pedantic rambling

Ohhhhh my god 😭

They found a fossilized neanderthal dream in a hollow stump in Poland. And yes, it can be fermented into alcohol to gain his cave memories.

there's like a thousand ways for a shower to work and you wouldn't even imagine half of them until you have to take a shower at a new place

one time we were listening to fleetwood mac in the car and my sister who was probably 4 at the time asked, without being prompted, “can girls marry girls?” and THAT is the power of stevie nicks

Genuinely evil and dark-sided to put the periods between the letters in "milf" and "dilf." Like what is M.I.L.F. that is a supervillain organization composed entirely of cougars. Whoa that's a great idea actually post canceled hold on

wife found out how much i spend on money

8 hours a day

How do I explain Plato's allegory of the cave to my cat?

gato’s allegory of the fishtank

childhood friends to complete strangers

they told me not to get lost in the weeds, but these are lush, beautiful, and ecologically necessary native plants so it's probably fine

@official-penis-posts

When I said I would smash

Its that damn crowboy

Bro I just nearly fucking died

My throats fucked but I like inhaled toothpaste and my throat seized up and I couldn’t breathe worst part is I spat toothpaste everywhere trying to get it out of my mouth and my throat is like fuzzy now?? Water did not help honey tea might

Absolutely flawless how did you get these photos?

I can never leave here

one cool thing about having an autistic dad whose special interest is underwater spearfishing is that when he catches fish he'll just call up a nearby chinese restaurant like "hi. i caught a fish. can you cook it and i'll bring my family by?" and they're like "yeah sure come on over white boy" and the fish is delicious.

it's worth adding that my mom is chinese and she always gets embarrassed by this. like she doesn't want to come to the restaurant with us. she doesn't want to be seen with the white man she caught plus the fish that her white man caught. everyone who works at the restaurant thinks my dad is awesome and compliments him + her for choosing him and we all find this very fun except for her.