initiate free bird protocol

I think Odysseus is the guy everyone else makes talk to the cops when they show up to bust the party.

I think he could do a really good “Hello officer, how are you?” if he had to.

Athena is standing behind him whispering the bylaws into his ear.

hold on i need to look this up

it’s been 15 minutes have you finished reading the Odyssey yet?

hey, dont cry modern doctor who fans, 159 classic who episodes, 517 books, 1952 audio stories, 1267 comics ok?

etra prime is great. it doesn't come up very often in gallifrey that romana was tortured for twenty years but you can always feel it, like the beating of your heart. it's the sword hanging over her head; it might not be seen, but it's always there. it's palpable. you listen to any gallifrey audio and you can practically taste that This Woman Was Tortured For Twenty Years. and no one wants to address it, let alone admit it, least of all romana.

I gotta say, I'm really glad eragon and arya didn't end up together, like the cliche guy gets the girl in the end trope but it's really fucking funny that at the end of the series Eragon is a virgin but saphira is not. Queen

i’m sorry for being abnormal about that middle aged woman it will happen again

- Pantyhose, tights, leggings, and stockings are each different. - Waxing hurts and leaves red skin for a while afterwards while shaving leaves stubble - Most can’t run in heels unless they have been VERY worn - Insecurity in appearance doesn’t mean “buy me a drink” - EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT TASTES IN EVERYTHING

-Having large breasts sucks. It sucks beyond belief.  If a garment happens to fit your large chest, odds are it won’t fit the rest of you. Underboob sweat is real and terrible. Bending over for extended periods of time will tweak your back out. Running can be painful due to boob turbulence. Bras are hella expensive. Big breasts are not fun.

Putting a tampon in isnt a quick bend-poke-done kinda deal. It involves cubicle yoga, messy hands, numerous curse words as you realise it isnt in correctly and have to take it out and start again with a new one.

This is one of the funniest posts I’ve seen in a while (especially if you read all the comments), but also really depressing because at 42 I still judge myself as having failed for not matching up to all these mythical stereotypes despite knowing they’re impossible

^^^This though

if you’re being tied up and tortured in a freezing underground dungeon, then you probably have more important things to pay attention to than how hard somebody’s nipples are, jim butcher

- Wearing a bra that doesn’t fit HURTS.  It’s not sexy to wear a bra that’s “two sizes too small”, it’d make your clothes hang oddly and you’d have a weird, uncomfortable “quad-boob” effect and your back would hurt, BEN AARONOVITCH.

Also, after removing a too small bra, there’s gonne be angry red lines on the boobs and ribs and the lady is not going to want them to be touched by anyone for a good long while

-Not all women wear heels. Those things hurt and are hard to balance in. They can also mess up your feet and back pretty bad.

-Lips aren’t just naturally red “as if she’d been drinking wine but they were just like that without makeup cause she’s so perfect,” my dear little Kvothe from ‘Name of the Wind’. Also, girls do not naturally smell like fruit or flowers, it’s either perfume or something she’d been eating recently.

I’ve been appreciating this post but now it’s back very specifically calling out my problematic faves and I don’t think those male authors realize how much it totally takes me out of the story for a moment when they commit these errors. It does nothing useful for the plot and is annoying for half of the audience

Is it weird that I’m female and wasn’t aware of a solid third of these?

I mean, all writes take note. I basically live in man land when it comes to protagonists so I don’t know half these things despite being a woman

Also: women working out are almost never sexy. They’re not glowing or glistening or (kill me) *sparkling*. They are red and sweaty and gross just like all the dudebros doing their time with the dumbbells. Stop ogling fictional women at the gym, TOM WOLFE.

I love this post.

I never understood why men feel the need to address all this telltale “feminine” awareness when writing women. Like once in grad school one of my male colleagues wrote from a female character’s POV and was like sure to notice how her feet felt in high heels and all the women’s lifestyle magazines on the coffee table and also that like, her breasts were “heavy” or some shit. I write male characters all the time. Not once have I ever stopped to make sure they notice the weight of their own balls or been hyper aware of their chest hair or some bullshit like that. ????? why????????

“It took you two days to think of poking it with a stick” they could never make me hate you Eva Stratt