Um...

"you should be at the club" i should be in the woods. performing the ritual.

every single day the news is like "breaking: the president has decreed that 100 to 200 angry hornets will be crammed into the mouth of each and every non-billionaire in the continental US on a random night this week while they sleep!" and every single time i'm like "...is this a power traditionally held by the executive branch of the US government?" and sometimes the answer is "unfortunately yes" and sometimes the answer is "no but it's happening anyway lol" and then i'm like "well i guess i hope the other branches impose checks and balances on his decision" and then the republican-majority supreme court is like "we're fine with this" and the republican-majority congress is like "what if the hornets were angrier actually" and then some glossy new startup is like "we built a tool to help predict which night is your night to have the hornets jammed in there, it's called buzzz :)" but the it turns out the tool is powered by ai so it's completely worthless and anyway what i'm saying is no, i haven't really been keeping up on my laundry lately.

He looks like he’s ducking down to slurp up those mini-kermits like some kinda anteater.

When you lay too many eggs and realize your young won't survive with that much competition

Will websites implode on themselves if they don’t move the buttons around every month or what

already october. that'd freak me out if any year since 2019 had been real. luckily they haven't

Those are clearly complimentary and thus this isn’t theft. A social faux pas perhaps but that’s all.

the thing that really cheeses my cake about flies getting in my house is they clearly don't want to be there anyway. like at least the ants trying to steal cereal from my pantry had a goal and a plan. you are just here because you're too stupid to use a window twice