and that guy donghyuck?โwere together. like,ย definitelyย together.โ
you blink, lifting your head. โwhat?โ
โyeah,โ he shrugs. โyouโd always come to class with him. always laughing, always close. and the way heย lookedย at you? i figured i didnโt stand a chance. but then i saw you alone for a few days, and thought maybe you broke up or something, soโฆโ he gestures vaguely. โi shot my shot.โ
you feel your cheeks heat up instantly. โweโre notโฆ heโs not my boyfriend. we never dated.โ
jaehyun smirks like he doesnโt believe you, but also like he knows better than to argue. โsure. maybe notย technically. but come on.โ he leans in slightly, lowering his voice. โyou really think thereโsย nothingย going on there?โ
you start to protest, but then stop. because heโs not wrong, and youโre too tired to lieโto him or to yourself.
โitโs complicated,โ you mutter.
he smiles again, this time softer, more genuine. โwell, if it helpsโฆ iโm not offended. not at all. i mean, youโre sweet, and you kiss okayโโ
โokay?โ you gasp, half-laughing, half-horrified.
โhey,โ he chuckles, holding up his hands, โit was a mutual โmeh,โ right?โ
you both burst out laughing, the tension finally breaking like a balloon popped with a pin. for the first time that night, you feel lighter.
โi really thought i liked you,โ you admit.
โyou probably did,โ he shrugs. โorโฆ the idea of me.โ
โyeah.โ
jaehyun gives you a wink. โfor what itโs worth, i think you and haechan are cute as hell. even if you donโt know it yet.โ
you roll your eyes, but youโre smiling. a real, unforced smile.
โthanks,โ you say quietly.
โanytime,โ he replies, already turning toward the kitchen again. โjustโฆ donโt let that one go, alright?โ
and as you watch him disappear into the crowd, your phone buzzes in your pocket.
on my way. almost there.
you press your lips together, the ghost of a smile still there.
maybe you didnโt come to this party to kiss jaehyun after all. maybe you came to realize who you shouldโve been calling all along.
the cold bites harder now. youโre standing outside again, fidgeting with the hem of your sleeves, your phone clutched tight in your hand. every passing second feels like itโs stretching eternity, but thenโyou spot him. haechan walks up the sidewalk.
haechan was wearing sweatpants, mismatched socks stuffed into crocs, and a hoodie thatโs too big even for him. his hair is a mess, fluffed and wild like he just rolled out of bedโand he probably did. you freeze, heart caught in your throat, as he blinks at you sleepily, rubbing at one eye with the heel of his palm.
you stare at himโat the boy who still showed up, in the dead of night, after a long shift, just because you needed him. and something inside you swells so big, so full, it spills over before you can contain it.
you donโt thinkโyouย run.
you crash into him with a force that makes him stumble half a step back, arms instantly wrapping around you, warm and steady. he doesnโt say anything. he just holds you, one hand coming up to stroke your hair gently, his breath warm against your temple.
you press your face into his neck, breathing him inโcoffee, fabric softener, something soย haechan. your chest heaves, and your eyes sting again.
when he pulls you into his embrace, it feels like the weight of the world finally lifts from your chest. his touch is soft, his fingers brushing against your skin in the most familiar way, like heโs always been there, always meant to be there.
he sighs softly, tugging you closer like heโs scared youโll slip away. โseriouslyโฆ whatโs wrong with you lately?โ he murmurs, voice groggy, laced with concern. โwhy are you acting like such a crybaby, huh?โ
you lift your head, blinking up at him through the tears that wonโt stop pooling. your eyes meet hisโthose deep, sleepy eyes that always seem to see too muchโand your lips part as if to answer, but no words come.
so instead, you kiss him.
you pull him down by the collar of his hoodie and press your mouth to his with all the confusion, all the ache, all the longing youโve buried for far too long. his lips are warm, soft, and as soon as he realizes whatโs happening, he kisses you back.
and then, when you press your lips to his, itโs like every other kiss youโve had fades away into nothingness. the world around you dissolves, and all that remains is the sensation of him. itโs pure, itโs groundingโeverything that jaehyunโs kiss wasnโt.
he doesnโt ask questions. he doesnโt stop you. he just holds you tighter, like heโs afraid this moment might shatter.
his hand cradles your cheek, the pad of his thumb brushing under your eye, and the kiss deepensโnot rushed, not clumsy, justย real. like heโs trying to tell you all the things neither of you ever dared to say.
your fingers curl into his hoodie as you pour everything into the kissโyour gratitude, your fear, your guilt, your truth.
it feels like you're being purified, as if every trace of doubt, of confusion, of disappointment, is being washed away by the intensity of haechanโs presence. thereโs no bitterness, no strange aftertasteโonly him, only the steady rhythm of his heartbeat as you lose yourself in him. with each second, you realize just how much youโve longed for this, how much youโve needed him, even when you didnโt know it. this, this is what real intimacy feels like, and itโs everything you never knew you were missing.
the walk to haechanโs apartment felt different. the night air was biting, and the cold seemed to press against your skin, but it wasnโt enough to cool the heat that was bubbling in your chest. you didnโt want to be here, not tonight, not after everything that had just happened. but here you were, once again, losing yourself in the warmth of his presence.
โlost your keys again?โ haechan asked, his voice playful but with a hint of concern in his eyes as he stepped aside to let you into his apartment. you gave him a sheepish smile, pretending to fumble with your bag and looking down, avoiding his gaze.
โyeah, Iโm such a mess,โ you murmured, but your words felt hollow, like they were slipping through your fingers as quickly as the nightโs events.
he didnโt say anything more, but the slight furrow of his brow told you he was paying attention. it was a game, a little lie that you used to keep yourself near him just a little longer, but tonight, it felt like more. it felt like you were hiding something from him.
inside his apartment, the quiet enveloped you like a blanket, and for a moment, it felt like everything was still. you sat on the couch next to him, the tension between you thickening by the second. it was always easy to talk to him, but tonight, the words felt like they were stuck in your throat. and you knew whyโbecause the taste of jaehyunโs kiss was still fresh on your lips, and it made you sick to your stomach.
โwhat happened?โ haechanโs voice cut through the silence, and you could see it in his eyes: that flicker of concern. he knew something was wrong, and you could feel his gaze on you, waiting for the truth.
you let out a breath, the words tumbling out before you could stop them. โjaehyun... I kissed him.โ
he stiffened beside you, his body tensing. you didnโt have to look at him to know the change in his expression. it was there in the way his muscles locked up, in the way he barely moved, his eyes narrowing slightly as he processed the words.
"what? you kissed him?" he repeated, his tone laced with disbelief. "good for you, I guess..."
the final sentence hit you like a punch to the gut, but you couldnโt stop now. it was too late to take it back, and the confession felt like it was clawing its way out.
"it wasnโt what I expected," you whispered, avoiding his gaze as your stomach twisted. "it was... bad. it didnโt feel right. at all."
haechanโs hand clenched into a fist, his face hardening, but there was something more in his eyes nowโsomething you hadnโt expected. jealousy. confusion. it was almost as if he wanted to say something but was holding it back. you felt the heat rise in your chest, your own guilt gnawing at you.
"waitโwhat?" haechan leaned forward, his voice suddenly sharp, though his face was tight with barely-contained emotion. "it was... bad? after all that?"
you nodded slowly, your throat tight as you continued, โyeah. it wasnโt what I thought it would be. there was no passion, no spark. the taste of beer... it was all I could focus on, and I hated it. I... I just couldnโt feel anything.โ
the silence that followed felt thick, suffocating. you could see the storm brewing in his eyes. he wasnโt angryโat least, not completelyโbut he was something else. hurt, maybe? or disappointment? you couldnโt tell.
"so, thatโs it then?" his voice was quieter now, the sharpness fading into something softer, more contemplative. โyour feelings for him are... gone?โ
"yeah," you admitted, finally meeting his gaze, feeling the truth weigh on your shoulders. "theyโre gone. I donโt want him anymore. I donโt even want to kiss him again."
the words hung in the air, and you waited for him to respond, your heart racing, unsure of what he would say. when he finally spoke, it wasnโt what you expected.
โyou know,โ he started, his voice light, almost teasing, โi never liked the idea of you with him. not even for a second.โ
you blinked, surprised at his admission. โyou didnโt?โ
โno,โ he said, the edge of his smile almost teasing, though there was something else behind it. โI always thought you deserved someone who wasnโt... like him.โ
you frowned, still processing what he was saying, but before you could respond, he continued.
โbut now i get it. i see why you would be disappointed. heโs not... him,โ haechan said, his voice lowering, the underlying sadness creeping in. "i guess iโm just glad youโre realizing it now. even if it took you kissing him to see it."
a chill ran down your spine as you looked at him, unsure of what he meant. your heart tightened with a strange mix of relief and something elseโsomething more complicated that you couldnโt name yet.
โyouโre not... mad?โ you asked quietly.
โmad?โ he repeated, laughing softly, though there was no real humor in it. โno. why would I be mad? Iโm just... relieved. you deserve better.โ
โso... what now?โ you asked, voice barely above a whisper.
haechan didnโt answer immediately. his eyes lingered on youโsoaked in the way your makeup had smudged slightly, how your lips were still a little swollen from that kiss with jaehyun, how your dress had ridden up your thighs from the car ride. he swallowed hard, jaw clenched like he was fighting the urge to say something reckless.
then he said it anyway.
โnow i take care of you.โ
your breath hitched.
he stepped closer. slowly. deliberately. the kind of approach that made your knees weak. the kind of approach that said he knew exactly what you needed before you did. his hand reached for your waist, pulling you gently toward him, until your bodies were flush against each other.
โunless you donโt want that,โ he murmured against your ear, his lips grazing your skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps. โyou tell me to stop, and i will. no questions, no pressure.โ
you didnโt say anything. you couldnโt. Instead, you tilted your head and captured his lips in a kissโneedy, messy, full of everything you hadnโt said for weeks.
he groaned into your mouth, hands gripping your hips, grounding you. but he didnโt rush. he kissed you like he had time. like he was savoring the moment heโd waited for far too long.
โhaechanโฆโย you breathed when you finally pulled back.
he looked at you, eyes burning.
โyeah, baby?โ
your cheeks flushed. โiโฆ want to go further. i trust you.โ
he blinked, just once, and something softened in his expression.
โare you sure?โ he asked, voice lower now, rougher, but laced with concern. โi need to hear you say it.โ
you nodded, fingers brushing his jaw. โiโm sure.โ
he kissed you again, slower this time, like a promise. then he scooped you up effortlessly in his arms, carrying you to his bed, the same way he always carried you emotionallyโcareful, steady, never letting you fall.
he laid you down like you were precious, and then crawled over you, caging you in with his body, forehead pressed to yours.
โtell me if anything feels too much,โ he whispered.
you nodded. he reached over to the nightstand, rummaging for a condom, giving you a look that made your stomach flip.
โPrepared?โย you teased softly.
he smirked. โbaby, iโve been in love with you since you spilled coffee on my camera. iโveย alwaysย been prepared.โ
your laugh faded into a gasp as his hands slipped beneath your dress, touching you with reverence, praise pouring from his mouth like it was second nature.
โso fucking perfect,โย he murmured, kissing down your neck.ย โevery part of you. mine to take care of. mine to love.โ
his fingers teased you through your panties until you were arching, needy and aching, the room filled with the soft, wet sounds of your arousal.
โyouโre already this wet for me? fuckโbaby, you're killing me.โ
you squirmed, overwhelmed by the sensation, but craving more. then you heard the foil tear, and your heart pounded louder.
the moment he entered you was slow, intense, a stretch that bordered on pain and pleasure, but he was right thereโkissing your forehead, telling you how beautiful you were, how good you felt, how proud he was of you.
โyouโre doing so good,โย he groaned.ย โso fucking tight. you were made for me, werenโt you?โ
you nodded desperately, clinging to him.
he moved slow, deep, rolling his hips so you felt every inch of him. his name fell from your lips like a prayer.
one condom turned into two. then three. you couldnโt stop. neither could he.
sweat clung to your skin, tangled sheets beneath you. he had you on top of him at one point, his hands on your hips as you moved, his eyes never leaving your face.
โthatโs it, baby. take what you need. fuckโride me just like that.โ
another position had him behind you, one hand gripping your waist, the other slipping between your legs to make you scream his name as your body fell apart.
by the time the fourth wrapper crumpled beside the bed, you were both panting, dazed and desperate.
you rolled onto your back, breathless. โweโre out.โ
you reached for your phone, already sitting up. โI can run down to the 7-elevenโโ
he stopped you instantly, pressing a hand to your stomach.
โno, baby,โย he said, voice firm.ย โiโll go. you stay here. let me take care of it.โ
the way he said itโso naturally, so possessivelyโsent a wave of heat straight through you. you bit your lip, something wicked curling inside you.
โorโฆโย you said, voice dripping with mischief.ย โwe could justโฆ try without one.โ
he froze. eyes dark. jaw tight.
โdonโt tempt me,โย he growled.
you crawled into his lap, pressing your lips to his neck.
โwhat if i want to?โย you whispered.ย โwhat if i want all of you?โ
he exhaled sharply, head falling back.ย โfuckโฆ youโre dangerous.โ
still, he hesitatedโuntil you ground down on him and whispered,ย โi trust you, haechan.โ
that was all it took.
he didnโt say a word for a moment. just stared at you like youโd set him on fire.
then he kissed youโhard. not rushed, but full of hunger, like youโd just pulled the leash off something heโd been holding back for far too long.
you could feel him against you, throbbing and hot, even without anything between you now. your body tingled in anticipation, in fear, in want. you were bare in every wayโand he saw you, accepted you, craved you.
he guided you down onto the bed again, positioning himself between your thighs, his hands cupping your face gently.
โif i do thisโฆโย he said, voice low and trembling with restraint,ย โyou need to tell me if anything feels wrong. anything at all, baby.โ
โit wonโt,โย you whispered.ย โi want you. just like this.โ
he lined himself up, one hand steadying your hip, the other brushing hair from your face. when he pushed inโslow, careful,ย deepโyour whole body tensed, wrapped around him like he was the first breath after drowning.
it hurt. just a little. enough to make your lips part with a gasp. but he stopped instantly, not moving, just whispering against your cheek.
โbreathe for me, sweetheart. youโre doing so fucking good.โ
you nodded, clinging to his shoulders, letting yourself relax little by little until your body opened for him.
he began to moveโnot fast, but deep and fluid, his voice rasping against your ear with every thrust.
โyou feel unreal,โย he groaned.ย โso tight. so fucking warm. shitโyou're making me lose my mind.โ
your nails dug into his back. you couldnโt think. could barelyย breathe. all you knew was himโhis scent, his voice, his body fitting against yours like you were made for this moment.
โdoes it feel good, baby?โย he asked, barely holding it together.
โyes,โย you moaned.ย โit feels so good, haechan.โ
he reached between you, his fingers finding that perfect spot again, circling gently as his hips rolled deeper.
โi want you to cum for me,โย he whispered, eyes flicking up to the mirror across the room.
and thatโs when you saw it tooโthe reflection.
the sight of yourself, spread out beneath him, his body covering yours, the way his hips rolled into you, slow but relentless, the way your mouth fell open in pleasure.
you locked eyes with him through the mirror.
โlook at you,โย he said.ย โso fucking pretty. you should see what i see. you should see what you do to me.โ
you whimpered, already close. the feeling of him inside you, the way he praised you, the reflection showing you everything you felt but couldnโt describeโit pushed you right to the edge.
โyouโre mine,โย he growled, thrusting deeper.ย โsay it.โ
โiโm yours,โย you gasped, back arching.
โagain.โ
โiโm yours, haechanโfuckโiโmโโ
the orgasm tore through you like a tidal wave. your whole body trembled as you clung to him, moaning his name like a confession.
he followed with a deep, broken moan, hips grinding into you as he came, his entire body tensing above yours, the sound of your names and curses filling the air as he spilled inside you, raw and unfiltered.
afterward, he collapsed next to you, pulling you into his chest, kissing your forehead with trembling lips.
โiโve never felt anything like that,โย he whispered.
you couldnโt answer. your body was still shaking, your mind a mess of stars and heat.
he held you close, running his fingers up and down your spine.
and for a long time, neither of you spoke.
because nothing needed to be said.
haechan stood by the door, shirtless, hair messy, pulling on his sweatpants with a crooked grin on his face.
โbe right back,โย he said, grabbing his keys.ย โwe are out of condoms.โ
your heart jumped at how casually he said it. like he already knew you werenโt done. like he couldnโt wait to get his hands back on you.
โdonโt be long,โย you said, your voice a little hoarse, a little needy.
โiโll run,โย he smirked, and you believed him.
the moment the door closed behind him, your body buzzed with anticipation. you felt sore, satisfiedโฆ and yet completely empty without him there.
a little while later, you were curled up on his couch wearing nothing but his oversized hoodie, legs tucked under you, sipping water with your thighs still trembling from everything he just made you feel.
your mind ran wild imagining all the things heโd do when he got back.
and ohโhe did.
he came back ten minutes later, breathless and grinning, holding a bag with the corner of a box peeking out.
โmiss me?โย he teased.
โshut up,โย you mumbled, biting your lip as he approached you on the couch.
but he didnโt give you time to banter. his mouth was on yours again, hungry and hot, hands already sliding under the hoodie like heโd been starving the whole way back.
โi couldnโt stop thinking about you,โย he growled into your ear, lips dragging down your neck.ย โevery fucking step i ran, i was thinking about how wet you were. how tight. how you said my name when you came.โ
you whimpered, legs parting automatically as he knelt between them on the couch.
but this timeโhe was different. rougher. more commanding. his eyes darker.
โget up,โย he whispered, pulling you to your feet.
โwhere are weโ?โ
โshower,โย he said.ย โnow.โ
you didnโt argue.
the water hit your skin like a shock, but his body was hotter. he pressed you up against the cool tile wall, mouth devouring yours as his hands slid down to your ass, lifting you up, making you wrap your legs around him.
โyouโre mine tonight,โย he growled against your lips.ย โno stopping now. you started thisโnow iโm gonna finish it. again and again.โ
your back hit the wall as he slid into you, wet and desperate. the sounds of skin against skin, water splashing, your moans echoing in the steamโfilthyย andย perfect.
you lost count of how many times he made you come.
after the shower, he didnโt even let you dry off.
he carried youโcarriedโnaked and dripping, to the living room, laying you over the back of the couch. your knees barely held as he bent you forward, one hand gripping your hip, the other sliding between your legs.
โstill so wet?โย he teased, running his fingers through your folds.ย โwhat did i do to you, baby?โ
โyou ruined me,โย you gasped, pushing back against his hand.
โgood,โย he hissed.ย โyouโre gonna take me again. right here.โ
and you did.
he fucked you from behind on the couch, your moans muffled in the cushion, your fingers clawing at the leather. he didnโt let upโheย usedย you, praised you, told you howย fucking hotย you looked taking him like that.
then the kitchen.
you barely made it there.
he bent you over the counter, spreading your legs with a low groan.
โyou trust me?โย he asked, voice low and rough.
โyes,โย you breathed.
โgood,โย he said, sliding in again, slow and deep.ย โbecause i'm not holding back anymore.โ
he fucked you while gripping your hips, your body slamming gently into the counter with each thrust, your breath fogging the cold surface.
โso fucking perfect,โย he groaned.ย โyou were made for me.โ
then came the dining table.
you ended upย onย itโlegs open, arms thrown over your head, his name spilling from your lips like a mantra. he kissed every inch of your body, left love bites on your thighs, praised every moan and whimper you gave him.
you didnโt even remember how many condoms you went through untilโ
โfuck,โย he muttered, breathless, sweaty.ย โlast oneโs gone.โ
the apartment was thick with heat and the smell of sex. your bodies glistened with sweat, tangled over the polished wood of the dining table. haechanโs chest was pressed to your back, his arms wrapped tightly around you as both of you struggled to catch your breath.
it wasnโt until the digital clock on the microwave blinkedย 4:02 AMย that either of you realized how much time had passed.
โshit,โย you whispered with a soft laugh, still breathless.
โyeahโฆโย haechanโs voice was husky, worn out, but content. he pressed a lazy kiss to your shoulder.ย โweโve been at this for hours. you okay?โ
you nodded, eyes half-lidded, still processing everything. your body felt sore, used in the best possible way, and your heart was floating somewhere between exhaustion and complete peace.
he helped you off the table, careful and gentle now, holding you by the waist as you stumbled a little, your legs wobbly. you both laughed quietly at that, and he gave you a soft kiss on the forehead.
โcome on,โย he murmured.ย โletโs clean up and go to bed before the sun comes up.โ
the warmth of his bed was a balm against your tender skin. after a quick rinse in the bathroom and slipping into one of his worn shirts, you curled up against him under the covers. his fingers traced light circles on your back as you lay there, your leg thrown over his, his other arm wrapped around you like you were something fragile and precious.
โyou okay?โย he asked again, softer this time. there was a hint of vulnerability in his voiceโlike he was afraid this had been too much.
you nodded into his chest.
โiโm more than okay,โย you whispered.ย โi feelโฆ safe. and really, really good.โ
he exhaled a little laugh of relief and kissed the top of your head. the silence that followed wasnโt awkwardโit was peaceful. comforting. like your bodies had said everything your mouths didnโt need to.
soon enough, your breaths synced. his hand stayed on your waist as you both drifted off to sleep.
the next morningย came slowly.
soft rays of sunlight filtered in through the curtains, painting lazy golden streaks across the sheets. you blinked awake first, still pressed against his warm body. his hand was splayed over your stomach, holding you close, and his legs were tangled with yours beneath the covers.
you didnโt want to move.
there was a quiet hum in your chest, that afterglow still lingering like a dream. you turned slightly to look at himโhis hair was messy, lips parted, eyelashes resting gently on his cheeks. peaceful.ย beautiful.
you shifted a little, and he stirred, eyes barely opening.
โmmm,โย he murmured.ย โyouโre still here.โ
โwhere else would i be?โย you whispered.
he smiled, still half-asleep, and pulled you closer.
โgood,โย he said, voice low and raspy.ย โi want you right here. just like this.โ
you melted into him, your heart full, your body still tingling in places, and thought maybeโjust maybeโwaking up like this with haechan could become your favorite part of any day.
haechan made breakfast in nothing but his boxers, hair still messy from sleep, humming some old song as you sat on the counter, wearing only his oversized t-shirt and the glow heโd left on your skin.
there was laughter. soft jokes. syrup on your lips that he licked off with a grin.
and when you finally curled back into the couch, your head on his shoulder, legs tangled under a shared blanket, it didnโt feel strange.
it didnโt feel like youโd crossed a line.
it felt like youโd stepped into something deeper.
he looked at you then, brushing a strand of hair from your cheek, and whispered:
โyou knowโฆ i think weโre still us.โ
you smiled, heart fluttering.
because he was right.
maybe in the end, sex doesnโt ruin the friendshipโ it transforms it.
