I'm back to here

The whole Fat Baby Shane thing made me convinced Shane and Ilya have the biggest fattest babies ever. I don't care if they adopt or have a surrogate or Shane gets pregnant I just know their kids end up being monster babies and it would be insane except theyre both big beefy hockey players so the babies look almost normal when theyre held by them. The internet has a field day comparing pictures of Ilya holding them(in which they look like slightly bigger than normal babies) and Yuna holding them(in which the babies look like an area 51 project). Shane and Ilya still think theyre so little and honestly not heavy at all(see: big beefy hockey players) so theyre completely confused when anyone mentions that theyre gigantic. When Ilya does recognize that theyre like 95th percentile babies he is very proud

Baby sphinx trying to be like mama and waylaying travelers, but all its riddles are completely non-sensical like the ones a 1st grader would tell

i love declining birth rates 🥰 "what a horrible problem! society will collapse!" oopsie it looks like you're gonna have to make having children worth it 😊 teehee you're gonna have to improve society in order to fix this problem, or it will all collapse. oh noooooo. how horrible. :3c

Okay but with Melissa the Dietician and Shallergies side of headcanons, I’m just imagining before the tuna melt scene her getting an Instagram notification in the middle of the night “Ilya Rozanov has liked your video” and that’s already interesting, not because of Ilya liking one of her posts she posts interesting recipes and videos of the Montreal team, that’s whatever. It’s interesting because from the little icon in the notification she can tell it was an old video, 3-4 years by that point, of a Cooking With Shane Hollander type post, going over some of his favorite meals, some sort of team building cutesy posts like that. It’s also interesting because by the time she sees the notification at 6 a.m. and actually clicks it, the notification is actually gone within the app, so Ilya liked and unliked the video at like 2 a.m.

Laughing my ass off thinking about the cottage bedroom sex scene because Ilya is lying there completely lost in the fucking sauce no thoughts head empty mouth open eyes half closed on another plane of existence while Shane mid-sex is like Okay it's time for an existential conversation about how we ended up together. And expects Ilya to seriously engage him. Meanwhile Ilya is like woaw I think I hauve covid

nasa trying to eat the moon

Operation Pac Man is a go

shut up im gonna puke at the idea the twin hollanders think that their papa’s name is baby and their dada’s name is actually a long whining sound of shane (shaaaaaaane) alsjdjsksksdk like they go to kindergarten and do those lil kid questionnaires that the teacher actually fills out from their verbal responses and their answers are almost identical: what’s your name? (insert whatever nickname they get called regularly and then their actual name). what is your favourite colour? red (for both twins). what is your favourite sport? hockey (obviously). what are your parents names? papa’s name is baby and dada’s name is shaaaaane. and then it comes home in their backpacks the day that yuna and david pick them up from kindie and david opens the door when he sees ilya and shane pull up after practice and says “howdy baby and shaaaaane” and they’re both like “haha what?” and then he hands them the twins questionnaires and they both go a little rosy cheeked and yuna walks down the stairs and is like “oh is that baby and shaaaaaane?” and it’s a joke for the rest of their lives. it makes its way to the cens players eventually and oh boy do they have fun with that.

You can never leave after eating fae food because you get radiation poisoning and also you're now a walking biohazard