i didn’t know perez hilton was a stage name that he purposefully modelled after paris hilton’s real name i thought she just organically had an evil gay wario or something

has anyone noticed that sometimes you take incorrect or undesirable actions instead of the correct and desirable ones? what's up with that

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

Being an adult will have you unironically sad about a parasite outbreak in fresh vegetables.

its crazy how using your chosen name & pronouns feels so Not Allowed when youre used to having to use your legal name for everything. like all i do is go to work and go to doctors so writing an artist bio using my correct information is like, Is This Allowed?? Is This Allowed??? it straight up feels like being an unsupervised kid eating gummy worms for breakfast & waiting for someone to come tell you to knock it off

no talk me if you have hate in your heart for the fruit of the cow 🧀😤

dont call it that.

bro you literally call your cold cuts "slommy"

that was supposed to be between us

a thing about me is i basically never notice a wig or other kind of hairpiece in tv/movies. it has to be party city territory for me to even twig it. people will complain about characters' wigs looking bad and i will nod along but there is like a 90% chance i did not notice for a second while watching. i consider this mostly a blessing.

take my ass to torture city where the grass is ouch and the girls are hit me

nope. funkytown again

come on

If you ever feel like a loser just remember there are people who are genuinely emotionally invested in the lives of the british royal family

wearing two cursed amulets to manipulate them into competing with each other for ownership of my soul and unintentionally improving my life in their attempts to seduce me

hiring two duplicitous advisors with opposing agendas to manipulate them into hatefucking each other in front of me while i fujo out about it

it's not a "love triangle" it's a business opportunity with benefits

heartwarming: transfem named mary sue and transmasc named gary stu have had a beautiful nonbinary baby named donut steel

eddy burback video: I did the russian sleep experiment for a month

I'm gonna say it, I do think that even the laziest person imaginable should have a roof over their head, food in their stomach, and access to healthcare

reblog if you remember having to ration your text messages and accidentally opening the internet on your phone was the end of the world