Live Small Dream Bigger @starkidleft - Tumblr Blog

2- Mikko Harvey / 3- @beetlejuices / 4- Ocean Vuong / 5- Sarah Kay and Philip Kaye / 6- Franz von Stuck / 7- Cortes Edouard Leon

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mycroftrh

When I was about 4 or 5, my dad worked in software implementation (installing very complicated programs for entire companies, basically). And sometimes when people had a problem with the program, they’d call my dad.

If he wasn’t in the room, I was assigned to answer the house phone and say “Hello, Edward will be here in jutht a moment,” in my high-pitched lisp typically described by family members as “elfin”, and then yell for my dad. Then I’d listen to him walking them through the issue because I found it interesting.

One time my dad went in for a meeting with the CEO of a large company, like, one you’ve heard of, and the CEO said “Oh, by the way, your assistant is amazing! Fixed my problem immediately."

After some very subtle investigative work - because if the CEO of a billion dollar company is pleased you don’t answer with ‘wtf are you talking about’ - he determined that what happened was the following:

The CEO called my dad at a very odd time of day, because rich people are like that.

The phone was answered by an elfin, lisping voice, which said “Hello, I’m thorry, Edward ithn’t here right now. Can I help you?”

“…okay, do you thee the power button? Can you rethtart the computer? …that means turning it off.”

Five minutes later, the CEO hung up, very pleased that an elf with a speech impediment had fixed his million-dollar software.

laughingfish

You're the mythical 20 years old with 20 years experience.

mclennonyaoi

anyway im stressed about my future and needed practice drawing hands, so.

mclennonyaoi

a LOT of people are reblogging this as of late. y’all ok?

electroma89

I think I can speak for all millenials when I say this:

No.

gaitwae

I think I can speak for all Gen Zenials when I say this:

No.

whitepeopletwitter

rhaenyratheecruel

One driver already quit and NASCAR responded with basically “we had to google you because nobody knew who the fuck you were”

victoriankeysmash

Nascar started because they said fuck cops and its nice to see they havent lost their roots completely.

brunhiddensmusings

shadow-manor

secifosseluce

as much as the concept of Jesus being a fairly normal lad has its charms, im personally very intrigued by the idea of him being just… extremely weird. not even in a mystical sense, just…….staggeringly BIZZARRE.

you go to the well to get some water, and here’s Miriam’s boy, staring at the sky, completely still. his expression is unreadable. you hazard a hello and ask how he’s doing, and he slowly, unblinkingly, lowers his gaze on you (he’s 8 and is missing his frontal teeth, not that this is making you any less uncomfortable) and says “I cannot speak of the state of my being, Nathan son of Saul, my brother, but rejoice for the water you shall take today will be as pure as the soul of the children of Heaven”

…you start sweating

secifosseluce

normal person in 1st century Nazareth: making my way downtown, walking fast

*sees J boy, 8 yo, staring at you from across the street*

normal person: walking faster

secifosseluce

even funnier, the only person 100% on board with his Prophetic Kid Talk is his mother Miriam, an otherwise placid, absolutely normal woman around 25 or so

kid JC, coming home at twilight, a single white dove following him and chirping with weirdly human-like precision:

moth̫́er,̦͌ ̮̉i h͙̉av͔̽e ͓͗b̘̃r̞̓o̮͘u̲̒gh̟͒t̺́ you a do̗͐ṽ͙e̢͘ ͈̾m͒͢a͈̽dē̝ ỏ̘f ͈̓c̆͜l͔̂aỷ͇ aṋ̑d̳̿ g͢͞i̹̾fted̖͡ ̻͐it ͓͂w̖̿it̎͜h t̥̃h͙͒e ̨̒m̧̂i̡̍ŗ͒â̫cḷ̔è̤ ̛̻of̞̅ l̘̈i̛̦fè̳

Miriam: ! that’s my little boy :) now let’s go get ready for dinner :)

her husband Yosef, a carpenter who only marginally got signed up for this:

bargains-by-duckface

This post is so Christian, but it’s the spicy kind of Christian that gets you murdered by other Christians for heresy, so I’m torn.

secifosseluce

literally biggest form of compliment i’ve ever gotten

moonsterm

that means the angels are babysitters then

moonsterm

here have more

patricia-von-arundel

You guys really need to read Christopher Moore’s Lamb, if you haven’t.

frikinnerd

Always reblog Cryptid Jesus

moonsterm

I made more. cause it’s fun

crap-copper

I love that you guys used their actual names

roane72

I did not consider Eldritch Baby Jesus.

lilaccatholic

God I know you have a sense of humor because otherwise there’s no explanation for the platypus and I hope it extends to comics about baby cryptid Jesus

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nefja

I-I'm sorry but I can't stop thinking about this

tiger-in-the-flightdeck

My roommate just called from the kitchen to ask what was wrong because I laughed so hard I gave myself a coughing fit.

free-range-tiddies

Can't believe Peter Griffin really tried it.

video-store-clerk

Ok but I'd the second dude like...a vampire? Because my straight ass is bewitched.

gamebiadvance

[Transcript:

(the first person has text over them that says "being fat and wanting a girlfriend")

First person: "See what's behind this door..!"

(Door has text over it that says "fat girls" while The Toccata and Fugue in D minor plays in the background)

First person: "Noo, is there a bett-"

Second person: " Yo it's funny that there's an entire demographic, of petite women who love bigger men. But because you've just ousted yourself, as a cunt, it's never gonna happen for you mate. You're really out here body shaming, all these beautiful shawties, big body Bugatti (kiss noise), exquisite; but you're built like a less cool Bling Bling Boy from Johnny Test. Make it make sense mate. It doesn't- it really doesn't. Could've kept your mouth shut. But you had to say something. And you even went so far as to put it on the internet. And you thought that was a good idea because-? Please, take yourself elsewhere. Sincerely the entire fucking human race."

End transcript.]

thunderboltsortofapenny

The moment that man started speaking -

bundibird

That transcript up there is great, but it fails to mention that the second person? Has a voice like... warm caramel. Like a blanket on a rainy day. Like the gentle creak of an ancient tree in an even more ancient forest. A voice that's a low, deep -- far deeper than expected -- warm, and has a soothing timbre that, honestly, I could listen to for hours.

kasaneteto

HAUHGUHAUHSUHGUDISHGGHUDHSG

kasaneteto

s3tok41b4

When you need to use royalty free music but can’t find any you like so you make your own but then you remember you don’t know how to compose music but you spent all this time making it and you’re not turning back now

genocider-syo

i was getting ready for bed and this gave me a heart attack holy shit

camalilium

which Ocarina of Time boss is this

inkdem

MY SPOOKY BOY

thecx

10/01. It’s law.

kingpin-of-steel-act3

electricnerd

Please, for the love of God, unmute this

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mrrrrps-deactivated20201225

Visit Original Link

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

shadowcat

THIS IS RHE FUNNIEST SOUND THING IVE EVER HEARD ON THIS SITE IT MAJES ME LAUGH SO MUCH I LOVE IT IM SO HAPPY

jollyperfectionkitten-8e36536f

Someone: How was your day

Me: ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

andifbyyes

You all have no idea how long I’ve been looking for this post!!! I’m so happy to see it again! It’s been 84 years and I can still smell the fresh paint. Holy shit thank you so much, Internet, I love you!!!

icedmatchawoatmilk13

Loki ???? ODINSON

odin-n-out

To give my two cents on U.S.American eurovision (statesvision?) or to live on in blissful silence and harmony with the tumblr discourse blogs....

rustymetallilacs

This is my first time hearing of this and I’m going to pretend I didn’t

odin-n-out

Good luck!!

wintersmitth

Better yet, consume content about it exclusively through Eurovusion blogs!!

odin-n-out

“Americans will never understand pitting neighboring countries of different cultures against each other on stage” have you ever had the pleasure of putting a new yorker and new jerseyan in the same room

odin-n-out

Ok I just want to preface that most my sadness at the hot takes on this event are when arguments against it are based in the belief that all of the regions of the US are too similar to have “representative” or fun performances. Please leave your favorite american cultural phenomena or state rivalry below

odin-n-out

Results are still pouring in but here’s what I’ve gathered from the tags:

In addition:

Me, a Michigander:

Alaska:

Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Virginia

meridiel

this post means nothing to me but i can replace all of these with european countries so i support the general feeling

lastoneout

kaldicuct

Texas

ufotemple-deactivated20250416

Southern Virginia acting like Northern Virginia ain’t the south, by acting like we’re a strange, faux world up here...

thenatsdorf

Working from home. (via mujisama)

Unmute

Thor does this lol

Cute

theproblematicblogger

There’s literally nothing funnier than this in the world

theproblematicblogger

If you guys missed this, basically this subreddit full of idiots who make dumb day trading decisions because it makes them laugh decided to buy stock in GameStop (a dying company) and enough of them did it that it created indication of a bullish up swing so stock traders bought tons of stock. Now everyone who shorted stock in GameStop (because it’s a dying company) are getting reamed and losing millions. Fucking clown shoes economy lmao

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