#ibder

My local supermarket had this on its disabled toilet I was delighted 😁

My bowel hates me and hates food 💔

Sometimes there are no words to explain what you are going through so excuse me while I ramble on and try to make sense of my thoughts. I've had a week of mixed news and I'm happy and sad! So good news first: I got accepted with a conditional offer for my masters course. I'm actually surprised I completed my undergraduate degree but through all the hospitalisations and flares of my chronic illnesses. I did it!! I cried for an hour when I got the letter. I'm so proud of myself that I kept studying. Bad news: As I said in a previous blog. My crohns had started to play up. I am becoming very run down and a lot of vomiting and diarrhoea. Plus my ankylosing spondylitis has been incredibly painful. So on Thursday I see my GI and he will probably suggest another dose of steroids and hopefully try a biologic. I'm so happy that I have the results and the possibility of my dream job. Yet chronic illnesses are always there to torture me.

Hi everyone! I went for an MRI on my spine yesterday and my Sacroiliac joints. I must say out of all the MRIs I've ever had, this was the worst as my head was in a "cage" and I had to lie for an hour completely still. I was very uncomfortable and sore on the table too, but it is over now and nothing compared to a colonoscopy! Oddly I've started to compare everything negative in my life with a colonoscopy! I won't get the results of the scan until next month and they wouldn't let me see it. I was so excited to see my spine! So here is hoping my ankylosing spondylitis hasn't got worse. However I feel within myself it has as I'm always in a lot of pain especially in the morning. In my personal life I guess everything is going ok. I'm still living with my Dad, which has its ups and downs. I'm very much used to living on my own with the dogs and my own space and so is he. So I'm finding that very difficult. However financially it's brilliant as he can support me. Which I feel guilty about but there is nothing I can do to help now in my current financial situation. I hate what my chronic illnesses have put me through. Most other young women my age have kids, a house, a husband/wife etc. Yeah and I'm still at home living of my parents. But I'm still alive and I have that to be thankful for. This June I finish my under graduate degree in human anatomy and that has been my reason to keep fighting for many years and I'm so proud of myself for even considering continuing studying with my health. I'm only fit for one day a week and after many years I've finally got there. However, now the plan was to go on and study medicine but I know that I will never be physically fit to do that as we are taking 16 hour shifts in the hospital 5 times a week until I get established, which would be about 7 years from now. So I need to decide between a masters in my field or perhaps teaching. Either way I need to continue studying to get a job. I don't know if I will get funded or not and if I don't I will have to get a job somehow, which probably hasn't got anything to do with my career whatsoever. I find myself getting anxious over all these decisions and feeling a little lost and overwhelmed. I'm also still on the dating scene and I'm seeing a guy now who has just been amazing, but I haven't told him about my chronic Illnesses yet and I don't know how to tell him. The last guy I dated ran a mile after I told him! If I was in the other shoes I don't see how it could change my feelings or attraction to another person. It gets me down that we are judged on our illnesses. Anyway there is a wee update on me and my life. I hope everyone is doing as well as can be. Much love Crohns girl in pain Xox

I got my NG tube out I'm so happy there's nothing stuck to my face. Plus I took it out myself as part of my victory. I'm so proud of my self for doing this. It isn't easy and hats of to anyone who has gone through it and uses them on a regular basis. Mines out temporarily and I have to wait and see how my weight goes.

Hey guys I'm going for a check up with my GI tomorrow. He's wants to keep me on the steroids and test to see if I can do infiximab. I'm feeling positive about it but really really just want to start it already as he's been talking about it for months now. If I can avoid surgery for another year he will be happy but I guess it's inevitable or so he says. I would be happy to go for the more aggressive treatment first and then see how I go. But I will discuss it with him tomorrow. I'm also getting another iron infusion tomorrow, so hopefully that will help with the fatigue. Wish me luck Crohns girl in pain

Great image explaining how crohns feels