Yet another weird kid lol

I can strategize and such in turn based games (predominantly because I actually have time to, Y’know, think. Same goes for slower-paced RTS, especially when I can pause it), but in fast-paced real time combat stuff like Splatoon, Smash Bros, Pokken, everything even approaching strategy always devolves into “throw crap around and hope something hits the other guy”

Like

Me in turn based/slower paced strategy games:

“Alright what’s the most efficient way I have to setting this chump’s hp to zero?”

“Hmmm, do I cure my poison or do I just heal? *pulls out the calculator and does math* Hmm, I’d be better off healing now bc my heal gives more hp than I’d save curing poison now. Now as long as they don’t have a poison boosted attack they’ve been hiding, I should be fine.”

“Alright, my little John Rambos, while my factory farmed army of low tiers has that enemy defense team distracted, you’re gonna hit-and-run them from the sides and maybe also hit that little relay thingy that their whole supply chain in this sector relies on bc they’re either too poor or too dumb to set up redundant systems, apparently.”

“I lost, huh. Eh, it was my fault for not investing enough in actually defending my resource generation.”

“Hmm…It doesn’t look like I’ll have enough anti-creep to tank that tidal wave when it lands and guns/mortars won’t be enough to slow it down. Let’s see what else I have…can’t afford orbital strike-oh! There’s nonpartisan breeding grounds over there! I can dump some anti-creep there with my airplanes to start making anti-creep in the middle of the road! That should buy me a lot of time.”

Me in fighting games, team shooter games, and the like:

“C’mon, Dark Void *misses for the craptillionth time* frick! *gets grabbed out of nowhere* Come on how did that even reach!?”

“Gah! Does everyone else have aimbot!? I can’t hit crap!”

“*so used to dying in this match it doesn’t even evoke any kind of emotion* so basically I’m *dies again* dead.”

“What the actual frick!? Where did that slosher go!? He was right in front of me! *that slosher coming up behind me like a Minecraft speedrun hunter* I’m going to-AUGH MY BONES!”

“PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC- okay I’m out of the juggle lemme actually land an attack *gets juggled again* MORE PANICING MORE PANICING”

Note: does this mean I’m good at turn based and RTS games? No, and I don’t think I am (actually it’s been a long time since I’ve played such a thing so I can’t say for sure), but I’m at least able to get a clue on why I’m failing and whether I can actually do something about it.

Do you think we'll ever grow out of squabbling over whose toys is whose with no real benefit from Owning the toys aside from some vague sense of accomplishment (because let's be honest, none of us are making a fortune out of these) and no real way of enforcing our ownership aside from harassment campaign and shaming each other online?

Deadlines aren’t quite as helpful for me.

No offense to you. I actually think it’s pretty cool that some autistics can actually survive that crap, nothing to say of feed off of it like you do.

Still tho, that ain’t me. Deadlines are just not healthy for me. Especially if they’re enforced.

When I set a deadline for myself and not tell anyone, I still don’t get anything done, as if I’ve never set the deadline to begin with, and when I remember there was a deadline, I feel needlessly guilty for it.

When I set a deadline and tell one of my guardians, they apply the kind of pressure that burns me out very quickly and don’t give me enough break time to recover (and they’re pretty exhausting people to begin with and cutting ties is not an option as they’re the only reason I have a roof over my head and not a one-way-ticket to a psycho institution that will probably get me killed as a best case scenario).

When someone else sets a deadline and my guardians are in on it, the pressure is on them too, which hurts them too and in turn makes them act even worse to the point of it being genuinely traumatizing.

(I don’t think I’ll be learning to code for a while because that’s exactly what happened to me in c#llege and the traveling salesman incident still haunts me after all these years)

It is true that I do get things done (that I normally forget to or just don’t) under an externally enforced deadline; but it only works on so many things and only for so long, and even then there is a mighty high price that I am paying for it (and the fact that deadlines as a concept remind me of c#llege does NOT help).

It’s also a big reason why I don’t talk much about my aspirations to my guardians anymore, because when I want to learn how to do a thing (like make music), they try to RUSH RUSH RUSH me into that thing that I just mentioned, which almost immediately burns me out and makes me not want to do the thing I just earlier said wanted to do (and whenever I try to explain that that’s what’s happening to me, I get the whole Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss package™️ and I have no real way of knowing how much of it they’re even aware of because half the time it looks like they genuinely want to care and genuinely think they care but have no clue what the fresh heck they’re doing, and the other half is just “okay they are definitely tormenting me on purpose because their brains apparently cannot function without reducing a person who the hierarchy says is ‘inferior’ to them into a problem that has to be solved”).

I have been looking for healthier ways to make myself not procrastinate on the things I want to learn and do, but without any non-savings money of my own and with guardians who struggle to swallow their ego to understand and respect my needs and in a world where unreasonable subscription payment models are the norm, it’s really hard to even get myself in the zone of looking for things like that.

Ideally, I would like either a web browser game that I could play for free and without having my facecam spied on, or a Minecraft modpack; because those are the kinds of things I have access to (I do have the Little Big Planet games and the PlayStation3 to play them on, but I’ve never found the spoons to hook it up to the Lighthouse servers and I could never figure out the music sequencers back in the day [come to think of it, I don’t think the music sequencer was that well documented in the first place])

(And before anyone asks about Roblox, no. I’ve been there, wanted to do something, and when I found the drive, it was too late because they fell to levels of censorship, AI simping, and general corporate enshittificationism that I have zero intention of funding any further than my splurge during The Takeover [aka the last dying breath of the platform’s ethos of “What will you build?” and “Powering Imagination”] already had)

I’ve found a Minecraft modpack that’s supposed to use ComputerCraft to teach coding in Lua, which I may try when I’m ready (I’ll probably still be haunted by my c#llege days, but that’s probably a bullet I’m gonna have to bite if I’m gonna enable myself in the ultimate art form 🥲).

As for other things like drawing, animation, and music composition; I unfortunately haven’t found anything that can really naturally “hook” me into the process of learning a thing there.

Hm….A “hook”. Yeah, that’s what I need…a natural “hook”…

Me with RWBY

It's frustrating because, even though I can recognize that my brain just Does This, I can't seem to control it. I've tried so many different methods of accepting it, moving on and trying to do better but my brain still wants to beat me up for it.

Deadlines aren’t quite as helpful for me.

No offense to you. I actually think it’s pretty cool that some autistics can actually survive that crap, nothing to say of feed off of it like you do.

Still tho, that ain’t me. Deadlines are just not healthy for me. Especially if they’re enforced.

When I set a deadline for myself and not tell anyone, I still don’t get anything done, as if I’ve never set the deadline to begin with, and when I remember there was a deadline, I feel needlessly guilty for it.

When I set a deadline and tell one of my guardians, they apply the kind of pressure that burns me out very quickly and don’t give me enough break time to recover (and they’re pretty exhausting people to begin with and cutting ties is not an option as they’re the only reason I have a roof over my head and not a one-way-ticket to a psycho institution that will probably get me killed as a best case scenario).

When someone else sets a deadline and my guardians are in on it, the pressure is on them too, which hurts them too and in turn makes them act even worse to the point of it being genuinely traumatizing.

(I don’t think I’ll be learning to code for a while because that’s exactly what happened to me in c#llege and the traveling salesman incident still haunts me after all these years)

It is true that I do get things done (that I normally forget to or just don’t) under an externally enforced deadline; but it only works on so many things and only for so long, and even then there is a mighty high price that I am paying for it (and the fact that deadlines as a concept remind me of c#llege does NOT help).

It’s also a big reason why I don’t talk much about my aspirations to my guardians anymore, because when I want to learn how to do a thing (like make music), they try to RUSH RUSH RUSH me into that thing that I just mentioned, which almost immediately burns me out and makes me not want to do the thing I just earlier said wanted to do (and whenever I try to explain that that’s what’s happening to me, I get the whole Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss package™️ and I have no real way of knowing how much of it they’re even aware of because half the time it looks like they genuinely want to care and genuinely think they care but have no clue what the fresh heck they’re doing, and the other half is just “okay they are definitely tormenting me on purpose because their brains apparently cannot function without reducing a person who the hierarchy says is ‘inferior’ to them into a problem that has to be solved”).

I have been looking for healthier ways to make myself not procrastinate on the things I want to learn and do, but without any non-savings money of my own and with guardians who struggle to swallow their ego to understand and respect my needs and in a world where unreasonable subscription payment models are the norm, it’s really hard to even get myself in the zone of looking for things like that.

Ideally, I would like either a web browser game that I could play for free and without having my facecam spied on, or a Minecraft modpack; because those are the kinds of things I have access to (I do have the Little Big Planet games and the PlayStation3 to play them on, but I’ve never found the spoons to hook it up to the Lighthouse servers and I could never figure out the music sequencers back in the day [come to think of it, I don’t think the music sequencer was that well documented in the first place])

(And before anyone asks about Roblox, no. I’ve been there, wanted to do something, and when I found the drive, it was too late because they fell to levels of censorship, AI simping, and general corporate enshittificationism that I have zero intention of funding any further than my splurge during The Takeover [aka the last dying breath of the platform’s ethos of “What will you build?” and “Powering Imagination”] already had)

I’ve found a Minecraft modpack that’s supposed to use ComputerCraft to teach coding in Lua, which I may try when I’m ready (I’ll probably still be haunted by my c#llege days, but that’s probably a bullet I’m gonna have to bite if I’m gonna enable myself in the ultimate art form 🥲).

As for other things like drawing, animation, and music composition; I unfortunately haven’t found anything that can really naturally “hook” me into the process of learning a thing there.

Hm….A “hook”. Yeah, that’s what I need…a natural “hook”…

Autisticality

Autism

On recordings, my voice comes out entirely too deep. Way deeper than I hear it myself. It causes cognitive disconnect, and I don't think I could live with hearing my voice everywhere if I ever blew up as a performer. The attention and the focus on me would give me a nervous breakdown. So I don't know if acting is something I could ever do.

Voices are fun for me. I can't do too many, and I mainly imitate the ones I hear in other places (to the best of my limited abilities). But I do it when reading physical books, and I do it when reading comic books too. So doing voice acting doesn't sound like it'd be hard. It might be easy to do. Might even be vaguely enjoyable.

GOD DAMN FLIPACLIP LOGO 💀

anyways

This took me a while :-) really proud with how it turned out

Again, I don't know Japanese so the text may be incorrectly timed or just not the right words :_) I apologize

IGNORE THAT IT'S OFFBEAT SOMETIMES LEAVE ME ALONE

anyways

Based on this song/mv (under the cut) :

Carolina Milanesi, an independent technology analyst, said Google is trying to make its cash cow business — search — richer and more personalized, and it will make shopping easier. But there is a risk that users may have fewer choices about what to click. "Right now it's: I ask a question, I get a bunch of answers and I feel that I'm in control as to which answer I take, or if I'm looking for something, which product I'm going to end up buying. That is going to be less so going forward," she said. Milanesi envisions AI-enabled search and agents proposing products to consumers — perhaps even those they have requested — but with less clarity or choice around where it's coming from. "If you're going to say: 'I want a pair of Jordans, go find them,' you're not necessarily sure what steps have been taken and whether the AI has used a source or a store that was paid for and therefore came up in the search results," she said, "or if AI actually went and did their due diligence and picked the best for me as a customer."

And here's one from Time magazine (May 20, 2026):

While Google already has “AI Mode,” the company will now power the whole search bar through its new Gemini 3.5 Flash model.  Instead of the classic list of blue links, Google Search will now also generate a custom page with an AI-generated summary of what you’re searching about, which will then trigger a conversation with AI Mode on the main page, allowing users to ask follow-up questions—similar to the kind of layout you would see when opening ChatGPT.

And a little more from Time's article on how this may affect the websites that we are trying to search for:

Pretty much the only resource you're gonna get with autism is a caregiver, and if your autism is at the level where you need a caregiver, you were probably diagnosed at a young age in the first place. People self dsing aren't taking any resources away from you.

Yeah, I was talking about this some time ago.

Some chump was doing muse diagnoses wrong or something and this other kid called it out, then I chimed in mentioning how it was part of the reason real self diagnoses get taken for jokes and why that’s a problem.

The discussion was actually pretty fun imo.