this reminds me of a... speedrunner!

oh hey sorry I’ve been distant lately…. I’ve been really busy having a brain that is bad

my family has had some pretty interesting encounters with psychics/mediums that seem genuine in the past, but nothing will ever be funnier to me than the last guy my mom talked to who was so definitely bullshitting, because she said "I was hoping to hear from my husband" and the guy went "he said....it's okay to Move On" and like. every single person my mom has recounted this too has been like "He Would Not Fucking Say That". as if this was an ooc fanfic about my father. it's just so fucking funny. fake psychic dude take your shitty headcanons about my ghost dad and LEAVE!!!

like, my parents were legitimately insane about each other. I cannot stress how much he wouldn't say that. I have to assume his ghost was standing right next to this fake psychic yelling "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" when he told my mom to move on lmfao

actually. funnier to imagine he was a Real Psychic who was just trying to put a move on my mom and didn't think the ghost would do anything about it and now is now dealing with a violently angry haunting for the rest of his days lmfao

Psychic: I also choose this guy’s still-alive wife.

#i mean the boring answer is that many people go to college here and experience the epic highs and lows of being late teens early 20s. #the less boring answer is it's the molasses curse ( @burins)

i do think a lot of implausible medieval plot devices make more sense when considering the fact that these people simply did not have glasses

like the king arthur problem of how were these people always accidentally sleeping with the wrong person? well 1) no glasses 2) no lights and candles are so expensive 3) royal couples didn’t even sleep in the same bed a lot of the time anyway 4) arranged marriage how much do you really know your spouse anyway? maybe not very well a lot of the time 5) people are drinking a lot idk. maybe not as absurd as one might think

this post is brought to you by the one time i woke up at a sleepover and realized that without my glasses i could not distinguish one friend from the other. haunting. all of arthurian literature was unlocked to me at that moment

NEVER MIND, I FOUND IT!!!

Am reading PHM after seeing and loving the film and I'm realizing that it is an academic's fantasy of getting kidnapped into your dream job with, oh no, all the resources and funding and exciting important space adventures! It's like fifty shades for asexual researchers

Person who wants to do stuff trapped in a body that needs to lie down

drug addicts deserve housing, food, water, and healthcare btw

bad and lazy design: having a couple have kids and the son(s) look exactly like the dad and the daughter(s) look exactly like the mom

i mean one of them is human

😂😂😂💋

thank you for your input, tumblr user thekinkstress

😏You are most welcome, beloved. 💋

Constant occurrence where I’m like “I’m sort of pent up, but I’m an adult who can watch adult videos and jack off about it if I want to” and then I watch adult videos for like an hour and then turn off my laptop and realize ten minutes later that I completely forgot the “jorking it” step. I spent the whole hour critiquing the plot and camera work stonefaced and utterly flaccid

Fully clothed and bored looking guy sitting on his bed making snide remarks about the quality of the lighting, camerawork, and sound design in this film and then you look at his laptop screen and it’s just pornography

Was not expecting this many of you to resonate with Millennium Death Plinko

What would happen if we put another creature in the Death Plinko, like, say, perhaps, a horse

idk who needs to hear this but transmascs and nonbinary people making their experiences and struggles visible is not an attack on you or your experiences or your struggles. unlearn your internalized anti-transmasculinity and exorsexism. or at the very least admit it exists and shapes how you view other trans people even unconsciously.