Hear me out: Shane, before his first game with the Centaurs, gets tapped for media. They ask him how he feels about not being captain for the first time and he jumps of the opportunity to goad his husband by implying that he’ll earn the position by next season. Cue the rest of the season being spent with them chirping back and forth about it at every given opportunity.
Maybe it becomes a whole thing online where people are getting really invested in who should be captain so of course Harris leans into it. He calls a meeting to suggest his plan: an exhibition match in the pre- or post-season with Shane and Ilya each drafting half-teams of the Cens roster, winner gets to be captain for the next season. Obviously all the game proceed would go towards the Irina foundation so the team are in and the fans Love It. (Also Shane and Ilya are fine competing over the ‘C’ because it’s just a title, maybe it takes them a little while to figure out the dynamic at first but they both lead in different ways and whatever letters are or aren’t on their jerseys won’t stop them from doing everything they can to help their team.)
Also I accidentally wrote way too much of this when drafting this post so it’s included under the break:
He’d known it was coming (obviously) but that doesn’t make him dread it any less. They start him off with some lowballs: “How is it adjusting to a new team?” And, “Are you happy being back in your hometown?” But it doesn’t take long before they start asking bigger questions, really looking for quotable material.
“Shane, you’ve spent the past 8 seasons captaining your own team with the Metros. How does it feel going into this game - this season - without that ‘C’ on your chest?”
And for one second he’s just so blinded with gratitude to this journalist. It’s not some question about being an openly gay hockey player, or what it’s like to play beside his husband (not that he’s even actually played a game with Ilya yet, on the Centaurs at least). It’s the same question any other player in the league would receive if they were in his position (as in a former captain starting on a new team) but it also gives him the perfect opportunity to show everyone that what he has with Ilya - what he’s always had with Ilya - has always been real.
“Well, it definitely feels a bit strange to be going out on the ice and not be the guy calling the shots.” Shane huffs a laugh, briefly locking eyes with the camera before returning to the reporter. “I’m not too worried though, I’m still the new guy in the locker room and I’ll have to learn the team dynamics but I’m sure it’ll be Rozanov answering that question this time next year.”
It’s not that Shane has any particular desire to captain the Centaurs (Ilya is damn good at his job and the scars from his time with the Metro’s are still too fresh) but this is familiar territory. Chirping Ilya, challenging him, even on the same team, is proof that their rivalry wasn’t (entirely) fabricated.
The reported looks absolutely delighted by his response, clearly gearing up to continue along that vein before they’re interrupted by a commotion from the locker room behind them: near simultaneously, a group of voices (grown men, not middle schoolers) going “oooohh.”
Ilya, half-dressed, comes charging out of the locker room. (This is as far as I got lol)
I’m so glad people actually like this, please come yell at me on my main @hottawacentaurs (I switched my blogs lol) or just send me a dm I think I need to actually talk through this fic to get it actually written lmao
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here's a gif of Spore Kevin doing the only dance that looks decent for him, and a gif of him shaking vigorously, just for fun. It was made from his walk cycle.
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me: So then we take the liquified wood pulp, and dry it again, into these thin sheets.
caveman: [confused, but trying to keep up] uh huh.
me: And we take the graphite stick - it doesn't need to be wrapped in wood like this, but we like making them this way so you don't get graphite on your hands. And that's what we draw with.
caveman: [eyes lighting up] Oohhh so you use the wood pulp sheets to paint on them, like hides?
me: Exactly! And now, you could use this method to draw anything you can visualise with your mind's eye, but for the sake of this demonstration, let's draw a vision of a woman with features of an animal whose powers and traits she represents, and a figure that is stylised and exaggerated beyond what nature really allows.
caveman: As wide as she is tall, with tits to match?
me: Exactly.
caveman: This is the only sensible use of this technology.
My two yr old is looking through a book about prehistoric art and she saw a picture of those cave painting of hands and she held up her own and said "hand!" And I gotta be honest. That hit
Oh my god, this reminds me of the childrens garden of our local botanical garden. There’s one section that’s called the prehistoric lives garden or smth, and it’s full of native plants that indigenous people 2000 years ago would have eaten and used as medicine, etc. And within this little garden, there’s an adobe style playhouse, which for some reason (probably lighting reasons) has no roof, which means the rusty red dirt floor is often quite muddy.
And this series of events has led to my favorite interactive art piece ever.
Handprints.
Little tiny handprints at the bottom. Big teenager and adult sized handprints at the top. Handprints upon handprints upon handprints, a modern day continuation of an ancient tradition.
Most of the people who contributed were probably doing so because they thought it would be fun, not for any deep philosophical reason. Heck, you can tell based on the height of the larger handprints that their owners were having a jumping competition. They didn’t think about the fact that they were creating art in the exact same way the earliest humans created art. They didn’t think about the fact that humans have always been and will always be humans, and the ways we interact with each other and the world have always stayed the same in the most important ways.
But I did. I thought about it. And I am in love with humanity all over again.
I’m trying to get the boys I coach to stop saying “I’m gonna kms” after every little inconvenience (it’s my fault tbh) and last night my goalie missed an easy shot and screamed he’s gonna run away to Africa, become a National Geographic photographer and win the Wildlife Photographer of the Year award.
Turns out that’s actually what he wants to do. And I love that he replaced ending his life with his dreams for his future. Like yes, this inconvenience sucks but I will persist anyway.
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Ilya moaning Shane’s first name during sex is so devastatingly romanic. It’s the perfect way to clearly lay out how Ilya isn’t only overwhelmingly attracted to Shane’s body, but now he’s desperately horny for who Shane is outside of his hockey persona. He wants to fuck Hollander, but he wants to make love to Shane. I’m an absolute goner for shit like that.
the concept for this is half about putting ilya in the food processor and ilya being like mmmm no hollander i think you are wrong, it is normal and fine for 14 year old boys and 41 year old women to have affairs. is only a problem for girls. if i was traumatized don’t you think i would know? everyone has occasional sex dreams that make them wake up dry-heaving, that is just how sex dreams work.
and half about shane being like oh my god as the newfound #PartnerofaSurvivor who googled this one time and read a single psychologytoday article, i must now learn to be SO consent-oriented *completely forgets the history of their sex life over the last decade* Ilya May I Touch Your Knee. It Is Okay If You Say No. and ilya is like no, what the fuck?? did you hit your head again?? how many fingers am i holding up
to be honest i think ilya razzes scott hunter even more after he comes out and it’s mostly a joke but some of it comes from a very real place of ohhhh my godddd this other orphan is suchhhh a chicken pussy about being gay and he isn’t even under threat of being disappeared forever to the gulag
scott hunter voice Living my authentic truth was really frightening. for a long time i couldn’t even imagine it. But then i realized… the only thing holding me back… was me
ilya rozanov, six months after scott hunter comes out and getting sort of tired of this whole huge ordeal: Wow. cannot believe they have not given you, what do they call this. medal of bravery.
shane voice You’re such a fucking liar rozanov you thought it was brave.
ilya voice Yes this was before i knew he had no real problems in his life i thought perhaps he also had an evil brother who is “not” mob police threatening him with glock each christmas but it turns out this is not the case. He was scared of brooklyn art gallery
obsessed with the narrative that shane is just inventing kink out of his own beautiful mind like obviously he knows that ilya is the one in control but he has no clue that he’s been in a dom/sub dynamic right from the start
so one day he’s talking to rose and she jokes about their sex lives becoming boring after being together for so long and shane’s like no no he does this thing where it feels like he shuts my brain off and all my limbs go numb and he completely overtakes my body and mind and afterwards he has to bring me back down to earth and she’s like ???he puts you in subspace on the reg?? and shane is like i have no idea what that means
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i know i have said that shane has no personal social media before but on reflection i do think he might have a twitter alt with a randomly generated username and no profile picture that he just uses to get into fights about hockey while typing like a boomer. also he should follow all the onlyfans girls that ilya’s account is very publicly following and then be like well i don’t see why she’s so special. i could do that.
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