velvet @thenumberonevelvetcake - Tumblr Blog

I would like to apologize to every single one of my wips ever

I should pin this as a warning

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tricktster

a good thing about having friends with kids is that you can just sow the seeds for something that you’ll never need to address again. like tonight my friend’s three year old saw me eating blue corn chips.

kid: what are you eating from that basket?

me: triangles.

kid: can i have triangles?

me: dunno, did you brush teeth yet?

kid: no

me: mhm, and are you okay with screaming really loud?

kidd: what???

me: yeah, sometimes these make you scream really loud, are you ok with that?

kid: i am not afraid of screaming.

me: you’re very brave. you can have two triangles. then why don’t you go show your dad your new power, i gotta go.

unnameablethings

op u live up to ur username

tricktster

Checking back in years later as a person who now has a four year old and a six year old and finally understands just how awful it is to have small children randomly screeching at maximum volume in a way that only someone with lived experience can

this is still very, very funny.

this may be one of the funniest things i’ve ever done actually.

tricktster

a good thing about having kids is that you can just sow the seeds for something that you’ll never need to address again. i mean, you probably should, but you don’t gotta. like a few weeks ago, I taught the kids all about the F word and why - even though it has incredible conversational utility - you shouldn’t say it because it’s a very very bad swear word and people will get upset.

I also taught them that the F word is, uh, “flinkle”

they are little potty mouths and it is so so so so so so funny to hear them on a flinkle rampage

tricktster

In my defense, I didn’t make them myself, I just met a hot dude with kids and made them my own

maddie-2022

That has got to be the funniest way to describe being a stepparent

homunculus-argument

Hey btw worldbuilding thing:

When it comes to climates in fantasy settings, it's good to bear in mind that "normal" and "freaky" are a matter of where one grew up. There are things that only live in one climate, and not in another. It might feel tempting to make the people from the Scary Fucky Nightmare Climate not flinch at anything at all, but it's far more fun and realistic to make them frightened or at least unsettled by things they've never seen before. Doesn't matter if it's harmless to humans, What The Fuck Is That Thing And Why Is It Indoors.

Cold climates, for example, are dominated by warm-blooded creatures like mammals and birds. Your big nordic valkyrie warrior woman whose first baby chew toy was a bear skull, and who once kicked a lynx in the face for trying to get her little brother, would not be chill about the concept of a lizard as big as a squirrel, or a spider bigger than her thumb. These two examples are the biggest upper limit hypothetical examples of absurdly large reptiles and invertebrates that they could possibly imagine.

sweetschizo-deactivated20190808

Hey if you’re schizophrenic/psychotic I just want you to know that you’re a wonderful person and that you deserve so much better than the demonization, marginalization and stigmatization you face in this society.

sweetschizo-deactivated20190808

Please consider reblogging this/other positivity posts for schizophrenic/psychotic people every once in a while. If you have more than 100 followers, odds are that a couple of them experiences psychosis and that they rarely see positivity posts for people with their symptoms.

hotvampireadjacent

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gayfather

the mediocre gatsby

newtgeiszler

the decent wall of china

gayfather

the ok depression

failstun

alright britain

lovett91

The mildly interesting barrier reef

incipient

somewhat fulfilled expectations.

duplen7icy

catherine the ordinary

abominationimperatrix

the satisfactory white shark

Alexander the Fine

passable pyrenees

the meh lakes

The average pryamids of Giza

aaaaasneakattack

the So-So Dane

song-writer-melo-wrath

the lackluster horned owl

entity56

the 7 average non wonders

yolbert

Le Régulier Destin d'Amélie Poulin

romanticizing-life11111

unremarkable ajax

violet-hady

Small nitpick about the last one: He wasn’t great Ajax as a title of honour or something. He was greater Ajax, because they just had two of them and he was physically bigger than the other one.

Therefore, average size Ajax would be more accurate.

homunculus-argument

I've been fed, walked and watered and I've slept enough and been out of the internet and I'm doing crafts.

Why am I still angry.

homunculus-argument

I walked right into this one like a blind horse into a revolving door.

memory--box

to anyone who missed it:

blorbo - a favourite character

glup shitto - star wars names are fucking nonesense

eeby deeby - youre going to hell

plinko horse - a horse that was stuck in a plinko board

scrimblo bimblo - super smash bro fans can be very angry when characters aren't in a game

feyariel

Me, so I can view the original meme:

thetum-blrdictionary-deactivated

bonus:

memory--box

People keep tagging this as educational and I don't know what to do or think about that.

thescaredfluid

Glossary of Terms

dovewithscales

I don’t know if I should be amused or distressed by the realization that someday this post will probably be useful to linguists.

heptadecagon-studios

Hi, linguist here. It is

zeta-finnish

YEAH, I'LL REBLOG THIS.

I WILL FORGET THESE TERMS AGAIN.

no-one-offical

‎

writing-prompt-s

“You call us livestock, but you don’t treat us like livestock. You don’t make sure each of us has been fed, you don’t protect us from predators in the night, you don’t help deliver our young or tend to our ills. You’re not a farmer, you’re a parasite, and we will deal with you accordingly.”

bipirate

the inherent homoeroticism of sparring with your rival

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pukicho

I drank a shitload of honey last night and slept for 12 hours

pukicho

Stop calling me bear

i-am-a-fish

I work at a pizza place canonically now. I makea the pizza 🤌

desk-drawerr

since i got a few comments about bowling alley graphics, have this whatever. ducky goes bowling.

unyieldingsilence

‎

i-am-a-fish

if I fought 50 badgers at once I would lose

i-am-a-fish

if I fought 60 badgers at once I would do even worse

totally-india

I would win easily but it's only because I'm a country

i-am-a-fish

India cleans 60 badger matchup hands down

pukicho

I’d honestly be scared as fuck if a bunch of basic shapes came floating towards me. Yellow Prism. Red Sphere? Fuck that.

javascript-official

You are really gonna freak out when I tell you about the sun

pukicho

The Sun's fine as long as it stays over there

veltroxx

this made me smile, sending you warm vibes today

pukicho

… How warm?

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming