one of the things that I honestly find most compelling about Shane Hollander is his comphet and the way he navigates this space as he begins to accept not just his desire for men but also his lack thereof for women
Like, when I think of book!Shane especially, he’s been with women, even before Rose. He’s not a total shut-in. It’s very occasional and rare, but he does hook up sometimes and it’s like… rote. He’s doing it because he thinks he should and he thinks he ought to enjoy it and he thinks he ought to enjoy women. There’s one point in HR where he mulls over not understanding why some guys like eating girls out because it’s just, like, not doing it for him.
And! I think it’s also crucial to remember! Shane never DENIES that he likes men. His comphet does not actually feature denial of his desire for men — the reason he tries to deny his desire for Ilya isn’t because he’s a man, it’s because he’s Rozanov and because there’s the fear of feelings. Not cuz he’s a dude.
No, Shane’s arc is so interesting to me because it’s not a story of realizing or discovering his queerness. He’s not, like, figuring out that he likes men. He’s figuring out that he doesn’t like women.
And I think that’s so interesting! Shane Hollander, golden boy of hockey, forcing himself to fit the mold and also go above and beyond, he thinks for a long time “okay, I want to fuck men and that’s fine, whatever, but I’ll find a nice girl and settle down someday” and he thinks it’s the first part that is making him feel trapped and panicky and scared, but NO! It’s the second! It’s the trappings (literally) of heteronormativity that has him reeling! He’s convinced himself it’s an option, just like it’s hypothetically an option for Ilya, and the tuna melt scene emotional overflow scares him because he’s thinking oh fuck, I have these options and I might choose the “wrong” (re: not straight) one
The moment he realizes “I don’t want to fuck women,” when Rose makes him confront that he’s gay and not bi?? That’s when he’s like “oh. That doesn’t have to be the choice I make. That doesn’t have to be an option for me. I don’t have to like women”
It’s liberating for him. It lets him open up, lets him let the feelings in.
Shane’s sexuality arc is SO fascinating because it’s not actually a story of discovery — it’s a story of letting go
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