#actuallyendogenic

You know how we've been so sick over the past months that I kinda took over this blog since nobody could (or should) be out while we're ill? (We've recovered well now.) I've been taking a lot of Benadryl over the past few months and I realized not even Malthus comes to the front now, when before he was doing fine. I asked him about it and he acknowledged yeah, something had changed, and then I remembered that yeah, our wisps hadn't shown themselves in a while. The wisps are basically our (significant? intrusive? though they're not really intrusive anymore) thoughts, and when we take the Benadryl we're dulling our own thoughts (and by association, ourselves). So I started up again: I started saying what Malthus used to obsessively think in our head, and we got him back out into the front.

So now we've put most of the parts together, and hey, there's some sucess! Even got back to the part we were on last time before I got ill, where Neckrel was just about to co-front with me but started having flashbacks to when he was a dragon. So now we can do this cool thing we used to do where we could all flicker in and out of the front, almost like a lightbulb if each one of us were a different color. It's not blending nor does it bother us, it's more like... flickering in and out, at will.

Okay, so we can all agree that race is a social construct, right? But the features that make up a race aren't - if you disagree with this, look at any "drawing POC" tutorials about, there is a way each race is drawn and features each group has, which shouldn't be whitewashed. Like I'm black, and while black people come in different shades and features, I still have the black skin and dark hair typical to black people. Nobody would mistake me for white on the street, I'm noticably black.

Stream starts in about twenty minutes/at the top of the hour! We'll be hanging out and chatting for the first half hour, then doing a half hour writing sprint, a short chat break, another sprint, then chat again to wrap things up.

Hope to see you there!

"that's only a white thing"

Randos hopping into your DMs angry at "the 15 year old white girl"

"I don't believe you're endogenic, all minorities have inescapable trauma from being minorities"

"I have a black alter that grew up in the ghetto, so I understand how black people out here feel"

"Cultural spiritual traditions are taught by families to children and imbued into the genetics of a person, if you don't have that your culture isn't real"

"Come on, you can trust the medical system" <- coming from someone who has never had to fear it

Randos getting offended whenever anybody even suggests someone could be POC, culturally multi and identify as plural

"POC are too busy struggling to identify as plural"

We got sidetracked and he hit us with this:

But then Crystal settled in as dominant when we were around 9 or 10 — we can pinpoint it to a period shortly before The Big Trauma Year of age 10. Our memories become less multifaceted/different based on which of us is doing the remembering and more strongly influenced by her. She led us in the after-trauma realization that nothing was wrong with us, something was wrong with Them (the abusive parents in particular, and the world in general.) We were a voracious reader before, but became doubly so after, as that's Crystal's favorite escape, and her lens for understanding the world, and so she spent most of our life from then till mid twenties at school/working our 8 hours then 4-5 hours reading afterwards. And reading in the midst of school/work too. Anna had some time at work, I Sunni had some time at social events, Shiloh at church on Sundays and midweek events... But it was mostly Crystal doing everything, and so her influence was strong even when it wasn't her fronting.

And then Anna had a few years, I Sunni had a few years, and now Shiloh has had a little under a year. And we're starting to really notice the effects.

We've always thought of Shiloh as being the most passive of us, but that's not at all true. They're a quiet observer sort, true enough, but they're also very strongly a person who seeks peace. Peace isn't passive like we used to think. It's an active enjoyment of the world, an active sense of wonder at diversity and an active joy in finding out new things about how different people Are in the world. It's not active in the same way aggression and contrary-ness are, but it's still a thing chosen, moment by moment, and put into practice.

And because they feel such strong peace, because they act in such strongly peaceable ways, I Sunni feel so much more at peace too.