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Re-reading Heated Rivalry, and I am familiar with the plot of The Long Game, so when I tell you the gasp I gasped when I saw this in the epilogue:
"He tripped me! Hey, what the fuck, ref! That was tripping!" Shane glared up at the ref, and then at Ilya, who was looming over him (I don't want to give too much spoilers away).
"You fell," Ilya said.
"I didn't fall. It was tripping."
"Yes. Was you tripping over your own skates."
How did I not notice this before? Was this a coincidence? What amazing foreshadowing!
On prompts: I’m rereading the books and Shane is so into Ilya’s thighs and canonically watches rugby to stay awake because he thinks the guys are hot - something on either Ilya discovering that this is why Shane watches rugby or just general thigh stuff??
thank you for sending me a prompt! this one was so fun, and ended up a lot sweeter than i thought lmaoo. i imagine the time frame on this is probably post TLG, but could be during TLG too.
506 words | Rating: T
"What are you looking at?"
Shane startles, not knowing that Ilya had walked into the kitchen. He slams his phone down on the counter—not the right thing to do.
Ilya wraps his arms around Shane from behind and reaches for Shane's phone. "Are you watching porn?"
"Jesus, Ilya." Shane holds his phone out of reach. "It's 8:30 in the morning, of course I'm not watching porn."
"You've done worse things at 8:30 in the morning." Ilya's hand locks onto Shane's wrist. "Must be something embarrassing, let me see."
"You are so annoying." Shane lets Ilya pull the phone from his hand. Feels his cheeks grow hotter as Ilya unlocks it then dances away from Shane's reach before he can fight for it back. The video on the phone plays again; Shane can't see it, only hears the upbeat song, watches Ilya's brow furrow.
"This is just rugby clips. Why are you embarrassed by this?"
"You're the one who thinks I'm embarrassed. I never said that I was. I just... I think it's interesting to watch."
"You don't know anything about rugby." Ilya looks at Shane over the phone. "And I know that you're embarrassed."
"No, you don't." Shane huffs, then feels childish about it. "Can I have my phone back?"
Ilya's eyes widen then, and Shane knows now that he's figured it out.
"You think they're hot." Ilya's face splits with a grin. "You watch rugby clips because you think the men are hot. You are watching porn—respectable Shane Hollander porn that you're allowed to watch before noon."
"It's not porn." Shane's voice raises to an embarrassing pitch. "Give me my phone back."
Ilya plays the video again, laughing to himself. "You are so fucking gay."
Shane crosses his arms over his chest, and doesn't bother asking for his phone back again. The worse he reacts the more Ilya will tease him.
"You don't think it's hot?" he says instead.
"If I answer that question, you will be mad at me."
"No, I won't," Shane lies.
"But I can see why you think it's hot." Ilya slides next to Shane, shows him the video again. It's paused in the middle of a kick. "This man looks like me, no?"
Shane makes a face. "I mean, kind of, not really though."
"I suppose. My thighs are better than his."
"You are so full of yourself."
"Are you saying you would rather have this man and his rubgy thighs?"
"I'm not saying anything." Shane lets Ilya push more into his space. "And you know I love your thighs."
Shane drops his hands down, pulling up Ilya's shorts to grip his thighs.
"Hmm, maybe you should show me. Or is that too much for before nine?"
Shane slides off the chair, settles onto his knees, sighing as Ilya slips a hand instinctively into his hair.
"Not too much," he murmers, then he pulls Ilya's shorts down to his ankles, places a kiss between on Ilya's inner thigh.
And this is always so much better than any video.
——
tried to get both thighs and rugby in there, although it does pain me to cut it off here lmaoo
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As a married person I do need to tell you all that Shane and Ilya do weird shit all the time.
They routinely have entire conversations where Ilya is very softly smacking Shane's foot the entire time. Shane enjoys the percussive feedback.
Ilya mispronounces the word "Application" and they just sit there mutually whispering 'Aaap-li-caaa-shun' at each other for the next thirty seconds.
Ilya comes up behind Shane while he's trying to make a smoothie and says 'HELPING HANDS' and puts his arms under Shane's armpits.
Ilya sees Shane undressing in the bathroom and yells, "Take it all off!"
Shane carries Anya into the bedroom and holds her over Ilya's chest and moves her paws and says, "Papa it is me. Papa it has been an whole hour since I ate. Papa I am so hungry and sad." then drops her on his stomach.
Shane comes into the home office and grabs a pen off the desk and puts it against Ilya's cheek and says, "Any last words?" and Ilya says, "I wish I had eaten more dumplings."
Ilya spends an entire episode of House Hunters International with his hand down Shane's pants. It's not doing anything in there either it's just keeping warm.
Sometimes they are just mutually awake at three AM for No Reason and they go stand on the porch and stare at the empty street together.
Sometimes they are laying there playing footsie on the couch while on their phones (Parallel play) and Shane says, "Does your mouth ever do that squeezing thing. You know. When you eat." And Ilya says "Explain" and they spend the next ten minutes dissecting whether this is a Human Experience or a Shane Experience.
Sometimes Ilya will put his head on Shane's stomach and say, "Show me your boooones" and wait for Shane to lift his shirt so he can burrow under it.
I just think that we as a fandom need to embrace how Weird married people get about each other. From personal experience I am telling you it is SO FUN.
I talk about lover boy fantasizer Ilya but LET IT BE KNOWN Shane is also a loverboy fantsizer once he lets it off the leash
It's so funny like Ilya has bad juju around the cottage visit because he knows he'll get attached for good and he isn't really yet imagining the same on Shane's end.
Meanwhile Shane is like yes. This is a marriage audition. Do you like my well? Now, when we're old and your right knee is ruined because of how you favor it---don't interrupt---we can install a chair lift for the stairs
It's very important to read TLG keeping it focused in your mind that at all times Shane's brain is just going "permanent retirement cottage with Ilya jet skis with Ilya competing in private gym with Ilya burgers on the deck with Ilya future with Ilya" on repeat
okay but ilya and cliff being besties but ilya rooming with connors during the club episode makes me laugh because i'm just imagining him being such a demon to everyone that they had to put being his roomie on ROTATION
I just think the idea of dog4dog hollanov is so fucking juicy. they both wanna be leashed, they both let themselves be leashed by the other one (they are then the only ones). they both wanna be good. both willing to show teeth when necessary. both so incredibly protective of the other one. so devoted and loyal, without it ever feeling like it's suffocating, it's the exact opposite; both being able to breathe for the first time. for the first time, they can let go and be playful with each other
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I just know Ilya brags on interview every time Shane is The Shane Hollander on the ice. And not like "my husband is so good" kinda way but in "Say thank you Ottawa I brought our winner back home, you should adore me for bringing home the spoil of my life long victory (my marriage) bow before me for I am the king's beloved and he loves me so much he's giving you a cup this year BC I like it here" kinda way
The miscommunication in Heated Rivalry is because they're living in different romance types to begin with:
Shane: In some sort of Austen-esque existence where hjs ill-advised flirtation with a notorious rake goes too far. Scandalised by the intimate use of first names he flees, concerned what society and his goodly parents will think, his reputation at stake. He tries to find a proper marriage prospect but alas his heart is lost to the rake! But he finally follows his heart and invites Ilya into his home too (and accepts first name usage!)
Ilya: Smoldering in mirrors and out of windows and getting emotionally wuthered screaming Shane's name on a moor. My man is byronically going through it gothic style
Scott Hunter is trying to live his best modern rom com life and is side-eyeing the fuck out of these two. No idea what's going on there and franly doesn't want to
My favourite commentary on this so far was "can museum curators go and throw a blacklight rave in the bird collection to see how many of the others do this?" 🤣
Worth noting that the authors have confirmed that the fluorescence is within the range of cassowary visibility, which is a bit of the puzzle that often gets missed in viral stories like this. Really neat work!
It's incredible to think about how our range of perception limits what we can understand about the world just with our senses.
When animals have bright colors we can see, we think to ourselves, "Oh, there is a reason for the color." But the world is full of colors we cannot see. Songs we cannot hear. Smells we cannot detect. A world of meaning, if only we could look with the right sight to unlock it.
The more I encounter it the more I feel like Shane's anxiety is really misplaced by fandom, like people tend to act like he's Ryan Price, who canonically is so anxious he can barely fly and freaks out before games
Shane's anxiety is more...existential. He worries about losing the things he's worked for. He worries about aging and his career ending. He worries about Ilya dying
It's all fairly rational fears, and his reactions are also rational-ish, with emphasis on the -ish. The diet makes sense, it's a performance diet, it's what athletes do. But Shane commits to it with a level of intensity that belies his underlying concerns about age. Same with the secrecy. Shane's right about his fears, but he also goes to lengths that are probably not necessary. They could tell more people. They could go out on discreet dates sometimes.
Anyway yeah I think people just hear anxious and they default to a sort of whimpering shivering guy but I just don't think that's Shane. It's Ryan Price tho
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I just truly feel that after the Ottawa move social media parasocially convinces itself that Ilya is a sad white boy who got too anxious to stay in Boston and they woobify him so hard. Bottom!Ilya fics EXPLODE on AO3 he’s shipped with anyone and everyone. Normal fans post pictures of him obviously upset on the Cens bench with captions “he’s like a friend I worry about….”
Someone snaps a picture of him eating a bagel on a bench and they turn it into a whole sad Ilya Rozanov meme
The most popular AO3 fic from this time is a Hollanov fic where in-universe fanfic Shane can’t stop thinking about how hockey isn’t fun anymore since his rival moved, and why would Rozanov do that, and did he really break down? And fanfic!Shane can’t get it out of his head so finally he drives to Ottawa and woobie fanfic!Ilya breaks down and admits to him that he just couldn’t take the pressure anymore.
And fanfic!Shane is like “did I…did I make it worse for you? By being the person they always compared you to? Did I push you too far? I didn’t know about your tragic sad backstory as an orphan on the streets of Moscow. And now maybe it’s too late. Is it….my own fault I’ve lost my greatest rival”
And fanfic!Ilya (tears streaming down his face) is like “No Shane…you were the only one who made it ok. The only one who understood, who saw through my walls”
and then they embrace and woobie!Ilya’s like “Maybe you lost a rival…but gained a friend?” So hopefully. He’s got new tears in his eyes
And fanfic!Shane (the stoic captain) is like “I think maybe I’ve gained more than that” and then they fuck. Also probably fanfic!Ilya is an omega and instantly gets pregnant idk
Anyway bets are out on whether Shane and/or Ilya ever find that fanfic. I think it does numbers and also when the boys announce their foundation the author has an actual heart attack
i know we've said "imagine being yuna hollander" countless times but from the moment i've watched episode six, i truly think about the multiple whiplashes that yuna, Chairperson of Rational Logic, must have had in those moments as she tried to make sense of what was going on.
imagine being yuna and your husband has just come home. he looks deeply frazzled, but you can also sense he doesn't want to talk about it. then your son appears on the stairs. wasn't he supposed to be at a silent retreat? then before you can make sense of that, another person appears right after him. your son's #1 asshole enemy in the league. there is no reason for these two to be together. you did not even know these two spoke. rozanov doesn't even live in canada. is rozanov in trouble? this does not compute. first whiplash.
your husband's got his eyes on the floor, and suddenly your son and rozanov are front of you. your son looks deeply distressed about what he's going to say. rozanov has his hands clasped together like he's expecting to get in trouble. then as your son goes "sorry you shouldn't have found out that way dad" and you try to piece together the regretful look on his face and the fact that he's brought rozanov, the only reasonable conclusion your mind can come to at that moment is that your son must have left montreal for the boston raiders. second whiplash.
and you're like "found out what???" because what the fuck is going on here and why did no one tell you. and then your son says that he's gay. you thought that he was going to come out as a raider but he is actually coming out as a homosexual. third whiplash.
"and this is ilya. we are lovers." you did not even know they acknowledged each other outside of hockey until a second ago. the possibility that they like each other like THAT was not even something that existed on this plane of reality. fourth whiplash.
and as you try to make sense of the narrative that you've held in your head up until a minute ago, your son admits that he actually loves ilya rozanov. love, as in the way you've loved your husband for the past thirty years. and you realize that there is a whole story that your son has been holding inside for the past few years, something deep that you have never even been aware about. fifth whiplash.
you are yuna hollander. you just went to believing that ilya rozanov might have just converted your son into a boston raider into being hit with the reality that he is actually gay for ilya rozanov. like yes ilya did convert him yuna. just not in the way that you think. and it turns out that rozanov is a) actually Not an asshole; and b) immediately willing to drop his entire career for your son. (more whiplash.)
let's raise a glass for yuna hollander. no wonder you had to ask for a glass of wine queen. you are our strongest soldier.
you thought that he was going to come out as a raider but he is actually coming out as a homosexual.
When you put it like that, Ilya’s choice of t-shirt is perfect. Shane should be wearing one too. What metros fan mom wouldn’t hurdle over any homophobia she might harbour when facing the fact that a gay son is far preferable to a son who plays for Boston.
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