kind of weird how parts of your soul are left in various locations without any warning… like yes i’m always at the top of that hill, sitting at the bus stop, in the cool light of the Japanese restaurant, standing at the pier etc etc
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Something that annoys me is the constant whining about "more queer spaces, more queer communities" but then they're immediately like "yeah! And we need ones that don't cost money or require a purchase!"
Girl that's exactly why they close down after a year. You NEED money to keep these places open. There's no magic Gay Money Pot with endless cash to keep these places open. It requires YOU to put your money where your values are!!
Like there was a queer coffee shop in my city. Owned and operated by a bunch of LGBT people. Not a cishet on the schedule. Tons of young people raved about it.
And it made it about 2 years before shutting down completely. Because all those young people who begged for a place exactly like this would just show up, not buy a single thing, and leave. You cannot build a community without putting your money into it. This isn't about capitalism, this is just reality. You can't open a restaurant where no one buys your food. You can't have a gay bar that only serves 5% of the population and actively excludes everyone else. This is what I mean when I say people confuse "community" and "friend group." You're not obligated to spend money when hanging out with your friend group. But if you want a lasting community centered space, you need to open up that wallet.
To take a slightly different track here, I do actually think that community spaces that don't require a purchase are a good thing and we should have them!
But we can't expect them to look exactly like spaces that do require a purchase but without the part where you spend money.
A free community space doesn't look like a queer cafe, it's the weekly groups run by a local LGBT center. It's not the bookstore that sells exclusively lesbian romance, it's that one library branch that you know the librarian working at is cool because they ordered the library system a copy of that new book with a trans MC that all your friends are talking about but you can't afford. Things that exist, and are important, but we do have to be realistic about how they come to be. Even if you don't need to purchase things to keep these spaces running, we still need to support them, through volunteering, donations, taxes, all of those sorts of things
one of my favorite this american life segments of late is about the people who played orchestra pit for phantom of the opera on broadway and how, like, a sizeable majority of them had literally been playing the show since it opened in 1988 (on broadway. I know it opened in 86 on the west end, you random pedants, but I am specifically talking about broadway musicians) because their contracts stipulated that they'd have jobs throughout the show's entire run... but nobody anticipated that phantom would become the longest-running broadway show of all time.
and none of these people wanted to walk away from a guaranteed job, so very few of them ever quit. they just kept doing the same show eight nights a week... for twenty or thirty years... and by the time it finally closed last year most of these musicians (who had been working together for DECADES) hated each other and really really fucking loathed phantom. I can't stop thinking about it. it's indescribably hellish to imagine but also the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life.
[ID: excerpt from an article reading: One of my favorite stories, which should drive anyone who has every played in a band crazy-- there’s this bassoon player who has sat next to the same clarinet player since 1988. She’s convinced he plays half a note4 flat on every note he’s every played. He denies this. /]
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my favorite is "no one knows it was on the rover."
implication:
in order for the google bullshit summary machine to have this information, someone would have had to know
unless, of course, the information is entirely fake. you can't know things that aren't true
therefore, by making this statement, the machine is admitting (in an extremely roundabout, technical-logical-implications way that makes sense only to machines) that it is a damn liar
Before she can protest, Mira tears off her sleeve, revealing the wound slicing through her patterns in all its hideous glory.
She tenses, ready to bolt, but then Zoey's on her lap, her hands pressing into Rumi's waist.
"Don't leave," she pleads, her voice soft and fragile that Rumi worries that moving might break something, which she supposes is the point.
"Patterns," she stutters weakly.
"We know," Mira says softly, even as she upsets Rumi's entire worldview, "We've known for a while. We don't care, you're still Rumi,"
"How...,"
"You got drunk, you freaked out and cried about it, passed out, then we freaked out and cried about it," Zoey explains, taking Rumi's hand in hers, pulling her attention from Mira's ministrations, "You didn't remember. We were hoping you'd come to us eventually, but you never did. Mira and me have kinda been racking our brains how to tell you we knew without you running, freaking out, or shutting down,"
"I-I'm sorry-,"
"Don't." Mira says quietly, "Please don't. We were upset that you and Celine lied to us, we are upset that you never trusted us enough to come to us on your own terms, but we understand why you hid,"
"Celine's whole 'Anything with patterns is a Demon, all demons must die' speech made it very clear," Zoey says, her voice tinged with a rare, distraught anger.
No one speaks after that. Mira's hands are gentle, Zoey's weight on her lap is grounding, and she's finding it harder and harder not to cry.
Eventually, Mira presses a bandage to her wound and wipes her arm clean of everything except the patterns.
"Do your patterns hurt?" she asks quietly, her finger pressed lightly against a stripe high on her shoulder.
"N-no. Not physically,"
"That's good," Mira hums, nakedly relieved, resting her head on Rumi's shoulder.
"They're very pretty," Zoey says, and Rumi feels her ears burn.
"You don't have to pretend,"
"I'm not pretending, Ruru. Demon patterns are pretty, they're usually just attached to soul sucking jerks. Luckily you aren't a soul sucking jerk, and a certified hottie on top of that,"
She bursts into tears. She can't help it any more.
So @princington has been dropping so many hints recently that I started spiraling about their Polytrix Finders Keepers AU, and I had to put something down so people can appreciate prince’s genius and how they’ve been setting all of this up. Credit to @dreampaladin, a significant portion of these thoughts and theories either came from her directly or as a result of the two of us screaming at each other in DMs over the latest updates.
Here. We. Go.
Context
For those who don’t know this brilliant AU or need a reminder, this is a fic, told through prince’s drawings, about famous designer Mira (he/she/them) falling for model Zoey, who is married to painter Rumi (who is a trans woman), after Rumi and Zoey’s son Myung-soo runs up to them during an interview and Mira returns him. Mira and Zoey pursue each other (with Rumi’s permission), then Mira pursues Rumi, and ultimately they end up together. In parallel, Rumi is fighting with her mom Miyeong after discovering that Miyeong got pregnant by and married a man whom Rumi has never met, even though she was in love with Celine (Rumi’s other mom). Zoey and Mira are going away for Zoey to model dresses Mira designed for her, and Rumi is staying behind to meet her sperm donor for the first time. Everything seems fine, everyone’s together, we’re probably close to a happy ending, right?
WRONG. Here’s why.
Quick disclaimer: I've added two paragraphs at the end of the post and tweaked some language to clarify that this analysis is not meant to imply that there is, or would be, anything wrong with the ZoeRumi or Polytrix relationships if they were properly negotiated with genuine consent of all parties.
Rumi Doesn’t Like When Zoey Dates Other People, Including Mira
From this post, it appears that Zoey and Rumi are polyamorous, at least in that Zoey sleeps with and/or dates other people with Rumi’s knowledge and expressed consent:
get loved gayboy : penny for your thoughts
But is that what Rumi actually wants? Every single time Mira and Zoey are together, or show affection to each other, Rumi gets upset.
When Zoey then goes to a photoshoot with Mira after their first date, the next post shows that Rumi says something to Celine about being upset about something that “wasn’t that serious,” except then Mi-yeong shows up instead. Rumi DOES think Mi-yeong’s offense is serious, so it’s not that. She’s upset about Zoey being with Mira.
get loved gayboy : thank you, rumi
Zoey has lunch with Mira after the photo shoot, here’s Rumi’s reaction. Zoey immediately can tell something’s wrong. “Baby? Are you OK?” Rumi’s response, looking sad: “Yeah, of course.”
👋🏻 ii
Mira accidentally ends up going grocery shopping with Zoey and Myung-soo, basically taking Rumi’s family in a handoff when Rumi has to go do something else:
get loved gayboy : 🧋
Zoey and Mira are photographed together in what looks like a kiss at the end of the shopping trip, which Rumi didn’t even know was happening, and Rumi sees, and Rumi is so upset and distracted that she doesn’t hear Jinu talking to her, but plays it off as being about finding out her mom Mi-yeong slept with someone else before she was born (and that’s how Rumi was conceived). More on this later.
get loved gayboy : I promise
When Mira shows up at Rumi’s exhibit after kissing Zoey (unbeknownst to Rumi), Rumi immediately folds her arms and adopts a defensive posture.
get loved gayboy : chances
When Mira apologizes about the photo, Rumi stutters when she claims that she’s not upset about that (because she’s lying), and apologizes that the exhibit (that Rumi) wasn’t good enough for Mira to stay.
get loved gayboy : "...Okay."
Even after they are officially together as a throuple, Rumi still gets upset when Zoey and Mira show affection to each other.
Rumi is staring at Zoey and Mira while they cuddle with Myung-soo which prompts a “baby, you OK?” Rumi is simultaneously contacted by her sperm donor, so she has an excuse for why she's upset. But did you notice that Rumi always uses that excuse? Even when sperm donor isn’t texting her? If you go back, you’ll see that Rumi repeatedly blames her bad mood on sperm donor when Zoey or someone else asks what’s bothering her after seeing Zoey and Mira together.
get loved gayboy : returns
After Rumi wakes up after their first night together, she slips away to the kitchen. Mira wakes up, follows, and asks if she’s OK, Rumi replies she’s “just … in my head.” Again, sperm donor has just texted, giving her a plausible alternative explanation. Hey, did you notice that Rumi is covering up her tattoos completely, the tattoos of every flower Zoey ever gave her? Which could mean nothing.
get loved gayboy : [present] that would be enough
After Zoey wakes up that morning, right after kissing Mira goodbye she can tell Rumi is upset and confronts her. Rumi is “covering up” (her tattoos), she’s “being quiet,” and Rumi could very easily say it’s sperm donor (Suho is his real name), but she doesn’t, not until Zoey pushes and says “don’t lie to me.” And Zoey buys it. And offers to stay. And Rumi refuses. How could she take Zoey away from someone who makes her so happy?
get loved gayboy : talk
get loved gayboy : "I promise."
Here’s how Rumi looks after seeing Mira and Zoey kiss goodbye, after the first night together, when she goes to visit her mothers. Celine is so worried.
get loved gayboy : making up for what we're missing
I wonder what Celine thinks of Mira? After seeing how upset Rumi has been?
get loved gayboy : meeting the in laws
Rumi Is The Third Wheel In This Version Of Polytrix
Yes, even though she’s married to Zoey, Rumi is very much the “third” in this relationship, though who is to blame for that is an open question. At least some of this is Rumi's subjective feelings on the subject, but some of it is just observation of how Zoey and Mira treat each other with more importance than they do Rumi.
First of all, Zoey says that Mira is the first person who’s made her feel like Rumi has, but Rumi doesn’t say it back. In spite of Mira wanting a relationship with both of them, this is not a relationship where Rumi and Mira have a relationship equivalent to Rumi and Zoey (or Zoey and Mira, stay tuned for that).
get loved gayboy : [between firsts and aftermath] "We'll figure this…
When Mira visits for the first time, Zoey gets the first kiss.
get loved gayboy : first visit
When they soft-launch the relationship, Zoey’s caption is “all ours.” Rumi’s is basically “my son prefers Mira to me.”
get loved gayboy : 🤳🏼
While Zoey and Mira figure out their travel schedule, they cuddle up with each other and Myung-soo, while Rumi sits alone across from them.
get loved gayboy : returns
After they sleep together for the first time, Zoey and Mira are cuddled up nice and tight to the point that Rumi was able to slip out and get dressed without anyone noticing until she tucked Mira and Zoey in tighter. If those two are hugging each other so tightly, who’s hugging Rumi?
get loved gayboy : [present] mornings
Rumi has a new wallpaper already, after seeing Zoey and Mira and Myung-soo together: a beautiful family photo of the three of them. A beautiful, happy family. What’s that you say? Someone’s missing from this photo? Could have fooled me.
get loved gayboy : rumi's new wallpaper
When it’s time to wake Zoey, Rumi and Mira go to get Myung-soo to wake Zoey up...but who actually does the waking? Not Rumi.
get loved gayboy : breakfast in bed for mama
In the meantime, it’s implied that Zoey and Mira are together a ton for work; how often are either of them alone with Rumi (not counting times when Zoey and Rumi are together with Myung-soo)? For example:
get loved gayboy : "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."
Rumi appreciates what time they do have together (even though it’s suddenly only with Mira, never Rumi with either of the others), to the point that when Zoey offers to stay, Rumi refuses because Zoey and Mira “deserve” time alone together with Zoey “all dolled up in Mira’s pretty clothes.” They deserve to be happy together; wonder what Rumi thinks she deserves for herself?
get loved gayboy : tender mornings
In bed, who gets marked up in the throes of passion, I wonder? Who is worthy of desire? Do you even need to click through for the evidence? To see who’s wearing a patch, who’s wearing a turtleneck, and whose neck is bare and unmarked? (Prince you were so filthy for this one)
get loved gayboy : busy afternoon
get loved gayboy : yours, still
On Mira’s private jet, he and Zoey have sex, and Zoey joins the mile high club without Rumi. I wonder if Mira and Rumi have ever had sex alone? Doesn’t seem like it. I wonder when was the last time Rumi and Zoey had sex? (Last confirmed time is back shortly after they first met Mira). According to prince, they've been together about a month, and Zoey and Mira have spent a ton of time together and are about to spend more time together on the other side of the world from Rumi. How much of their relationship exists without Rumi already?
get loved gayboy : mile high club
Zoey hates flying (with Rumi), but Rumi can see Zoey feels safe with Mira (safer with Mira).
get loved gayboy : safe
When Zoey announces their relationship with Mira, Rumi’s an ocean away with Myung-soo, missing them terribly, texting Zoey. Has Zoey texted her yet? Mira’s sent a couple at least. Both about Zoey. Neither of them have asked Rumi how she is. Neither has offered her support, even though she’s about to meet her transphobic sperm donor for the first time. But hey, Zoey looks great in Mira’s clothes, and better with them off, and Rumi's probably fine. She's always saying so, right? "I'm fine."
get loved gayboy : articles and updates
When Jinu expresses regret that Rumi is about to receive an award alone, he doesn’t mention Mira as someone who could or should be with her. And Rumi already feels like it’s imposing on Mira and Zoey’s time together to even tell them that she’s about to win an award. Shame Mira never offered to make something for Rumi to wear to the event, or for any purpose, but why would she? It’s not like Rumi’s as worthy of Mira’s inspiration as Zoey is, right? (These rhetorical questions are Rumi's perspective, in case that wasn't clear)
get loved gayboy : decisions made
At some point in the future (maybe when Rumi meets them in Europe?) Zoey and Mira are holding hands, Zoey is smiling at Rumi, and the only person touching or looking at Rumi is Myung-soo. Who is being carried by Mira. His new "favorite."
get loved gayboy : [future] pool day
Mira Keeps Making The Problem Worse By Mistake
There are a few good examples of Mira’s good intentions here that I’m not going to link to much, but they genuinely appear to be concerned with Rumi’s emotional well-being (more even than Zoey is), and make a good effort. But he doesn’t see the dynamic yet, and so he keeps making things worse.
From the very first meeting, Mira makes it clear (in Rumi's eyes) that she’s interested in Zoey, not Rumi. “Nice to meet you both,” but Mira’s “looking forward to working with you again, Jung Zoey.” Rumi doesn't have a name yet.
get loved gayboy : crush
At the beginning and end of their first (and only) solo coffee, Mira again reinforces that her primary interest is in Zoey, and Rumi is just Zoey’s accessory: “Mrs. Zoey’s wife, Rumi.” She has a name at least. Progress?
get loved gayboy : deal?
By the end of the coffee “date,” in which it appears the conversation is mostly about Zoey and Myung-soo, Rumi has lost her name. “See ya, Mrs. Zoey’s wife.” Oh well. Nice while it lasted.
get loved gayboy : coffee date
This isn’t intentional; if anything, Mira’s probably trying to avoid being too obvious about her attraction. She literally buys a magazine to stare at pictures of Rumi, and bemoans that "she" (presumably Rumi) is married. But Rumi doesn’t know that. All she knows is Mira wants Zoey, and Zoey wants Mira, and Rumi is Zoey’s wife whom Mira wants to be on good terms with while Mira and Zoey get together.
get loved gayboy : helpless
The next time Mira is supposed to see Rumi, he bails, because they think they don’t deserve the family Zoey and Rumi have made, but Rumi doesn’t know that. She just thinks this is a clear message that Mira wants Zoey, and doesn’t give a shit about Rumi. Understandable, since Mira continues to date Zoey in the meantime, whom she seems very comfortable with deserving.
get loved gayboy : "...my wife and my son are the most important...
Mira kisses Rumi and says she’s wanted to kiss her since the moment he saw her, but let’s be real: Mira is with Zoey all the time for work and pleasure, this is the second time Mira and Rumi have really interacted. Rumi might be flattered, even overwhelmed, that someone like Mira is willing to even say they want her like this. But does she believe it? Can she believe it, when she can see how much time Mira has made for Zoey, and how little Mira has made for her? But Rumi, as always, will survive on scraps (because she doesn't deserve anything else); the throuple begins.
get loved gayboy : firsts
“I’m stealing Zoey away for two weeks” is terrible phrasing, Mira. All Rumi can ask for is help making breakfast. That’s all she thinks she deserves to ask for, after Mira and Zoey slept so beautifully and contentedly in each other’s arms, and Rumi was in the bed too for a while.
get loved gayboy : [present] that would be enough
Looping back to the trip, when Zoey and Mira are in New York, Mira is trying, but their texts all come off as “look how safe and happy Zoey is with me.” Mira’s trying, but she doesn’t know what she’s doing, because she never got to know Rumi before pursuing this. She never laid the foundation she laid with Zoey. One coffee date and a kiss does not establish an equal relationship as compared to someone you see all the time for work, have gone out with multiple times outside of work, and whom you’re about to take on your private jet solo for two weeks (or until Rumi and Myung-soo join them, if that happens).
Zoey Isn’t Attentive Enough To Rumi’s Needs
Let’s frame this first: Zoey knew Rumi before Rumi came out as trans, since they were kids. Before they got together, the things Zoey complimented Rumi on were that she was pretty (the prettiest girl Zoey knew), and that she was nice.
truths
pre-established zumi
get loved gayboy : [past] "I wish everyone could be nice like you..."
What Zoey says is that her “wife and son are the most important thing” to her. But is that true?
"...my wife and my son are the most important thing to me."
Zoey says that because Mira hurt Rumi badly by promising to come to her gallery showing and ditching (because Mira was worried they didn’t deserve to intrude upon Zoey and Rumi’s family and ran). But even though Zoey is mad about Mira hurting Rumi, KNOWS that Mira hurt Rumi, her wife, what does she do? She takes Mira out on a date and makes heart eyes at them and gives Mira her number.
🍵🍰
She kisses Mira, and is on the verge of having sex with Mira, and has gotten to that point despite Mira not apologizing, and expressly only stops because she wants Mira to apologize before they sleep together. That’s the red line for Zoey. Not “you need to woo Rumi too,” even though Mira does. Not “I won’t do this if she’s not part of it,” because Zoey would fuck Mira even if Rumi never saw Mira again. Apologize for hurting my wife and we can have sex, because you hurting her was not a red line for me in this relationship. Credit to @huntrx-dont-miss for calling this out in the tags, I was wrong and misread this panel, IT'S WORSE. Zoey is ready to have sex with Mira, while Rumi is still hurting. There's no red line here for Zoey. Zoey will do what she wants, fuck who she wants, and if that person hurt Rumi, too bad for Rumi. MIRA stops because MIRA feels like they can't until he talks to Rumi. Zoey apparently doesn't care about Rumi's feelings in this context, and is willing to pursue a relationship with someone who hurt her wife badly. So much for her wife being the most important thing to her.
get loved gayboy : [between 'go for it, zoey!' and 'chances'] choices
I referenced this scene earlier in the post, but Zoey then confesses to Rumi that she has never felt about anyone the way she feels about Mira. She corrects herself, saying “not since you,” but do you think Rumi believed that part? Or do you think she listened to the correction and heard a lie? Something to take the sting away? Has Rumi ever been enough for Zoey? Now that Zoey has found someone more attractive and at least as nice as Rumi, someone whom Zoey has feelings for like no one else, someone who makes Zoey smile like Rumi doesn’t anymore, who can satisfy Zoey in bed like Rumi never could (or else why has Zoey always wanted to sleep with other people?), where does that leave Rumi? (To be clear, I believe these are Rumi's insecurities, not a reflection of Zoey's actual thoughts and motives)
This one is just a set up, but Rumi, who wants nothing more than to be Zoey’s, who took Zoey’s name, who makes art of Zoey, who irrevocably marked her body with every flower Zoey ever bought her, is promising to call and text. Will Zoey answer, though? Zoey, who wears Mira’s clothes, and Mira’s bite marks, and nothing indelible of Rumi?
get loved gayboy : promises
They haven’t really talked about a hard launch, but Zoey does it anyway, alone, without Rumi there, without consulting Rumi (Rumi's communication is bad, but Zoey's isn't great either). Rumi couldn’t make it. Rumi had something else that she never told Zoey about because she felt so excluded from her marriage that Rumi didn’t think Zoey would want to celebrate Rumi. Rumi thought Zoey would be happier with Mira. Think she was right?
get loved gayboy : a quick interview
Stack this on top of ALL THE TIMES above that Rumi has been visibly upset immediately after Zoey showed affection towards Mira, that Zoey has never clocked. I wonder who suggested polyamory first? Was it Zoey, because she wanted to sleep with other people? Or was it Rumi, who saw how Zoey looked at someone else and decided she would never be enough, and she would rather keep Zoey by letting Zoey find what Rumi couldn’t give her with others? Again, these are framed from Rumi's perspective; I do not think Zoey's thought process was anything like this when they decided they would be non-monogamous.
I'll add a small caveat: it's not that Zoey doesn't care about Rumi at all. Zoey REPEATEDLY notices that Rumi is upset and asks her about it and pushes for an answer, but never gets a true, or complete at least, answer as to why. Zoey doesn't put together how every time Rumi is upset immediately follows Zoey and Mira together. And how could she? Because if Rumi is hurt by Zoey being with other people, that would mean Zoey's been hurting Rumi, and Rumi's been lying to Zoey, for however long they've been polyamorous.
Rumi’s Anger at Mi-yeong Is Actually Her Anger At Zoey
OK, this is a big one: I don’t think Rumi’s anger at Mi-yeong is primarily about Mi-yeong sleeping with someone else and hurting Celine. This was years ago, before Rumi was born, when Celine and Mi-yeong weren't together and Celine and Mi-yeong have moved past it, so why is Rumi so bothered by the fact that Mi-yeong slept with someone else while she and Celine still had feelings for each other even though it wasn’t actually cheating?
Huh. Does that sound like a situation Rumi is familiar with?
For her whole marriage (I’m guessing, I don’t think we have a timeframe on the polyamory), I think Zoey has been sleeping with other people. Zoey’s pursuit of Mira as a “no big deal” moment doesn’t make sense unless this is a pattern, something that she and Rumi have agreed to. It doesn’t appear Zoey was romantically involved with any of her past partners, and says outright she never felt about any of them the way she feels about Rumi or Mira, but that means that, while they were in love, Zoey has slept with other people, while she and Rumi were in love, and Rumi said yes so it’s not cheating, even if Rumi doesn’t like it (and has failed to communicate that fact).
If this is something Rumi has been hurt by the entire time they’ve been together, is it any wonder she reacts so harshly when she finds out her mom "did" this to Celine? That she doesn’t care that it meant nothing to Mi-yeong, because that’s what Zoey says about the people she sleeps with I’m sure, but it still means something to Rumi. Suho was a “mistake;” is Rumi Zoey’s mistake? Rumi can't get mad at Zoey, Zoey might leave her, but Rumi can get mad at her mom without consequence. Note how Rumi closes herself off with her folded arms when she’s upset (just like she does so often with Mira and Zoey in the present).
get loved gayboy : [past] storm part 2
Rumi doesn’t want to know about the other guy (does she want to know about Zoey's other partners?):
get loved gayboy : forgiveness
Rumi doesn’t forgive Mi-yeong until Mi-yeong expresses regret for hurting Celine and says she spends every day making sure she’ll never see that look on her face again. I wonder how much Rumi wishes Zoey would do that? Would realize how much she’s hurt Rumi, and commit to never doing it again?
get loved gayboy : "We'll be there."
Bringing this back from Jinu: “Aunt Celine is a better woman than me! We were ‘on a break,’ please—” This comment, about being unwilling to forgive a sexual relationship with someone else that was not cheating but nonetheless feels like a betrayal of an active emotional bond, is juxtaposed with Rumi finding out that Zoey and Mira were maybe kissing in public and spending time together that Rumi didn’t know about.
get loved gayboy : I promise
On top of that, we’ve already seen how often, almost universally, Rumi claims that her being upset at Mira and Zoey’s closeness is actually about her mom and Suho. How much of that deflection is conscious? How much is Rumi subconsciously taking Celine’s place in her mind, with Zoey taking the role of the Mi-yeong who didn’t appreciate Celine enough or show her enough love, who slept with someone else who meant nothing to her?
Only now Zoey is sleeping with someone who does mean something to her. Whom she feels at least as strongly for, in just a few months, as she has ever felt about Rumi. Does Rumi even have a place with them anymore?
The Future
Where to we go from here? I can only give my speculation, but I think this throuple is deeply broken due to lack of communication, and we are far from the end of this story. Rumi can’t even say out loud how she feels. The public is probably about to make a big deal about how Zoey and Mira chose to travel together instead of attending Rumi’s award show (which is “tomorrow” at the status of the FKAU at the time of this post). I expect Zoey and Mira to be upset by this, and at least Zoey to be upset Rumi didn’t tell her about it. But will either of them realize why yet? Will either of them see how little Rumi thinks she matters to them?
Regardless of how that plays out, I see one of two things happening short term. Either there’s a big fight and someone leaves (I’m guessing Zoey leaves Mira based upon prince’s use of the song “Maroon”’s lyrics as captions for recent posts), or they stay together and Rumi and Myung-soo make the trip to Europe. If the latter, I think things just are going to continue to get worse; look for more instances of Rumi isolating intentionally, or unintentionally being isolated or ignored by Mira and especially Zoey. I don’t think Zoey will text or call almost at all while she and Mira are away. I think, if they're together, Zoey will be all over Mira, and Mira and Zoey will sometimes check in with Rumi, and Rumi will say she's fine.
I do expect an explosion at some point, though. Eventually, Rumi is going to conclude that the background on her phone is the best version of this family unit, and will either break down or leave. Once that happens, and Zoey realizes that she’s about to lose Rumi, I would expect either Mira to step back, or Zoey to leave Mira to try to fix things with Rumi. Especially if it’s the latter, I think that will probably lead to Rumi having to reach out to bring Mira back. So far, everything about this relationship has been Zoey and Mira pursuing things and Rumi going along with it in spite of how much it hurts her. For this to work, Rumi has to want it too, and for Mira to be willing to come back, Rumi has to show she wants Mira too. But first, more angst, then hopefully healing.
Addendum:
I wanted to add a clarification: there’s nothing wrong with a polyamorous relationship shaped like this in general. The reason it took so long for me to recognize that there was anything wrong here was, in fact, because this initially seemed to be a healthy, consensual relationship that was open along lines that were understood and agreed to by all parties. The problem is not the fact of a polyamorous relationship where one partner has other partners and another does not. There is a problem, however, if only one partner wants to be in that kind of relationship, and the other is pretending to for other reasons related to a communication breakdown in the relationship.
My view (and to be clear, only my view, not speaking for anyone else) is that Rumi’s actions and reactions suggest that she wanted to be monogamous, and does not like Zoey having other partners, but has agreed to it anyway. That disconnect between the stated terms of their relationship (which Zoey is relying on to guide her actions) and what Rumi actually feels is why I used terms like “third wheel” or referenced certain situations involving feelings of betrayal in the absence of actual infidelity. They do not reflect the structure of the relationship as agreed to, or a judgment on polyamorous relationships, but I think they do reflect how Rumi feels about her role and about Zoey’s relationship with Mira. Without knowing how that aspect of the relationship began, I can only speculate about some of this. But I do not think Rumi’s behavior reflects comfort with the terms of her relationship with Zoey and Zoey’s relationship with Mira or a willingness to openly communicate about her emotional needs. And I do not think Zoey’s conduct reflects her stated values when it comes to her relationship with Rumi.
So I've been sitting on some thoughts since I first saw this post on my dash. After talking it over with some other polyam friends to make sure I wasn't just reading into things and confirming that they felt similarly about some of what was said, I'd like to open up the conversation about some of the things said in the post.
I'm not going to into the characterization in this analysis since that's not my main focus, but instead talk about how polyamory is perceived/understood from a non-polyam view and in this fandom in general and the harmful language and stereotypes present in the post.
However, I do want to take a moment to acknowledge that Prince has done a great job with telling a story that represents more realistic polyamorous relationships and has done so with a few lines of dialogue and slice of life moments.
So let's talk about polyamory!
The points below are directly tied to the language of the original post and some of the harmful stereotypes it portrays, so I would suggest reading through OPs post first if you haven't already.
1. Polyamorous relationships don't always have "equivalent" relationships within them - they can't based solely on the fact that different people want and need different things from a relationship. It's not about relationships being "equivalent" or "balanced", it's about everyone's needs/wants being met.
This is not a relationship where Rumi and Mira have a relationship equivalent to Rumi and Zoey (or Zoey and Mira, stay tuned for that).
That’s the red line for Zoey. Not “you need to woo Rumi too,” even though Mira does. Not “I won’t do this if she’s not part of it,” because Zoey would fuck Mira even if Rumi never saw Mira again.
2. Going along with the point above, polyamorous relationships develop in different ways at different speeds due to various circumstances and that's okay! Expecting feelings and closeness to develop equally and at the same rate between all partners is not realistic. Not only that but not all triads are a 2+1 as is most common in this fandom, and it's important to explore all other configurations.
3. Being polyamorous doesn't mean you are seeking something that is lacking from your current relationship or that your current partner meeting your satisfaction in some aspect of your relationship, and it is incredibly harmful to even suggest as much. (Even from the amended post that says that this is form Rumi's perceived POV it is a very dangerous thing to even suggest from a couple that has shown both parties explicitly consenting to polyamory)
someone who makes Zoey smile like Rumi doesn’t anymore, who can satisfy Zoey in bed like Rumi never could (or else why has Zoey always wanted to sleep with other people?), where does that leave Rumi?
Or was it Rumi, who saw how Zoey looked at someone else and decided she would never be enough, and she would rather keep Zoey by letting Zoey find what Rumi couldn’t give her with others?
4. Polyamory is not just about sex or sleeping with other people. It's about relationships, and reducing it to simply "sleeping with other people" is extremely reductive. I also do want to note that saying that "For her [Zoey], polyamory is 'I sleep with other people and come home to Rumi,' [...] This feels like her usual experience of polyamory but better, because she caught feelings" (from one of OPs comments) is also extremely harmful on top of being reductive.
From this post, it appears that Zoey and Rumi are polyamorous, at least in that Zoey sleeps with and/or dates other people with Rumi’s knowledge and apparent consent
I wonder who suggested polyamory first? Was it Zoey, because she wanted to sleep with other people?
For her whole marriage (I’m guessing, I don’t think we have a timeframe on the polyamory), I think Zoey has been sleeping with other people. [...] It doesn’t appear Zoey was romantically involved with any of her past partners,
Only now Zoey is sleeping with someone who does mean something to her.
5. Equating polyamory to cheating in any way is extremely harmful.
so why is Rumi so bothered by the fact that Mi-yeong slept with someone else while she and Celine still had feelings for each other even though it wasn’t actually cheating?Huh. Does that sound like a situation Rumi is familiar with?
“Aunt Celine is a better woman than me! We were ‘on a break,’ please—” This comment, about being unwilling to forgive a sexual relationship with someone else that is not technically cheating but nonetheless feels like a betrayal of an active emotional bond, is juxtaposed with Rumi finding out that Zoey and Mira were maybe kissing in public and spending time together that Rumi didn’t know about.
It doesn’t appear Zoey was romantically involved with any of her past partners, and says outright she never felt about any of them the way she feels about Rumi or Mira, but that means that, while they were in love, Zoey has slept with other people, while she and Rumi were in love, and Rumi said yes so it’s not cheating, even if Rumi doesn’t like it (and has failed to communicate that fact).*Note - this is from the amended post, but the wording is fairly similar to the original and has the same impact
6. Polyamory is built on trust and communication, just like every other relationship. Assuming that it's not, and that boundaries and behaviours were not negotiated by those opening their relationship can be quite harmful, especially when we still exist in a society that equates polyamory to "cheating with permission".
Zoey doesn't put together how every time Rumi is upset immediately follows Zoey and Mira together. And how could she? Because if Rumi is hurt by Zoey being with other people, that would mean Zoey's been hurting Rumi, and Rumi's been lying to Zoey, for however long they've been polyamorous.
Stack this on top of ALL THE TIMES above that Rumi has been visibly upset immediately after Zoey showed affection towards Mira, that Zoey has never clocked. I wonder who suggested polyamory first? Was it Zoey, because she wanted to sleep with other people? Or was it Rumi, who saw how Zoey looked at someone else and decided she would never be enough, and she would rather keep Zoey by letting Zoey find what Rumi couldn’t give her with others?
Rumi can't get mad at Zoey, Zoey might leave her, but Rumi can get mad at her mom without consequence.
I would like to highlight something again, specifically in regards to this AU.
It's okay for relationships within a polycule or triad to develop at different rates!! Just because Rumi and Mira aren't as close as Zoey and Mira (who also work together, and thus spend more time together), doesn't mean that relationship between the two of them is any less valid, it's simply growing at a different rate. And that's okay!
I hope we get to see more relationship dynamics within Polytrix, not just because they're fun to see/read, but because it's also great to see polyamory represented in more realistic ways.
#AND ANOTHER THING#it's quite rare to have a poly relationship where everyone dates each other#theres different dynamics#people love to forget the nuance#because it's easier to make a story about a couple and just adapt it to three#than put it in the work to understand how polyamory actually works (via @alpacaroni-and-cheese)
YES! There's actually a lack of understanding in the fandom as a whole that a triad relationship should be each dryad first and then the triad.
Don't get me wrong, I love me interdependent Polytrix that operates mostly as a unit, it's fun to read and write and talk about. The issue comes in when people take works where the polyamorous relationship is more grounded on real polyamorous structures and begin dissecting it with a monogamous lens.
A triad is not a couple, it's four different relationships where the dryads come first and foremost, and anything the reflects that isn't somehow bad or wrong or harmful.
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This has been my main argument against "AI" from the very beginning.
OpenAI scraped the entire web. All of which had been a labor of love from humans. Wikipedia is the backbone of a lot of LLMs, and that was volunteer human labor. They stole it and now they're selling it back to us.
And worse, they're trying to destroy the free sources that they stole from. It's destruction of human knowledge on an unprecedented scale. The burning of the library of Alexandria has nothing on this.
man sometimes friendship really is just "I saw this and knew it would give you psychic damage. please respond with agony" and then they do. and it's great
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