love you to the moon and to saturn

she is only interested in me because i am interesting

we bought a shirt at a thrift store that says "best mom in louisiana" for some reason (as a reminder we are in midwest germany) and now my spouse keeps walking around the house wearing it and saying shit like "WHO STANDS BEFORE THE GREATEST MOM OF LOUISIANA?"

having to eat food and take showers is ruining my life

driving my chevy to the levee today

what the fuck

damn it's only wednesday?? ??? i need to get fucked within an inch of my life

i pulled the sword from the stone but got shy and put it back. hope nobody minds 

youve heard of missionary position. now get ready for MERCENARY position

hes seen every thing

if i were a shrimp id be so embarrassed because everyone can see my poop line

Anything that reminds me of anything makes me wanna throw up

kindness is punk rock, beef bulgogi is dub techno and a paperclip is turkish black sea region folk music