tonight i feel like kafka

I just can’t believe some of u are soooo young u didn’t experience the early 2000s at all like even briefly . U were born and ur mother door dashed you home from the hospital

actually i was in the NICU for a couple weeks after being pieced together by surgeons but whatever lmao

That’s because she used klarna. To pay through 4 easy installments with no interest

Exposing the babies to onions and roasted carrots and strongly scented spices to prevent anybody from liking them

You can donate to Amnesty International here

We’re all having a midlife crisis leave us be

If you're ever feeling sad at night just remember: your cat is probably somewhere in your room attempting to do bizzare half life physics puzzles with fragile objects

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

sorry to everyone out there who thinks they have the funniest tshirt but i think i can confidently say i just saw the actual funniest tshirt just now. i passed by a beautiful black woman with long multicolor braids blowing majestically in the beach breeze & she was wearing an oversized tshirt that said in gigantic letters "WHITE BOY OF THE YEAR"