I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Discoholic 🪩
Misplaced Lens Cap
if i look back, i am lost
Keni
noise dept.
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Claire Keane
⁂
★
ellievsbear
One Nice Bug Per Day
YOU ARE THE REASON
titsay
pixel skylines
tumblr dot com
izzy's playlists!
h
blake kathryn
oozey mess
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@lizziebobizzy
Brown eyes are so iconic and beautiful
Green eyes are even more iconic and beautiful.
If i met a white person irl I’d beat the shit out of them and mug them just because of this post. Because of you. Maybe even kill them. Because of you. You had to say this and now some random cracker bitch is gonna die. Are you happy? Was it worth it?
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Hello there. Guess how much money I made last year? $28. I’m an investment banking analyst at a boutique firm, in M&A. I have my undergrad from the University of Chicago, one of the top schools in the country. With bonuses, sometimes I make even more. Are you jealous of that? Most people on Tumblr are usually jobless or they decided to major in the humanities and are poor.
$28?
I will never leave Twitter, because the people that start arguments with you over there are just so much more interesting than the people starting arguments on here
If it wasn’t for Google, this bitch wouldn’t know my nickname
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Seeking Doorman
Interviewer: So, how are your core competencies?
Candidate: Bad. I have at least once slipped up.
The interviewer's eyebrows raise, and he marks something down on his clipboard.
Interviewer: Are you aware that this job requires being on your feet for several hours a day?
Candidate: No.
Interviewer: Please state the weight of clothing that you would be unable to wear, for the duration of a 12 hour shift.
Candidate: I couldn't handle 50 pounds.
Interviewer: Oh no, no, I can set your mind at ease. We're well funded. The helmets are a little bulky, but the shirt is chain. The whole ensemble is maybe, oh, 15 pounds. Nobody ever attacks, anyway.
Candidate: That's a shame.
The interviewer gives the candidate a strange look. Then he lets out a brief aspiration, nods quietly, and returns to the clipboard.
Interviewer: Work well on a team of two?
Candidate: I have fewer than ten years of experience of doing so.
Interviewer: And what were you doing before this?
Candidate: I wasn't one of two henchmen for a warlord, one of whom was tall and skinny and the other short and fat, that's for sure.
The interviewer studies the candidate's physique for a moment, trying to determine from a seated position whether this neither-skinny-nor-fat guy is tall.
Candidate: I was the fat one.
Interviewer: You understand that you'd have to rein in the repartee for this role, yes?
Candidate: I refuse to do this.
Interviewer: Can you be a little clearer?
Candidate: I will speak out of turn.
Interviewer: Perfect. Really all I needed. Well, seems like the serum is working great, no signs of allergy, so as far as I'm concerned, you can start today. Any questions for me?
The candidate shifts in his seat, and clears his throat.
Candidate: What if they ask me if there's a God?
The interview frowns at his clipboard. He hasn't been interviewing for this role for very long, and his predecessor didn't leave very good notes. He clears his throat.
Candidate: What if they ask me what the other guy wouldn't say, if they asked him the meaning of life? Or if they ask me if they should get married to each other, if it's a couple?
The interviewer interjects, still rifling through his notes.
Interviewer: We almost never get couples.
Candidate: What if they ask me whether good or evil is greater on balance, or whether there is greater beauty in the sunset or sunrise, or how best to live?
Interviewer: Oh come on. That last one's easy. Just tell them to drink cyanide every morning, or to burn down their own house every night.
Candidate: The gap between is and ought is so easily crossed.
Interviewer: Oh, I don't know. Just tell them you know the answer.
As he says this, the interviewer finds the place in his notes that says that this role must not demur in such a way.
Interviewer: Scratch that. Come on, man. They won't ask any of that. They'll ask about the doors. They know you're not, like, an oracle.
Candidate: I didn't go to oracle school.
The interviewer and candidate exchange a look, as if to say to each other, well of course you're here, then, applying for this might as well be minimum wage role in the middle of nowhere, because both know the job prospects for a typical graduate of oracle school.
Interviewer: Oh, actually, it's right here. The first time a question is off topic, you're supposed to be silent. The second time a booming voice will warn them to stay on topic. The third time you still aren't supposed to answer, but it counts as their question and they have to guess with no information.
Candidate: Great. Sorry for the trouble.
Interviewer: Oh come on, don't be like that. Do you want the job or not?
Candidate: No.
They shake hands, and the candidate reports to his post that very day. A band of adventurers arrives not long after.
"One of these guards always tells the truth," a voice booms out to greet them, "and the other..."
A YA romantasy writer filed suit against another writer for copyright infringement, and as is always the case with these things, she padded her claims with delusionally spurious examples. The judge issued a 160-page ruling against the plaintiff where you can tell from the start how resentful they (or whatever clerk actually did the work) are to have been forced by duty to have read the works in question.
In the club
I think I’m literally never gonna be sick of this masterpiece. I think watching it on a loop for eight hours could fix me. Dancing’s what clears my soul. Dancing’s what makes me whole.
HEATED RIVALRY (2025-)
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Have people heard of falling fruit? It's a map that marks off foraging locations that are accessible on public land.
It's global and crowdsourced and points you towards FREE FRUIT. (And herbs and nuts and things.) They have an app too but the app costs $2 and you can still pull up the map on your mobile browser for free.
A massive, collaborative map of the urban harvest uniting the efforts of foragers, freegans, and foresters around the world. Explore and sha
This is how I found those park cherries!
I think I've added around 100-200 spots on here since I heard about it. Even put some of my own trees on it that overhange sidewalks. What's great is not only does it help you identify the plant by telling you what to find where, what's in season, what to spot through wikipedia and usda plant links. But practically any free resource you can think of you can either find on here or put on here like, good dumpsters to scavenge (for food or otherwise), water fountains, community orchards/gardens, fishing spots, little libraries / pantries, even bike pumps.
"And you in your pride thought you could produce the Kwisatz Hockeypuck!"
Yuna lifted her chin. "I sensed the possibility."
"You thought only of David’s desire for a son," Jackie le Fay snapped. "And his desires don't figure in this. A Hollander daughter could've been wed to a Rozanov heir and sealed the breach. You've hopelessly complicated matters. We may lose both bloodlines now.”
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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one of the best edits i have ever seen by uhbucky on tiktok
