Corvus The Bird Nerd

How to Write a Resume so You Actually Have a Prayer of Getting Hired

We are the Pride Knights, and this is our battle cry No enemy can shake us, as hard as they can try There’s a fire in our eyes that no hatred can kill A passion in our hearts that’s as strong as our will To our fellow queers who fight their battles on their own We promise to fight with you, you are never alone To our fellow queers who have fallen with the pain We thank you for your courage, your fight is not in vain

We are defenders of the right to be proud of who you are To love who you love and to accept every scar We are your knights, protectors of our pride Together we stand, together we ride

These are back! 

[Tees | Hoodies | Sweatshirts]

Wear jeans/pants that “breathe” and bring a sweater, even if it’s scorching hot out, until you know which building blasts the AC to 60 degrees F and which feels like a sauna

Backpacks with thick straps are your friend!  Messenger bags are cool and all but if you’re commuting with a lot of stuff, symmetrically styled backpacks are better for your back

You are your own person and you can walk out whenever you need to or want to, so long as you’re not disrupting the class.  Meaning you can go to the bathroom without permission, take a breather if you’re anxious, answer an important phone call, etc.

If you don’t like the class on the first day, if you can- DROP THAT CLASS AND TAKE ANOTHER ONE!  It’ll only get worse from there!

If you can, take a class outside your major; it’s a good break from your expected studies.

You are in charge of your schedule.  Your adviser and guidance counselor is there to ‘advise and guide’ but if you don’t like certain classes and you can substitute for others, that’s your choice.

Consequently, if you are changing anything drastic in your plan, talk with your adviser and instructors.

Pay attention to your credit hours and grades.  Never leave this to the last week of school, you will be sorry and stressed beyond belief!

Unless it’s a lab book or otherwise specified, go to the class for a week or so before buying an expensive textbook.  Some classes, while having it on their required list, do not actually use the textbook a whole lot and you might find some of it scanned online.  Rent if you can or buy used online (schools actually don’t give discounts).  Use your best judgement on what you think you need.

Tell the people who go up to you selling or advertising things you are not interested in that you are in a rush to class and don’t have time to listen to them.  It’s less rude and they’ll leave you alone.

The smaller the class, the better it is to have some sort of acquaintanceship with a couple classmates.  They might save your ass if you are absent one day or need to study.  And talking with them makes the time go by faster without it being so insufferable.

You don’t need to join a club or sport, but internships are cool and useful!

If you can afford it, take a day off once or twice each semester if you’re too exhausted.  Just be aware of what you missed and if it was worth missing!

Your health is the most important, this goes for mental health too!!  Note: College-age/upper teens is when mental disorders like depression and anxiety are most commonly diagnosed.  Most schools have therapy services, especially during exam time.  Look into it if you need to!

Communicate with your professor if you are having trouble with something.  Anything.

Eat and stay hydrated.  Bring a water bottle and snack to class.

All-nighters will happen but never go over 36 hours without sleep.

ADDITIONAL ADVICE

Don’t let a mental health day turn into a mental health week because you will be so screwed.

Pay attention to the syllabus and do not lose it. A lot of professors put all of the assignment due dates in there and ONLY in there.

If your school has blackboard or moodle etc. CHECK IT. a lot of professors will only post certain info there and not talk about it in class

Dont wear your school merch outside of campus. Especially if your schools in a city like mone was, it lables you as ‘tired person with a laptop thats easy to steal’

And that it costs less than the copays/deductibles that many US insurance policies will charge along the way to getting insulin here in the US. And I realized this requires a PSA.

Because this is technically illegal to do. You might be easily misled into thinking that it is legal because:

US customs only rarely rejects such shipments,

as far as I know the US has never prosecuted a person for ordering quantities that are reasonable for a couple months of personal use,

Canada does not have any laws making it illegal for their pharmacies to ship insulin to US patients,

Canada does not require a prescription at all for insulin,

Canada often gets their insulin from the same factories that the US does, literally often the same exact drugs, and with comparable standards of quality and safeguards and regulations,

Canadian pharmacies consider shipping to US customers a significant part of their business model, so much so that they have payed for quite a lot of advertising to US customers through Google, and

some US citizens and residents already choose to get their insulin from Canada that way.

Wow, just look at all those reasons why you might mistakenly think it is legal - it is affordable, legal and widely accepted on Canada's side, and the insulin comes from legit sources. But to reiterate it is definitely illegal.

So you should absolutely never do it, no matter how much you might need insulin to not die.

No obligation, but if you could help spread the word of how this seemingly innocent method of getting insulin is actually illegal, you'd be doing a great service to the people who medically need insulin.

“Who is this for? Full Cart is perfect for hard working individuals and families looking for a way to extend their grocery budget.

Why is there no charge for the groceries? Full Cart partners with generous companies and organizations you know and love to cover the cost of your meals. All you pay is shipping.“

First pick a fake name, I use Jessica, then download the Google Voice app, hook it up to your email, pick a number, and set up a fake greeting with your fake name. You can set it to ring your actual phone like a normal call or text but they don’t have real info on you.

So, I've seen the latest complaints of a black Ariel.

You know, coincidentally in my high school we had a Little Mermaid musical and the girl chosen to play Ariel was of African and Native American decent. Now this girl (Kachina) had a beautiful voice and sang like a fucking angel, hence why she was chosen. She was one of the sweetest people you'd ever met. No one had beef with her. Most people were thrilled she got the part.

And wouldn't ya know it, a skinny white girl who dyed her hair red since middle school, not as good as a singer, sour because she didn't get the part, said "No one's going to want to see a black Ariel."

Another privileged white girl said "The children will be confused if Ariel doesn't look like she does in the movies."

But of course that night we had a full house. And guess what? The kids didn't care Ariel wasn't white. They loved her. They loved the show. Ariel fucking killed it. It didn't matter that Kachina wasn't of Dutch decent or whatever bullshit.

And everyone--everyone--but those couple racist white fuckers agreed Kachina was the best choice for that roll. She gave out autographs and everything. People told her she should go on America's Got Talent cuz she was so good.

The color of her skin didn't make the show somehow less or take away anything.

I just want to add, I thought it was interesting because when I googled the Ariel casting, I actually found a black man who made a YouTube video with a similar argument that a black Ariel would confuse kids. Like. Okay then. This dude also claimed that the Little Mermaid movie will tank because she wasn’t cast as white. ????? Okay??????? Sounds fake but okay???? It’s interesting seeing how some perspectives can intersect.

Everyone I Love Is Dead

The English Have Stolen All My Sheep

You Want To Be My Boyfriend? First You Must Answer These Riddles Three

The Protestants Have Stolen All My Sheep

I Love You A Lot But You’ve Left Me And It’s Raining [fiddle solo]

The Sea Is Treacherous, Just Like The English

One Time Bonnie Prince Charlie Punched Me In The Face And It Was Awesome

* Everyone I Love Is An Allegorical Representation of Ireland

* The English Stole My Farm And Put Sheep On It

* You Were My Boyfriend But Now You Won’t Even Come To The Window To Look Upon Me And Our Dead Infant Child (In The Rain)

* Whack Fol Too La Roo Umptytiddly Good They’ve Stopped Listening Now Let’s Talk About Revolution

genres include:

I Left Everyone I Love Back Home In The Holler To Be With This Guy Who Doesn’t Wear Shoes Or Have Teeth But He Plays A Mean Jug

The English Told Us Not To Move West Yet, We Ignored Them, My Entire Family Was Killed

You Were My Boyfriend But You Tied A Sack Of Rocks To My Petticoats And Threw Me In The Creek (And My Baby Too)

Mama Loves All 14 Of Us A Lot But She’s Weary Of Our Shit And Now She’s Dyin’ (Gather Round)

The McCleans Stole A Firewood Log From Our Pile So We Won’t Rest Until The Last Of Their Male Kin Is Laid In The Cold Ground

We Knew The River Would Rise But We Still Didn’t Fix The Levee 

The River Rose, The Levee Broke, Everyone Died, It Was Just As We Reckoned (dulcimer twang-a-lang) 

When The Rebels Come A-Marchin’ I’m A Southern Man And I Feed Their Horses My Best, When The Yankees Come A-Marchin’ I’m A Northern Man And I Feed Their Horses What The Rebels Left

I think someone needs to put in a word for the English folk tradition though:

I Met a Girl and We Went Hunting (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)

I Met a Girl and We Caught Some Birds (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)

I Met a Girl and We Found Her Lost Pet (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)

I Met a Girl By Staying At Her Parents’ House and She Made My Bed (It Was an Especially Thinly-Veiled Metaphor for Sex)

I Am a Girl and I Regret Engaging In Metaphors for Sex Because Now I’m Pregnant

I Met a Girl and Bribed Her Into Sex But She Stole My Horse and Ran Away With It

I Met a Girl At an Inn and We Had Non-Metaphorical Sex But She Stole My Stuff The Next Morning and Now I Have Syphilis

Your Fiance Died Either at Trafalgar or Waterloo, Let’s Get Married, I’m Glad You Said No Because I’m Really Him In Disguise

Lord Nelson Sure Was Awesome

The Press-Gang Dragged Off All the Important Men in My Life (And Now They Are Dead)

Farm Laborers Are The Salt of the Earth And Are Never Grindingly Poor

I Went Out Riding and Noticed Mongolia

We Fought a Bunch of Guys (On Horseback)

Witness My Many Ungulates

(While On a Horse) I Met a Hot Girl Who Reminded Me of a Plant

On Three, Say What That Terrain Feature Looks Like to You (One, Two, Three, A Horse)

Witness My Many Ancestors’ Many Ungulates

I Also Enjoy Heavy Metal, Especially If It’s Made of Horseshoes

Oooorrrrweeeeuuurrrreeeeuuuuwwwwwrrrrrrrr (Is Tuvan for “Horse”)

We Must Plant the Crops, Let’s Get Drunk! 

We Must Harvest the Crops, Let’s Get Drunk!

There’s No Crops Right Now, Let’s Get Drunk!

Sex On the Beach Is Awesome, War Is Bad

There Are Ghosts in the Trees

The Japanese Exploit Us (And the Americans Do Too)

I Love the Sea, This Island Is Beautiful, War Is Still Bad

Hey, There’s an Old Man, Let’s Get Drunk!

I Am A Brawny-Armed Lumberjack Who Loves a Town Girl, Oh No!

Oh Fuck, I Slept With a Fur Trapper, What Shall I Tell Maman?

Hauling Logs, Rolling Logs, Driving Logs, All Day, What Ho!

Like Hell You’re Marrying That Good for Nothing Bambocheur!

Fetch My Gold Ring That Fell Into the Sea!  Now!

I Met A Sailor While A-Strolling, And Now We Are In Love!

I Want to Kiss the Sailor I Met A-Strolling, But I’m Afraid My Father Will Find Out!

A Spider Has Bitten Me And If I Do Not Dance I Will Die, Alas

I Am A Very Fancy Man With A Very Fancy Hat

The Cable Car Is A Thinly-Veiled Metaphor For Your Feminine Torture, O Woman

Rome Is The Very Best Place And Every Other Place Is Just Awful

I Love You, But You Are Married

I Love You, But You Are Fickle (Why Did You Dance With The Baker’s Son, Thou Vixen?)

I Love You, But You Left Me All Alone On This Romantic Wind-Swept Hillside, Which Is Actually Very Pretty, But Not As Pretty As You, Foul Temptress

Rome Is Still The Best Place And Every Other Place Can Go Right To Hell

Seriously Once You Have Been To Rome You Will Just Be Sick At The Thought Of Being Anywhere Else, You Will Pine Away And Die

I Love You, But You Are Dead (Or Maybe You Just Went To Live In A Slightly Prettier Place)

Rome, Rome, O Rome, Ah Rome, Rome Rome Rome, Have I Mentioned That I Love Rome?

Venetian Special Genres:

Women Are Like The Ocean: Salty And Full Of Drowned Sailors

Women Are Like The Ocean: I Cannot Figure Them Out At All

I Saw You One Time At A Party And I Have Designs Upon Your Feminine Virtue

- That Incompetent Sailor Is Actually A Girl, But She Will Have Sex With You If You Don’t Kick Her Off The Boat

- Someone Of Any Occupation Is Doing Something, But Unfortunately They Are Now Dead

- Fuck You Spain (Haha, We Sunk Your Boat And Stole Your Silver)

- Fuck You England

- We Might Be Small, But We Will Fight You

- Life Isn’t So Bad, If You Just Go Outside

- Fuck You Winter

- Look At That Guy (Wild Racism)

- We Like Going To Other Countries (More Wild Racism)

- Drinking Is Fun

- Drinking Makes Me Long For Sea

- God Is My Dad

There Was A War And Everyone is Dead, There’s Also a Symbolic Bird

There is Going to Be a War And Everyone Will Die, There’s Also a Sybmolic Bird

The Dyeing Is Happening Right Now, There’s Also a Symbolic Bird

I Had a Dream About Us Dying (No Birds Involved)

Alas You Are Dead 

I’m a Bird, I Drink Vodka

Fuck It’s Cold

Frost Do Not Freeze Me Do Not Freeze My Horse Do Not Freeze My Wife Please I Have Children

And my personal favourite:

~ I Married To A Man And Moved Far From My Home But I Want Fucking Back On My Fucking Land To My Parents And A Guy Whom I Actually Planned To Marry Before My Society’s Patriarchal Structure Destroyed My Life

~ A Guy Whom I Loved Loved Me And Also A Some Other Bitch So I Poisoned Him So That Nobody Gets Him

~ This Is My Land And I Love It Very Much, Period

~ I Made A Traditional Kupala Wreath And Released It On Water To Find My Love, No Sexual Hits Involved

~ I Have A Veeery Deeeeep Well In My Garden, And Also A Veeery Curly-Wurly Cabbage, And Also A Veeery Sweeeet Carrot Growing There, Come On Guys Check It Out, Oh, And There Are Totally No Sexual Hints

~ Graphic Descriptions Of Lesbian Sex

~ Everybody Is Dead After A Battle But There Is One Particular Cossack Whom I Am Especially Obligated To Mourn About Because He Is A Representative Of Our Entire Nation’s Young People

~ The Couple Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries

~  The Couple Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries And It’s Compared To Some Sad Shit Happening In Nature

~ Let’s Kill All People Who Threaten Ukraine Hahaha Yay!

~ I have a boat and have procured many crawfish do you love me?

~ I sure do love crawfish, boats, the bayou, and also dancing

~ My girlfriend can cook, and is therefore superior your girlfriend, who cannot

~ my girlfriend cannot cook and is therefore inferior to all other girlfriends

~ I saw you over a pile of crawfish and knew I was in love (on the bayou)

~ There was a ship and everyone on it was brave as it sank in a storm on the ocean or possibly one of our many inland-sea-sized lakes, please remember the name of the ship 

~ We fell in love when we were young and we didn’t actually understand each other and you figured that out before I did because I’m slow-witted and you’re kind of a jerk so you left me (now listen to this sick organ/fiddle/guitar/harmonica/piano solo)

~ Fuck the railroad, fuck the government, and especially fuck the HBC

~ Gosh everything in this country is inhumanly big and inconvenient and trying to kill us, we’re so lucky to live here, it’s so majestic

~ The English stole our sheep and exiled my true love to Louisiana

~ That’s Cute - an indigenous/ Métis coproduction after hearing that last one

~ Well we’re all in debt and working in a mine fucking sucks but at least we can get drunk and go dancing on the weekends

~ This guy went to prison for a crime he didn’t commit/did commit but with the most sympathetic motive for doing it ever and now he’s out of jail and everything is bittersweet, either because he broke out and has to go back or because he’s lost years of his life to a broken legal system.

The Wren Is The Best Bird (And Delicious!)

I’m Gay For Owain Glyndŵr

My Goats/Sheep/Cows Are Better Than Yours

Lullaby About Killing Things

Fuck You, England

I’m Dying, But First…A Harp Solo

I Was Busy Thinking About A Girl And The Cows Ran Away

Got Dumped, Time To Die In The Woods

Wales Is Really Pretty, Our Trees Are The Best

Owen Cheated On Me, So I Had Sex With David

I Also Had Sex With The Hot Crwth Player And It Was Amazing

our beloved family member’s soul is preparing to depart this mortal realm, so if the sunrise could hold off a little that would be great

i’m cheating on my wife/husband, here’s a song about it

i’m strapped for cash so i was going to sell my horse at the sunday market, but he’s a good horse, damn him, so i can’t

my husband is a lazy bum so i have to do everything around here

christmas carol that has nothing to do with christianity and is actually about sacrificing an animal-shaped ancient forest god

we had sex during grape-picking season and now you won’t marry me

the cuckoo has a song for literally every occasion

peasants are joyfully working the fields in high summer: a song written by the communists

Introduction

On your marks…

How do I remember all of this vocabulary?

Reading is cool.

If you listened, you’d understand!

Do you ever stop speaking?

The written word

Once you can walk, start to run!

The best initial vocab is probably something called ’semantic primes’, all those words that are hard to explain, hard to visualise. They’re called semantic primes as some very clever linguists discovered that these… things, words, are universally expressed in many languages. Semantic primes are words like ‘I’, ‘thing’, ‘big’. Try explaining what 'thing’ is without using a word that basically means the same thing! Hard, right? 

A word of warning however, these words are concepts and meaning-based rather than object-based. Hence, the word could mean a slightly different thing in your target language in comparison. But, learning words like these is essential to starting to understand all other words if you need it explained.

There are a few ways to learn vocabulary:

Think in whole phrases with emotions/feelings. For example, to remember 'pain’, the French word for bread, think 'Je mange le pain’ (I eat bread) and imagine yourself eating bread.

Imagine visually the word or action. When thinking 'pain’, imagine bread. Your brain will make a stronger connection between 'pain’ and the image of bread this way.

Repeat whole phrases again and again. Je mange le pain. Je mange le pain. Je mange le pain until you can say 'Je mange le pain’ as quickly as you can say 'I eat bread’.

Try mixing in your new language. Pain is the new bread in your head. When you see bread, think pain. You haven’t got a slice of bread out of the bag, it’s a slice of pain.

Practice writing. A lot. This one is especially true if your language uses a alternative script to your own language (looking at you, Asian language learners!), as it will help you adapt. As well, it will help with the spelling. At school we were always told to look at the word, write the word, check it and then repeat until we’d got it right. And boring as it sounds, it should help if you really are struggling with spelling a word.

Create flashcards and make them as interesting as possible. Pictures, sound if you’re using a computer program that allows you to and colour will always help you remember something. Our brain makes better connections with sound > word and picture > word than consistently translating word > word. Then, carry a set around with you and look over them as much as possible. Little and often is better than 3 hour stints and then nothing for a week!

Use mnemonics. Humourous, shocking, vivid and ridiculous phrases stick in your head better than simple ones. I call it the Hastings Direct effect. 

AND FUCK DRYER SHEETS LITERALLY NOBODY EVER HAS ENOUGH OF A PROBLEM WITH STATIC TO WARRANT PAYING OUT THE ASS FOR THAT SHIT

DO YOU WANT CLEAN CLOTHES? YOU DON’T EVEN NEED TO BUY FUCKING DETERGENT JUST MAKE YOUR OWN* IT’S SO GODDAMN EASY AND 80X CHEAPER

FUCK THE ENTIRE LAUNDRY INDUSTRY *Fuck The Entire Laundry Industry Recipe

1 cup Washing Soda (not Baking Soda. Different things.)

1 cup Borax (not Boric Acid. Also a different thing.)

Step one: acquire $5 bag of baking soda from Costco.

Step two: lay that motherfucking baking soda out on a baking tray.

Step three: bake the baking soda on a tray in an oven at 400° for 1 hour (to make the moisture evaporate, leaving washing soda)