To what I'm sure is everyone's great relief, I've finally given in and made a Dead Boy Detectives sideblog. For anyone looking for DBD content henceforth, please turn your attention to @sthilarions

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@mycroftrh
To what I'm sure is everyone's great relief, I've finally given in and made a Dead Boy Detectives sideblog. For anyone looking for DBD content henceforth, please turn your attention to @sthilarions

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Role swap au where Zuko was the Avatar who got frozen for a hundred years, so when he’s rescued from the ice instead of a goofy twelve year old Katara catches this mysterious teenager with long hair and a cool scar and a fucking DRAGON
Katara: BOY???? HOT BOY?????? HOT TEENAGE BOY?????????
Zuko: *speaks*
Katara: nevermind I hate him
How does Aang factor into this? I ask because the more I think about it the more I want him to somehow be trying to capture the Avatar.
Aang is 112 years old, decided he was going to be Zuko’s airbending teacher, and refuses to take no for an answer
Aang: Aw, the new Avatar doesn’t want me. Aang: *gets out a weighted net* Time for Plan B then.
JDJSHJABDBFJSH
Look, you know how you keep a net from falling on you? YOU AIRBEND IT, SUCKA. Air comes right after fire in the cycle so it’s not like the guy has any other options. Do you want a flaming net falling on you? No? Then learn to airbend. Or this tiny old man will cart you away like a trussed turkey and lecture you about the power of laughter, going with the flow, opening your chakras, and other hippie shit.
Sokka, slouching against a fence, not moving: Oh nooooooo, that creepy old man stole the Avataaaaaaaaaar. Sokka, sitting down on the ground: We should dooooo something. Sokka, pulling out his lunch: Otherwise he might actually learn something. That would be teeeerrible. Katara, indignant rage coursing through her body: Sokka!!!!!!!! We have to go look for him!!!! Sokka: Might! Actually! Learn! Something! Katara! Katara: *wavers* Katara, also sitting down: We have to go look for him…. *gets out her own sandwich* But, maybe after lunch.
I love that this transforms Aang’s role in the full Team Avatar familial situation from the baby of the family to the Grandpa with weird hobbies
My brain, immediately after the “Aang won’t take no for an answer” post:
Aang: I’m gonna ride him! *jumps on Zuko’s shoulders*
Actually, I thought a bit more about this: If Aang is “grandpa figure who won’t fucking stop teaching Zuko to be a better and more spiritually fulfilled person,” then what is Iroh doing?
And then it hit me.
Iroh: *sitting in a teahouse at a paisho table* Iroh, deadpan: I must capture the last airbender. Iroh: It is the only way to make sure the powe rof the Avatar won’t be turned on the Fire Nation. Iroh: Only then will I be redeemed in the eyes of the Fire Lord for my failure at Ba Sing Se. Iroh: … Iroh: Anyway, it’s your turn.
About half of the B plots are just Iroh finding new ways to feign incompetence and bad luck so that his political watchdog can’t prove that he’s letting Aang - and by extension Zuko - get away.
@ray10k
Sometimes Iroh plays paisho with Aang, whose entire disguise during these games consists of a painfully fake mustache.
AANG WAS THE OTHER PLAYER IN THAT SCENE OF COURSE IT’S PERFECT (the moustache is just a bit of Appa’s fur tied in a string)
i think about this post all the time and if i may, i would like to suggest keeping the banished royalty angle for zuko.
he was the eldest son of fire lord sozin, who knew the avatar was the greatest threat to the fire nation, but also knew the new one would be a firebender and he couldn’t exactly merc his own people, now could he? but he always planned to order a convenient little assassination on whoever the new avatar turned out to be and in the meantime took out the air temples so that avatar couldn’t learn the next element in the cycle. of course, when it turns out to be his son, sozin, stellar dad that he is, thinks “if you want something done right” and shoots a fire blast at his firstborn.
zuko enters the avatar state, blows up half the palace, etc etc as one does, gets a nasty scar for his trouble, and escapes, hence why he was hanging out far enough south to necessitate katara and sokka cracking open a cold boy a century later.
all this is to say 1. i think it’s a good way to maintain zuko’s background and characterization in an au like this and 2. it leads to a secret second roleswap
because this makes zuko iroh’s uncle.
Reblogging again for Katara and Sokka cracking open a cold boy.
Rich boy x farm boy “we can’t be together because my father doesn’t approve” but the farm boy’s dad is the one who doesn’t approve and the rich boy’s dad actually seems pretty chill with the situation tbh. Having a gay son is good for pr these days, the kids love Woke
the farm boy's dad isn't homophobic either he just doesn't like the rich guy trying to use his family for pr
Lionel: Mr. Kent, I have no problem with our sons being gay. In fact, this has the potential to do wonderful things for the Luthor family image. The kids these days love Gay.
Jonathan:
Jonathan: I think I’d rather you just call him a slur
Clark: I wouldn’t??
in light of Leia's Force-insight abilities, I propose that the reason Han was so offended by Leia calling him a 'scruffy-looking nerf-herder' was because this was her pulling directly on his own self-image issues and doubts
this also implies that Tarkin was self-conscious about the way he smelled, Luke hated being reminded of how short he is, and that Darth Vader might have been wrestling with the idea that he's a literal attack dog leashed to Tarkin
@letitrainathousandflames

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Happy pride month to the tiny cowboy and tiny Trojan man from Night at the Museum
This hands down the best comment in the notes, I will not be taking criticism.
been watching the originals for the first time and this was what i thought of when i got to this bit
wind kept knocking my power out today so i had to draw this stupid bit out on PAPER
Hilarious to know Aragorn and Bilbo were friends before the Fellowship events because it casts a whole new light on him chasing down the orcs that kidnapped Merry and Pippin. Like sure he would have done it anyway because of brotherhood and honor and all that but most importantly those two little hobbits grew up listening to Bilbo's stories and stealing his pies. If I had to choose between going back to tell Bilbo I lost his little cousin and his best friend or running for eight straight days and nights you bet your ass I'd already be halfway to Isengard. Aragorn's survival instinct told him it's death by asthma attack or death by Bilbo and he chose correctly
I love the fact that ostensibly, everyone in pirates of the caribbean is straight (so many of the jokes even rely on it) but in reality we all know that there is not one straight person in that movie. Because in the first movie alone, we have:
Will: the first movie was his bisexual awakening and he spent the entire time torn between whether he wanted to bang Elizabeth or Jack. The real love triangle.
Elizabeth: if she had ever been onscreen with another woman for longer than 30 seconds I fully believe it would've ended in lesbian sex
Jack: literally the most bisexual man to ever walk/stumble the earth
Pintel & Ragetti: gay and married
Norrington: wanted to marry elizabeth to cover up the fact that the person he actually wanted to bang was jack
Barbossa: also wanted to bang Jack. didn't even do a good job of hiding it. might have actually succeeded? they give bitter divorced exes
rewatched the entire PoTC trilogy on an international flight and I can't believe I forgot how funny it is.
Barbossa is the most exasperated character in any scene he's in, unless he's winning. then he's the smuggest son of a bitch on screen (he literally returns from the dead smugly eating an apple). but majority of the time, he's 'why am I the only adult here'. man rolls his eyes so much I half-expected him to turn straight to the camera.
when Will asks Elizabeth to marry him while they are fighting Davy Jones' crew, stuck in a maelstrom, and trapped in the final battle, the first word out of her mouth is "Barbossa!". she then continues by asking Barbossa to marry them, but for a split second Will's face goes like 'Barbossa? Barbossa?? I didn't even know he was on the map of this convoluted love quadrangle!'
when they're in Singapore and Sao Feng threatens the spy he found and Will, Elizabeth, and Barbossa all look at each other to confirm that none of them have snuck in a spy they forgot to tell the others about, before shrugging and telling Sao Feng to go ahead and kill him.
Barbossa's eyes just getting wide and wider the more weapons Elizabeth pulls out of her clothes. c'mon man, let a woman have her toys!
rewatching really gives you the full picture of how many people are scheming at any given time and how each person's schemes intersect with the others, even if they're nominally on the same side. everyone also gets So Upset when their scheme is foiled, accidentally or intentionally, by someone else's scheme, as though they themselves aren't scheming at that very moment.
Barbossa's iron balls. I'm sorry, this is the funniest dick joke in the trilogy that defines how many dick jokes Disney can stick in a movie before it stops being PG-13. Jack's reaction really says it all.
rereading this list I see it's quite heavily tilted in favor of Barbossa which I now realize is because I empathize with Barbossa way more than I did as a kid. I too am frustrated to be surrounded by idiots while I'm the only adult around. man just wants to eat his apple in peace goddammit. so he did a little mutiny and maybe some more murder and mayhem and also maybe unleashed a pagan god upon the world. the guy really likes his apples, is that a crime?!?

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happy post-glorious 26th of May to those of us who forgot, as we do every year
It's the last day of April
Wake up babe, new meta layer just dropped
Has to be one of the best passages of a book I’ve read in a long time
it’s not an understatement to say I think about this all the time
[id: A picture of a page from a Terry Pratchett book. Italics on page marked with asterisks in this transcript. Page reads:
All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because *they are mine!* *I have a duty!*
/end id]
The notes say that this is from The Wee Free Men!
absolutely delighted by this photo of terry pratchett
Love Sir Terry!
watson: it was not that he felt any emotion akin to love for irene adler. all emotions, and THAT ONE PARTICULARLY, were ABHORRENT to his cold, precise but admirably balanced mind
holmes: watson im sorry i said your writing was too romantic please come back to bed

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There and back again, A Hobbit's tale, by Bilbo Baggins. Now, where to begin? Ah, yes. Concerning Hobbits....But where our hearts truly lie is in peace and quiet and good tilled earth.
LOTR Week - Day 1 (22nd Sep): brown | hobbit day Concerning Hobbits
Ahsoka was not particularly strong in the Force, as a youngling. Headstrong, but without raw power.
She had wondered, at first, why she would have been assigned to Skywalker. If it was just as some form of punishment, or management; giving him a stone around his neck to drag on him and slow him down.
At first, she thought that he refused to properly Bond with her out of resentment, or contempt. He didn’t want to be too closely tied to the stone. Wanted to leave at least some slack.
It wasn’t long before she realised he was doing it for her.
She felt him, in the Force, from the tiny strand of Bond that he offered so they could monitor each other, and it felt like flying up to a supernova in an unarmored starfighter. She saw what the Bond did to Obi-Wan.
Half of his presence in the Force was like one big scar, like he’d been burned over and over again until the sear of it became tough leather - until the leather grew thicker and stronger and more powerful than it ever before could have dreamed.
…Maybe her metaphor was getting away from her a bit, at that point.
She slept a thin ship wall away from her Master, and it was like sleeping next to a reactor core, being sung into dreams by the hum of nuclear fusion. He was old and experienced enough to keep it tight held, and she didn’t get burned, like Obi-Wan had. Like she sometimes suspected Anakin had, himself, one big mass of scar tissue around the glowing sun of his soul, but that was… that wasn’t the point.
He held himself in, as tightly as he could, but she had that thread, and she slept by him, and she felt the Force, raw and unfiltered, slipping into her skin like golden cracks in kintsugi porcelain.
When she was away from him, she felt cold. It was like going from the double suns of Tatooine to the black of space. But when she was near him, when he let her feel that thin thread of his presence, that thread tethering her soul to the soul of an exploding star, she felt… she felt powerful.
She realised, about two years into being the Skywalker’s Padawan, that she wasn’t weak anymore.
The other Padawans didn’t fall to her because they were afraid to anger her Master; they didn’t even fall because she’d been trained by two of the best swordsmen in the galaxy. She was simply stronger than she used to be.
Anakin let her add threads to their thin Bond until it became a ribbon, then a rope, then a cable, vibrating with conduit. It didn’t burn her, anymore, didn’t sear her mind and heart from the inside out as it would have before. She glowed back at him, more than any of the other Jedi aside from Obi-Wan and, perhaps, Master Yoda, the light seeping out through the cracks in her skin, shining like a star trapped inside a girl.
She could stand beside him and glow with him, and when they slept, the hum of their fusion was dual-toned, in harmony.
When she fought against Maul, she could stand as equals.
And when she stood against Vader, it was powered by his own light.
She would never be weak again.