I Have It On Ultimate Authority: I’m The Best

so strange when people assume 'waking up early' means increased productivity bc no??? im awake so i can read fanfic in bed before breakdown breakfast

who on earth is out there waking up early to get shit done??? the purpose of waking up early is to have QUIET TIME LOUNGING IN BED before the world gets LOUD & ANNOYING AS FUCK

so much respect to the people in the notes waking up early to play video games, watch tv, phone scroll, and in general Fuck Around for a few hours before the world intrudes. now THAT'S productivity!

it goes without saying that i will be using the word angrypenny as if it was part of the common vernacular instead of a term that my dreaming brain conjured up i.e. "he's all about the angrypennies" (derogatory way to refer to a guy who searches for reasons to be angry and possibly lacks introspection)

Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?

It was a huge milestone of scientific and technological advancement. (Plus, at the time, politically significant). Humanity went to space! We set foot on a celestial body that was not earth for the first time in human history! That’s a big deal! I’ve never thought about it before but now that I have, it’s ridiculous to me that that’s not part of our everyday lives and the public consciousness anymore. Why don’t we have a public holiday and a family barbecue about it. Why have I never seen the original broadcast of the moon landing? It should be all over the news every year!

It’s July 20th. That’s the day of the moon landing. Next year is going to be the 54th anniversary. I’m ordering astronaut shaped cookie cutters on Etsy and I’m going to have a goddamn potluck. You’re all invited.

Hey. Hey. Tumblr. Ides of March ppl. We can do this

Hell yeah moon holiday

Ooh coming up we should celebrate

PITCH: We call it Moon Day, and then every 7 years when it falls on a Monday, that's an even BIGGER deal and we call that Moon Day Monday and go absolutely apeshit about it (the next Moon Day Monday is in 2026 so we have a couple trial runs first)

MOON DAY MOON DAY MOON DAY

moon day is 20th July!!!

Scheduling this a day earlier to remind you all and myself about the Moon Day tomorow!

Happy moon day to all who celebrate

This is your reminder to prep for Moon Day on July 20th.

MOON DAY MONDAY THIS MONTH NOT A DRILL!!!!!

Do yall ever fantasize about having some sort of major illness/injury just so that for a time it's justified for you to be given attention and cared for so you don't feel guilty about it or are you just normal?

be normal about people who wear diapers. be normal about people who need colostomy/catheter bags. be normal about people who need to wear pads or pad their mattress. be normal about incontinence. it’s not funny or weird or gross, it can happen to anyone of any age, and it’s frankly embarrassing that some of y’all can’t be normal about the aspects of disability that ick you out

just got a call from the american psychiatric association. you old dogs, i said, picking up on the first ring. how many times i gotta tell you to lose this number. i don’t want you coming around here anymore. “listen, toots, we’ve been doing some thinking,” they says, and i says, guess there’s a first time for everything. “you’re a real funny dame, sugardoll. reviewing criticism, we’ve determined that the biggest issue with our previous diagnostic and statistic manuals of mental disorders is the anonymity of it all. we’ve been circling around a vague figure of the mentally well without defining the traits of a mentally well person. there’s no personality. what we need is a cute broad with a couple opinions to model the psychological norm.” so i’m saying back up and give it to me straight: i’m the new standard of sanity? can i get that in writing? and they say, “as the american psychiatric association we hereby state that you are the baseline and any deviations from your personality are deviations from the very concept of sanity, at least in the united states psychiatric system.” they’re making it public tomorrow. it’s a nice gig, if you really want to know. never thought they’d let a woman do it.

(goverment voice) we need to protect the children from pornography so our plan is to remove their eyes so they would never see something so traumatic. if you are against removing children's eyes you are basically a pedophile

there's some kind of knobbly green plant with abundant purple-blue flowers that grows EVERYWHERE around here and I can't figure out for the life of me what it's called. I don't know if it's native or invasive or considered a flower or a weed or what. making me insane.

update thank you to everyone who said chicory. it is chicory. I'm dumb as hell and bad at plant identification.

oh my god this shit's edible

the etymology nerd makes such informative videos and hes so smart and hes also funny and cool at the same time and like his content is Amazing. but i truly am just so bad at consuming it because everytime i see him i get so fucking horny

I get in theory why people complain about het ships or whatever, I get wanting to watch queer media I really do, but I guess where y’all lose me is like. I saw some asshole on a post about Sinners complaining it was “hetslop”—this person was specifically doing so while also claiming Remmick was a queer character and thus they were justified in caring more about him than the Black protagonists. which is a whole other disgusting can of worms that has been well addressed by others at this point. but even in the absence of that part of the argument, like, no, i actually don’t think that a hunger for queer stories is an especially good excuse to deride and dismiss a piece of landmark Black filmmaking, especially as a non-Black person. I have a post that’s been going around encouraging folks to engage with more Native stories and characters, and I had someone come onto that post saying in the tags that they’d need these stories to be queer in order to care. and I just think that, you know, sucks! like obviously as a queer Native I also want to see more of those stories too. but idk how else to put it other than to say that Black people and people of color shouldn’t have to be like you in order for you to care about our narratives and experiences. and I think some of y’all are using this disdain for heterosexuality as a cover for your unexamined racial biases. it’s not okay to be racist to people just because those people happen to be straight, and you continue to be white before you are queer.

on an even more basic level than that, also, I simply just think some of y’all NEED to learn how to interact with media and storytelling without ships and fandom in mind. like if not being able to write fic about two men kissing is genuinely going to be a dealbreaker for you I think that’s actually something you need to work on within yourself because at that point I think you’re no longer really interacting with art and themes and narrative so much as just kind of playing with toys. which is, like, fine I guess. have fun. but it wouldn’t kill you to disengage from that from time to time. especially if would allow you to actually appreciate rich and deeply moving cultural stories from communities of color that you desperately need to learn how to see as human