I’m sick to death of people telling me I’m “brave”, “strong”, “a warrior”, “a fighter”.

I am not- I’m just a person who never had a choice.

And ny health? It's not good. This healthcare in my town dissmissed me from getting stronger medications for acute pain cause i have been lifting heavy sh*t when i moved in, i got nothing, i noticed just a few weeks after they didnt give a shit about helping me that ny pelvic have moved och is stuck like crooked/tilted to the left, like when i stand with a straight back one could see emediently my body is left leaning from my pelvic moving. No clue how they are gonna fix this for me, but i bet a correction surgery cause there is no way in hell someone could manipulate it back in place, its been stuck like this for lile 2 months now cause this healthcare here sucks AF, it's a nightmare and i am so so fatiged and exhausted to even fight for help. My pain have gotten much much worse and it's been spreading to my right side, so kinda like my pain is eating away at my body, it's taken over larger areas like ny whole pelvic, hips, even worse back pain, neck, ribs, legs, feet, arm and hands. My whole left side is affected by pain and loss of sensation. My leg is so vad i cant even tell if it's hot or cold when touching ny legs and my reflexes are slower than my right side. Only positive that came out of this was that my P.T that examined my pelvic, hips and back noticed it's gotten worse by only 2 months, and she confirmed it's been spreading out, she gonna contact me after next week after my doctors appointment to look over my medications and plans on what to do with me. Despite all this, my doctors refuse to give me stronger meds even with all this k have written, like dude how much more are you gonna torture me, my pelvis is fkn stuck to the side and makes me left leaning, and it is cutting off my nervroots and squeeze them, which has caused this whole mess with my leg not having any sensation and brutal pain. It's just a mstter of time before something happens to my right leg, cause it's slowly for everyday passing getting more painful to walk on it too cause it's been over worked and i am putting all my weight on it cause i cant walk properly with my left. I csnt support on the left one at all cause it hurts so bad i have fainted for a few secs outside when i tried to walk my dog. I cant go longer than passing by my neighbours house cause my body is so effed up st this point, idk how these idiots managed to destroy my body further and getting it in a pretty bad state within 2 months only, god only knows how this is gonna look like in 2 months. Medical neglect is fkn insane. My old healthcare gave me morfin for akute pain to get me to walk ASAP do i dont destroy my other leg and so i could sleep. I am sleep deprived from this also, cause i cant sleep when i'm in constant pain and yet they dont do anything. Like not only this but i have sinus takycardia which is your heart/pulse is beating way to fast, and i am medicated for it, and it is important i have my heart meds especially since i am on ADHD medication. I called last week they have to prescribe my old heart meds i had before (the new on made ne choke and couldnt breathe, it was a mess, i got breathing problems from it), and wheb i walked to the drugstore to fetch my meds they still havnt given me my heart medication prescription, so i had to call them and scold them out like dude i asked you guys A WEEK AGO TO FIX IT, CAUSE I HAVE HEART PROBLEMS AND I'M OB ADHD MEDICATION AND THIS IS NOTHING TO SIT AND IGNORE CAUSE I WILL END UP IN THE E.R AGAIN FOR MY HEART. I hate this. I am struggling a lot IRL, and i'm sorry i havnt answerd anyone or posted new art or mmd videos but i am so do drained and exhausted from the break up and we moved apart, economic problems, heatbreak, crying, panic attacks, stress, all my apointments, and being stuck in my old town with a healtcare that dosnt do shit to help me besides sending me to my P.T all the fkn time and get tortured from her examing me (they have to irritate injuries to see how bad it is, where it is, text reflexes and so on)

I am just so tired, and i apologize if anyone thought i was mad, i promise i'm not, i'm busy IRL and have barely interacted with ppl. I'm pissed & tired. And i am in so much pain idk what to do with myself anymore, i cry daily and even cry my self to sleep but that wont last long, this pain keeps waking me up, and wont let me fall asleep.

I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis 16 years ago this month.

I was 30 years old, the mother of a three-year-old, and suddenly my life was not turning out the way I’d hoped at all. Learning to be a parent along with learning how to live with a chronic illness while working at a fast-paced, full-time job was a huge struggle.  

What is Ulcerative Colitis? 

Ulcerative colitis is a chronic inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) that affects the lining of the large intestine. It’s an autoimmune disease that causes a range of symptoms, including abdominal pain, diarrhea, fatigue, nausea and weight loss. IBD can lead to serious complications, such as bowel obstruction, fistulas, and cancer. The pain, discomfort, and uncertainty that come with this condition can be overwhelming. 

There is no cure for ulcerative colitis, but there are treatments that can help to manage the symptoms and improve quality of life. In 2022, I was fortunate enough to try a novel combination of treatments that works well for me, with almost no side effects.  

Most people with IBD are not so fortunate and spend years trying to find effective treatments, treading a narrow path between reducing inflammation and dangerous side-effects. 

Crohn’s Colitis Canada 

I first learned about Crohn's Colitis Canada via social media. They provide information and support to patients, their families, and healthcare professionals. Their webinars have been invaluable to me in coming to terms with this disease.   They are friendly, approachable, helpful and down-to-earth. 

But of course, they also fund research. 

Crohn’s and Colitis Canada is one of the world’s largest non-governmental funders of IBD research. They invest in the most promising research projects on Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis, ensuring that every donor dollar reaches as far as possible by leveraging funding opportunities with bodies such as the Canadian Institutes of Health Research. They also help allocate a greater pool of funds towards initiatives targeting the prevention and cures of IBD and improving the quality of life for those who live with them. 

Their research funding powers the discovery process that is driving new treatments and cures, finding causes and triggers, helping manage symptoms, getting the best care, educating professionals, discovering novel treatments, and supporting early career IBD researchers. 

In 2021, they invested $4.7 million in research projects and initiatives supported by major hospitals and universities. 

How You Can Help 

Please consider making a donation to Crohn's Colitis Canada. Your contribution will help fund research that could one day lead to a cure for IBD, and it will provide much-needed support to those of us living with this chronic illness.  

You can donate via Tiltify at https://tiltify.com/@sullivantwins/mrgleh 

Lately, everything is exhausting.

Is it because there is a global pandemic? That probably doesn’t help.

I have ulcerative colitis (my GI doctor originally thought I had Crohn’s) and one of the biggest change I’ve noticed is that my energy levels are much lower than they were before.

That makes my job as a trainer and instructor very interesting.

When I get asked how my workouts are going, I can’t help but feel a little bit of guilt and shame and even sadness. I love lifting weights but I haven’t been able to move much besides walking my dog.

The thing is, working out takes up most of my energy reserve for the day and I barely have enough to be a functional human being for most of it.

I baked some cookies the other day before work and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to survive my work day.

I am currently working on finding that balance in my life. I still want to move my body but that will look differently for me and that’s ok.

I didn’t write this post so that you pity me for my situation. I wrote it to raise awareness. Before you judge someone (or a trainer) for the amount of exercise they do or don’t do, remember that everyone’s situation is different. You don’t know if someone is working 12 hour days, has 3 kids at home, is struggling with mental health, has a chronic disease or a combination of all of that.

The #noexcuses rhetoric is damaging. Let’s encourage people to practice self-care in ways that work for them. Not what society expects that self-care to look like.