#dnyl

Right away, unconsciously, tears started to fall from your eyes and your mouth was ajar, your body feeling that tingly sensation of freezing up. It seemed like your brain had just given up in trying to send signals since it became hard for you to breathe, unable to remember how to do the simple action.

One breath in.

One breath out.

Hyuck’s face was the only thing you could focus on and it was filled with sympathy, most likely regret that he’d informed you.

But this couldn’t be happening, not again. He hadn’t even told you?? How could that be? Mark had been discussing with you for so long about Julie and his plans in asking her out so this wasn’t possible. 

I mean surely, he would’ve discussed it with you before asking her out. You were his wingperson, his good friend who was also Julie’s good friend as much as you hated being so.

“I uh- I know you’ve liked Mark for a while now (y/n). I also know you confessed to him as a supposed joke because he um told me that day. But I-I mean he still thinks it’s a joke if that helps. But-”

You zoned out not hearing the rest of Hyuck’s words, one shock after another wasn’t really helping your mental state because now your mind was swarming with thoughts of how Hyuck had known about your crush but hadn’t once told you about it. Did the others like James know about it? This was all too much and frankly it felt like some sort of nightmare. You had no idea how to escape or what to believe.

So you ran.

You ran to the place that could confirm if this was reality or a dream; you ran to the cafeteria.

The slightly warm air hit your face, prompting the tears at the brim of your eyes to roll down like rain on a speeding car. 

This hurt much more than being rejected. At least with rejection Mark was still single and you were still his good friend. But if Julie was going to get in the picture then the whole group dynamic was going to be different and you weren’t going to be Mark’s so-called favourite junior anymore. God, you didn’t even have enough in you to act like you were okay this time because you weren’t. The nightmare you’d suppressed for so long was happening.

And as you neared the cafeteria, already sounds of excitement and cheering could be heard, crushing your heart a bit more. Pushing open the doors desperately, you were met with the sight of all of Mark’s friends and other seniors hollering as your Mark hugged Julie.

That should’ve been you.

That should’ve been you gleaming, grinning from ear to ear and a rosiness in your cheeks as he picked you up in an embrace and swung you around with love. But it wasn’t.

You were the absolute joke on the outskirts with your teary blurred eyes glued on them while the rest of the cafeteria kept hyping up the bold move. It felt like each second suffocated you more and more as they shone together, basking in the attention and bright energy.

You couldn’t take it. The happiness and upbeat mood of something that shouldn’t have even happened. How could Mark have asked out Julie without telling you about it? You just didn’t get it and it made your head hurt more and tears fall faster down your face. At the moment you didn’t care if anyone saw you, you didn’t have time to act, lie, whatever.

So you pushed the doors once again and ran to the only place that popped up in your mind to escape from this all. It was the one place where you had seeked comfort from before, the art room in the old wing.

“(y/n)! Wait!” 

You could hear Hyuck’s voice from behind, no doubt wanting to console you but you didn’t want anyone around you and your pathetic crying self. It was already mortifying enough that he’d known of your crush on his best-friend that apparently hadn’t one hundred percent left your heart and also of the rejection. Now this promposal? This was peak loser status.

“They’re way different from you (y/n), all of them.”

Hyuck was right after all. They were different from you, no, you were different from all of them; Jaemin, Jeno, Mark even Hyuck. You’d never fit in fully with anyone of them only being close enough to call them your good friends. But did good friends hide lots of secrets from one another? Maybe you were never as close as you had led yourself to think.

Luckily, Hyuck wasn’t fast enough to catch up with you and you quickly slipped into the art room, being welcomed into the darkness once again. Unlike when you’d been rejected before you didn’t sit by the door but instead went to the spot where Renjun had been, behind the long rolls of coloured paper that hid you from everything further encasing you in the pitch black void similar to what was in your mind. 

So many thoughts were running through your mind at the moment that it felt like there were just a bunch of people stuck in your body telling you what to do and you hated it. You covered your mouth with your jacket’s arm sleeve and screamed into it. Kept yelling until your throat hurt and couldn’t take it anymore.

For the first time in a while the darkness comforted you, opening it’s arms and engulfing you in its cold embrace, letting you know that it was alright to let out your emotions.

And let them out you did.

You cried into your jacket’s sleeves up until the point they became disgustingly damp leaving you to only feel more miserable. Out of all of the people why did this have to happen to you? And in such a short amount of time? You really wished you’d told Hendery about all of this and that he was here now giving you a hug. You really wished he didn’t have to be so far away. He was the only one you fit in with, your one best-friend. The best-friend that was miles away. 

Your stomach grumbled all of a sudden, reminding you of the thrown away lunch.

In a way you felt as if you deserved this hunger. You deserved to feel horrible. After all it was you who had done this to yourself and ultimately if you’d just gotten over Mark or maybe even been realistic about him going after Julie instead of pushing it to the back of your mind, you wouldn’t be like this now. If only you’d accepted that Mark would ask her one day or another and not been in denial that he was too shy to, you wouldn’t be all alone as usual.

But here you were, unable to reign in your emotions nor get up and go to the next class. You wouldn’t be able to clean yourself up properly in time to look decent nor would you be able to explain why you looked like a mess to the teacher without them calling home or sending you to a trip to the nurse’s office. 

All these lies were catching up to you, they were in control of you now and you had no choice but to succumb to them. It was all your fault.

A tear gently rolled down your cheek as you replayed the cafeteria scene in your head. Mark with that big grin on his face, eyes twinkling as he absorbed the happiness around him looking so damn perfect. And here you were, single, still not put together and a crying mess.

Why was fate so cruel to the ones who always tried? 

You thought you were doing so well getting over Mark already but this cut deep. Maybe it was because you’d always thought that Julie would reject him. That you could go about your happy way and fully end your crush on him whenever you wanted to (most likely when he went off to college and you lost touch).

So you’d still kept him in your heart, that’s what it was all along. No matter how much you’d convinced yourself you were fine and totally over Mark, you weren’t and this was why it hurt more than the first time. 

But what could you do now though? 

You were all alone just like how you were meant to be. Back to square one in the art room, this time no Renjun was going to pop out and be snarky again. No new club to join. 

Actually, the DNYL club felt like a joke now. The spark that you’d felt at first was dwindling down into something as hopeless as a holey life jacket in the middle of the sea.

It was bogus really. The club. Your thoughts went straight to it and you wondered what you’d achieved these past couple of weeks convincing one another that you were okay without love. 

It was stupid because you did need love. You needed it when you’d joined the club and for some reason hadn’t thought of the repercussions of trying to act like you didn’t. You needed a romantic love and platonic friendships weren’t going to cut it for you, maybe for some others but you thrived off of that giddy feeling of staying up late and fantasizing. 

What was so wrong having a crush or being in love? 

The only thing that was wrong was getting caught up in it all but other than that, what was so wrong?

So what, if it was one-sided? Maybe you’d been blindsided by entering your one-sided crush with the thought that you’d come out of it no longer alone but that was just your fault for expecting. Hell, even when in the club, you were starting to expect from Jeno, Renjun and even Jaemin who provided you with that giddy feeling of flirting.

Being so swept up in Jeno’s good looks and tsundere personality then Renjun’s caring side that not many got to see but you did! You saw it! And Jaemin who made you feel like the only person in the world when he talked to you with his undivided attention. But what were you going to do about it now? 

God, what an ungodly time. 

You rested your head on your knees that were up against your chest, an empty void clouding you as your silent tears spilled in a silent room. Your head hurt from crying so much and you felt icky with all of the mucus in you.

Questions seemed to pile in your head all of a sudden as you began to think clearer and less erratic.

Wasn’t it too soon? How did Hyuck know you liked him? Why didn’t Mark at least give you a heads up? Why did you feel this way when you swore you’d forget about him as your crush? Why did you think all of a sudden, you were best-friends because Mark needed you? 

He needed you. He made you feel wanted, like you mattered to him, your decisions, your jokes, you. But you didn’t. He had needed you but now you were of no use. 

Mark was just a kind guy who wanted to make everyone feel good but what he didn’t understand was in the process, his lack of sincerity in a true friendship brought it all down. He practically used you and didn’t care to include you in what you’d been such a big part of. God. The image was forever burned in your head at how happy he was in the cafeteria. The happiness that wasn’t caused by you but by her. It was always her wasn’t it. The good grades, the clean reputation, the boys fawning at her feet or at least Mark fawning at her feet. 

The tear streaks were becoming itchy on your cheeks so you wiped your eyes and thought, wondered really on what you were going to do now. If you went out before the lunch bell, no doubt you’d be hounded by Hyuck and his pity which was funny, as he rarely showed pity to others. He probably wanted to explain about how all this happened except you didn’t want to hear it now. You didn’t have the capacity to stop yourself from breaking down once again. 

And for someone who was somewhat being noticed more and more after Jaemin’s public flirting, you didn’t want the attention either. Thus, ruling out the option of going to the next class. 

What you needed was some alone time. Some time away from the rest of the world so you could come to terms with everything. But it seemed as if your thoughts only brought bad luck as your phone dinged, showing notifications from two people you really didn’t want to hear from.

Jaemin: u good angel? I just saw u run out of the cafeteria with sweaty eyes???? can’t find u either :(

Jaemin: U wanna skip for the rest of the day or somethin? We can go anywhere you want & grab something to eat :)

Jaemin: it’ll be on me ofc 😙💞

You laughed at the “sweaty eyes” comment, no doubt he knew something was wrong and was trying to lighten your mood. Maybe skipping class was a good idea... but you didn’t know if you wanted to share what had happened with him because of how embarrassing it was.

Renjun: Are you free today? I need some help after school

For some reason Renjun’s message spoiled your mood, not only did it sound selfish but it reminded you of Hyuck’s words. You didn’t fit in with them, these friendships were only temporary and it was bad for you to keep feeding into them. Plus it was tiring having to help others all the time and not receive anything in return. It sounded selfish but you’d put so much in for everyone and you deserved a break from it all now to focus on your own feelings.

So you decided to do something completely different and daring.

You turned off your phone and slowly got up feeling disgusting and exhausted from crying so much. What was even more disgusting was the fact that your jacket was covered with tears and possible snot so you took it off and tied it around your waist. 

Then tiptoeing to the back door, you opened it bit by bit, focusing on any sound to see if Hyuck was still roaming the halls. He was that annoyingly persistent to be still searching for you. It would’ve been endearing but you knew that it was just so that he cleared himself of a guilty conscience for making you upset.

But to your luck, it didn’t seem as if there was anyone out and about so you took a quick peek out the door, looking from side to side to make sure all was clear which thankfully, it was. 

Maybe you did have a bit of luck in you. 

Quietly shutting the door, you softly but quickly walked towards the back door to make a successful escape. 

And successful it was.

The clear skies and wind filled your sight, giving you some hope for the rest of the day to be spent wallowing in your own self-pity. An odd feeling of relief coated washed over you as you looked at the beautiful scenery. Now you could do whatever you wanted without having to think too hard. Just you, this was how it was all going to end anyways. Just you. 

Or so you thought. 

As when you turned the corner of the school to make a quick dash to a trail that led off school property, you heard someone shout to you, 

“Hey! Could you pass the ball please?”

Shit. 

A slightly dirty and beat up soccer ball rolled near your feet and you could hear jogging your way making you mentally curse even more. 

“Hey! Wait, (y/n)? What are you doing here?” A familiar low voice squeaked out to you making you wince and pressure your brain to work faster in creating a lie to respond.

You turned around to face Jisung, someone you hadn’t seen in a while, dressed in gym clothes consisting of an old shirt and dark blue soccer shorts. It really fit him well as a soccer player but what didn’t fit him was the confused expression as to why you were in such a random place looking slightly suspicious.

“Jisung!” You smiled brightly, hoping it looked genuine enough, “I was just getting some fresh air! Didn’t feel too good in class so thought I should just come out for a bit.”

It wasn’t fully a lie, you were out to get some fresh air, just not during class.

“Oh” He said, naively believing you but the look of confusion was quickly replaced with concern, “Are you okay? Is something wrong?”

‘Everything’s wrong’ you wanted to tell him but mustered up a small smile saying, “Yeah I think I ate something bad during lunch.”

This time he didn’t seem to believe it wholeheartedly as his eyes looked over your slightly flushed face and swollen eyes. You weren’t okay and it was showing, damn it.

“Uh give me a second, j-just stay here.” He picked up the ball and flashed a sympathetic smile your way before running towards the field and drop-kicking the ball yelling, “Hey Matt! Heads up!”

Then he jogged back to you slightly out of breath asking, “Do you wanna get some uh ice-cream? It cures lots of things I’ve heard. I mean unless you’re lactose intolerant than maybe not.” He laughed nervously.

Your brows furrowed as you struggled to answer him. Ice-cream sounded great but you didn’t want to be with anyone at the moment. And wasn’t he going to get in trouble for skipping class?? He was a freshman too and that didn’t look good.

“But aren’t you in class?” you asked. He waved his hands, his long fingers awkwardly moving as he fake laughed trying to be nonchalant. 

“It’s okay, the teacher’s my soccer coach so I’ll just tell him something at practice.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his kind gesture, making him smile back at you.  You’d barely known him but here he was going out of his way and most likely getting in trouble just to make you feel better. He also seemed to be less shy around you which felt nice because that meant he was slowly becoming more comfortable around you. Maybe ice-cream didn’t sound so bad.

“So what’s really up?” Jisung asked as you two sat down in a children’s park with your ice-cream cones. It was the closest place to sit by and relax but far enough that no one could hear you.

You sighed, unsure whether to tell him the truth or just fib again. All of a sudden, you had a flashback of when Jisung had come out to you and confessed his crush on Chenle. The situation felt similar to now.

He’d told you something so important, surely you could do the same and let him in on what you’d never told anyone yet.... right?

“I- um” You cleared your throat, feeling it tighten and tears brimming your eyes, “I-I-I’m sorry it’s just hard, can you give me a couple of minutes?” You choked, one hand squeezed into a fist to calm yourself down while the other had a loose grip on the cone. 

You felt an awkward yet gentle pat on the shoulder as you silently watched all the happy little kids play. God how you wished you could be like them again, no care in the world except for naps and lunch.

“I wanted to say sorry by the way.” Jisung spoke up all of a sudden.

Huh?

You looked at Jisung to see him looking at a couple enjoying a picnic with a bright shine in his eyes.

“Thank you for being there for me when I was having trouble with my um crush but I’m also sorry for um putting that on you... especially near finals. It takes time for me to open up to people usually but you just felt like someone I could talk to and I took that chance too selfishly I think so I’m sorry (y/n).”

He kicked a rock and you watched it roll away as he continued, “I’ve been stopping myself from hanging out with Chenle lately and I think that’s made him cling onto you now which I also wanted to say I’m sorry for.” Jisung’s tone became a bit somber but he continued again,

“But I wanted to say thank you though for encouraging me and being by my side even though we haven’t known each other for so long. I would’ve never had this moment of I guess almost peace if it wasn’t for you so thank you.”

Tears started to fall now and it wasn’t because of earlier events but because of how taken aback you were at Jisung’s sudden wise words and thankfulness to you. You hadn’t realized that you’d impacted him nor helped him so much. But you had and it felt a bit surreal.

It seemed as if this was what you needed to finally gain the courage to open up as you wiped the tears from your eyes and finally told him about what was going on.

Jisung was silent for the whole time, no expression on his face as he took in everything, ice-cream cones melting as you both were concentrating on your story. The whole time a voice in your head nagged at you if this was the right thing to do, telling your story.

Surely, he wouldn’t tell anyone, especially the other guys, right? He wasn’t even close with them anyways besides Chenle whom he wasn’t even talking to at the moment. 

But honestly, what did you have to lose at this point? They all knew the story just not the guy involved so it was okay to share. And it wasn’t like they hadn’t been involved with a situation similar to yours, especially Jisung who’s story was basically identical.

You took another deep breath in after explaining it all up to the present. There was a bugging feeling of “What was he going to say? Was I too stupid? Was my story stupid?” that you’d known was going to happen and despised feeling. After all, this was the first time you were sharing the details and it was hard to imagine from another person’s perspective what it sounded like. 

You knew it was pathetic but how much?

It was silent for probably a couple of minutes afterwards, the distant sound of kids laughing and playing filling the air. But it felt like an eternity had passed and Jisung did not say a word only making you more anxious. And then his next action was what you would never expect at all.

He got up and walked away. Huh? Being confused was an understatement as you watched him walk. Did he really think your story and pathetic crushing was that bad?

Before you panicked and came up with more theories on what was happening, you heard the clink of something being thrown in the trash and saw that he’d only gotten up to throw away his melting ice-cream. A waste of good ice-cream and also an odd time but it still gave you some sort of relief that he wasn’t abandoning you. 

You didn’t know what to expect as he sat down again and awkwardly cleared his throat. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not uh the best at comforting people and maybe this isn’t the right thing to ask right now but um.... uh...” He hesitated, his long fingers nervously stretching. 

“It’s okay, just ask.” You blurted nervously, bracing yourself for whatever he was about to say next.

“Okay um.....” Jisung turned to face you, “Well um, h-how do you feel now?”

You sucked in a sharp breath. That was definitely not what you were expecting at all. Your mind went blank for a second until you asked yourself,

How did you feel?

You felt well, empty. There wasn’t much else to feel after everything that had happened and all of the crying. But you tried to think harder about it, how did you really feel? 

In a way it was relieving and free having to not worry about keeping this hidden from everyone. It was finally off your mind. 

Even though you hated the fact that Donghyuck knew, it wasn’t so bad thinking about it since you didn’t have to hide it from him anymore and have the fear that he was going to tell Mark. Hyuck knew better than that. Plus Jisung had been so attentive towards you that it made you feel even better letting that weight off your chest and just saying it to someone even if he didn’t know how to help you move on.

This was what you had expected to fully feel in the club and you finally felt it with Jisung. In an odd way, maybe the club had helped you reach this point. You were no longer hiding anything and even though it was a bit nerve-wracking, there was no going back, you felt bold.

“I-I feel better I think.” 

Jisung smiled softly, patting you on the shoulder again.

“Told you ice-cream cures things.”

You laughed, looking down at your now deformed cone looking so sad and uneaten.  

“I’d say that too if it hadn’t melted all over my hand.” 

The both of you laughed together, enjoying the moment. “This is what in real life friendship is like.” you thought to yourself watching Jisung laugh, reminding you of Hendery which only made you miss him more. 

Maybe the club had it’s benefits after all. 

“(Y/N)!!!” A British voice all of a sudden yelled.

What???

Before you could even brace yourself, a head full of blonde practically jumped and suffocated you in a tight hug, hurting your back against the bench you were sitting on. It took only a couple of seconds to recognize who it was since you only knew one blonde boy with a British accent.

Harvey.

And as you politely tried to get out of his choke-hold, you noticed two other figures from behind walking in your direction, oh no. Oh no- no, no, no, no.

You managed to loosen Harvey’s grip and turned around to see Jisung sheepishly shrug saying, “I thought maybe you needed some more cheering up.”

Well shit. 

Noticing your distress, your friend eyed you suspiciously, deciding she would put her suspicions to the test.

"Are you getting anything for anyone?" she turned to you, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively as she had successfully directed Jaemin's attention towards you, making you shake your head vigorously.

"Nope," you replied, shifting your weight on your feet, “don’t give me that look...it’s just that, you know, my Valentine's day this year's looking pretty.....uneventful," you huffed with a nervous laugh, making Jaemin frown.

Though he was well aware that the custom he was used to was that Valentine's day was for girls to give guys gifts, he figured a little 'chivalry' as Jaemin liked to put it, may just be the right thing for this situation. Before he lost the sudden surge of confidence, Jaemin recalled what you'd mentioned about liking the flowers.

Packing the box of chocolates into a bag for your friend, Jaemin swiftly handed her the bag along with her change, and you were about to leave when you saw a flash of red almost being shoved against your face.

"Here," you heard his voice.

You leant back, staring at the rose in front of you in surprise, your gaze flickering between the rose and Jaemin who was holding it out for you.

“From me. Happy Valentine's day." Jaemin tilted his head at you ever so slightly, giving you a small close-lipped smile.

You weren't sure whether your mind was registering your movements when you took the flower from him gently, a short silence falling between the both of you (well, and your friend too).

Jaemin opened his mouth to speak again, “What's your na—”

"Y/N!" your head snapped around when you heard the unmistakeable voice of that menace sound in the school's foyer, Jaemin’s question going unnoticed.

"Your 'church brother' is here..." your friend trailed off and you felt a weight on your shoulder, turning to spot Donghyuck next to you, hand pressing down on your shoulder harshly.

Jaemin's eyes widened at the sight of his friend, narrowing his eyes at Donghyuck, "Yo...Lee Donghyuck," he called in a slightly louder voice, making Donghyuck's head snap around to face him quickly.

"Ohh! Right, I forgot you’d be here. You two haven't been introduced yet, right?" Donghyuck gestured between you and Jaemin, earning a shake of the head from Jaemin.

"Well I was about to before you came out of nowhere," Jaemin muttered bitterly, going ignored by Donghyuck, who fiddled with his tie with one hand, gesturing back to you with his other hand.

"Jaemin, this is Y/N, a family friend of mine. Y/N, this is Jaemin." Donghyuck let go of his tie quickly, bringing his hands to yours and Jaemin's wrists, forcefully pulling your hands closer.

"C'mon. Shake hands, make friends," he told the both of you in a tone that fearfully resembled the way he spoke to his pet turtles (whether they were still alive or not, Jaemin was scared to find out).

You hesitated only momentarily, but tensed when you felt Jaemin close the gap and grasp your hand in his, dismissing all those knowledge from etiquette classes and his parents on a firm handshake, choosing to simply squeeze your hand reassuringly before letting go.

Donghyuck, looking satisfied, had let his gaze fall on the rose in your hands, a confused sound falling from his lips.

"Who'd you get this for?" he frowned, and you'd looked at Jaemin in panic, unsure whether you should tell Donghyuck you weren't getting it for anyone.

Looking at Donghyuck with wide eyes, you pointed a finger at Jaemin, making Donghyuck mirror your expression.

"You got it for him?!"

Donghyuck's tone rose, unmistakably about to kick up a fuss since he knew Jaemin’s horrible track record when it came to professions of love from girls in school, but Jaemin intervened before he could do so.

"I gave it to her," Jaemin blurted, looking elsewhere once Donghyuck had directed his wide eyes towards Jaemin.

Narrowing his eyes at the both of them, a realization struck Donghyuck, making him nod slowly, casting a knowing look at your friend.

"Oh....interesting....I'll uh....good for you, bro” Donghyuck shrugged, pulling your friend aside under the pretence of heading to class first so you and Jaemin would be able to have some time alone together.

You glanced nervously between Jaemin and the other members at the booth, seeing him smooth down the sides of his hair, shaking his head to adjust his hair, his slightly curly hair bouncing with the movement.

"So uh....you're a first year, right?" you heard Jaemin clear his throat, his voice coming out a lot more confidently than you'd expected.

Not trusting the pitch of your voice, you nodded in response, seeing his lips curve into a smile, showing off his (very straight) teeth, his head tilting slightly as he looked at you curiously.

"That's cool," he smiled, the conversation falling silent between the both of you before Jaemin spoke up again, wanting to continue your conversation in the hopes of finding out more about you, "are you in any clubs?"

You shook your head, "I put my name down for a few but they're mostly event-based ‘cause I was scared I wouldn't be able to like...cope and stuff," you explained, twirling your rose between your fingers.

"Ahhh...I get it," he hummed, sounding fairly empathetic, though he knew his choices were rather different, seeing as he was used to biting off more than he could chew when it came to commitments.

Jaemin's gaze flickered to your hands, and you wondered why he was glaring so intently at your rose, almost jumping in shock when he'd held a hand out.

"Sorry, can you hand me the rose for a minute?"

You frowned, your panic making you react with a joke.

"You're taking it back?" you asked, handing him the rose anyway.

Jaemin simply gave you a soft smile, shaking his head and turning away from you. You watched as he picked up a pair of cutters, clipping off a thorn on the stem that you were surprised you hadn't cut yourself with from how much you were twirling it.

"There, all better," he smiled, handing the rose back to you.

"Oh.....thanks," you felt your cheeks heat up, "I better uh...head back to class and shit—I mean. Yes. Bye," you waved quickly, not waiting for him to respond before you walked off.

===

That same day, Jaemin had met Jeno on his way back from school, said boy looking very tired after playing for ungodly hours at the computer cafe.

"Do you have dinner at home?" Jeno asked Jaemin, nudging the frame of his glasses up his nose bridge, shaking his head slightly to get his hair away from his eyes.

Jaemin shot Jeno a knowing look, narrowing his eyes at Jeno, “you told your mom you were staying over today again, didn't you?"

Jeno scoffed, “I didn’t—” Jeno sucked in a breath, “okay, maybe I did, but hey, are you trying to fault me for wanting to spend time with you?” Jeno raised his eyebrows, challenging Jaemin.

Jeno relaxed when he saw the way Jaemin broke into a grin, shaking his head good-naturedly at his friend.

“It’s fine, my mom’s been asking me to invite you for dinner anyway,” Jaemin sighed, tucking his thumbs behind the straps of his bag, looking up and letting out another sigh when he saw the way the sun was setting, the sky beginning to get darker.

Jaemin directed his gaze away from the sky, glancing at Jeno.

“So, we haven’t had a good time to chat in a while,” he began.

Jeno snickered at the unnatural wording Jaemin used, making Jaemin tut his tongue in annoyance at Jeno.

“As I was saying, how have things been for you?”

Jeno’s lips pursed, looking as though he were contemplating as he spun his phone in his hand like it was a fidget spinner, letting out a small sigh and shrugging, “I don’t know, I guess I met this girl at the computer cafe the other day when Chenle bailed on me,” he started, ignoring the smirk that Jaemin was giving him.

“You ‘guess’ you met her?” Jaemin laughed, raising his hands in defence when Jeno gave him an exaggerated glare, “okay, sorry. Please, continue.”

“At first I was just looking to kill boredom so I just invited her to play a game of battleground with me since she looked pretty bored too, but then after that she just- okay. Long story short, she played a lot better than I thought she would.”

Jaemin’s eyebrows raised, pressing his lips together in a poor attempt to conceal his amusement, “mmhmm,” Jaemin prompted Jeno to continue.

“‘Mmhmm’ what? That’s it, that’s all that happened,” Jeno responded defensively, making Jaemin roll his eyes.

“You wouldn’t be telling me about her if you didn’t have more to say, Jeno. You can’t fool me, idiot.”

Jeno inhaled, letting out a tired sigh, eyes lighting up when he saw Jaemin’s house in sight, “I can’t wait to eat your mom’s food again,” Jeno frowned, rubbing his stomach.

“Don’t dodge the question. Spill,” Jaemin’s tone was firm, making Jeno slump his shoulders in resignation.

“I don’t know, I guess it bothered me? That I just kept thinking about her? Like, I wanted to know more about her, you know what I mean?” Jeno looked at Jaemin for affirmation.

Jaemin’s eyebrows raised, a thoughtful pout on his lips. His lips soon curving into a knowing smirk.

“So you were attracted to her, basically,” he commented dryly, making Jeno tut his tongue at him.

“You make me sound so stupid,” Jeno sighed, their pace quickening as they walked down Jaemin’s driveway, Jaemin already fishing out his keys from his bag to unlock the door.

“Am I wrong?” Jaemin scrunched his nose up in amusement, a groan of pain leaving his lips when Jeno smacked him across the arm. “Is she from our school?”

Jeno hummed in affirmation. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’ve seen her before. She’s friends with Yoon Sanha and Seungmin.”

“Oh, Seungmin’s friend! Yeah, I think I know who you’re talking about,” Jaemin nodded, recalling seeing Seungmin with this said girl-space-friend before in school.

Opening the door (with his good arm), Jaemin caught a whiff of his mom’s cooking when he stepped into the threshold.

“Jaemin, honey, you’re back? Come, let’s eat,” he heard his mother call.

“Hi, Aunty!” Jeno called out loudly, tossing his bag aside next to the sofa and entering the kitchen, sounds of Jaemin’s mother cooing over Jeno echoing to where Jaemin stood in the living room, taking his time to put down his things.

Checking his phone for notifications, he let his bag drop off his shoulder as he scanned through the messages from the teacher in charge of the Community Service Club and the group chat, talking about upcoming preparations or proposals they were waiting for Jaemin to send to them.

“Home from school so early?” Jaemin heard his dad’s voice.

“Huh?” Looking up from his phone, Jaemin made eye contact with his father who was standing near the entrance of the kitchen, waving Jaemin over.

“Put your bag down, let’s eat,” he told Jaemin, who obediently did so, following wordlessly behind his dad into the kitchen. He wasn’t surprised to see that Jeno was already seated opposite his mother.

“How’s school, baby?” His mother asked, “Jeno told me your overseas trip is coming soon.”

Nodding in response, Jaemin swallowed his mouthful of food.

“Yeah,” he answered, hearing his dad chime in with a sound of approval.

“You’re signing up, right? I’m sure you don’t need me to remind you that you need all those specs to look good on your school applications,” he said matter-of-factly.

Jeno scrunched his nose up in distaste, bowing his head in the hopes that Jaemin’s father wouldn’t notice his dissatisfaction with where the conversation seemed to be heading.

“Is it really a must for you to go?” Jaemin’s mother cut in, making him raise his eyebrows in question.

“It’s....a volunteer trip......” Jaemin murmured, spooning his last spoonful of food into his mouth, already feeling full.

“Yeah, I know, honey. But why do you want to do all these things, isn’t it tiring? I’m sure if you just donate the money they can get people to do it, right? Why don’t you ask your teacher for other alternatives that won’t be so physically taxing?”

Jaemin’s father shrugged, “True. All these people want is the money at the end of the day.”

Jeno winced, knowing this was a particularly sensitive topic for Jaemin, looking at his friend furtively to gauge his reaction, a wave of concern washing over him when he saw the way Jaemin scoffed slightly, his fists clenching around his cutlery, directing a very harsh stare to the salt and pepper shakers at the centre of the table.

“That’s not true....these people deserve help, and I’d be happy to be the one to help them.” Jaemin muttered, trying to calm himself down so as not to act out rudely to his parents (as much as he wasn’t agreeing with what they were saying now).

“Jae, it’s great that you have this perspective of it but...you know it’s just an excuse for your school to show that they care about the community…right?” His father laughed, picking up his glass of wine and bringing it to his lips.

“Is that such a bad thing? That I’m offering help to people that need it more than me?” Jaemin tilted his head, letting go of his cutlery, a soft thud sounding from the metal hitting the placemat. Jeno watched with wide eyes as Jaemin’s mother picked up the rest of the meat on the serving plate, placing it on Jaemin’s plate.

“Here, eat some more. I don’t want to keep the leftovers.”

Jaemin wanted to tell her off, to ask her to just throw it away like she always does, but in his anger thinking about the wastefulness of the action, he jabbed at the meat with his knife, bringing it to his mouth and eating it despite how full he was, Jeno’s gaze at Jaemin’s plate as pitiful as it could get.

Standing up abruptly, Jaemin spoke over the last bits of food in his mouth, desperate to leave the kitchen, “I’m done with my food. Thank you for the meal,” he murmured, storming off upstairs after grabbing both his and Jeno’s bags from the living room.

Jeno sighed, bowing slightly as he thanked Jaemin’s parents for the meal, walking upstairs after Jaemin, seeing his bedroom door ajar when he reached the top of the stairs. Jeno shrugged off his jacket, hanging it on the back of Jaemin’s desk chair, watching as Jaemin rummaged loudly through his cupboard, pulling out the spare set of clothes and underwear Jeno kept here for the days he stayed over.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Jeno heard Jaemin say from behind the door of his closet, soon seeing his head of (very dishevelled) hair when he shut the door, handing Jeno his clothes.

Jeno shook his head, knowing that it was common, it not having been the first time he witnessed- or heard -Jaemin’s parents views on Jaemin’s schooling situation.

“Don’t worry about it, man. Just go take a shower, cool down. We can talk about it later if you want, alright?” Jeno looked at Jaemin whose eyes began to gloss over, and Jeno swore he saw Jaemin’s lips quiver slightly.

Jaemin nodded, thankful that at times like this he still had Jeno to keep him sane. Nodding wordlessly, he left to shower, hoping the time alone would let him calm down like it usually did.

===

You'd failed to spot Jaemin around in school much after Valentine's Day, and even now as you walked into the mass hall for morning flag raising, you couldn't help but search for him among the crowd of 2nd Years, but obviously not finding him.

Taking your seat next to your friend, you went with the normal proceedings, practically ready to leave the hall after the announcements sounded as if they were about to end, until your friend had tapped your thigh rapidly.

"Dude, dude look who's on the stage," she told you hurriedly, excitement laced in her tone.

Frowning, you lifted your head only to see Jaemin standing at the podium. Microphone and cue cards grasped in one hand as the other adjusted his collar.

"Good morning, teachers and students. My name is Na Jaemin, a member of the Community Service club." he began, and you saw powerpoint slides being flashed on the screen hanging next to him.

"I’ll try to keep this short but I'm up here today to talk about the upcoming overseas community service trip that the school will be having." You watched as the screen showed a video titled 'CSP-2018'.

Glancing at the screen, Jaemin smiled, "here's a video to let you know more about the purpose of the trip as well as the types of activities we do on the trip. Since this is a cultural experience trip as well, there will be various activities planned for students to incorporate both work and play in the trip,“ he said, nodding to signal to the people in the control room.

Watching the video, you noticed how Jaemin had gone for the trip last year as well, seeing many shots showing him playing with the children from the orphanage or showing them building a room for the children. A part of you felt strangely touched by the video, appreciating the effort they put into bringing a positive impact to the lives of the people there, making you feel more spurred on to sign-up for the trip.

"Are you gonna go?" your friend nudged you, gesturing to the video.

You nodded, ”I mean...I want to but I gotta know the details first.."

The video had ended, and Jaemin had picked up the mic again, "This year's trip will be at the same location, and the dates of the trip can be found on the screen," he stated, “sign- ups are currently open, and there are about 20 slots that are yet to be filled so we hope you can join us on this trip..."

Nothing but silence could be heard around the hall.

"Oh, and extra-curricular points will be awarded, of course," Jaemin added as an afterthought, only then sparking murmurs and whispers around the hall.

"I'm free on those dates.." you hummed, after mentally going through your schedule, you made a mental note that the trip would be less than 2 weeks from now. "What about you?" you asked your friend.

She shook her head, “I can’t, I’m going overseas with my family during that time, but I mean…there's no harm in you still going. Maybe you can make some friends," she shrugged.

You winced, giving her a hesitant look.

Jaemin unconsciously searched for you in the crowd as he signalled the club members at the back of the hall to give out the details to the teachers.

"If you have any questions, feel free to approach any of the members of the club, including myself," Jaemin almost smiled when he found you in the crowd, squinting at the screen.

Turning your head back to face the front only to make what you thought was eye contact with Jaemin, he spoke, "Thank you for your time today, and I hope to see you there," he smiled, giving a small bow before exiting the stage.

===

"What did you send me? I'm literally sitting next to you," you told Donghyuck as you sat next to him in the church pews.

"Sign-up link," he murmured, and you could just about hear him over the sound of the priest's voice giving announcements.

"Sign-up link for what?" you frowned, genuinely confused at what he was sending you.

"The overseas community service thing," he told you, choosing not to add the part about Jaemin asking him to send it to you.

"I want to go but like...my friend can't make it so if I go there's literally no one I know there!" you shrugged, hoping Donghyuck could sense your stress about having to be in an overseas environment with people you didn't know.

"Who knows? Maybe this'll be a good chance for you to make friends! I know some of them, they're really nice people."

You hummed, "Lemme ask my parents first...when do sign-ups close?"

Donghyuck hummed in thought, "Monday."

"That's tomorrow!"

"Precisely. Which is why you gotta make your mind up soon," he threw his hands up in a shrug, giving you an unapologetic look.

You'd left it at that, and you were glad Donghyuck hadn't mentioned it after that. And a part of you hoped that would be the last time you would have to think about it, since you didn’t think the chance of you going was very high.

But being confronted by Jaemin about it on Monday morning when you were trying to buy your lunch didn’t make your dilemma any more solved. (well, not confronted but it might as well have been to you)

"Are there any more of this one?" you pointed at the empty section of bread, asking the lady operating the shop.

Shaking her head at you with a sad smile, "sorry, sweetie, we're all sold out."

You frowned. “Oh man,” the frown almost audible in your tone.

"Hey, Y/N,” your attention was taken away from choosing what alternative bun to get when you heard someone call your name, turning in the direction of the voice only to see Jaemin standing next to you, wearing the school sweater this time instead of the usual sweater vest.

He already bought his food, the plastic bag hanging from his wrist, but you were still stuck deciding what to get among the selection.

"Oh, hi," you smiled, diverting your attention to the bread before you. "Why d'you look so sad?" He asked you, an amused smile on his face.

"There's no more of the bread I always get," you frowned.

“S’this your lunch?" he pointed at the bread, earning a nod from you. Jaemin had noticed you looking rather sadly at the empty section of bread, glancing in his plastic bag to see that he'd bought the last few for him and the guys in the dnyl club.

"Oh, right, Donghyuck told me you were thinking of signing up for the trip?" you grasped the packaging of the bun you were holding tighter, suddenly feeling like eating more.

Picking up another bun, you glanced again at Jaemin's plastic bag, wondering if he was going to eat all those by himself.

"Did your parents agree to it?" you nodded.

“Yeah, they agreed. It’s just me...I’m just kind of hesitant since I don't really...know anyone in the club?"

Jaemin gave you a hurt expression, "Aren’t we friends?"

You opened and closed your mouth, not being able to defend yourself as he took the buns from your hands, paying for you while you were distracted trying to formulate a reply.

"I mean, yeah, we...are," you gave him a smile, still feeling unbearably shy at the thought of it, feeling him hand the plastic bag with your buns back to you, not noticing that he'd dropped one of his buns into your plastic bag.

"Then you have nothing to worry about! I know all of them, they won't bully you, they're really nice."

"Wait, you-" you glanced at the cashier, back to the bag of buns in your hand, turning back to look at Jaemin in shock, "you shouldn't have.."

Jaemin grinned, shaking his head at you as he led you away from the crowd at the bakery, "you don't have to pay me back. This isn't a bribe, I promise."

"Anyway, I have to go, got a...um...meeting. See you around?" Jaemin wished he hadn’t agreed to Harvey’s idea of joining the ‘don’t need your love club’, since that meeting was the only thing that was currently the only thing standing in between him being able to spend more time with you.

You stared at him blankly, nodding, mentally deciding that you would sign up for the trip.

“Uh-huh....see you around."

When Jaemin returned to the club room, the boys had immediately noticed the giddy smile he had on his face while he distributed their buns to them, Renjun eyeing him suspiciously.

"What's got you looking so stupid?" Renjun spoke up.

Jaemin shook his head dismissively, leaning back in his chair and trying to conceal the smile from his face, never remembering feeling like this in a long while.

"Aren't you eating? Where's your food?" Jeno asked, and Jaemin could practically hear the frown in his voice.

Jaemin let out a loud sigh, “I think I’m already fed enough to last the week.”

“....Do I even wanna ask..?” Donghyuck murmured, chewing on his bread while giving Jaemin a questioning stare.

Jaemin lifted his head, casting Donghyuck a satisfied smile. “I’m so glad you have friends,” Jaemin told him, making Donghyuck scoff, having a feeling he knew what was going on with Jaemin.

“I’d like to solve the puzzle” Donghyuck raised his hand, his tone similar to that of a gameshow contestant, earning an expectant look from Renjun and Jeno.

Staring at them in silence, Jeno nodded slowly, unsure why Donghyuck had kept silent despite the green light.

“Go on??” He prompted again.

“Jaemin has a crush,” Donghyuck’s tone was firm and decisive. This made Jeno and Renjun’s eyes widen.

“Huh? Since when?”

“No way.” The boys chimed in simultaneously.

“Valentine’s Day,” Jaemin sighed when Donghyuck brought up the day.

“I don’t believe in love at first sight, but she was really cute...and all my interactions with her have been pleasant...but that’s it.” Just like that, it was as if Jaemin had snapped out of his giddy daze, brought back to earth by his many responsibilities he should be busy with instead of being lovesick.

Renjun was sceptical, “Then what’s got you looking as though she asked you to marry her?”

“Last I heard, she was considering signing up for the overseas trip,” Jaemin explained, making Jeno nod, a hum of understanding leaving his lips.

“But you don’t actually know if she’s going, do you?” Renjun shot him a look, his question sounding more like a statement, making Donghyuck brush Renjun off.

“Hey, let the boy dream. It’s the first time I’m seeing him actually like someone and it’s a lot more entertaining than I thought it would be,” he snickered, taking another big bite out of his bread as though he were attempting to fit the whole thing in his mouth, his cheeks puffing out from the action.

“When’s the next time you’re gonna see her?” Jeno asked, curious about who you were.

“The pre-departure briefing’s on Wednesday. But that’s if she signs up, of course,” Jaemin gave Donghyuck an pointed look, knowing he’d sent Donghyuck the sign-up link to forward to you.

Donghyuck raised his hands defensively, “I swear I sent it to her.”

Jeno on the other hand simply nodded, figuring he should be supporting Jaemin since it was rare to see Jaemin care about anything other than his oh-so-many responsibilities, and maybe—just maybe, it was a change of scenery that Jaemin needed.

“Keep us updated.”

“Yeah, you better.”

When Wednesday came, Donghyuck assumed you’d shown up to the briefing when he’d received a flood of messages in the chat group.

jaemin 1:55pm- oh my god she’s here she’s actually here for the briefing- 1:55pm - r u guys SEEING these messages- 1:56pm - o I’m stupid I was the one that checked the groupings but I didn’t even realise she was in the same grp as me- 1:56pm - wait she’s in the same grp as me omg- 1:56pm -ok the meeting is starting bye wish me luck-

“Hi guys, so for starters can you take a look at the board and see which groups you belong to, and assemble yourselves accordingly around the room? With group 1 here and group 4 here?” You heard the young teacher instruct, their tone sounding fairly urgent, so you quickly searched for your name among the names on the board, not wanting to end up as the last one standing.

You were quick to spot your name, but you felt a strange wave of relief wash over you when you saw Jaemin’s name under the same group as yours, turning around and spotting him at the side, already sitting with a few other people.

Making your way over to the group, you saw Jaemin look up from the sheets of paper he was analysing, giving you a wave when he saw you. It seemed to you that the people here already knew each other, but only upon reaching your group and sitting down you felt their gaze on you when Jaemin had greeted you.

“So, I see you decided to sign up in the end?” He leaned back, resting his weight on his hands behind him, giving you a smile.

Nodding and reciprocating his smile, you tried to peek at the papers he had arranged neatly in front of him but failed when he'd reached his hand forward to fiddle with the side of the papers, shielding the words from your vision.

"I'm glad," he let out a small content sigh, glancing at the direction of the teacher before nodding, "sorry, I’ll be right back."

You gave him a small smile, eyes widening when you looked back at the rest of the group, realizing they were all looking directly at you.

"What's your name?" one of them spoke up to ask, her tone fairly eager, making you unconsciously try to match her level of energy.

“Y/N,” you replied as cheerfully as you could, scanning the faces in the group and recognizing some of them to be from your cohort.

"Oh, is it the same Y/N?” you saw one of the girls turn to whisper, earning a sharp nudge from whoever was sitting next to them.

"I don't know about you, but I’ve never seen the pres act so comfortably with people other than his group of friends," you heard the girl next to you murmur, making your eyebrows raise.

"Much less a girl," the boy sitting next to her had agreed.

"So.... is it your first time coming for one of our events?" a boy with light brown hair asked you, taking your attention from the girls, eyebrows lifting in question. "I'm Seungmin, by the way."

You nodded, "Yeah, uh... Jaemin was asking if I wanted to go the other day so i figured like... why not, and stuff.." you trailed off, nervous huff of laughter leaving your lips.

"Are you and the pres dating?" a girl that you recognized to be from your class had interrupted, narrowing her eyes at you in disbelief.

"Who? I'm not dating anyone right now," you replied, confused as to why they were accusing you of dating their president, whoever it was.

"But wasn't he the one that gave you the rose on Valentine's day?" the girl sitting next to you had cut in.

"Wait, I always thought he was gay. He’s not gay?” A boy sitting in the other group next to you had turned to join the conversation.

You laughed, more confused than anything, "Oh, that? The rose thing- that was Jaemin."

You saw Seungmin press his lips together in an amused smile, "You don't know who the pres is, do you?"

You were about to defend yourself, pretending as if you knew before giving up, slouching in your seat and shaking your head at Seungmin, seeing him point at the front of the room, and you followed his gaze to where Jaemin was standing, discussing something with the teacher and what you assumed was the travel agent at the front of the room.

"That," Seungmin said, "is our pres."

Your mouth formed an 'o' shape in realization, eyebrows raising in surprise at the unexpected discovery, turning back to Seungmin with a determined expression on your face. "Wait, is he really gay?”

Seungmin scrunched his nose up at the question, shrugging innocently, “It’s kind of unknown...personally, I’ve never thought that way, but he has always seemed pretty uninterested in dating. You’d be surprised at the amount of love confessions he’d refused from just this Valentine’s Day period alone,”

You frowned in confusion, "then why'd he give me the flower?"

"You see that's what all of us are wondering. But from what we know, the pres is a massive flirt," Seungmin divulged, smirk playing at his lips as he watched your eyes widen.

You were about to ask something else when you heard the sound of Jaemin getting everyone's attention.

Introducing the travel agent to the group, Jaemin let him take over and came back to sit with your group, (conveniently) placing himself next to you. As the travel agent briefed you guys about the details of the trip, you noticed how Jaemin was silently double checking whatever he had on his paper with what the agent was showing on the screen, nodding along as he talked.

Halfway through the briefing you heard the travel agent start to wrap up, inviting Jaemin to carry on with the rest of the briefing, seeing the boy next to you make his way over to the front of the room.

“You guys are already split into your assigned groupings, right?" you heard the teacher speak, feeling Seungmin lean over to inform you who the teacher was.

"That's the teacher in charge of the community service club, his name is Doyoung." You made a face of realisation, recalling hearing Donghyuck mention him many times (and the fact that he was a ‘major pain in the ass’) before.

“Basically, now that you know the itinerary, each of your groups will be assigned with an activity that we will be doing during the trip, some will be preparing gifts for the visits and others will be planning things like games or designs for the mural.”

Doyoung had walked over to the centre of the room, directing his instructions to a particular group sitting on his right.

“For the groups in charge of the murals, please come back to me with your designs preferably latest by the day of the flight itself, because we need to confirm it with the orphanage for the approval of the design.”

You frowned, unsure why he was directing such a stern gaze towards the group next to him, only realising afterwards that it was because one of them was very obviously falling asleep right in front of him.

“Jaemin, your group is doing the gifts, right?” Doyoung turned to ask Jaemin, who stood at the front of the room, with his back leaning against the whiteboard, arms crossed in front of his chest as he nodded.

“Alright, then the rest of the session will be for you guys to prepare your activities, group leaders please take charge, check with Jaemin or me if you need any clarification about the visits.”

“How come Jaemin does so much of the planning?” You turned to ask Seungmin, not realising that Jaemin was already making his way back to where your group was.

Seungmin’s gaze darting between yours and Jaemin’s approaching figure, he lowered his voice to a mere murmur, “Honestly, I think it’s just always kind of been like that...our last teacher before Doyoung was crap at organising, so Jaemin just took the lead, but now I guess the habit kind of stuck, so Doyoung just lets him carry on and just oversees it and stuff,” he explained to you, making small gestures as he spoke, turning around to face the circle promptly once Jaemin had returned.

You almost jumped when you felt Seungmin lean over to tell you, “don’t let this scare you but... another factor is because Jaemin has always been pretty strict about the club activities. Not saying that we don’t have fun—we definitely do have fun. But to put it simply....if you’re not really..genuine about it, he can usually tell right off the bat, and he won’t really be silent about it either, so....I would suggest treading a little more carefully around him, especially if you’re just...in it for the points or as a one-time thing.”

You nodded slowly, turning back to see Jaemin looking at you with his eyebrows slightly raised in question, “did you hear what I said, Y/N?” He asked, a teasing lilt to his tone, not to mention the hint of a smile at his lips.

You opened your mouth to reply, almost nodding, only to remember that in fact you didn’t hear him, deciding on giving him a sheepish smile instead, shaking your head slowly, “uh...sorry, I didn’t um... hear that,” you admitted, seeing him visibly relax, letting out what was a mix of a sigh and an amused huff.

“It’s alright, what I asked was whether you guys had any suggestions for gifts that we could make for the children at the orphanage we’ll be visiting.”

“Should we give them something more educational? You know, since they probably don’t have as many resources as we do,” you heard one girl from the group speak up, earning various nods from the group, including yourself.

Jaemin jut out his lower lip in a pout, nodding, “we could do that, did you have anything specific in mind?” He asked her.

The girl’s eyes widened, shaking her head and shrugging, “I’m not very sure..”

“What about like those stationery sets? We could buy them online and I’m pretty sure it can ship in before the day of the trip,” another girl offered, and you nodded, figuring it was a pretty good idea.

“Hey, Jaemin, do we still have leftover stuff from the bracelets we made for the fundraiser?” Seungmin spoke up from next to you, catching your interest.

“Bracelets?” You turned to him and asked, glancing back at Jaemin when you heard him let out an affirmative hum.

“Yeah, we have a lot left over from the last event we did, I can bring them and we can make some, since the trip is in less than a week,” Jaemin murmured, turning to the rest of the group, “do any of you think you can meet before the trip to make the bracelets? I could pass them to you if you guys are free,” Jaemin suggested.

You’d wanted to mention that you were available, opening your mouth and nodding at Jaemin, but your enthusiasm subsided quickly as you succumbed to the majority when you saw many of them shaking their heads, commenting about how they had yet to pack for the trip.

“Then, it’s alright, then. I don't think I’ll have time to make any beforehand anyway. We can just make them during the trip on one of the nights, after all, the trip isn’t very long.”

===

“You totally missed your chance, dude, you could’ve just asked her to make the bracelets with you, you know?”

Jaemin let out a resigned huff at Jeno’s chiding followed by the sound of the rapid-fire gunshots from Jeno’s game. Shaking his head as he shoved the last of his shirts into his luggage, staring at the bag full of beads and string tucked in his luggage.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, I’m literally flying off in a few hours,” Jaemin shrugged, letting out a grunt as he heaved his luggage from his desk chair to his bed, making Jeno yelp and shift to the left before getting crushed, not without casting a glare in Jaemin’s direction.

“So do you have a plan?” Jeno asked, hissing loudly before setting his phone down next to him, bringing his other hand behind his head to support it as he lay on Jaemin’s bed.

“What plan? Plan for what?” Jaemin frowned, neatly folding his jacket and fitting it nicely into the corner of his suitcase.

Jeno shot him an unamused look, “for Y/N, dude.”

Jaemin’s movements halted for barely a second, shaking his head dismissively.

“There’s no plan. I shouldn’t pursue it,” he said, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself.

“What do you mean you ‘shouldn’t pursue it’? You were the one that gave her that rose on Valentine’s Day and freaked out just because you gave her bread so what are you going on about saying you have no plan?”

Jeno’s tone was exasperated, “rule number one of gaming dude, doesn’t matter if u have a plan or not- just go with your gut. We die like men.”

Rolling his eyes, Jaemin walked into his bathroom, fishing out his toiletries as he replied Jeno, his voice echoing from the bathroom, “this isn't battleground, Jen.”

“Okay, fine, whatever. Game or not, you can’t close this case so quickly. At least try to get to know her first, before you totally write it off.”

Jaemin didn’t reply, letting a pensive silence fall between the two boys as he zipped up his luggage loudly, moving to double check if he had whatever he needed in his carry-on bag, going to the bulleted list in his phone and checking the items off as he went.

Jeno knew why Jaemin was so averse to the idea of pursuing you or even thinking about a relationship with you, the Jaemin that Jeno knew never would have let himself get into a relationship if he knew he wasn’t ready to commit and set aside time to make it work. Jaemin was one of the most romantic people he knew, but refusing a chance at love was just something he’d been forcing himself to do, until now at least. Which was why Jeno was determined (but mostly hopeful) to see this through.

“You know how I feel about these things...” Jaemin’s tone was warning, but it wasn’t like Jeno cared.

“Yes, I do,” Jeno replied confidently, “I’ve known you for like....ever, and don’t fight me when I say this because you know it’s true. But what I know....is that you love love.”

Jaemin opened his mouth to protest, only to close it back shut, his brain going against him by imagining all the possibilities of what kind of person you would be once he got to know you, curiosity getting the better of him, but more-so the hope that the vibe he was getting about you was correct.

Slinging his bag across his chest, he waved Jeno off.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, just send me to the airport.”

===

"C'mon, don't look so disappointed, you're making me feel bad that our seats are assigned," Seungmin joked, noticing the way you kept glancing at where Jaemin and Doyoung were sitting on the aeroplane.

You flushed at how you were caught staring, shaking your head hurriedly so Seungmin wouldn't get the wrong idea, "no, no, no! Don't feel bad! You're a great seat buddy!”

Seungmin shot you a look of disbelief, eyebrows raising and lips parting, "wow, your tone was so reassuring," he murmured, shaking his head, "but that doesn't hide the fact that you were staring so spill."

Your eyes widened. "Spill?"

Seungmin nodded, leaning back in his seat, "we've got the whole flight for you to tell me about your ‘pres-agenda’," he waggled his eyebrows, a serene smile on his face.

Not being able to help the gasp that left your lips, you made a disgruntled sound, "what makes you think there even is a ‘pres-agenda’?"

Seungmin gave you a wide eyed look.

"No...don't tell me... it's a doyoung-agenda?!" he joked, making you roll your eyes, swatting at him with the sleeve of your jacket.

"Look, I know as much as you do, okay? At this point I still can’t tell if his flirting is to hit on me or if it's really cause it's second-nature to him," you huffed, recalling your annoyance at how he helped so many girls put their luggages in the cabin while you fumbled with yours.

"Well," Seungmin shrugged, "you have the whole trip to find out, if you think about it."

"Yeah, but how is a whole other story."

Seungmin shook his head dismissively, glancing at Jaemin's direction only to see Jaemin look away quickly, having been caught looking your way as well.

"Trust me, with someone like Jaemin...I don't think it's gonna be that hard."

And maybe Seungmin was right.

Once you'd landed, you barely had time to rest before Doyoung had announced that you were about to visit a university in the country, asking everyone to hurry and get on the bus so you wouldn't be late.

Jaemin got into the bus with the rest of the members, while you stayed at the door after being assigned by Doyoung to do a headcount. Only after you were done counting and had trudged up the bus, you realized that the numbers were uneven because Doyoung had occupied the seat next to him with the bags of snacks for the gifts. This meant that Jaemin had to find another seat, and Seungmin was sitting alone as well, making you wonder why no one had sat with Jaemin.

About to approach the empty seat next to Seungmin, you saw him lift the big bag of gifts from the floor to plop it on the empty seat next to him, mouthing something to you while gesturing wildly with his head at Jaemin's direction.

‘sit with him’ you managed to decipher.

To Jaemin, you clearly looked like you were having a dilemma regarding where to sit, and he took the liberty to glance around the bus, seeing that the only seat left was next to him.

"Y/N!" he called, waving his hand to get your attention, "you can sit here," he offered with a smile (though it didn't really seem like you had a choice). Feeling the bus start to move, you decided you'd better hurry up and sit before you fell over.

Landing on the seat next to him with a thud, you felt him take the things you were holding from your hands.

"Seatbelt," he murmured gently.

Mouth forming an 'o' shape in realization, you quickly did the buckle, taking your things back from him with a murmur of thanks.

You noticed Jaemin was scrolling through something on his phone that you thought resembled an itinerary, your curiosity getting the better of you.

"What's that?"

Jaemin turned to you, "huh? oh this, this is just the proposal the university sent to me."

"Proposal? What are they sending you a proposal for?" you frowned in confusion, making Jaemin have to look away lest his smile grow any bigger.

"It's kind of just like a formality, 'cause we're planning on working with them to like give like support to the orphanage we're visiting and all," Jaemin shrugged, and you hummed in understanding.

"Wow...that's really nice, that it's not just like a one-time thing but that we can actually give them like... continuous support," you smiled, and unconsciously, so did Jaemin, who nodded at you in agreement.

“Yeah, that’s what I told Doyoung, since we’ve been to that orphanage before I felt like it was a good opportunity for us to help them,” he murmured, and you couldn’t help but notice the way he looked so happy talking about it, tugging at your heartstrings (just a little).

“Also,” you added, a hint of playfulness in your tone, “you never told me you were the president of this club,” you accused, seeing him huff in amusement, fiddling with the papers in his hands.

Leaning against the window so he could face you better, Jaemin looked at you and shrugged.

"Didn't think it was important information, I guess."

"Is that why you kept trying to recruit me to sign up?" you laughed, feeling like you shouldn't have been laughing when you saw how seriously he shook his head.

"I asked you to sign up because I wanted to," he murmured, his voice almost getting drowned out by noise from the rest of the club members.

Flushing at the implications of the statement, you shoved his shoulder lightly, “Didn’t peg you to be such a flirt,” you laughed, your heart almost stopping when you saw the smile he gave you, only serving to draw you in further to wanting to find out just who Na Jaemin was.

“Seems like there’s still lots of things I don’t know about you, huh,” you huffed, feeling strangely confident talking to him (contrary to how you’d imagined yourself fumbling over your words in your head).

Jaemin shrugged, unbuckling his seatbelt and that was when you realised you’d already reached your first venue which was some university, if you remembered Seungmin telling you correctly on the plane.

“You’ve got the whole trip to find out,” he winked, standing up and briefing the class when Doyoung called for him. His words reminding you of what Seungmin had said on the plane.

You stared, dumbfounded at Jaemin’s behaviour even after he’d finished briefing the group in charge of the university visit, letting your limbs move mindlessly to manoeuvre yourself out of the bus and to where Seungmin was, the said boy wiggling his eyebrows at you as he spotted you approaching him.

“So? What’s the update?”

You shook your head, still at a loss of words from Jaemin’s sheer confidence. You heard Doyoung briefing the group on the details of the university visit, saying that the first agenda was to meet with the heads of whatever department you were visiting.

Following the group, you were led into this room where you saw various students dressed in blazers standing at the sides of the room, offering you bottled water and snacks as you walked past.

You took your seat next to Seungmin, as Jaemin spoke with Doyoung at the front of the room, introducing themselves to the heads of the department.

You watched as Jaemin had taken a seat at the tables near the front of the room with Doyoung, setting his bag down onto the chair before turning around to glance around the room.

Doyoung had stood up to set up the powerpoint slides at the computer, whereas you simply watched as Jaemin scanned the room, raising his hands to beckon one of the blazer-clad students, who rushed over to Jaemin, letting him whisper something to them before they’d promptly went to the table of refreshments, taking a few water bottles and bringing them to the corner section of the room who you were only realising now hadn’t received the gifts.

In your silent admiration, you hadn’t noticed that Jaemin had caught your gaze, his eyebrows quirking upwards ever so slightly and his hand raising in an ‘ok’ gesture to ask if everything was alright, earning a delayed nod from you.

Smiling, he’d turned back around, which Doyoung took as his queue to pick up the mic, introducing your school and saying a few words before passing the mic over to the group that was in charge of the university visit, and you’d let yourself zone out temporarily.

You noticed that there was one person in particular that had been very nice to you and Seungmin, which you were very appreciative of, giving you the impression that the students there were really friendly.

This friendliness had only increased when you had gone to sit in in one of their classes, and that student had taken a seat next to you, introducing himself to you and trying to make conversation, but your attention was rather unevenly split since Jaemin had been invited to introduce the school in front of the entire class.

Jaemin’s eyes narrowed at the student that was speaking to you, unbeknownst to you but going very much noticed by Seungmin, who gave Jaemin a shrug. Jaemin figured he would let it slide, consoling himself with the thought that ‘hey, maybe the students here were a little on the friendlier side, but that’s okay, at least they were welcoming instead of unwelcoming’.

You’d been led to another room where the group of you had sat in a circle together with the blazer-clad students, and you’d taken your seat next to Seungmin again, Jaemin sitting next to Seungmin. The blazer-clad students had initiated a discussion with the students from your school, talking about what they were and what their committee did, and inviting some of the students from your school to share about your experiences in the country so far, typical overseas-trip stuff, you figured.

You were pretty attentive to the discussion, until you heard the student next to you speak up, “so, uh...do you guys study this department as well?”

You turned to him, a hum of confusion leaving your lips, realising then he had directed his question towards you.

“No, actually, we don’t,” Seungmin answered, though you felt a little awkward under the student’s unwavering gaze.

“Ohh... cool, how old are you?” He asked, earning a hum from Seungmin, who didn’t know whether to laugh or be scared at the dagger eyes Jaemin was directing towards the student.

“Oh, uh..he’s 19, I’m 18,” you murmured, hearing the boy hum.

“Oh, I’m actually one of the oldest members of the committee, I’m like 22 this year,” he told you, making your eyes widen, not having expected him to be so much older than you. 


“Oh....” You laughed nervously, directing your attention elsewhere, pretending to fiddle with the badges on Seungmin’s bag.

“What kind of messaging apps do they use in your country?” You furrowed your eyebrows, naming the few that you used frequently, not understanding why he would ask you that.

“Ohhh,” Seungmin swore he heard disappointment in the boy’s tone, “over here we mostly use other apps, we don’t use those,” you scrunched your nose at his reply, looking back down at Seungmin’s badges.

You hoped the conversation would end there, afraid that he would ask for your number since you weren’t sure where this was heading, but it seemed as though he’d read your mind when you heard him open his mouth to speak again.

“Hey, you know maybe we can ex—”

Your attention was diverted when you heard their teacher’s voice sound through the microphone, asking for volunteers from your school to say a few words about how their experience has been in the school so far, everyone in the club immediately turning to Jaemin, hoping he would save the rest of the members from having to go up there and talk.

You felt the boy nudge you, gesturing for you to volunteer, making you wave your hand dismissively, “no, no, please.”

You missed how Jaemin glanced around at the club members (his gaze lingering on you and the blazer-wearing boy for a little longer than appropriate), seeming to have gotten the hint when he raised his hand lightly, giving the teacher a courteous smile as he got up to accept the microphone from her.

“Hi, my name is Jaemin and I’m the president of our club. Firstly I would like to say a big thank you to the people here such as the committee members and the teachers for being so...” Jaemin had to withhold himself from glaring at the boy seated next to you, “welcoming,” he drawled, narrowing his eyes at the boy next to you.

“But nonetheless, my experiences here have been pleasant so far, and I hope that our school has a chance to continue partnership with you in the future after this project that we embark on this trip,” you nodded, flashing an encouraging smile to Jaemin, which he returned sweetly, before handing the microphone back to the teacher.

After Doyoung and Jaemin had presented the gifts from the school to the university department head, you had all been called in for a group picture, Jaemin finding his way next to you (totally not just so that the boy couldn’t stand next to you), draping his hand over your shoulder casually as you all squeezed together for a photo.

“We’ll be heading for lunch after this, so let’s be quick so our itinerary doesn’t get delayed,” you heard Doyoung tell a group of the club members, and you and Seungmin had quickly made your way out of the room, the boy waving goodbye to you with a smile as you walked past him.

Seungmin couldn’t help the snort that escaped him, making you raise your eyebrows in confusion.

“Hmm?” you hummed.

“Nothing,” Seungmin smiled innocently.

The restaurant you were eating at for lunch was within walking distance, and you were eager to sit down and eat once the aroma of the food had hit you when you entered the restaurant, Jaemin beckoning you over to sit with him.

Taking a seat opposite Jaemin but next to Seungmin, you glanced up to see Jaemin turning around to scan the room again, and you could vaguely hear him muttering numbers under his breath.

“Does everyone have a drink?” He stood up slightly to ask, his hand resting on the back of his chair to support his weight, receiving murmurs of acknowledgement and affirmation, Jaemin invited everyone to start eating.

You took that as your queue to reach over to grab the bowl of rice just as Jaemin was about to take it to distribute the rice to the people sitting around him, not knowing that you had similar intentions.

“It’s okay, let me,” you insisted, beginning to scoop the rice onto Seungmin’s plate, seeing Jaemin withdraw his hand quickly, a hint of pink tinting his cheeks as he tilted his head down.

“Thanks,” he murmured once you had scooped the rice onto his plate, followed by the guy sitting next to you and lastly onto your own plate.

"How'd you guys find the university visit just now? Fun? Boring?" you heard Jaemin begin, glancing at the few of you expectantly as he chewed his food.

“You spent quite a while talking to one of the committee members, right?” The guy next to you had asked you, his name was Hyunjin if you remembered correctly.

You recognised him to be one of the guys on the school’s dance team, since you remembered going with Donghyuck to one of their performances before.

“I mean,” you laughed nervously, your gaze on your plate unwavering, “he was just being really friendly so I guess-”

Seungmin made a sound of disbelief, “you’re really too nice, he was totally hitting on you!” Seungmin pointed out, turning to Jaemin in his excitement, the latter letting his spoon linger between his lips as he pretended to be uninvested in the conversation.

“Don’t you think so? You saw it too, right?” Seungmin asked Jaemin, making Jaemin turn his head ever so slightly in Seungmin’s direction, his gaze moving to yours, before giving you a small nod.

“Yeah, I may have...heard a little bit of the conversation,” Jaemin shrugged, making your eyes widen, embarrassed for some reason that Jaemin had noticed and you hadn’t.

Jaemin set his cutlery down on his plate neatly, leaning back in his seat to dab at his mouth with a tissue.

“Thoughts?” Hyunjin held his fist out in front of Jaemin’s mouth to act as a microphone, earning a shrug from Jaemin.

“Wouldn’t have made it far with whatever strategy he had,” Jaemin shrugged.

You pursed your lips at his comment, unsure what to make of it, and you’d only wanted to sink into your seat even further when you heard Hyunjin make a low impressed noise.

“Ohhh...what’s this... is there some tension I feel here?”

Seungmin took that as his queue to join in, narrowing his eyes at Jaemin as Hyunjin continued, “Is our pres perhaps.... threatened?”

Jaemin scoffed, standing up, which the other members took as their queue to finish up and start heading back to the bus as well. Turning to glance at you before he turned back to Hyunjin to shake his head, “you wish.”

===

You hadn’t noticed you’d fallen asleep on the bus, being nudged awake by a particularly hard bump in the road the bus drove over, making you groan slightly, your jacket covering you snugly which added to the list of factors that may have lulled you to sleep without knowing. You only realised then that you were leaning on something, making your eyes widen, getting up slowly because you had assumed Jaemin was asleep, not wanting to wake him.

Turning your head to look around the bus, (as much as you could because falling asleep in that position was starting to kill your neck), you noticed that almost everyone had fallen asleep, even Doyoung and the tour guide.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” You were startled when you heard Jaemin murmur softly, turning your head as fast as you could without straining your neck, seeing him with his phone in hand, looking at you with a sheepish expression.

You opened your mouth to speak, shaking your head, “oh, no, don’t worry you didn’t,” you assured him, not being able to help but glance at his shoulder that you had fallen asleep on, a rush of heat going to your cheeks. “Sorry, I must’ve fallen asleep without knowing, sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

Jaemin gave you a tired smile, shaking his head, making the hood on his head shift slightly, “It’s fine, I wasn’t uncomfortable. Did you manage to get some rest?” he asked, and his tone was so reassuring that you almost actually believed him.

Nodding at him, you sunk back down into your seat, hearing him yawn. “Did you?”

Jaemin shook his head, “couldn’t sleep,” he let out a soulless huff of laughter, holding his phone up, “was working on my uni applications.”

“So early? I thought you were only graduating next year?” You asked, your ignorance making Jaemin feel a strange sense of relief.

“I’m doing early applications...” he sighed, “so I’ve got to kind of get a few things ready like my essay and like testimonials from teachers and stuff like that,” he murmured. Making you think of Donghyuck, who you knew usually left things to a little later since he would have to discuss with his parents before making any big decisions.

“Oh, so you’ve like already like discussed with your parents and stuff?” You asked, spilling out whatever information you knew that you could relate to this situation, seeing Jaemin press his lips together in a tight line, frowning slightly before he eventually shrugged.

“They uh.. don’t really care as long as it’s the top 2 universities,” you couldn’t help but sense something sad in his tone, urging you to prompt him but at the same time rendering you unsure if it was a sensitive topic for him.

“Oh...um, so like... you’re more on the science side?” You asked, recalling Donghyuck telling you that he would never be able to find a course that suited him in the top 2 universities since he was more inclined towards pursuing music.

Jaemin shrugged, “I guess it’s kind of what I have to pursue to get ahead. Like...money wise and stuff, I guess,” you raised an eyebrow at him.

“You don’t sound very convinced,” you laughed, feeling yourself relax when you saw Jaemin give you a smile, shaking his head.

“No, you’re right. I’m not.” Jaemin told you, fiddling with his phone in his hands as you hugged your jacket closer to yourself.

“Would I be reading too much into it if I take this as you would choose a different course if it weren’t for your parents?”

Jaemin’s smile dropped, something in your words resonating with him, since he wasn’t used to talking about this with someone other than Jeno, and even when he did talk about it with Jeno, Jeno wasn’t as straightforward about it with him as you were, but something in Jaemin felt as though he needed to hear it.

Jaemin gave you a firm nod.

“I wanted to do photography, or like...social work” he told you, a hint of yearning in the way he spoke, his choice of words making you feel as though he didn’t consider it to be an option anymore.

“But I chose to do medicine instead, figured that it was the only way I could appease both my parents...and myself,” he shrugged.

“Wow,” you murmured, admiration at Jaemin’s consideration hitting you, thinking about how different he was from Donghyuck.

“My friend Donghyuck, he would never. Even now since he wants to do music, he was planning on just choosing it for his uni application and dealing with the aftermath from his parents,” you told him, seeing Jaemin’s lips quirk up in a smirk at the mention of Donghyuck.

Jaemin shook his head, “that’s just Donghyuck for you,” he laughed. “My parents....have pretty strongopinions. And I guess it’s just always been like that since I was young?” Jaemin searched your expression for any sign that he was oversharing, but your attention only prompted him to continue.

“And I kind of...I think there was a point of time when I realised I had my own strong opinions??...and most of the time they didn’t line up with what my parents wanted for me or what they thought was right so I just...had to find other ways to be a few steps ahead of them, you know? So I could do things that I actually wanted to do,” he explained, though still in a very vague way.

You felt a billion thoughts rush through your head, thoughts ranging from how Jaemin’s interests were in social work, and how Seungmin had told you that the club meant a lot to him, followed by the way he even sacrificed things like a simple nap on the bus to work on his university application essay.

You were starting to realise just what an angel Na Jaemin was, thinking about how he mentioned that he had to be a few steps ahead, to do things that he wanted to do.

“Like this?” You asked, referring to the overseas trip.

Your question seemed to have caught him off guard, and you ignored how everyone else had already started to wake up, since you were already reaching the destination.

Jaemin gave you a smile, and you made a mental note: this was one of his more genuine smiles, and you could feel it.

“Yeah, like this.”

Throughout the rest of the day, when you were having dinner, you noticed the way Jaemin would bring his hands up to massage his neck and shoulder, wincing every so often, and you didn’t have to think twice to know this was because he’d sat in the same position for too long.

Taking it upon yourself to text him to ask for his room number that night as everyone was getting ready to go to sleep, you took a few of your muscle ache relief patches, resolutely making your way to his hotel room and knocking on the door.

Jaemin had opened the door, dressed in a simple white t-shirt and pajama pants, a small towel draped over his wet hair.

“Hey, what happened? Is there anything you need?” He asked, and you shook your head, an embarrassed smile on your face.

Holding out the pain relief patches to him, you saw his eyes widen, before looking back from the patches to you with an incredulous look on his face.

“Wh-...how did you...”

“I noticed,” you told him simply, and he reached his hands away from the door to accept the patches from you, bringing one of his hands up to cover his growing smile, shaking his head at you.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

“Make sure you get a good rest tonight, goodnight,” you told him.

Jaemin was still at a loss for words, inhaling before letting out a short sigh, nodding at you with a smile, “I will. Goodnight.”

===

The next day was more tiring than you had initially expected it to be, and you were thankful you’d given Jaemin the pain relief patches, since painting the mural required a lot of arm movement.

You’d sat next to him on the bus again today but you were too tired to talk, falling asleep quicker than you would’ve liked, since your discussion from the day before was just left hanging in the air like that, a part of you still curious as to know more about Jaemin.

You had gone to the orphanage to paint a mural with the children, and if you weren’t already head over heels for Jaemin before you went to the orphanage you sure were now. 

You weren’t sure where he got all his energy from to interact and be so lively with the children, not seeming to mind when they’d gotten paint on him and his clothes, or even the way they kept trying to jump onto his back for a piggyback ride. You were glad the children had taken a liking to you as well, the feeling strangely bittersweet to you, since you would love to interact more with them from the sheer happiness it brought both you and them, but you knew this was a rare occasion for them to do activities like this. 

You were too busy interacting with the children to notice the way a few of the club members had already started coughing and some were beginning to feel unwell. Only when you’d returned to the bus did you realise that Seungmin was one of them, huddled in his seat desperate to get some rest because of how horrible his throat was feeling.

Jaemin had gone to a convenience store nearby and bought vitamin supplements for the club members, not to mention a coffee for himself, passing the energy drinks and vitamins around when you were all taking a break after completing the mural and it was almost dinnertime, handing it to you last before sitting down next to you on the pavement.

You watched as you were eating the vitamin as Doyoung had walked over to where you and Jaemin were, giving you a small smile before turning to Jaemin, “you guys haven’t done the gifts for the orphanage children yet, right? I heard who was it telling me just now you guys had planned on making bracelets, right?”

Jaemin’s eyes widened, nodding, biting on his straw absently as he pulled his phone from his pocket, “right, almost forgot, I was planning on texting the group to ask if they would be alright to do it tonight.”

You saw your phone light up with a notification, glancing down to see Jaemin’s message he had just sent to the group of you that were in charge of the orphanage visit.

jaemin 6:15pm - hey guys! just a reminder that we still have to make the bracelets for the kids at the orphanage so I was thinking we could meet tonight to do them? we can meet in my room to do it since my room has a little more space -

You saw a few of them acknowledge the message, so you figured those were the club members that were still feeling well enough.

Jaemin stood up when Doyoung had announced that the bus had arrived to take you to the dinner location, and you’d all boarded the bus quickly, using your phone and looking at social media to kill time as Jaemin was busy with his phone.

Jeno 6:20pm - any updates??? -

Jaemin typed out a reply quickly to the dnyl groupchat

Jaemin 6:20pm - we just finished painting the mural, heading to dinner now. the kids were so cute :( -

Jeno 6:20pm - thanks for telling me but I meant updates about HER -

Jaemin shot you a furtive glance, suddenly hyper aware that you were seated next to him

Jaemin 6:20pm - honestly, shes really nice, like...rly rly nice -

Jeno 6:21pm - ANDDD???? omg ure so frustrating ure just like Renjun -

Donghyuck 6:21pm - truth -

6:22pm - and nothing! idk what ure expecting –

Donghyuck 6:22pm - do u get the sense whether she likes u or not at least?? –

This made Jaemin wonder, was your niceness caused by your like towards him? Or did you even like him? At this point, Jaemin wasn’t sure which answer he wanted more.

6:24pm - idk I can’t tell u guys r stressing me out -

Donghyuck 6:24pm - please u’d be stressed even if we didn’t bring it up -

Jaemin locked his phone when he felt you tap him.

“Hey, we just reached,” you told him, grabbing your water bottle as he stood up, holding his hand above your head so you wouldn’t hit your head on the overhead cabin as you straightened up.

You noticed that Jaemin hadn’t left his jacket on the bus, instead, he’d kept his hoodie on, the hood draped over his head as he walked next to you to enter the restaurant, taking his seat next to you this time, which earned many looks from the club members—unbeknownst to you.

Seungmin had taken a seat in front of you, looking very tired, making you frown in concern.

“Hey, are you feeling alright?”

Seungmin shook his head, “I really just wanna go back to the hotel room and pass out, I feel a fever coming on,” he told you, earning a disgruntled noise from Jaemin.

“You should, you don’t have to join us to make the bracelets. Get as much rest as you can so you don’t get more sick,” Jaemin told him, earning an appreciative nod from Seungmin.

“Thanks pres. Sorry, I really wanted to help, but at this rate I don’t know if I can stay awake.”

Jaemin shook his head, and you took the liberty of distributing the food as he spoke, “it’s really fine, your health is more important.” (How ironic, Jaemin knew if Renjun heard this he’d be giving an earful to Jaemin about hypocrisy).

You knew that there were many bracelets to be made, but you were hoping that if enough of you showed up tonight you would be able to get it done quickly, and you were just as eager to get it done so you could go to sleep.

When you’d gone back to the hotel, you took your time to shower and get changed since you knew the meeting time was a little later, coming out and seeing your roommate already getting ready to sleep on her bed.

“Hope you don’t mind, I’m really tired,” she told you, giving you an apologetic smile.

You shook your head reassuringly, taking a seat on the edge of your bed as you dried your hair, checking your phone as you did so, seeing a flood of texts in the group chat saying that majority of them were feeling unwell, with some of them even puking and others running a fever.

Your heart sank, though a part of you questioned if they were really sick or not, since you remembered a few of them to have been perfectly fine during dinner but you figured you should give them the benefit of the doubt.

Coming out from the group chat, you saw that Jaemin had messaged you privately

Jaemin 9:56pm - looks like its just both of us left, are you alright to make the bracelets? you can just come up to my room when you’re ready -

You’d sent him a message saying you were on your way, thankful that his room was on the same floor as yours, telling your roommate you would go make the bracelets, receiving her tired hum of acknowledgement before you left.

Upon reaching Jaemin’s room you entered, you could hear some upbeat Ariana Grande song faintly playing from the inside of the room. His hair was messy, dressed in a pink hoodie and black sweatpants, waving at you in greeting before letting you enter the room.

You pointed a finger in question at the upbeat music he was playing at this time of the night, an eyebrow raising in question. 

“How are you feeling?” you asked him. 

“Feeling great! That coffee I drank just now really got me awake.” you shot him a look, clearly not having asked about his coffee, wanting to know about whether he was feeling unwell instead.  

“Sorry, I really wasn’t expecting so many of them to fall sick,” he told you, making you laugh, raising your eyebrows at him in amusement.

“Why are you apologising? It’s not your fault,” you told him, seeing him close his mouth abruptly, taking a seat on his bed where he already had the beads and string laid out.

“Can’t help but feel responsible for them,” he admitted, making you let out a dissatisfied hum.

Looking at him with a firm gaze, you took a seat on his bed next to him, “you don’t have to be. They can take care of themselves, you know,” you huffed.

Jaemin shrugged, though he would never admit your words made his heart skip a beat, keeping his gaze averted as he handed you a string and picked one up for himself, starting to string beads in as he pleased, and you heard the song change.

You were almost done with your first bracelet when you heard Jaemin’s phone start ringing, the music stopping. Picking up his phone and holding it up to his ear with one hand, clasping his bracelet tightly between his fingers in his other hand, he answered the call.

“Hello?” Jaemin spoke.

“Hey, I just saw your texts, so are you making bracelets with her now?” Renjun’s teasing tone was heard through the phone, and Jaemin was thankful he hadn’t decided to put the call on speaker mode.

“Uh-huh,” Jaemin answered.

“Anything else been happening? I heard from Jeno that heard from Felix that heard from Hyunjin that there’s some sort of virus going around there?”

Jaemin sighed, “yeah, it’s pretty bad, but it’s alright I guess, I mean, I’m not sick yet so I guess I’m fine,” you wondered who it was that Jaemin was talking to, a part of you wondering who it was that could warrant such an affectionate tone from him, your first thought being maybe this was somebody he was interested in.

You needed to make sure your bracelet was big enough, so you reached over, asking Jaemin silently if he could lend you his wrist, which he offered wordlessly, letting you wrap the bracelet around his wrist, smiling in satisfaction when you found it was long enough, pulling it away from his wrist and tying a knot to secure the beads.

“Can you please drink more water? Please take more care of yourself,” Renjun reminded, making Jaemin nod.

“Yeah, my throats been feeling pretty scratchy, but it’s fine, I promise.”

“You always say that but you still end up getting sick,” Renjun’s tone was warning, making Jaemin giggle.

“I’m touched, you’re always so concerned about my health,” Jaemin teased, making Renjun scoff.

“Yeah, and from what I’m hearing from Jeno, you’re giving me reason to be concerned about your love life as well.”

“I’ll be fine, trust me. Okay I gotta go now, bye,” “Bye, Jaemin.”

“Love you,” Jaemin drawled, teasing lilt to his tone, earning a gagging noise from Renjun before the latter had hung up.

Jaemin set his phone down next to him, continuing to string his beads as you looked at him curiously.

“Umm...girlfriend?” You blurted, shocked when you saw Jaemin choke, coughing and patting his chest as he calmed down, shaking his head at you profusely.

“No, no, friend. No girlfriend,” Jaemin said clearly, making you hum, feeling him lean over to wrap his bracelet around your wrist, pulling it away and tying a knot.

“That’s interesting...you’re pretty popular in our school, you know,” you told him, seeing him flush, shaking his head at you in dismissal.

“Please, I’m flattered but...,” he sighed, making you tilt your head in confusion, tying the knot on your third bracelet.

“But?” You prompted.

Jaemin knew his reason for not wanting to get into a relationship—mostly his fear of not being able to commit, not wanting to lead whoever it was on if he knew he had too many other commitments that would keep him from being invested in the relationship.

“Nothing,” Jaemin shrugged, and if you were dissatisfied with his answer, you didn’t show it.

You continued making bracelets in the relative silence, the silence only broken when Jaemin had let out an excited sound when he glanced at the bracelet you were making.

“I like this one! It’s pretty,” he complimented, making you smile.

“Thanks, do you want it? We have more than enough beads left for the kids,” you offered, wrapping it around his wrist to measure it.

He gave you a surprised look, “can I, really?”

You nodded, “yeah, sure why not?”

Jaemin smiled, his childlike demeanour making you awfully want to squeeze his cheeks.

“Nice. I should make one for you too! Then we can have matching ones,” he beamed, making you laugh.

“Whatever makes you happy, Jaemin.”

He took the bracelet from your hands, following the colour scheme closely so he could make one identical to yours, and you took the time to make the remaining bracelets, seeing as you only had a few left. By the time you were done, so was he, and he held it up for you to see, one hand reaching over to pull your wrist towards him, slipping the bracelet onto your wrist, smiling in content as he wore his.

“Are we all done?” he asked, earning a nod from you.

Jaemin picked the bracelets up again to count them just to be sure, he knew he wouldn’t completely be at ease until he double-checked that things were in order.

“...42, 44, 45! Nice,” he grinned. Setting the bracelets down, Jaemin leaned back on his bed, supporting his weight with his hands. “Thanks so much for helping me, by the way.”

You noticed Jaemin’s voice sounded more strained, making you recall what he told his friend previously about how his throat felt scratchy.

You shook your head, “it’s really nothing, I’m glad I could help.”

A silence fell between the both of you, making you feel a sort of tension that you couldn’t place an emotion behind, figuring you should leave before you did anything stupid, especially when you had Jaemin looking absolutely angelic just sitting there, messy hair and boyish smile, practically begging you to kiss him.

Standing up abruptly, you stretched your arms over your head, yawning slightly as your arms fell limp at your sides.

“God, my throat feels horrible,” Jaemin sighed, standing up and walking over to the desk in the room, picking up the kettle to pour a cup of water for himself.

“Are you falling sick?” You asked him.

Though you knew the answer was pretty obvious, you weren’t surprised when you saw him shake his head, “no, I mean like, there’s so many other people that are way sicker than me, I think-“ he stopped to cough, wincing from the pain. “I’ll probably get up earlier tomorrow morning with Doyoung and see if I can get some medicine for them or something,” he told you, feeling guilty under your hard gaze.

“Hey, don’t give me that look, I’ll be fine, I promise,” he opened the door for you, and you were about to step out when you turned around so you were barely inches away from him, bringing your hand up to press the back of your hand against his forehead, frowning at how he’d felt as though he was running a fever.

Jaemin gave you a reassuring smile, pulling your hand away from his forehead by your wrist, his thumb running over the beads on your bracelet.

“I’m responsible for the club members, I have to try my best to make sure they’re okay, I can’t just let my own sickness get in the way of making sure they’re okay,” he answered your unspoken question, making you sigh.

“Okay fine, but Jaemin, let me…be ‘responsible’ for you, then, alright? I’m perfectly fine, but you’re falling sick. And I know for a fact that with this attitude you’re not gonna be paying much attention to yourself,” you told him, seeing him open his mouth to speak but you shook your head.

“You don’t need any more worries,” you told him, and just like that, Jaemin started to think that maybe he should be taking Jeno’s advice, not sure when the next time he would be able to find a girl like you was gonna come along, if ever.

You noticed it too, the way how now when Jaemin was looking at you, there was something different about the way he was looking at you, it was...almost affectionate.

Jaemin nodded, squeezing your wrist gently before letting go, his hand rubbing your shoulder soothingly, “goodnight.”

The next day, while Jaemin was busy making sure the club members drank enough water or were taking their vitamins, your job was the same, making sure Jaemin was drinking enough water, getting rest on the bus and eating his vitamins, you were glad you’d realized you brought throat soothing lozenges that you’d given to Jaemin (who thought they were a Godsend).

You made a mental note of things Jaemin did or how he behaved when he was unwell, his demeanour surprisingly cute to you.

1.    Jaemin didn’t mind the taste of medicine, his tastes tended to be on the extreme ends of the spectrum

After you’d given Jaemin something to drink to soothe his cough on the bus, you started to feel as though you wouldn’t mind doing this forever from the way he leant his head against the seat, looking down at you with a soft tired smile on his face, murmuring a soft ‘thank you’ to you.

You knew it wasn’t as if your actions went unnoticed, but you just didn’t expect it to be noticed by Doyoung of all people.

It was evening time when you were already at the airport departure terminal, waiting for those who had gone to the toilet to come back so you could get ready to board the plane.

“You and Jaemin seem pretty close,” your eyes widened, turning around to make sure that it was Doyoung who was talking to you.

Shrugging, you let out a nervous laugh, “uh...I guess? What makes you think that?” You glanced at Jaemin, who was currently sitting at a bench next to the big glass windows, not having the energy to stand for so long.

Doyoung almost snorted, folding his arms over his chest as he spoke, “Literally no one in the club other than you dares to do what you’ve been doing for the past few hours, much less actually have a conversation with him about community service.”

You couldn’t help the confused hum that left you. “Why? He’s so nice.”

Doyoung shrugged, a fatherly smile on his face as he glanced over at Jaemin.

“Not many people get to see that. He tends to trust very few people,” Doyoung glanced around as he spoke, giving him a distracted look, “but I guess he trusts you, from the looks of it.”

You watched as the students had started coming out from the washroom, Jaemin coming back from the big glass panes to where you were, shocking you when he’d linked arms with you, and you had to pretend you weren’t affected by it as you walked into the plane.

Jaemin looked almost disappointed to sit next to Doyoung, making the older boy agree to letting Jaemin and Seungmin swap seats (not without an eye-roll from Doyoung of course). You added to your mental list of all things Jaemin related.

2.    Jaemin wasn’t used to being taken care of,

And you knew this because you could sense how shocked he was whenever you did simple things like drape his jacket over him or adjust his head so his neck wouldn’t be sore.

New findings, 3. Jaemin gets more affectionate when he is sick

You knew this when you felt his head fall onto your shoulder gently after the plane had taken off. Little did you know, this was Jaemin’s way of letting his walls down to you, finally comfortable enough around you to let himself stop being so on-edge all the time. The sight was one to behold, Jaemin with his hood draped over his head, snuggled against your side with his arms tightly hugging the small pillow they’d given, but at the same time, the both of you could so get used to how it felt.

===

The next night, when Jaemin returned home and worked on his university application, he’d started to feel the anxiousness getting to him, thoughts of what would happen to the community service club once he graduated littering his mind, together with other thoughts like how he was going to portray himself in a way the university would find worthy of accepting him, to thoughts of whether he’d done a good enough job in planning the community service trip.

Did I even do that good of a job? Half of them fell sick, so there must’ve been something wrong with the catering—

Jaemin’s thoughts were interrupted when he glanced at his phone, suddenly getting the urge to call you.

“Hello?” he found his body moving faster than his mind could process, hearing your voice on the phone.

“Hey, it’s really late. What’s up? Did something happen?” your tone was concerned, calm. Something Jaemin never knew he needed to hear as much as he was realizing he did now.

“Nothing just…wanted to check on you, see how you were doing after the trip,” Jaemin lied, his heart swelling with butterflies when he heard you laugh.

“I should be the one checking on you, I’m fine. How are you? Have you been resting?”

Jaemin hummed, “yeah…I mean, no, not really.” Jaemin wasn’t sure what was taking over him when he murmured again. “I was kind of feeling a little shitty…but honestly..I’m feeling a little better now.”

You’d assumed he was referring to his sore throat and fever, “that’s great! Make sure you drink a lot of water and sleep early, alright?”

Jaemin smiled, resting his arm on his table and leaning his head against his arm, nodding even though you couldn’t see him, “Uh-huh, I will. You’d better go to sleep too, sorry for calling you so late. Thanks,Y/N.”

You made a sound of confusion, “thanks? For what?”

“Picking up.” Jaemin hated how breathy his voice sounded, hoping he didn’t sound too whipped.

You huffed, not being able to help your smile as well, “Anytime.”

===

“Jeno, I think I’m in love,” Jaemin buried his head in his pillow, earning a groan from Jeno who had just woken up from his slumber on Jaemin’s bed.

“Dude, it’s 4am, can this discussion wait a few hours.”

“It can’t! It’s gonna be white day in a few hours! Okay, technically it’s already white day but it’s gonna be white day in school!”

Jeno sighed, sitting up on Jaemin’s bed to look at the distressed boy, “what’s stopping you?” Jeno murmured, fatigue laced in his tone, his eyes shut as he spoke to his friend.

“What if like...I have so much.......shit going on in my life that I can’t like fully give her the attention she deserves?” Jaemin’s voice lowered to a murmur, and Jeno opened his eyes, knowing that this was something that always held Jaemin back.

“Okay, why not...I give you some situations and you tell me how you would deal with it.” Jaemin nodded, sombre expression on his face as Jeno began his quick fire.

“Let’s say...what if you had a date with her and then suddenly Doyoung texts you asking for a proposal due the next morning,” knowing Jaemin’s usual reaction would be to cancel the date and finish the proposal that night.

Jaemin answered in a heartbeat, “I’d go on the date, then just stay up to rush the proposal or something. Doyoung can wait.”

Jeno’s eyes widened in surprise, “okay next, what about...um...okay! What if you had a volunteer event but it coincides with like her award ceremony or something.”

Jeno asked, recalling a similar incident when Jaemin had skipped his cousin’s award ceremony to go for a volunteer event with the club.

“She doesn’t receive awards every day, I’d go for the award ceremony,” Jeno shot him a knowing look which Jaemin promptly ignored.

“Your parents don’t like her,” Jeno shot at Jaemin, seeing the latter shake his head.

“Don’t care, it’s my girlfriend, not theirs.”

Jeno almost squealed, taking the pillow nearest to him and shoving it at Jaemin. “I’m pretty sure you already solved your dilemma for yourself.”

Jaemin sighed, knowing that Jeno was right, again.

Jaemin’s heart was at unease after that, leaving the house early to buy chocolates for you, preparing his speech in his head for when he would tell you how he felt.

You’d already figured your White day would be just as uneventful as Valentine’s Day, seeing your classmates gushing about what their boyfriends had gotten them, some even walking in with big teddy bears that they struggled to fit in their lockers. So you didn’t think much of it when Jaemin had texted you when you were in the middle of your project meeting.

Jaemin 12:31pm - hey, r u free to meet? -

You frowned, knowing your consultation wasn’t going to be ending anytime soon, but still wanting to see Jaemin nonetheless.

12:31pm - sorry :(( im in a project meeting right now, but i can meet you after school? At like 6? -

Jaemin’s reply came in quickly,

Jaemin 12:31pm - sure!! 6 at the football field -

You thought nothing of it, almost forgetting what day it was as you went about the rest of your lessons, whereas Jaemin, who was done with his lessons earlier than you were, was already waiting at the football field, starting to get restless with his chocolates and balloons, not to mention oblivious to the fact that he was drawing attention from other students because no one could believe that Na Jaemin of all people had prepared to give someone things on White day.

“Do you think she’s actually gonna show up?” Donghyuck asked from where he and the rest of the dnyl boys were sat on the bleachers.

This earned him a (harsh) nudge from Renjun, “of course she’s gonna come, she’s really nice.”

“You say it like you actually know her,” Jeno snickered, making Renjun sigh.

“I hope she comes soon so I don’t have to listen to you guys any longer.”

Lying on the fake grass of the football field, Jaemin was momentarily distracted by the pretty colours the sunset cast in the sky, not noticing that you had already showed up.

“He kind of looks like a supply crate in battleground, should we ask him to sit instead of lie down?” Jeno wondered.

Renjun let out a strangled scream, “oh my god, too late. I think she’s here.” He nudged Donghyuck, the three boys’ attention turning to the girl walking towards where Jaemin lay on the field.

You’d walked to the field, a part of you growing very amused when you spotted the balloons next to a figure lying down in the middle of the field, walking closer until you were standing over him, seeing him furrow his eyebrows before his eyes widened, sitting up quickly and almost bumping heads with you if you hadn’t moved back quick enough.

“Wow, what’s all this? Got swarmed with gifts again today?” You laughed, seeing Jaemin get up off the floor, holding the box of chocolates with the balloons tied around them in his hands.

“Um...not quite,” he murmured, a shy tint of pink making its way onto his cheeks.

“What’d you wanna meet me for?” You asked.

Jaemin had his whole speech rehearsed in his head, but it seemed as though his body thought otherwise, holding the box of chocolates out for you.

“Here,” he murmured, this time, a lot more confident than he was on Valentine’s Day.

You tilted your head at him, an amused smile playing at your lips.

“How do you think it’s going?” Jeno whispered, “she looks more amused than flattered.”

“I don’t know why you’re whispering, I could shout and he wouldn’t be able to hear me. I’m sure they’re doing fine,” Renjun shrugged.

You hummed, laughter bubbling from your lips, “is this gonna become a tradition of yours? Giving me things on special occasions?”

Jaemin pursed his lips, pretending to be in thought.

“Only if you let me,” he smiled.

Your eyes widened, unable to help yourself from the implications of his statement, making him nod at you in affirmation.

“I kinda asked you here to like...yeah, ask you if you uh...wanna like go out with me?” He asked, and you fiddled with the ribbon of the balloon, your breath suddenly getting caught in your throat.

“Like...date?”

Jaemin nodded.

“For real?” You blurted in your panic, seeing him nod again, suddenly exuding a confidence you weren’t used to.

“Yeah...like date. For real,” he smiled, bringing a hand up to run through his hair, and you couldn’t find a better reaction in you than to nod dumbly.

Jaemin smiled, pushing the balloons aside, leaning closer to you. “I really wanna kiss you right now,” he murmured, frowning.

You glanced around nervously, embarrassed that there were students watching, not wanting to kiss Jaemin in front of the school.

“Jaemin, there are people watching,” you muttered, embarrassment creeping up on you, seeing Jaemin straighten up to glance around, shooting a grin at the dnyl boys before looking back at you.

You grasped the box tighter in your hands, feeling Jaemin bring his head down so his lips were next to your ear, “I think I have a better idea.”

Reaching his hand around to grasp the strings of the balloons, he pulled them down so that the balloons would shield the both of you from view.

“May I?” He asked, his voice gentle and smooth, enough to make your head spin.

Nodding, “of course,” you huffed, closing your eyes when you felt his lips press against yours, sweetly and so, so much like Jaemin.

One of his hands went up to tuck your hair behind your ear, going to the back of your neck and grasping it gently, feeling him smile into the kiss, enough to make more excitement bubble in the pit of your stomach. Your hand going to grasp gently at his waist, your other hand going up to cup the side of his face gently, feeling him smile into the kiss when you did so.

Pulling away before you got carried away, you heard the faint sound of cheering, turning to see 3 boys sitting on the bleachers shouting what sounded like cheers for you and Jaemin.

Squatting and covering your face in embarrassment, you couldn’t help but laugh, “Jaemin! Who are they?”

Jaemin turned casually, gesturing at the bleachers with his thumb, “oh them? They’re my dnyl club members!”

“Dnyl?”

“Yeah, it’s a ‘don’t need your love’ club one of the exchange students started, something like those lonely hearts club things,” Jaemin shrugged, earning a confused hum from you.

“Why are you in the club?” You found the whole idea pretty amusing, to have someone as flirtatious as Jaemin be part of some anti-love club.

Jaemin shrugged, giving you a small smirk, “come to think of it, I won’t be needing the club meetings so much now, will I?”

===

“Woah, who gave you those?” You and Jaemin were stopped by Doyoung on your way out of school afterwards, the teacher gesturing to your balloons with his iPad.

You cupped your hand around your mouth, looking around to make sure no one was listening, “Jaemin” you whispered, earning a wide eyed look from Doyoung, who looked at the grinning Jaemin as though he’d just told Doyoung he adopted a child.

Shaking his head with a good-natured smile, Doyoung sighed wistfully, “can’t say I didn’t see it coming. Congrats on your um...whatever young people call it now,” he waved the both of you off, making you laugh.

“Thank’s Doyoung!” Jaemin called, turning to you, smiling giddily.

“What are you smiling about,” you scoffed, seeing him shake his head, linking arms with you. 
 Jaemin looked away to hide his blush, shaking his head as he led you out of the school, for the first time, leaving school without his mind filled with worries, instead, it was filled with thoughts of you, and oh, how Jaemin loved the way it made him feel.