why do i need this so much?

baby ive been mulling over this ever since u sent it just in awe at the chaos of their house. like every weekly grocery shop ilya and shane are buying tampons/pads because cycles syncing up is actually a myth and every fucking week someone is on their period. then we’ve got their sports (I don’t think they all stick to hockey but I think they all do play at least one sport each) and we’ve got at least one daughter every morning yelling “Where’s my sports bra!” And then shane replies “it’s on the clothes line!” “Not that one! I want the lucky one!” And shane looks at ilya and ilya is like “she thinks that black Nike one that you stitched the underwire back into is lucky.” And shane struggles to keep track of which sports bras are the lucky ones and which ones aren’t but ilya is all over that. And then we’ve got hair, now shane, shane has become a Pro at braiding. He can do every braid in the book and has been practicing since the girls hair were long enough, now even some of the girls friends come over for Shane do to their hair as well. Ilya is the go to dad for fashion advice, one of the girls is a shane 2.0 and lives in athletic gear but otherwise he’s got daughters bursting into their bedroom before school starts like “papa does this look weird? Is it too much?” And ilya will always be honest but usually his children have his iconic ability to style themselves perfectly “no, is not too much, is very chic sweetheart.” And shane goes “yeah yeah very chic” because he wants to be helpful too but both Ilya and their daughter look at him like he’s an animal doing a cute trick and said daughter does a little pout and is like “awwww thank you daddy” and gives him a kiss on the cheek. anyways there’s so much to go into with this I could talk about it foreverrrr

my coin-operated shane <3

Heated Rivalry (2025-) dir. Jacob Tierney

ilya version

like this is really the thesis of the hudson-pov of hudcon to me. that connor wasn't exactly a bisexual awakening for hudson but more a freight train of full desire slamming into him, the perfect confluence of everything he might never have known he wanted (big strong man, like the crushes on the captain of the basketball team when he was a teen, but also film nerd, like the crush he had on the film society president in school, but also freak weirdo, like his freak weirdo friends, but also gorgeous and funny and charming and confident, which, well, who would say no to any of those things?). the fact that hudson plays the confident outlandish sex joker persona but deep down is quite insecure, has been in a relationship with the same person most of his adult life and is crippled by anxiety and self-doubt and overthinking...and then there's connor. confident connor! don't-give-a-fuck-what-you-think-i'm-being-me connor. the slight hero worship of it, the imposter-syndrome of being queer but without much queer experience to actually speak of, and having to play that believably on screen. in awe of connor hustling for so many years, the modelling, his body, the fact he left home so young and made a life in LA and has seen all sides of the industry. part wanting to hide behind him, part wanting to be better than him, be bigger than him, wanting to kiss him, wanting to pin him down, wanting to be pinned down. not knowing, is this a normal way to feel? or am I starstruck? luststruck? living in the character, filtering my thoughts all wrong? is this a love that will define my whole life or just another intense crush that will fade away with time and distance? don't want to make it weird, don't want to make it awkward, it's good enough just being friends who kiss sometimes. don't want to start a relationship in the public eye, maybe we should just wait, let's see, it'll probably go away, i'll probably stop dreaming about him, the ache in the pit of my stomach won't get bigger and bigger until all I can think about is him, him, him. probably.

Some art about coffee and certainly nothing else

the real, actual truth - the truth that shane mentally stomped on every time it dared try to get his attention - was that he wanted ilya to meet his parents for the same reason anyone wanted their boyfriend to meet their parents: he loved him, and he wanted them to love him too.

Shane laughed, which made Ilya’s heart race. What if he’d never heard Shane’s laugh again?

so now when ilya feels clingy or sad or tired he crawls into shane’s chest and nuzzle between his pecs and shane’s hands fly up automatically to scratch his scalp and it’s the safest, warmest place he could ever be

There’s a reckoning there. But there’s also triumph. Because where Shane must surrender control to find self-acceptance, Ilya must accept that he has to take control of his life in order to find love, contentment, and joy. No one is going to make this happen for him. He has to build it from scratch.