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tiny-wins-and-gold-stars

⭐To all the fanfic writers out there, a little gold star!⭐

generaljenobi

dreamcore-posts

blackshvck

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

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official-lucifers-child

Wiggle

c4pyb4ra

it did not work, but i can help

big wiggle

bonersniper

might-be-somebody

the only super long Tumblr post I love

ladythatsmyskull

nitpickspot

So, what you're saying is, under no circumstances should we be reposting the above image as much as humanly possible?

aqueerkettleofish

Well, we should certainly make sure that everyone knows about this image, or how will they know not to post it? It's not like "That image of Musk looking like a Nazi" would narrow it down.

ang3lf4c3-d0llh34rt

Girlhood is trying to figure out which fictional man you wanna read a fic abt before bed

brainstreams

vile-lithium3

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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jake-clark

meiiiwaku

@hellsite-hall-of-fame @worldheritagepostorganization

hellsite-hall-of-fame

is this the ORIGINAL?!???

laughconfetti

creepymutelilbugger

oh holy shit i didn’t even know where this meme came from

roses-blog-of-things-deactivate

OH MY ACTUAL GOD THE ORIGINAL

thenumberonevelvetcake

ORIGINALS ON THE ROLL

partycoffin

Hand mixers and Sewing Machines are Two different Types of horses

partycoffin

These are wild animals… Untamed Stallions…

mctreeleth

They respond well to a confident handler, but they can smell fear and will act up if they don’t respect you. Other horses include printers and hot glue guns.

throughtimeandstarlight

charlesoberonn

This post goes around Tumblr every year, and it’s always true. There’s never been an uneventful or boring January.

mylordshesacactus

So my family has a Gay Pirate Plate.

Stay with me.

We do not know how the hell the Gay Pirate Plate was first acquired. This being a point of contention is actually pretty plot-relevant; the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate began with my grandmother and her sister, who, for some ungodly reason, both BADLY wanted the Gay Pirate Plate and believed it to be rightfully theirs.

I should back up, firstly, to establish: The Gay Pirate Plate is the cheapest, tackiest, ugliest plate in existence.

It is in no way a collector’s item. It is physically impossible for it to complement anyone’s decor, because the colors in it are garish. It’s just a ceramic plate with a gay pirate painted on it, and the painting is, this cannot be emphasized enough, extremely bad.

(How do we know the pirate is gay if he’s just posing on a plate? Listen. Fully 100% to stereotype, but he is. He is gay. There’s an energy. That pirate is a flaming homosexual. That pirate has sex with men and does it frequently. That pirate is fucking gay, all right, he just is.)

Anyway. The point is that this is an extremely cheap and ugly plate with a poorly-executed painting of pirate on it who is like a nine on the Kinsey scale.

My grandmother and her sister fought a blood feud over this plate for their entire lives. It would be on the wall in my grandma’s house, and then her sister would visit, and then it would be gone. She’d visit her sister and the plate would be on the wall and her sister would pretend it had always been there. She would steal it back, hang it up, and, when her sister visited, pretend it had always been there. This continued for DECADES.

When the sister died, the Gay Pirate Plate lived triumphantly in my grandmother’s house. And then my grandmother died. And my aunt, who had lived with her and been her carer throughout her life, rightfully inherited their house.

We visit my aunt after the funeral and stay with her for a week or two.

Me, my sister, and our dad. Her brother.

The three of us look at each other. We don’t say anything. We studiously avoid making eye contact with the Gay Pirate Plate mounted proud and ugly on the wall. We notice one another studiously avoiding looking at it. We notice one another noticing. We say nothing. We come to a silent consensus. We pack up to leave. We get in the van. Our aunt comes out to say goodbye. I loudly announce I need to use the restroom before we leave. She obviously stays outside to continue talking to my dad.

I take down the Gay Pirate Plate, stuff it under my oversized sweatshirt, go outside, and get in the van. She happily waves goodbye as we drive off.

Two days later my dad gets a phone call that opens with hysterical laughter and “You FUCKING ASSHOLE did you seriously STEAL THE PLATE–”

Anyway. The gay pirate plate lives in my dad’s house currently.

But he’s trying to get me and my sister out to visit him. And plate mounts are cheap.

mylordshesacactus

The rules of Gay Pirate Plate are simple by the way.

The plate must be clearly and openly displayed in a place of great prominence whenever it is in your possession. When it is not in your possession, the display piece must remain in place. This is where you would put your gay pirate plate, IF YOU HAD ONE.

No active steps may be taken to prevent the theft of the Gay Pirate Plate. That goes against the spirit of the game, as does attempting to hide it.

The plate MUST be stolen and cannot be gifted or removed with permission. Should you witness attempted theft of the Gay Pirate Plate you are required to intervene and return it to its place.

Every time your sibling successfully absconds with the Gay Pirate Plate, you must respond with indignant fury, as if you have not also repeatedly and blatantly stolen the Gay Pirate Plate.

mylordshesacactus

WOE

PLATE BE UPON YE

mylordshesacactus

STATUS UPDATE

I texted this image to my family at around 2am their time last night and woke up to appropriately indignant messages about theft, betrayal, etc.

saintjosie

nothing could have prepared me for how gay the gay pirate plate was

soolagna-meow

reminder that 30 isn’t old, it’s very normal to not accomplish everything in your 20s, and that it is never too late to learn that thing you’ve always wanted to learn. you’re always growing. that’s a good thing.

unexpectedyarns

Who the hell accomplishes everything in their 20s? Who made that a thing?

I was 48 when I started my apprenticeship to become a tattoo artist. I was 50 when I married the love of my life.

You’ve got time.

toniknits

I needed this right now. I’ve got time!!!

unapologeticallyapologetic

To anyone who needs to hear this, my aunt called my mom last year in tears and, as she talked about how things are going, she admitted that she didn’t know she could be so happy, and she didn’t know how good life could be.

She is 72. After a very rough go of things, she is now with someone who cherishes her (met him three years ago!), goes on bucket-list road trips multiple times a year, founded two nonprofits to help people who have been through similar struggles, and feels fulfilled.

30 isn’t too late. Neither is 40, nor 50, nor even 70.

thequeeninyellowlace

I did one career well and successfully for twelve years.

At 32, I quit, went back to school, started totally over in an entirely, completely different career, and am now an executive in that second career running a large company.

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

the-silly-words-on-your-screen

As an alternative to 'sugar, spice, and everything nice'

I present: 'salt, vinegar, and everything sinister'

the-silly-words-on-your-screen

no it does not, I am perfectly happy with my obscurity

durnesque-esque

too late

chimaerakitten

Look if a garment is like. Wool or silk. And it’s like, don’t put me in the fucking wash. I’m like yeah of course ma’am I shall lightly dab you with a damp cloth and air you out so you don’t get stinky. But when a polyester garment is like “hand wash only” I’m like who the FUCK do you think you are. You’re plastic. Get in the drum.

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