sleepyspoonie

I was told that when I came out everyone would reject me. That I would find myself isolated from the world, and from other women especially, who would react to me with horror and revulsion.

In reality, within the first months of coming out, in no particular order:

My sister's reaction on my coming out was, "Right, so I have a sister instead of a brother. Cool. I'm taking you clothes shopping tomorrow."

A friend, when she learned I am a woman, immediately invited me to her women-only, girls-night-out birthday party the following week.

Another friend, when a friend of hers expressed doubts about my gender, immediately shut them down and reaffirmed I am a woman.

I went camping with a group of friends, and we had two tents, one for the boys and one for the girls; I was unsure as to which I should enter, to which a girl friend responded by grabbing me and physically dragging me inside the women's tent.

In the women's bathroom at a movie theatre a random woman, whom I'd never seen before and haven't seen since, stopped me as I was going into a stall, to warn me there was no toilet paper in there, because she'd just used the last of it.

All of these, and more, some from friends, some from complete strangers. All within a few months, as a trans woman who hadn't started medical transition yet, and was very visible as being a trans woman.

I've had some people reject me, true, but the vast majority, including almost all cis women, accepted me as a sister with open arms.

Illustration for Chapter 16 of @ladykatastrid ‘s fic Queen of Spades, Three of Hearts

dishonored 1 is literally 2 dollars on steam right now blease do yourself a favor and acquire/play it if you haven't already

my contribution for the huntr/x world gift exchange! prompt was 'snakes' :)

to eat is the privilege of the living!!!!!!

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I need to convince you. I need to make myself unquestionable. I don’t have patterns. I’m not a demon. I’m normal. I’m good. — so we were liars by @arendellesfirstwinter

-ancient roman posca: water, red or white wine vinegar, honey, salt, herbs (coriander, mint, thyme)

-switchel: water, ginger, vinegar, sweetener, lemon, salt

-ayran: yogurt, water, salt, mint

-sees the reports of the heatwave in Europe-

once again i put my life on the line to recommend authors who can and will hunt me for sport, but listen. listen. arendellesfirstwinter is an incredible author, and i'd be remiss to not recommend her even if most of you are probably already aware of at least one of her fics

i'll quickly be a sap again and say that Aren is also unfailingly kind and funny, and only bullies me gently for my monumental fumble when i met her ("yannie didn't you also say this about somethinglikesawyer?" yes! i did! it was the very same incident! i think knowing this explains a lot about me and why i am the way that i am)

so we were liars [E] [Polytrix] [Complete]

HUNTR/X works towards sealing the Honmoon and falls in love along the way. Pre-reveal Rumi, hiding both her patterns and her wants, loves her girls in whatever way she can until she's free (whether that means shielding Mira and Zoey in fights or pretending to be something she's not). She just has to hold out until the Honmoon’s golden. Straightforward enough, right?

you know how sometimes a fic gets popular by sheer luck, even if it's not all that good? this isn't that. so we were liars deserves every ounce of attention it's received and then some.

it's incredibly written, it's tense, it's devastating, all while making every character feel so human at the end of it all. there are no villains here, just people who are very hurt doing what they think is best.

this is especially clear with Rumi. she makes the absolute worst decisions possible but there's no point where you can't understand why she's doing it. she remains likeable and sympathetic even while fucking up and hurting the people around her. @lillowing once again did a wonderful (and very spoiler heavy) analysis on how Rumi manages to be so throttleable and still so likeable here (with commentary from Aren and also Alex) (no seriously it's all spoilers don't click it if you haven't read the fic yet i beg)

it also has some absolutely stunning artwork, listed in the fic and in the bonus gallery chapter at the end!

paint my frozen heart with fire [M] [Polytrix] [Ongoing]

When Mira and Zoey, both running from difficult pasts, audition to become idols at Sunlight Entertainment (famous for its mysterious headliner idol Hunter) and fail, all hopes of meeting and training under Hunter go out the window until Celine makes them a different, surprise offer: train under Celine’s unknown ward Rumi instead.

a mystery is afoot (it's not "Who's Hunter?") (that part is obvious) and i am so intrigued by it. at the moment it's at 3 chapters and we've been given so much to think about already. why is Rumi hiding her face? what happened to her mom? why is she going to such lengths to keep her role as Hunter a secret? what's her whole fucking deal with Celine? what's going on with Mira's family?

it is, of course, as fantastically written as all of Aren's work is. the pacing is immaculate, constantly giving us just enough to stay curious without showing her hand too early. i know this is a fic i'm gonna want to reread when it's finished just so i can finally see all the foreshadowing that i know is there.

now's an excellent time to pick it up by the way! it's still pretty early on so you won't be too far behind, and then you can join us all in losing our goddamn minds about it.

give and take [E] [Rumira] [Complete]

Alphas Rumi and Mira fuck in the shower after training.

listen i'm not into omegaverse. i tolerate it at best. Aren has gone where i can't follow and yet i'm here anyway because this fic is really, really fucking funny. there's a line from it that i think about every day and cackle, and you'll know which one it is when you get to it.

also, "it's just smut" except Aren's gone ahead and snuck in some of that wonderful characterisation i love her writing for, as always.

the next four are all part of a series, you know together we're glowing, but i'll cover them individually

my lies all collided (i don't know why i didn't trust you) [T] [Implied Polytrix] [Complete]

Mira and Zoey find out what Rumi asked Celine to do.

an absolutely incredible post-canon fic about exactly what it says on the tin. i love Celine's part in this, and how natural and in character all of them feel. the conversation is handled spectacularly well and shows that all four of them were victims of what happened that night.

break you into pieces (in the world of pain) [T] [Implied Polytrix] [Complete]

Celine and Rumi talk about the night of the Idol Awards. It goes…poorly.

Aren always excels at complicated Celine and this is no different. their conversation doesn't go well at all! because how could it? after what Celine did and what Rumi tried to do?

and, god, i love Bobby in this one, too. he's so sweet. truly the dad all of them needed.

to wake up (and feel like me) [T] [Implied Polytrix] [Complete]

Rumi’s had nightmares, for as long as she can remember, about waking up to a reflection that’s not hers.

i love fics about Rumi having nightmares and i love Aren's fics so this is just a perfect storm for me. and it has some beautiful embedded artwork to boot!

as always, Aren's writing is so evocative. i love the difference between Celine handling the nightmares and Zoey and Mira doing the same.

who we're born to be [T] [Implied Polytrix] [Complete]

Rumi's birthdays over the years, from zero to twenty-five.

okay so this one is devastating in a different way to the first fic. Rumi's birthdays, from awful to perfect. it's written to be understood as both platonic and romantic but i am who i am so i'm reading it as romantic, obviously.

once again i have to compliment the pacing of this fic. i've given that sort of vignette style a go myself and it's hard to know how much to include, but Aren does it flawlessly here. it's an incredible character study, of both Rumi and Celine.

i really, really can't recommend Aren's works enough. do yourself a huge favour and read them.