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@spatarantula

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one of my classic texts, from the archives
one of the funnier incidents of me assuming someone knew a meme irl was when a new coworker was talking about some woman who got arrested for tax fraud and I went "God forbid women do anything" and he got scared and thought I was accusing him of being sexist, so he started apologizing and saying how tax fraud isn't even bad, actually.
No more sleeping with my phone within reach because I was having an extremely vivid dream that I was the victim of some sort of mass-poisoning. the notorious poisoner? "The Centipede Cult." They used a specific type of poison, referred to only by its chemical nomenclature, which I somehow remembered perfectly upon waking. It went: β‘β‘ Na({}^{2})
Because that makes sense. Anyway, this poison would submit me to its well-known and much-feared symptom: "17 Day Paralysis" in which you're paralyzed for exactly 17 days and you only chance of survival is to be on full machine support for 17 days.
Just before the medical team intubated me I remembered I have a Zoom meeting with my academic advisor today (I actually do in real life) and I needed to email him to let him know I was the victim of a mass-poisoning and would need to reschedule.
I kept trying to type the "β‘" symbol in my dream but could not figure out how and gave up.
I woke up in real life to find I'd begun drafting an email in my sleep to my professor in the Gmail app. I was apparently using talk-to-text (I often do because of my hand neuropathy) but speaking in Irish, which talk-to-text never understands, so other than the words in English "poison" and "centipede" the entire email was complete nonsense.
I told my advisor about this and he said, "well, if you had been poisoned, I would have provided you whatever academic supports available to us."
the bros only one click away
RIP to this blog that made this singular post and then deleted

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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sent this message to my coworker today and he sent me this screenshot with microsoft teams's suggested replies... incredible 10/10 no notes.
What is Tumblr?
Tumblr is the opiate of the very, very few.
as one does
My cats wanted to fight again and I wasn't letting them but the passion in their eye contact suggests they started fighting telepathically

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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So he wants someone to just follow him around jerking him while he mops the floor ???? Ur just hobbling along as he turns and vacuums around the couch like
this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler
not really sure how to get her out though
for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her
still so funny to me that gross has another meaning besides icky and is used seriously all the time. your gross annual income. your disgusting nasty amount of money you earn the whole year. pathetic

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I wanna know the full context before I judge this person lol