THERE IS NO TOMORROW! THERE IS ONLY RIGHT NOW!

can you imagine being phil sitting at home lonely because your partner is on tour and you're apart for the first time in over a decade and then your phone chimes and it's the sister daniel photos???? I'd dye things green too

you mean to tell me an hour is just six 10 minute intervals. We are fucked beyond belief

reading problematic fanfiction but shaking my head so random tumblr user who thinks thought crimes are real knows I don't condone it in real life

ignore my boaner 👍

my cat is completely obsessed with watching the bathroom sink drain and I have started calling this "her shows." as in when I'm in the bathroom and she meows and runs up I'll be like "oh you want to watch your shows?" and run the faucet for an extra few seconds so it fills a little. she will then sit there at the edge of the sink for ages totally entraptured by the drain. blorbo from her sink

went to the beach ten minutes after an actual thunderstorm and got so cold i started coming up with a “fish” cover of creep by Radiohead which I was singing out loud over and over again. imagine me waist deep in the waves no feeling in my legs getting over a cold voice singing “i wish i was urchin. you’re so fucking urchin”

can I get a job as an editor but the only thing I do is correct when someone uses the word "prone" when they mean "supine"

you ever think about how toasters love bread but hate toast

they grab the bread and hold it tight and keep it in their warmth but as soon as there's toast they're like get this shit outta here

of course... so wise. as we know, to be loved is to be changed, but sometimes we forget the change is not always for the better

AAA video game publisher voice: "Look. The goose layed a golden egg, and that's nice! Everyone loved that egg. But keeping the golden goose means paying for bird feed and I don't want to, so I killed the goose."

call that attending an Executive Function

hi so yeah im trying to find the hotel california and i know i have to take the highway to hell but i accidentally turned left onto the boulevard of broken dreams. i took the first hard right onto the rocky road to dublin cuz i thought it would loop back around but it didnt lol and i know im waaaaaay off course bc i just drove by the house of the rising sun haha. so how many miles until i get to the hotel

500 MILES?!?!?!

this blows i shouldve taken the old town road to where the streets have no name. i cant believe i have to drive 500 miles. wait hang on i have to what.

hallelujah im almost there! i walked across the bridge over troubled water and through the tunnel of love. i can see signs for paradise city which means im not far from funkytown! it’s been a long long time since i was there. anyway i don’t wanna linger here sooooo what do i do after i walk 500 miles

FUCK this. FUCK this and FUCK your hotel. YOU wanna walk on and on and on then you can go your own way but IM heading back to my fast car and getting on the road again. fuuuuuck i’m exhausted and i literally need a place to stay the night and wait wait okay wait rant cancelled. some guys are telling me there’s no need to feel down