Sometimes I think I'm a Horseshoe Crab

Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched Does not mean: Give belly rubs! - haha I tricked you!  Actually means: I’m playful! If you reach for my belly I’ll grab your arm and bite it because I think we’re playfighting! 

Lazily exposing belly - still attacks when touched Does not mean: tricked you again! Actually means: I’m showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don’t break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I’m not ticklish and I know you well. Snapping at you while being pet Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you! Actually means: You’re petting me in a way that gives me too much restless energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the full length of my back next time.

Staring and blinking slowly Does not mean: I’m smug and think I am smarter than you. Actually means: I like you! But I don’t need to get up in your face to show it.  I can just sit over here and blow kisses at you to show you I am glad you are around!

Yes, the legends are true. Cats headbutt you to show their trust and affection. They also do it to show “hey look I see you as family.” Lions do it with members of their pride to say the same. It’s not just because they want food.

Cats nibbling is indeed literally cats grooming you. It’s what mom cats do to their kittens. If a cat is gently biting and/or licking you, they’re now your mom.

Meowing can simply be for the mere fact they want to say hello, want to play or be pet. Again, not just for food.

They barely meow at other cats (except for kittens, they meow at mom cat), mostly just humans. There are exceptions but overall, meowing is almost always for us.

Cats squinting/slow blinking is indeed basically the equivalent of us smiling and/or kissing.

Cats, like humans, prefer to get things without having to work for it- which isn’t very common within other animals.

Cat massages or making biscuits is because they happy! Kneading is another way of saying “hey I like this moment here I enjoy you and my life.”

Cats recognize us by smell, sound, taste, and touch. They recognize us after years as their long term memory is extremely good. This is why abused or neglected cats are so easily scared or hard to connect with. If your scent changes over the years or just in the day, your voice will them it’s really you. Also, they will only remember you if you had impact on their life. If you just existed in the same house, they obviously won’t care.

And yes, they know our patterns in the day. You notice it when it’s beneficial to them (feeding time!). They will often wait for you to come home as well.

To remember: cats think we are interesting as hell. They watch us do everything because we’re fascinating!!!

notice how when you’re unfamiliar but nonthreatening, they might loaf facing you and sorta halfway watch you. you’re not fully trusted, but you’re ok by them.

when you’re familiar and liked, they’ll often sit near you facing the same way. imitation of poses is a weird little way cats show solidarity. they do it to each other too. check out these bff’s:

they are doing this on purpose. it’s a buddy thing. so if you’re watching tv and a cat sits next to you and pretends to watch tv too, they are basically calling you bro and declaring friendship.

and if they really love and trust you, they’ll turn their back on you and go to sleep. they’ll sleep facing a wall in your presence, or lounge where they can’t see the room. this isn’t a snub, folks, this is true kitty love. they’re saying, “i feel safe when you’re around. i know nothing’s going to sneak up on me, because you’re here. i feel so safe i can stick my head under a pillow and snore with my butt pointed at you.”

Big example, anyone remember Mike Pence? I try not to but unfortunately I am from Indiana and I used to work in state government. (Not with Pence but he was governor long enough his residue is all over many parts of indiana)

Remember when he said that he promised his wife he wouldn't "dine alone with any woman who isn't her, or drink alcohol if she wasn't there"? Unfortunately that's not just a weird Mike Pence thing. That's a a part of a manifesto made by a group of prominent Evangelical leaders. The Billy Graham Rule

"The Modesto Manifesto or Billy Graham rule is a code of conduct among male evangelical Protestant leaders, in which they avoid spending time alone with women to whom they are not married. It is adopted as a display of integrity, a means of avoiding sexual temptation, to avoid any appearance of doing something considered morally objectionable, as well as for avoiding accusations of sexual harassment or assault." Copied from the first paragraph of the Wikipedia page for said rule.

It's an old rule I don't hear people talk about it. But it's a good representation of the idea around cross gender friendships. In my experience, I see more people under 40 have cross gender friends. But despite it being more common, I still see people have weird suspensions about it.

I also vividly remember in my freshman year of high school there was a legitimate debate about whether or not boys and girls could be friends. Not like students arguing with each other. My teacher had us practice devate skills and picked a topic she knew was controversial to do so. Less controversial than she thought actually because when the debate ended I was the only person still arguing that this is so weird you can be friends with anyone of any gender. And that was only 14 years ago.

So its partially a weird religious thing. Partially an Evangelical thing. But also it might be a middle class white man thing? I'm a data person. So I need to add the caveat that there's not be wide spread studies on the issue. But there's been a few studies that suggest the biggest difference between the friendship gender gap is white men. In black and latino usamerican populations there didn't seem to be as much of a gender friend gap. But there was a big one between white men and women. Showing even when they had close personal conversations, white men felt less close to women than the other way around. And the gap was a little small in white groups of lower socioeconomic classes. But that was also a psychology study. And data in psychology can change so much depending on who you interview. And noticeably black, latino, and white are not the only racial groups so that's pretty limited data.

Anyway this got away from me I mostly wanted to shit talk Mike Pence being a weirdo but then my adderall hit. I did also find another map from this study!

Here a map with more countries. I noticed here it says "over top 200 friends" and learned this map is made up of Facebook data. So. Interesting data but definitely very specific. The cross gender ratio measurement in this study is specifically measuring the ratio of men befriending women vs women befriending women.

Thank you for the polite and good-faith question! I will answer in similar politeness and good faith:

I can tell you're stupid so I'll break it down for you because I have nothing but generosity in my heart for people Bush left behind. I know he was a fast motherfucker I don't blame you for not keeping up. You are ultimately a victim of the system

Now let's take a look at what you wrote:

My dad has 4 half siblings and two step siblings. They're all a decent bit younger than him. When I was a teenager, we went to a family reunion, and I realized something—my dad did not respect his siblings. He looked down on all of them. He saw them as fuck-ups and overgrown children. My dad had the American dream: well paying management job, suburban house, wife, and three kids. My aunt and uncles did not. Excluding my aunt, none of them were married or in serious relationships. They hadn't really settled into long term careers. Several of them were working the kind of jobs that get called "Unskilled labor." So he looked down on them because the youngest one was in his thirties (and several were much older), and yet none of them had "settled down" into what he saw as lifelong, permanent careers and relationships and lives. He was polite to their faces, sure, but I heard how he talked about them behind their backs, to my mother.

And then a few years ago, we visited his brothers again for Thanksgiving. And I realized something again--he respected them now. He saw them as equals. Why? Well. All of a sudden, every single one of them had serious, committed romantic partners. They didn't even need to still be with those partners—one of my uncle's fiance passed away from cancer before they could marry—just having had one showed that they matured into a real adult participating in society. In fact, at one point, my aunt was telling my mom about how one of my uncles was no longer living in an apartment she owned, but instead, after having a steady girlfriend for about a year, he moved in with her. And my mom literally said to my aunt, "wow. Look at that. He finally grew up."

One of the lines that frequently gets repeated about anti-aspec sentiment is "why would anyone hate asexuals/aromantics/etc? They aren't even doing anything." And that's exactly it. In the eyes of amatonormative culture, we aren't doing anything. Adults are supposed to do things. That's how you become a member of society.

Over 500 years spent trying to cut down a whole trunk of human culture.

BUT sometimes I see this being used as a gotcha in a way that says "it's okay to be fat because it doesn't mean you're eating Immorally" and I resent that.

I am fat and today I ate three cookies for breakfast. big ones. and that doesn't change the fact that my fatness is amoral and my diet - while objectively not very healthy, this cookie thing is part of a pattern in my life as a stressed out grad student - is also amoral.

This past month, Parks & Rec has been doing a lot of work on the field adjacent to my school. They have trucks with flatbeds, mowing/tree-cutting/postholing machinery, etc. And when they arrived, I (campus monitor) was told I would need to herd the kids away from the trucks/machinery and basically prevent them from creating a dangerous situation.

So when recess came around and the kids stampeded out the door I held them up and I said (being funny but at the same time serious, you know how it is, kids listen better if you're funny)

"Okay, I know that you're all smart AND mature, right? And talented and good looking? Definitely the smartest and most talented class in this school? (I say this to every class, they're all 'my favorites'.) And because you're SO intelligent and mature, I don't need to actually TELL you that these guys have vehicles and machinery that you need to stay clear of, right? Because I know you figured that out already, and I also know that YOU know how sad I would be if any of you were run over, or squashed, or had a pole fall on you. I would be SO SAD, like, I would probably have to lie down on the floor and cry. So you're not going to make me cry, right? I can trust you to stay away from the trucks and machines no matter where they are on the field? Because you're wonderful and amazing? My favorites? My inspiration?"

And they're laughing at me of course, because I'm being so dramatic. Some of them are "Yes, and-"ing my dramatics and inventing more involved mourning processes I should undertake if any of them get run over. Some of them are yelling at me that they are NOT mature yet and they are VERY STUPID and I should know this.

It's been three weeks. We had one conversation about it. None of them have gone anywhere near the trucks. This is actually in excess of the typical elementary-schooler's working memory and I'm very proud of them. I haven't had to blow the whistle at ONE person for getting too close even when the trucks were literally 40 feet from the actual playground.