#crohns

Example setup: Had a very lovely day, nice and chill drive (new speed highscore because of my dryer being loaded), then an brunch with L and N.

Then we chatted and N played MTG L, and J, and I did a short hike with L to an very cool spot in the area. –If my fingers would be okay enough I could write so much about this walk alone– L showed me a nice stream, and then flexed her stone flicking skills + pretty photoshoot.

We walked back, dyed my hair –It now looks sooooooooooooooooooooooo cool, L really did the best / perfect job possible. like 11/10 🥰🤯– Imagine my hair now looking like the wing of a phoenix, thats like the ✨vibe✨

[to add to the hair thingy, it is a strong contender for "most luccy13 way of doing dying hair", there was slight waterboarding involved, –oddly enough it was not my intention, but I probably returned that favor to L later that day–, then somehow I can wear clothes from L and they are still to wide on my hips, also that being half naked in front of like probably everyone on that floor was like not an issue????? –Y came by, to respectfully gloat about her rocket league skills– Also I was not the only one being half naked????? N promptly getting distraced by boobs (not the birds) Then me getting slight waterboarded by L again, but in another way. The whole time N sat in the doorway, trying to work on an mtg deck, and watching over us / documenting progress. Then an talk about glow in the dark condoms and lots more I forgot about. Also N almost getting hit by an NSFW toy]

Then drove to J, and played MTG there, and lots of talking about IT, and a furcon that is like really soon. Had meal at an Burger King, I got crowned and supplied L with fries so that she could wait for her food without eating N. J did J things and had his whole deck on the table in turn 6-7 for some reason 😂

On the way back, the stubbornness of an wall, and its subsequent refusal of backing down, ended in an wall attacking Ls car, and following that, me and N laying in the dirt, repairing said car. While harvesting funny quips from Y and L from behind. [car is 100% fine now]

Then back at Ls place, I read a chapter of an book to her, and then redyed her hair. –girls, gals, and other pals, I learned so much about hair care in general that stuff is more complex than finding a clover in a mindfield– then her parents came back that set in motion the following:

22:something something, L in her underwear and me in a plain urban street tshirt and pants walking from Ls room into the Bathroom, Ls mother walking up the stairs, locking eyes with first me, then L then back me, and simultaneously asking "What is going on?" in a tone of 'confusion, bewilderment, slight stress, concern, worry'

–It was very quickly apparent that the time of day, in combination with "I just want to use the bathroom to go to bed" was the important bits–

I was never in my life in an situation that more screamed "It is not what it looks like" like this. Guess I have now my label of crazy / weird. 😂😂😂 I am pretty normal tho 🤔🥺🫶

Then it was like late late, so we did the normal thing and ate an midnight snack, and then watched 2 episodes of supernatural –Why is this series sooooo good? Like low budget but it adds to its charm, 2 episodes and its an 6-7/10 for me–

Now you'd think that we would go to bed and sleep, right? I mean yes we went to bed, but without any specific order: N scrolled AI adult content, then L doing the same, then me getting presented an "spicy saved pics" folder, me trying my best to read to them an very NSFW work, I am very rusty at reading english out loud. Making out noises V1 besides me. Making out Noises V2 besides me. Getting jumpscared by a trashpanda or smth outside. Making out noises V3 besides me. "No I cant read that to you, you would not like it, its M/M" –me to N, followed by L searching for an alternative

Sleep at 04:00am

Then

The fucking worst nightmare to my body screams pain ration, into anexiety attack night. Last time I had it this bad, I had an unplanned sleepover at an hospital that triggered it.

I woke up, 2-3h later, and yes while I still have my pains, It was not as bad as I was sleeping. Dont get me wrong please, almost the whole day I felt 9/10 emotionally stable and save. and then out of nowhere this. :( Maybe next time I need to lay in S digital room, for triple protection. The basement we slept in, had also somehow lost in those hours like ALL warmth, and me with wearing my very ventilated summer outfit, I lost all my heat energy, and my blanket isnt really warm, so in the middle of summer, I woke up while being cold and shuddering / freezing. –note to self, I really might be a lizard–

If I would be at J, or at home alone, stuff like this would crush my mental hard, and even tho I talked with my therapist about it, I dont have yet an 'real' solution for moments like this. [noises of confusion and sadness]

At time of writing:

Pain is at 4/10, which is also the highest it has been passively the last 4 weeks which is an huge, win for me. Also my tea is now more cold than I expected.

Objectively, that day was 9/10, with my pains included that drops to 5/10 :( and If I would know that beforehand, I would have done things differently.

I still got out of bed, did an low energy mourning routine, called B and then went shopping

It was a very nice and pleasant trip, if you ignore the fact that in the store suddenly my body screamed "PAIIIIIIIN, THE STOMACH PAIIIIIIIIN" (5/10)

Well, somehow I got home, but now I am home, and my body really uses all at his disposal to make me miserable (7/10), so instead of getting an anexiety attack while hugging the toilet, I write this. And I wait for my meds to kick in.

Fuck IBS, all my homies hate IBS.

Fruits for L. [ X ]

Sweet desserts and Snacks to fuel L's learning gauntlet [ X ]

Cleaned every important bit of the rooms [ X ]

Playlist created [ X ]

Soup [ X ]

Created a plan that is very open and broad, but gives direction [ X ]

Desk space for N and L [ X ]

Plan B, If N needs colder room temperature [ X ]

Drinks for N [ X ]

Snacks for N [ X ]

I think it is safe to assume that I am a tiny bit hyped.

I am running on at least 85% efficiency

The only thing I fear now, are my nightmares. The only thing my nightmares should fear are my friends. Those odds please me.

I like that I am that prepared, but I like more that all of this could explode into nothingness / full on cancelled, without me going into full meltdown mode. Like it would suck, no questions asked, but I have a Plan B and a Plan C and a Plan D, to back this up. Damn, is this what it feels like to be an responsible and emotional stable adult? If yes, then the secret is as always more boring than fiction. :(